I hate this!!

[pinklizzy]

My little boy is just over 24 hours old and I'm feeling so discouraged and emotional about breastfeeding already
I was so so determined to getit right this time after an undiagnosed tongue tie with my daughter meant we switched to formula after only 5 days. I had flat nipples so I used the medela nipple formers religiously to pull them out since 36 weeks pregnant and they worked well.
I've watched every video I can find on youtube about how to latch/positioning and read books and everything we were given by the midwives about breastfeeding, it's just that it all seems so different when he's wriggling and flailing his arms around when I try to feed and I never seem to have enough hands to get him into the correct position!
The midwives have checked his latch and seemed happy that he was on ok but my nipples are raw and bleeding so we we must be going wrong somewhere surely? Or do I just need to carry on through it until they are tougher? I've been using the lansinoh after every feed and letting my nipples get lots of air to them-can't wear my bra at the moment as the scabby bits 'stick' to it and are very sore when I move.
I hate that I'm already starting to dread him waking up and start rooting for a feed
My Oh is trying his best to be supportive but he's also of the mindset that if it's painful we can just switch to formula like we did with my daughter as she did fine etc etc. I sent him out for nipple shields last night in desperation, he couldn't find any but came back with a carton of ready made formula which is now sat in the cupboard like a reminder that I am crap at breastfeeding and am going to fail again.
Obviously my milk hasn't come in yet but I'm feeding him for about 20-30 mins every 1.5-2 hrs or so and he has had wet and dirty nappies so he must be getting something?
I'm just doubting myself of every little thing now, feeling tearful, stressed and overwhelmed and not enjoying these first precious days with my new little man. I also know though that although the temptation to just give him formula while my nipples heal or try to combi feed (this wasn't great last time round as I don't seem to be able to pump much at all) is currently huge, I really will hate myself for giving in too easily as he gets older.
I just needed to get that all out I suppose and can't tell my OH how crappy I'm feeling as he'll want me to stop as 'we've given it our best shot' but I really don't feel like we have yet.

 

[sheldonsmommy]

I feel your pain! The first few days are extremely trying for anyone I think. We had a great latch from the start and I still got cracked nipples. Put on the Lansinoh whenever your nipples feel dry. I tried to put it on at least 10 minutes before a feed so at least they were softened when he latched. Do you have breast pads? I used the Lansinoh ones and I loved them because I could still wear a loose sports-type bra. Could you try swaddling for feeds so he doesn't flail so much?

The frequency of his feeds now is stimulating your body to produce the milk, so this all sounds very normal, even though it is frustrating. You only have another day or so until your milk comes in, if you want to breastfeed then take it feed by feed. Once you have made it to the next feed, give yourself some praise and try to rest.

I'm at 5 months now, and this is the easiest it has ever been, so there is light at the end

 

[Rachel_C]

It sounds normal to me too. Sometimes your nips just need to toughen up a bit and babies can suck really hard so it's not surprising that they can sore at first.

Chuck the formula out if it's making you feel stressed/tempted when you don't want to be. If you ended up needing more (very unlikely), there's always somewhere open for you to get more

Have you tried wrapping LO in a muslin or blanket with his arms tucked in so you can get a better hold of him?

If LO is having plenty of wet and dirty nappies already, you must be doing well. Keep telling yourself that, then tell your OH that you are doing well but need his support, which means drinks, chocolate, the TV remote and no formula!

 

[pinklizzy]

Thank you both!! I've had so many people tell me it shouldn't hurt to feed after the initial latch that I was doubting whether we were doing it correctly-he has a tiny mouth but seems to open wide and has nice round cheeks while feeding? I will try swaddling him next feed, didn't think of that at all! I'm very paranoid about him loosing weight and becoming dehydrated which is what happened with my daughter and she had to go back into hospital-really don't want that to happen again so will keep feeding as often as he wants and hopefully my milk won't be too long

 

[sheldonsmommy]

It is normal to lose weight within the first week, but the wet and dirty diapers are a great sign!

 

[TCK_Runner]

I'm in the same boat and I really hate to say it, but it hasn't gotten much better for me. I wrote about it elsewhere on here, but long story short I had the same issue as you and the pain was WAY WORSE than natural childbirth!!!! It wasn't until I was bawling and my nipples were bleeding that anyone at the hospital seemed to believe the pain I was in! They finally gave me a pump to express the milk and even though that is slightly uncomfortable at first, at least it isn't the excruciating pain.

As of now, well, it took nearly 10 days for my milk to come in and feed her mostly breastmilk (rather than combi feed of formula and bm), and now I usually have enough milk to feed her. However, because her latch is no good and my nipples too sore, we now mostly feed her by bottle. On good days I try to get her on the boob twice per day, but it's just difficult - they gave me nipple shields on day 1 at the hospital (before the pump, that didn't come until almost day 3 and one desperate ff later...), so I use those. I pump 100 mL out of BOTH breasts, sometimes more (but usually that's about it, in total) which helps, because she can't drain me due to poor latch. So, if she sucks for a bit and then I hand her to my husband and I pump, I still get out 60-80 mL.

I don't know how long I'll be able to do this pumping thing. It's tiring work, although I do feel it's worth it for her to get breast milk and I do hope I'm able to keep it up until the 12 weeks mark. Even if that means combi feeding because I don't produce enough for her demand. I am trying all the tricks of the trade right now to "build" my stores (more frequent pumping; longer pumping; bf'ing teas; ice cream; cutting out soy milk [I am lactose-intolerant so this is difficult for me!], warm compresses before pumping, etc).

Edit: Also, to help with the pain on the nipples, the hospital staff gave me - and then I went and bought more - gel pads (here they're called "multi mam" but there are different brands). They are better than the nipple creams IMO, they sooth, cool, and heal way faster than those. Get your hands on some if you haven't already. They last 24 hours or so before they need to be replaced and they are made of safe ingredients.

 

[Debi]

You are doing great!! Remember you can use paracetamol too if your nipples are really bad. Definitely helped me with my first! It took a while for my nipples to toughen up. Wet and dirty nappies are an excellent sign things will get easier when your milk comes in. Try and forget the formula, you can do this! Rest as much as you can and keep hydrated. xxx

 

[pinklizzy]

Thank you everyone!
TCK I'm sorry you're still having issues too
Maybe it's a sign that my milk will come in soon but I've had lots of tears this morning!
I've set myself a goal of persevering until that happens and taking it a day at a time for now. Just remembered that I hadn't had any breakfast other than a cup of tea and some water when feeding so some toast has helped!

 

[AC1987]

I still have pain the initial latch, so I don't believe that it should be painless. I admit sometimes I hafta clench my teeth but once she is sucking the pain goes.

Don't feel bad though, DD1 always seemed like she was starving, I actually did use formula for top ups and she'd just puke and puke from over eating

This time around I'm just bfing.. its hard work no doubt!! But DD2 seems much more laid back, none of the flailing screaming thing that DD1 did.

 

[halullat]

I still get pain sometimes now (he's 11 weeks old now), my LO has lip tie so I think that may be why, but at the beginning the pain from feeding him would make me cry, now though, although there is some pain it is nowhere near as bad. It will improve I'm sure, but everything makes it so overwhelming.

Also, you will not have failed if you switch to formula I think often the feeling as though it will be a failing puts so much pressure on women that they get so stressed the breastfeeding becomes even harder and gets to a point where they end up switching because of it. I had to combi feed for a while and kept getting so worried that I was going to end up only giving my LO formula because I thought I was failing at breast feeding that I nearly gave up as I thought I was prolonging the inevitable. When I started thinking about it from the perspective of the worst that happens is that I end up formula feeding him so try not to worry as that isn't actually a disaster, I stopped panicking every time I was struggling and now he is ebf.

It is so much easier said than done (especially when you have had a bad experience before and are in a lot of pain), but honestly don't worry about it not working out as I am sure it will. Are there breastfeeding drop in clinics near you? They run one daily around here so hopefully it will be similar for you. They are really helpful as you can sit and get one-on-one help and so it can be tailored to your exact situation.

I really hope it all begins to improve for you soon x

 

[JessesGirl29]

Midwives kept saying my son had a breastfeeding mouth and three weeks in I'm just starting to feed nipple pain free.
To say it shouldn't hurt is a bunch of false expectations for moms I think. Nipples do need to toughen up in my opinion. It was rough going. I put too much goop on my nipples so they were always like wet scabs and they stuck to bras ect too. Finally I let them out and air dry a lot and they got much much better...

I would say set small aims and see if you can get there. If one nipple was really bad I'd favour the other one and just grit my teeth and bare it when I needed to use the other one. It does get so much better, I promise.

If you do end up using formula you aren't a bad mom...breastfeeding was a huge surprise to me in how tough it really was and how much pain there was to make your way through.

 

[pinklizzy]

Well we've made it to my milk coming in! I have been using nipple shields initially to help him pull out my still slightly flat nipples and then taking them off when he unlatches and popping him back on. The bleeding is less but they are still both so so sore-I have ordered some of the multi mam compresses though which should be here this afternoon. He seems to be feeding every 1/2-1hr now which I'm assuming is a good thing to build up my supply?

 

[supertabby]

That sounds relatively normal to me - it's awful at first and the whole "it shouldn't hurt if baby is latching properly" is rubbish, at least in the first week or two. I remember on day 3 I was literally screaming and crying through feeds, things had possibly been made worse by him being unable to latch brilliantly the first 36 hours due to tongue tie but once it was cut he latched better but the pain was still bad. All of my friends that have managed to have great breastfeeding relationships had pain at the start.

It was easier but sore after one week, more discomfort than pain by two weeks and pain free after that. We're at 9 weeks now and I love breastfeeding but never imagined I could. I had a terrible time with bf my eldest and I now believe it was an undiagnosed tongue tie.

Although pain is normal for the early days, have you had lo checked for tongue tie? If one child has it often siblings do too. My son had one, it was snipped at 2 days old and he didn't even cry. He also has a lip tie that so far isn't causing bf problems but we're seeing a specialist in a few weeks to find out more. If your lo does have tt then there's a Facebook group called Tongue Tie Babies Support Group that's very good or google Dr Kotlow (he's in USA but seems to be a leading authority on tongue and lip tie research.

 

[JessesGirl29]

Well we've made it to my milk coming in! I have been using nipple shields initially to help him pull out my still slightly flat nipples and then taking them off when he unlatches and popping him back on. The bleeding is less but they are still both so so sore-I have ordered some of the multi mam compresses though which should be here this afternoon. He seems to be feeding every 1/2-1hr now which I'm assuming is a good thing to build up my supply?

Go girl!!!! You're doing it. Just keep saying 'it gets better, it gets better' I also remembered it helped to shower and then put coconut oil on and let it fully dry (walking around with my boobs hanging out)

 

[pinklizzy]

Thank you! I do keep telling him that it's a good job he's so flipping cute!!
I'm hoping to go to a local breastfeeding drop in group tomorrow and will ask them to check for a tongue tie again then, my daughter's was very obvious (her tongue was almost forked at the end it was so tight) and his tongue is very different but I will get it checked again.
He does have a tiny little mouth though!

 

[LotusFlwr]

We are on day five today and my nipples are in bad shape! They are scabbed from bleeding .... DS has been cluster feeding since birth (Sat evening) and I was beginning to get mindset that he wasn't getting anything but my milk just came in and he seems a bit more settled now.

His pediatricians office had a lactation expert and we have appt today. She will check latch and view feeding and take before and after weight to see how much he's taking.

No doubt this journey is hard. With my first DS I became obsessive about his feeds, weight gain, etc to the point where I convinced myself he wasn't getting enough even though all signs showed he was.

This time I'm trying to be more laid back and patient though it's hard!! Hang in there, I'm sure what you are experiencing is normal stage and you will get through it. Xx

 

[Snoopee]

I hate when people say breastfeeding shouldn't be painful if you're doing it right. It made me feel like I was a failure and that it was my fault it wasn't working. I too had very sore, bleeding nipples. I dreaded every feed and cried knowing it was going to be excruciating. I tried nipple shields as I had flat nipples, then I pumped and bottle fed expressed milk for a week to give my nipples a break. People kept telling me to give up and give formula but I'd never considered not breastfeeding so I was determined to carry on. I set a target that I wanted to get to first jabs at 8 weeks then I'd stop. Well at about 7 weeks, it just stopped hurting. Didn't do anything differently, I just happened. I've now exclusively fb my lg for 13 months and so glad I didn't give up. Only advice I can give is persevere with it, it can be so hard but also the most rewarding experience of your life. Hope it all works out for you

 

[Snoopee]

Exclusively fb, not fb. Duh!

 

[pinklizzy]

I love how supportive this forum is! I keep coming back to read this thread when I sat here in tears trying to grit my teeth through a feed and it really helps
Have had lots of tears today which I remember from the same time with my daughter when my milk came in but was so happy to see a poo that was changing from meconium-the joy of hormones!!

 

[angelandbump]

How are you finding things now?
My son is a few days short of 6 months and still do this day, I have a few feeds that are more painful than others.

My first 2 weeks of bf was 'testing' and I had a lot of pain. I too used shields for a couple of feeds and also suffered with flat nipples. I used the lansinoh latch assist and cream and what a difference!!! It became my breast friend (sorry couldn't resist).

Keep going, your doing amazing!! xx