I might just be the only one!!!!

[cherry22]

Hi ladies!
After finally getting pregnant after 4 years of trying and 3 babies lost, I was due on the 28th of october. My feet started swelling in the summer and then the fingers and face! Mt blood pressure then hit the roof, I was admitted to hospital at 36 weeks and was put on blood pressure medication. After taking the first tablet i had a show docs said nothing to worry about, i started having period pains wernt sure if it was contractions so midwife checked and said that i was 4 cms dilated but my labour stopped so the next day it started and to cut a long story short i gave birth that afternoon very quickly to a baby boy who weighed 8 pound 6 ounces.
He was 4 weeks early and he was that big for a start- i didnt have diabeties!
the next day he was taken to specail care because he was grunting in his sleep so they thought he had an infection. I was then told that he had jundice that was on the transfution line and he was put under 5 blue lights for 48 hours. I couldnt touch or bond with him for 2 days as he was connected to a drip and was under the lights it was horrendose!
So after the infection tests came back clear and the jundice had gone we came home after 10days! he still doesnt feed well has terrible colic and cryes all the time.
I've struggled to come to terms with what happen and it has made me feel withdraun from freinds and family. I get jealous when family pick him up and smile and play with him coz that should be me!!
Im not sure why i wrote this but maybe it will help to write it down!

 

[25weeker]

It is quite common for preemie mums to not have the immediate bond with their baby. I think it's because you have to watch someone else take care of them instead of you. For me I just felt overwhelmed but gradually the bond came.

If you continue to feel like this talk to your HV as you may have PND.

Congratulations on your little boy

Xx

 

[littleD]

hi hum, so sorry you are feeling like this, my baby was born 4 weeks early too and was in special care for 2 weeks for various problems, at one point we nearly lost him. he was whisked to special care as soon as he was born and also transferred to another hospital for 3 nights and as they didnt have a bed for me there i was apart from him, and it was so hard seeing other people care for my baby and for me to be so helpless. i didnt get the skin to skin or also couldnt hold him for nearly two weeks so as soon as i could i did it as much as possible and also spent quite a bit of time with just me and him alone so we could get to know each other and make up for lost time. i`m quite a positive person and think i`m lucky to have escaped pnd but my atttitude was that as i had missed out on the first two weeks of his life i didnt want to waste any more time and now we have a fantastic bond and its always me who can soothe him when he starts crying. Im not saying that you do or dont have PND, just wanted to say that i know how hard it can be when your baby arrives and you dont always get the immediate happiness you expected xx

 

[katy1310]

Hi and congratulations on your baby.

I have been through all these feelings as well. My baby was born 13 weeks early, and we weren't allowed our first cuddle until she was 3 weeks old (me) and nearly 4 weeks (DH). I didn't even get to see her until she was 24 hours old. I really struggled with the fact that other people were looking after her the whole time, and I was so scared in case I didn't bond with her. I really didn't feel like her mummy for long enough. All that changed when she came home though.

I definitely started to bond properly after we got her home and DH and I were doing everything for her, and I think I've bonded even more since DH went back to work (he was signed off sick for a few weeks with stress so we had a few weeks of the 3 of us when Sophie first came home).

Even things now like going out and buying clothes for her is so exiting and makes me feeling like she is really "mine"! We didn't need to buy any clothes for her for a long long time because she got so many presents when she was born that she took ages to grow into!

I also really struggled with the fact that I missed out on the whole 3rd trimester, missed out on the whole giving birth thing, having Sophie handed straight to me, bringing her home a day or two later. I worried like crazy about Sophie having very few cuddles till she was 8 weeks old - and even then, we weren't allowed them all that often. That's something that still bothers me - but then a friend reminded me that they didn't just save Sophie's life the day she was born, they saved mine too, and Sophie having her mummy is so much more important to her than getting those first cuddles.

You're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do

 

[angelstardust]

It's common for mums to feel this way, but one of those taboo subjects that you just don't hear about.

Took me a long time to bond fully with DS2 after his birth. The first time they asked me if I wanted to hold him I replied 'do I have to?'. At 8 montsh he was diagnosed with brain damage and although it was the single worst thing for a parent to hear, it still took a few weeks after that to fully bond with him.

Never came in a rush, I just sorta woke up one day knowing I loved him and always would.

It does help to talk about it, though you do need to find someone who will understand. Nothing worse than being told 'oh get over it'. So keep talking here. Or speak to your GP (but don't let them palm you off with post natal depression).

 

[Agiboma]

like the others said its normal feeling to be jealous but it does sound like you may be suffering from ppd and you should see a counsellor about it

congrats on you LO

 

[angelstardust]

Birth trauma is very different to PND (or PPD).

DP speak to your GP and try and get some councilling. Not anti depressants. If you don't have PND, they won't help and can make things worse.