I love dealing with infertility because...

[Tnkrbell15]

I don't feel there is any justification for thinking you ltttc-ers are going to be better parents because you've had a harder fight over a longer time. I'm very upset by the comments but know that myself and the other mothers lucky enough not to have problems aren't going to get any kind of apology.

I don't find "if you don't like it dont read" a reasonable response and it's a public forum and you would do well to remember than and that ANYONE can read it if they wish and contribute if they so wish Which I've done.

Mindy....First off, patience is a virtue that we women have had to learn. For someone like myself, who has been TTC for almost 10 years patience and disappointment have become my constant companions....but at the moment you are testing mine honey. You have no idea what it feels like to have to be poked, prodded, injected, dilated, cut open, etc. all in the hopes of getting that ....and every month you get that dreaded (yet almost expected). And then when you are shocked into almost a catatonic state at a BFP in front of you. Yet, then the heartbreaking news that comes to rain down on what is supposed to be the happiest times..."Sorry, it just seems to be a chemical pregnancy;" or "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it looks as if you have lost the fetus and the pregnancy is no longer viable...seems to be a blighted ovum;" or my personal favorite " Doc: 'Honey, I am so sorry to have to break this to you...but you can't keep this baby. Me: 'Why?!' Doc: 'Because you will have an ectopic pregnancy, and that can kill you, Sweetheart...oh, and I hate to tell you this, but you should know...it looks like it would have been twins.' " Those are the issues that we deal with here Mindy. Look at you, you are having babies two years in a row...do you realize what most of us would give to have that experience just once in our lives....so we patiently wait; endure numerous rounds of tests, treatments, etc.; cry ourselves to sleep each month that AF shows up; and feverently pray that one day we will know what it will be like to finally be a mother.

We are not saying that you do not love your child, we are not saying that you aren't grateful for them....we are just saying that we will be even better parents than WE ever would have been because we have wanted it for SOOO long. Think about when you were a child and you wanted that new (enter toy, clothes, etc here) and your parents told you that you had to earn it. When you finally earned that (enter item here), I bet you were more grateful and respectful of that item because you had to do so much to get it...that is how we are with having children....we will be the best parents we can be because we had to work so DANG hard for them. And if you don't want to hear us whine, complain, cry, and do what we can to cope with the situations we are in...then please show yourself to the door, and let us have our happy moments in between our feelings of misery/ sadness/ nervousness/etc. Thank you....and have a nice day!

 

[NavyWife84]

Wow...I think I have thanked almost every post since our uplifting forum has been dampened with such an insensitive woman. I don't know why, after realizing that she was reading a ltttc post and reading that we need eachother's support and happiness that she had the audacity to leave a negative comment...AND EXPECT AN APOLOGY! If anything, we are owed the apology especially after we have explained that we didn't mean any offense. People really need to mind their own business and not ruin a good thing for those who are finding hope and happiness through a good thing.

Notice I am not addressing the person who offended us because she has no clue what it is like and doesn't deserve to be a part of this forum.

 

[honeybee2]

sorry to have butted in this thread girls, I lurk in here as we've been trying for over 2 years but now we're married, think I might stick around? xxx

 

[Lisa40]

Hey girls :wave:

this is an amazing thread (apart from the rude interuption lol). Thank you so much for starting it. Was feeling really down the last few days, had hit 2 years ttc & finally went to the docs, who has been encouraging but really slow! Been waiting over a month for an appt for OH to have a analysis & still waiting

so, things I am grateful for are
1) being able to eat a whole choccie bar without my child wanting half
2) eating out in lovely restaurants often (the non child friendly ones)
3) not having to clean up someone elses sick (my nephew decided to throw up on my sisters couch)
4) not having to carry a bag of wet wipes everywhere I go.
5) being able to have a 2 seater sports car (will have to go if we ever have a )
6) sleep (I think we all agree on this one)

I'm sure there's loads more but I'm in work at the moment so will post more later!

Thanks so much you have all cheered me up immensely
xxxx

 

[Titi]

:wave: Squirrelly!!!!!!!!! :wave:

 

[Titi]

Good morning!!!

Tnkrbell15- I was going to add a quote of the best parts of your post to reply to but then once I started, the whole thing was just amazing. You really summed it up beautifully......an oh, hun...I'm so so sorry for everything you have gone through. Your experiences are heartbreaking. I am sending super extra love and :babydust: your way.

You know the thing about infertility that is most infuriating and baffling to me is how people that haven't had it are so ignorant and hurtful and have absolutely no empathy. I don't get it.....I mean, I've never had cancer or say lost a spouse, but I ABSOLUTELY can only imagine the pain and empathize. I wouldn't tell someone grieving over the death of someoene special "oh honey-just relax and you will get over it!" or say to someone with cancer, "well I have a friend of a brother's cousin's friend that had cancer once and he went into remission doing chemo........have you ever heard of that? You should try it!" I mean, WTH gives with infertility? People with children say the dumbest things and somehow cannot even seem to fathom what it would be like to NEVER have a child, or to lose all your children, even though they obviously wanted one too!

NavyWife-You too-awesome post......too. and OMG your dogs are beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love them!!!

Honeybee2-I butted in too! Of course stick around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My DH has slow motility too : ( and........Congratulations on your wedding!!!!!!!!!

Hi Lisa-Hitting two years was really hard on me too. I mean, hitting one was awful since of course for some reason I just thought as soon as we started "trying" we'd be pregnant like everyone else......but since I'm in my thirties I had at least held hope to the "it might take around a year" hope. But two was just awful and where I really began to lose all hope, as I get older and older and older....... but now that you are going to the docs very encouraging. I know so many llttcers that got their bfps once they started getting help!

all

 

[Tnkrbell15]

Titi- Thank you so much for the compliments and the ! You are right that most people just don't understand what our situation is like...and for those that are "Fertile Myrtles," like Little Miss Mandy, they will never be able to understand. Heck...Both my family and the STB DH's families have been able to breed like rabbts.... I'm the only one who is in this predicament.

It has been a hard road, but it is one worth traveling. In the last ten years I have built up a strong faith that someone upstairs is testing me, and that fate will bring the time and the place of when it would happen. Example...I had taken 5 rounds of Clomid, been to a RE and FS, so on and so forth...decided to give it a break because my (now ex) husband was getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan. Low and behold....got without any assistance (though that was my ectopic twins). I found out after the ex was deployed, and never got to tell him...found out about ectopic before I had a chance. Anyway, Fate determined that it wasn't meant to be.... though I was heartbroken, fate had the future in mind....when my husband came home, we separated and divorced....he remarried 6 weeks later, and now has a baby about to be born.

Fate didn't leave me to wallow in misery though...While the now ex was deployed I became more comfortable in myself, I got out into the community and made some great friends...one of those friends is now soon to be my DH. We will be getting married in Oct. In a way I am grateful that fate chose that different path for me...because I would have been left to raise twins on my own, while he went off to make more babies. And now I have an amazing man who understands and loves every aspect of me . When we got pregnant last Oct...I think he may have been even more excited than me (if that's possible, but he was also over the moon because he knew how much it meant to me)...and he was just as devastated when we lost the baby in Dec. And I know that when we do get that ...we will be some of the happiest expectant parents on the planet.

As an after thought...someone once told me that God (or enter your own belief system here) doesn't always give you something just because you ask for it, you have to earn it. Ex. Just because a person asks to know patience doesn't mean you will just be rewarded for asking...you will be tried in many ways so as to learn and understand patience...and because of that effort one will be more appreciative of that patience. Heck...I know we all wonder why us...but maybe fate has lessons or other plans that must play out for us to be parents. Just a thought...and it's one of the ways that I manage to cope and make good of a crappy situation.

HoneyBee...I'm new to the whole posting here too ....I've been suffering in silence without anyone else who actually understands for years...please stick around too....because now that I have opened up.....I'm here to stay, and I hope you will too! This is just another reason for me to be grateful for my infertility...getting to meet great women like all of you!!!!! BTW, congrats on bagging the DH!!!!!

Baby dust to all!!!

 

[honeybee2]

thank you very much.

I suppose its easier maybe for me (than compared to a lot of other women) because i have other things to focus on as we're both still young like our careers and owning our own home. A wouldn't hurt though! hehehe!

 

[NavyWife84]

Good morning!!!



You know the thing about infertility that is most infuriating and baffling to me is how people that haven't had it are so ignorant and hurtful and have absolutely no empathy. I don't get it.....I mean, I've never had cancer or say lost a spouse, but I ABSOLUTELY can only imagine the pain and empathize. I wouldn't tell someone grieving over the death of someoene special "oh honey-just relax and you will get over it!" or say to someone with cancer, "well I have a friend of a brother's cousin's friend that had cancer once and he went into remission doing chemo........have you ever heard of that? You should try it!" I mean, WTH gives with infertility? People with children say the dumbest things and somehow cannot even seem to fathom what it would be like to NEVER have a child, or to lose all your children, even though they obviously wanted one too!

NavyWife-You too-awesome post......too. and OMG your dogs are beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love them!!!


all

Titi...great way to put things! I know infertility is a touchy subject and a lot of people dont' know what to say, but your examples are spot on!

Thanks for the compliment on the pups! They are a lot bigger than that now, hehe, but they are my babies. It is really funny how they help me through things. Exactly a month after they were born (we visited them a couple of weeks after they were born) my best friend committed suicide. The breeders let us come take an extra visit to help cheer me up. They have continued to cheer me up in the past year of ltttc. They can just sense when I am feeling down and they do something crazy to make me smile or just come up to me and cuddle with me. So I guess that is one thing that I can love about infertility...I can spend a lot of time with my doggies...I know when I have a baby I won't have as much time with them!!!

 

[Tnkrbell15]

NavyWife- I have the same comfort from my furbabies. They always know when you are a little blue...and always do their best to do what they can. I would be lost without mine.

 

[Titi]

Titi- Heck...Both my family and the STB DH's families have been able to breed like rabbts.... I'm the only one who is in this predicament.

It has been a hard road, but it is one worth traveling. In the last ten years I have built up a strong faith that someone upstairs is testing me, and that fate will bring the time and the place of when it would happen.

As an after thought...someone once told me that God (or enter your own belief system here) doesn't always give you something just because you ask for it, you have to earn it. Ex. Just because a person asks to know patience doesn't mean you will just be rewarded for asking...you will be tried in many ways so as to learn and understand patience...and because of that effort one will be more appreciative of that patience. Heck...I know we all wonder why us...but maybe fate has lessons or other plans that must play out for us to be parents. Just a thought...and it's one of the ways that I manage to cope and make good of a crappy situation.

HoneyBee...I'm new to the whole posting here too ....I've been suffering in silence without anyone else who actually understands for years...please stick around too....because now that I have opened up.....I'm here to stay, and I hope you will too!

Aw Tinks I LOVE your attitude! That is EXACTLY how I feel! It's one of the reasons DH and I have been so hesitant to do much fertility treatments....if God has something else in store for me I hate to insert too much of my own will when He knows what's really best!!! And it's definitely how I cope with my crappy situation, but I didn't know too many other people felt that way!!

I'm glad you're here!! I definitely am in the same boat as you with EVERYONE I know personally having NO fertility problems. I'm one of four children (including twins!) and except for one brother who hasn't started trying yet, both my other brothers have four (ALL unplanned) children between them with four different women. In fact the last niece I have was conceived 8 months after we'd been trying, by accident, after my brother had already split up with the mother, who was on her way to jail and my brother was actively addicted to heroin..........THAT was a hard one to cope with!!!!

I am so glad I found BNB and know you girls will be too!!!

 

[Titi]

thank you very much.

I suppose its easier maybe for me (than compared to a lot of other women) because i have other things to focus on as we're both still young like our careers and owning our own home. A wouldn't hurt though! hehehe!

aw hun, it's easy for us all to think that someone else has it better than us........and although it's true I wish I had more time on my side, I don't wish the pain of infertility on anyone.....(well maybe momentarily on mean fertile myrtles just so they get it.......)....not really.

I think no matter who you are or what you have, once you want a baby and can't make one........it's just the hardest road!

 

[Titi]

Navywife-Oh gosh, you've had an awful road of it lately........I'm so sorry about your best friend..that must have been so hard to cope with on top of the infertility issues. I'm glad you have your "little" furbabies! Have you always had great danes or they your first? What are their names? We are also parents to pups....We had a boxer for seven years but he died last Sept....his poor little life was cut short by polycystic kidneys. That hurt so bad while we were having the fertility problems. We also have a 6 year old Dogue De Bordeaux (French Mastiff) and a 2 year old French Bulldog. The Frenchie has epilepsy and almost died once so that has been tough too. But she is like a baby-not a dog at all....it's so weird. She cries and begs to "come up" and likes to be carried around and needs a lot of attn. other dogs don't because of her condition......so I always have been calling her my baby. I hate it when fertiles tell me she's NOT a baby. DUH.......I know but what do you expect me to do since I can't have kids??????????????????????

 

[NavyWife84]

Hi Titi...they are actually weimaraners...not quite as big as great danes...lol. The lighter one is Champion and the dark one is Chloe. They are such big babies though. When we take them to the dog park, they are the biggest dogs there (besides the great dane that comes to play) and they are the biggest chickens, lol. Chloe plays with the other dogs but if they get too rough she comes running back. Champ, who is much bigger than Chloe, hides between my husband's legs the whole time. They are our babies though. I also have two cats, one that thinks he is a mix between a dog and a human baby. He plays with the dogs all the time, eats and drinks out of their dishes, and cries when I am outside with the dogs. Then when he is not playing he wants to be held or lay in my lap at all times!

You sound like me with pets with medical problems...I have two ferrets also, one has adrenal gland disease, one cat has IBS, another has an overgrowth of bacteria in her bowels, and the dogs have really bad allergies. But, they are my babies, so I will pay any amount necessary to keep them happy and healthy

I also hate when people laugh when I call my pets my babies. Although it isn't the same, they fill a void and make me feel better. If I didn't have them to come home to, I don't know what I would do!

 

[Titi]

Wow-now that you mention it I can totally see that they are weimaraners......but funny in that pic they look like little baby blue great danes! they are adorable and I love their names!!!

Our Boxer was just like that at the dog park and doggie beach. He was a BIG boxer-over 100 pounds, but was always afraid of all the other doggies.

They are definitely babies.....I'm glad for them to love!!!!

 

[lizzywiz]

I love dealing with infertility because it taught me to be more accepting and open minded to other people.

I have always been very goal oriented and I use to look down on people who weren’t as driven as I was. Well, you know what? No matter how hard I try or how focused I am, I can’t seem to beat this infertility thing. It made me realize that we are all doing the best we can and success is not always indicative of how much effort was put forth. If that were the case I would have 12 kids by now! Despite all of our planning, things just aren’t going as expected.
Sometimes, people just get the sh*t end of the stick and it doesn’t define who they are or how hard they have worked.

 

[Titi]

Hi Lizzywiz! Great post! I felt the same way.....one of the hardest parts of infertility for me is comprehending that there is no amount of hard work/nothing in my power I can do anymore to get a bfp-this is simply one thing I cannot accomplish by diligence. How long have you been ttc?

 

[lizzywiz]

A little over 5 years. I was lucky in the sense that I was diagnosed with PCOS (asymptomatic) as a teenager, so I kinda knew it wouldn’t be easy. Of course, I also thought I would make it happen no matter what, so that explains my lack of worry. Silly, silly girl
Sometimes ignorance IS bliss!

 

[Titi]

oh gosh......five years.....I've given up at almost 3......I never had anything wrong-had NO idea/never even crossed my mind we wouldn't make a baby. In fact, I WAS finally in the right emotional state to pull out the "baby journal" I started the first night we ttc'd (and firmly stopped and hid after 10 months) and it makes me laugh reading the first cycle where we planned everything and I was SS and so sure I was pg and couldn't wait to test............talk about a silly girl!!!!

 

[Tnkrbell15]

Welcome to the thread Lizzy!

NavyWife and Titi-I guess we have more in common than just infertility. My animal are my kids. I just lost my big boy (Lab/Greyhound mix), Trevor, to cancer this past April. I thought my world was about to end when that happened. He was my champion, my protector, but finally the pain is starting to pass. I think it has been easier to cope because of all the other furbabies in the house. The soon to be DH, my mother (whom shares part of the house), and I have a blended family. Here goes the Brady bunch list...My mother has a Chorkie, Jack, who is the court jester; and Lil' Bit, the Russian Blue, whom we have had since birth. By STB DH brought in Junior (Dachshund/Pug/ Hound mix), my step-pup, who is trying to fill Trevor's shoes as my protector; and right after we moved in together we adopted a kitten, Charlie Damien (but is more commonly called by his nick-name "Waffles" because he is totally ADHD), that we found living outside of our house. then I have my furbabies that I brought from my previous marriage... of course there was my beloved Trevor William. Then I have my two cats Eli James(black Siamese mix) and Wilson Henri (Tiger Tabby); Eli is my sick buddy, and Wilson is my "Rain Man" (He is quite eccentric). Right before the ex and I split we got my youngest fur daughter Macy Elizabeth (Chi-weenie), who is my little tomboy. And finally there is my precious eldest girl, Daphne Jane (Chihuahua), whom is my soul.

I know that we (even as pet parents) aren't supposed to have favorites...and I really do love my babies equally...but Daphne is special. I rescued her from a puppy mill rescue right around the time I originally began fertility testings and treatments. I don't know why that little dog and I have the bond that we do, but it's there and it's strong. I think part of my strong attachment to her was that I needed something that would let me baby it...and she does (and she is a DIVA). The other reason I think is because Daphne, like all of us, had female issues. She was supposed to be a breeder at the puppy mill; but first they had a hard time getting her preggo and then she didn't lactate once she had her pups...so she became a liability to the mill, and they were going to kill her if the rescue didn't come get her. The first second that I held her at the rescue, we had a bond...though she didn't trust me (or anyone ) yet, because she had spent her whole 2 years of life in a cage,but she curled into my arms and fell asleep. I admit it...I was in love with her. I have had her for 7 years now...and her 9th birthday is today!!! She is the furbaby that I "baby" most. All of the dogs wear clothes (even my step-pup, Junior, when his daddy isn't looking), and Daphne even has a stroller for our outings (she has trust issues with strangers, and issues with her feet...those are my reasons for it and I'm sticking to them LOL). I know... I know... I'm in desperate need of a real baby. LMAO.

Every one of my furbabies are rescues, and in the long run maybe my two legged baby might have to be as well... and I am okay with that if that is my destiny. All I can say is that having my four legged children has been a blessing for me... and they are the best part of me. I would probably be in a lot deeper and darker of a place if not for them. And I know you guys can probably understand that bit more than the Fertile Myrtles and most other people out there.

P.S. I know I'm probably weird to give my animals human names...and middle names at that...but again...they are my babies! Oh, and all of their middle names are both Jane Austen Characters and European Renaissance Royalty. My two favorite past times. Sorry just had to add that.