I have NEVER thought...

[Jaws]

...I'd ever be posting in this category. I'm coming up on 2 years of TTC next month. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy. I know a lot of you have been trying much longer than I and I admire your strength, bc at times I just feel like I have no purpose in life.

I actually haven't even logged into this site in 10 months because I couldn't take seeing young stupid girls getting pregnant by their 2 month boyfriends.

 

[Molae06]

I am sorry you are feeling so down! I have been feeling that way too lately. I am about to start a new cycle, which right now I am feeling positive, but then I know why the end of the cycle I am going to be feeling low again. Although there are people that have been trying longer, 2 years is a long time too. I remember in the beginning when it was "taking forever" and I kept thinking it would be any day I would see that BFP.

It is such a terrible pain, but I do know one day when I do see my baby for the first time, I will know at that moment that my life is complete.

 

[Mommyagain]

I am with you. I never thought this would be a road I would travel. We are here for you. I find the ltttc and assisted conception forums my sanctuary. I don't even really like getting on the regular trying to conceive forum because I feel like I don't fit in there.

 

[Molae06]

I feel the same way...it's terrible to say, but the reg board is filled with so much enthusiam and positivity (which it rightly should be, I remember when I was once enthusiastic and positive) but once I "graduated" to the LTTTC it sounds terrible but I was getting sick of the enthusiasm. I want to be "around" people who have dark moments etc that I feel more relatable to. Hope that doesn't come out wrong or sound bad like I find joy in others pain, just that I find security in being able to say how much LTTC hurts! I try to be as positive as possible when posting on others threads, but I swear, mine always sound like I am in a really dark place..

 

[Jaws]

It's just awful ladies isn't it? Worst part for me is this whole thing has tore apart my marriage the past year. Some may say that we weren't meant to be then if we couldn't handle the stress of this. But in my defense, this isn't something "normal" to deal with. I believe we are put on this earth to procreate, and when we aren't successful, it brings a whole different deck of cards to the table. My husband has put up a stonewall. Pretty much all communication has seized between us. What was such a good thing, most likely is ending. People may say, "there's other things going on". I agree, however I do blame this as the most challenging "conflict" in our relationship. Oh well...

 

[Molae06]

Jaws, TTC has taken a toll on my marriage as well. What was once a fun and blissful thing has become so emotionally devastating that there were times I thought for sure dh would just pack up his things and leave. I believe we are hard wired to want to reproduce, and the urge to do so has just got stronger and stronger as the years have passed. Sometimes I stop and think "What if I never have a biological child?" I know I would be a mom in other ways, and that used to not bother me, but now it does. And I feel like I am in a race against time before I am too old, or before something happens to me and I lose my other lady parts (Have lost 1 tube and 1 ovary).

Things have been getting better lately. I have been trying to be more of a "better" wife, doing things to make dh happy. Cooking his favorite meals without him asking, filling up the gas in the car so he doesnt have to stop on the next trip, etc. I know it has been mostly me these past years causing drama with my wanting a baby so badly.

I wish the best of luck to you, I too think infertility is one of the hardest obstacles for a couple to face.

 

[Myshelsong]

I completely understand what you are saying and you a not alone. I discovered this thread about 4 months ago when I realized that we were having a problem and we weren’t going to have an easy go of it.
I was spiraling down a dark place after being on the TTC thread and seeing people getting their BFP without even trying, or the “Is this a Positive test, we only tried once this month and I don’t want to get excited” and of course it is a big f*ing positive and all I wanted to do was scream and punch them in the face because I have never seen a BFP.
So coming here I browse the threads and I know that I am not alone, that it is ok to actually be mad at your best friend for five minutes because she has gotten pregnant again within 4 weeks of trying (yes) and says things like “just relax and it will happen”.
No we are not the norm, but we are not alone!

 

[OrthoChick]

OMG, the "relax, it will happen" thing has me red in the face every time I hear it (which is waaaay too often). It just makes me wanna sit them down and tell them exactly WHY that is just so not true for everyone. We are all battling our bodies during this process at one time or another, and sometimes we just need people around us who get it...get the pain, get the happy when it happens, and get the disappointment and fear that is always there on some level. I just made the jump to this forum, and I am so glad I did.