M
missdion
Guest
Hi, you guys, I've been quietly reading all of your stories for about a week and it's comforting to know that You've been staying strong. Beautiful stories.
Now, i'm gonna tell you mine, I don't know if it'll be of any help to you, but I'm hoping to god it will help Me. I feel like i'm about to break-down.
For starts, I'm an OB/GYN, Yep, I work with babies and pregnant women all the time! :/
In january 2010 We got pregnant, after trying for a whole year. We were both over the moon, sure enough, when I was on my 9th week I started having absurdly severe cramping which led to absurdly heavy bleeding. We all know where that ended, right?
I told friends I was fine, it was nature, I dealt with that all the time, so I faked strogness through it, I'd cry after seeing patients and have awful nightmares for about 5 months. During this particular time I avoided the delivery room completely, I knew that would be too much.
Time sort of healed the wound and We were ready to try again, so october 2012 we got the good news, and that was it, we would be a family!
Long story short ,when 5/2 months pregnant,( I don't wanna annoy you with medical details) I ended up in my own hospital, in the delivery room I work in weekly, with MY intern perfoming an emergency D&C on me, while I was going into septic shock. yaaay! fun right? :/
It was pretty damn traumatic, I haven't gone back in the hospital since, and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to.
I couldn't go back home after I left the hospital, ( I know, I'm a wuss, right!) I'd have a break-down just thinking about the nursery and all the baby stuff all over the place, so my best friend was kind enough to send her two boys over to their gramma and welcomed me in the guestroom "honey, the last thing you need now is two noisy boys!" she said. I'll be forever thankful...
After my husband and friends managed to make my house look almost exactly like it did before-baby (they even painted the walls back) I went home.
And now I feel like I'm all alone, I know I had a lot of support and everybody was great, but it's like their lives went on and I'm stuck, I can't even think about going back to work that I burst into tears... I feel like such a failure, I'm not only incapable of bearing my own children I also disappointed all those women who trusted me, I know how awful it is to be 'handed over' to another doctor, especially in such a special time in their lives, I feel so bad.
there's a little bit more to this story than I have been able to talk about, with anyone,and I'm hoping this will set the motion for me, if I don't talk I'm gonna explode soon.... :´´(
(I know I didn't mention the baby a lot but...I just really can't go there yet.)
Now, i'm gonna tell you mine, I don't know if it'll be of any help to you, but I'm hoping to god it will help Me. I feel like i'm about to break-down.
For starts, I'm an OB/GYN, Yep, I work with babies and pregnant women all the time! :/
In january 2010 We got pregnant, after trying for a whole year. We were both over the moon, sure enough, when I was on my 9th week I started having absurdly severe cramping which led to absurdly heavy bleeding. We all know where that ended, right?
I told friends I was fine, it was nature, I dealt with that all the time, so I faked strogness through it, I'd cry after seeing patients and have awful nightmares for about 5 months. During this particular time I avoided the delivery room completely, I knew that would be too much.
Time sort of healed the wound and We were ready to try again, so october 2012 we got the good news, and that was it, we would be a family!
Long story short ,when 5/2 months pregnant,( I don't wanna annoy you with medical details) I ended up in my own hospital, in the delivery room I work in weekly, with MY intern perfoming an emergency D&C on me, while I was going into septic shock. yaaay! fun right? :/
It was pretty damn traumatic, I haven't gone back in the hospital since, and I don't feel like I'll ever be able to.
I couldn't go back home after I left the hospital, ( I know, I'm a wuss, right!) I'd have a break-down just thinking about the nursery and all the baby stuff all over the place, so my best friend was kind enough to send her two boys over to their gramma and welcomed me in the guestroom "honey, the last thing you need now is two noisy boys!" she said. I'll be forever thankful...
After my husband and friends managed to make my house look almost exactly like it did before-baby (they even painted the walls back) I went home.
And now I feel like I'm all alone, I know I had a lot of support and everybody was great, but it's like their lives went on and I'm stuck, I can't even think about going back to work that I burst into tears... I feel like such a failure, I'm not only incapable of bearing my own children I also disappointed all those women who trusted me, I know how awful it is to be 'handed over' to another doctor, especially in such a special time in their lives, I feel so bad.
there's a little bit more to this story than I have been able to talk about, with anyone,and I'm hoping this will set the motion for me, if I don't talk I'm gonna explode soon.... :´´(
(I know I didn't mention the baby a lot but...I just really can't go there yet.)