I have not started I but I want to give it up

[DAISYPRENCESS]

I can't do this any more. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like ttc makes me bad person. My gorgeous niece has felt pregnant. She just texted it to me in facebook. She just started trying. I love her so much and I am so happy for her but...... The pain....the pain in my heart. I feel bad person. Egoistic. I hate myself. My body. My feelings. For God sake. I love this child. She is my south mate. We grew up together. Even far from each other we still tell each other everything. She knows all about me. I know all about her. I have been telling her everything first and she to me. She told me first about the baby. Why...why am I so bad person. I should be only happy. Very happy......
Do I want a lot? I just want to give birth to 2 or 3 healthy children .

 

[Pinkie3]

I didn't want to read and run.

You are not a bad person, when you have been TTC long term anyone falling pregnant makes you feel bad, angry, bitter and mad. But when its someone you love and care about that falls pregnant, naturally you think those feeling shouldn't apply and you should feel happy so you feel even worse when you still feel angry and sad. It then brings all those, life is unfair and I am not a bad person and why not me feelings back.

What I am trying to say is, you have every right to feel like this and it doesn't make you a bad person. I am sure your niece was very nervous about telling you her news and I am sure given a bit of time you will feel ok like you do after every time you hear of someone falling pregnant. I hope you're feeling better x

 

[DAISYPRENCESS]

Thanks pinkie3,

Actually, it has been several very emotional days for me. I live in UK and all my family is in Bulgaria. First on Wednesday my uncle died of lung cancer. I understood on Thursday. Than on Friday my lovely niece served me the news which I was actually accepting to hear but not really so fast....I think the emotions just exploded in me. I feel bad and because I am so far. But my life is here and they know it. Here I have chance to have children and career. I hope next several days my feelings will settle. At the moment I feel like crying all day and I even don't know why .....

 

[Emmi]

Nothing more to say that Pinkie hasn't...You are not a bad person at all and you are dealing with so many emotions all at once - of course you want to just cry. Finding out someone is pregnant no matter how much you love them is just really tough.
You also feel guilty that you are away from your family but the reality as you say is that your life is in the UK. So sorry to hear about your Uncle.
My parents moved here from abroad and I think that no matter what - the mixed feelings of having you own life and missing your family just don't go away. You have made the decision and no matter how hard it is - you just need to believe that you have made the right decision for you.

As for conceiving and the dissapointments etc, well it's just the nature of the journey. Good days and bad days - just try and take on day at a time and be kind to yourself.

Take care