I need to vent. (long)

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by shaunanicole, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Okay, so my current situation with the father of my child is that we were together for 2 months before I learned I was pregnant. In the two months that we were together he was nothing less then a controlling jerk. On the day that I found out I was pregnant we hung out. I didn't tell him the news because I was in shock myself. He picked me up and we went and got one of his friends. We pulled up to this other guys house and him and his friend started to load steel into a trailed on the back of his jeep. He had left his phone in the car and it started vibrating because he got a text. An unsaved number popped up with the text and I became suspicious because it was the same number from the day before that had texted him and he quickly deleted in text and denied it was his ex girlfriend (she had began sending me messaged via myspace saying he was still in love with her). So I read the text and it was 2 pages of her saying she loved him TOO and that she also wanted to try again. So in a rage I read all of his text messages and its him and her going back and forth talking about how they love each other and this and that.

    So in a daze of anger I got out of his jeep and began walking down the road. I was so hurt and devastated and pissed off that I didn't care where I was going or how I was getting there. He comes running up to me asking what is going on and I started screaming I seen the text messages and then I leaned over and smacked him with all my might. He automatically walked away and after calling my mom and crying I walked back to his jeep and asked him to bring me home. He agreed and him and his friend got back into the jeep. I sat there with tears falling down my face and I was trembling and sweating. He had this grin on his face and he blasted his music and just didn't pay me any mind.

    We dropped his friend off and on the way back to my house I told him the news. I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again so I just came out with it. At first he claimed I must of cheated on him and said he had paperwork saying that he wasn't able to conceive. After 20 minutes of him talking his smack to me he finally stopped what he was doing and just started saying "oh my God you are having my baby, I am so excited. bla bla blaaaa."

    Since then I have left him. We tried for a few weeks but I couldn't look at him the same after he had gone behind my back. It kills me though because now he tries and plays DADDY DEAREST! He acts like he didn't do anything wrong and this and that. He is constantly calling asking how I am and the baby and it just puts me in a fit of rage. He treated me like complete scum and cheated on me and now he wants to act like he cares. I want him in the baby's life and I would never stand in the way of him and our child seeing each other and spending time alone. I grew up with a dead beat dad and if he wants to be there for the baby I accept and support it. I just hate that he tries and act like he just cares SOOOOO much about me. :hissy:

    I told him today to STOP calling/texting and that I'd update him when necessary. I know he has another girlfriend and it doesn't bother me but it will when it comes time to the baby being born. I will go CRAZY if he thinks he can walk into that hospital with some chick on his shoulder and see the baby. Or if he thinks he is going to take the baby for a few hours with the stupid girl trying to pretend she is a mother for a few hours! I WILL GO INSANE!!!!! :devil:

    I guess I just had to vent....anyone else have a similar situation they'd like to share?
     
  2. MissCherry15

    MissCherry15 Mummy of 2

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    AWww now that is sick :( i aint gone threw it myself but i got to say u deserve major hugs. tbh i reckon this guys needs a bigger slap round his face!
     
  3. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    He actually holds the slap against me! He asked me if when I get mad am I going to also slap the baby in the face! Can you believe that???? He is such a jerk. [-X
     
  4. KJunkie

    KJunkie Guest

    That is a terrible situation. No matter what you do, its always going to be a difficult relationship. I understand how you feel about him taking the baby along with another girl and her possibly acting like your child's mother. But to be honest, at this time that girl probably wont be around for long. You and your ex should talk about how you are going to handle your SO's while raising your child. Are you going to introduce EVERYONE to your child that you date? Or are you going to save that for someone who is actually worth it? Communication is key, and you all need to agree on parenting styles and plans for the future.

    I wish you all the best! I am not in the same situation at all, and I do think that your ex was being a big jerk. But, I hope that you two can figure it out for your child.
     
  5. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    KJunkie, thanks for your kind words. I can't even imagine being with someone else as of right now, let alone introducing them to my child. I know eventually I will start to date and go out with guys but I wouldn't ever introduce my child to someone who I didn't think was going to be sticking around for a very long time. It would pose as a bad example and I'm not the trusting type when it comes to my family. I would need to know the person for AT LEAST a year before ever even bringing them into my home. I have only let 3 very dear friends into my house and I am still very close with them all. :)
     
  6. Elski

    Elski Well-Known Member

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    Hey Shauna,

    Sounds like you've had a bit of a nightmare recently, I hope you're alright.

    Like KJunkie says, this new girlfriend will probably be history by the time your baby arrives and if she isn't - cross that bridge when you come to it hun, there's no point stressing about something that might never happen, it's not good for you or the baby.

    This guy sounds grossly immature and a complete waste of space and it sounds as though you're well aware of that. You sound like a sweet, sensible girl who knows what she wants - take a few steps back and take some time to get over him and the situation and get strong again. You've asked him not to contact you for a while, this will give you the time to think about things properly and for the anger to subside a bit. If he does try and contact you, just keep telling him to respect the fact that you'd like some time out. Like you say, you want him to be in your child's life but not if he's gonna be a dead beat dad. Give him the chance, you never know, he may turn out to be an amazing father. Make it clear to him that if he says he's going to be there for the baby, he has to honour that and stay true to his word. If he doesn't, review the situation.

    At the end of the day, you've got to take care of YOU and your baby and do whatever feels right for you hun.
    I hope it all works out...

    E x
     
  7. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Elski, I believe that he may be back with his ex (I believe he had a little over a year with her). He is completely head over hills for her and if they are back together then I wish them the very best. I'm just not going to stand by and let her be around my child. I guess it really is out of my hands though, it's up to the judge when we go to court. Anyways I sincerely appreciate your support! :)
     
  8. Duffy

    Duffy Well-Known Member

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    Hey sweetie, That sounds like a horrid situation on the way you was treated/texts and his cold-shoulder to you. Anyone can make a baby but not anyone can be a father and only time will tell you which one he will be once the baby is born and he has the blood work proving its his baby. If he a scum bag father you may be able to get him to give up his rights by supporting the baby alone, if he a good father then for your childs sake you should try to be fair, regardless of how his past treatment was of you, as long as his current treatment is respectful to you. My general feeling is now that he aware you are carrying his baby he may try to butter you up with nice-ness that would be annoying as heck.

    With or with out him you can do this hon, find a really good friend that can step in and help you emotionally and lean on your family if its possible. HUGS.
     
  9. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Aw honey, sounds like the sort of stress you really don't need when you're pregnant.

    I guess if he thought he couldn't have a baby then he will be excited that he's having one. It's just a shame that he was with you when he still wasn't over his ex (if you think they are back together now) cos that's not fair in the first place. However, you are going to get a beautiful baby out of it in a few months so it's not all bad I suppose....

    Maybe explain to him that you're not going to cut him out of the baby's life without giving him a chance to be a good dad but that, whilst you are happy for them, it hurts you to see him with someone else so soon (blame the pregnancy hormones if you want!)

    I hope you manage to reach a compromise with him soon x
     
  10. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    JayDee, it doesn't bother me that he is back with her. It truly doesn't at all. I was upset about it in the very beginning because I had just found out I was having his child but since then I have come to realize that someone who loves you wouldn't go behind your back and do something like that. It also told me a lot when he claimed he had paperwork saying he couldn't have children. I asked SEVERAL times to see it and every time it is a new excuse. Plus before all this went down he used to talk about how he eventually wanted kids in the future and stuff. I think he lied to me to be a jerk and then felt bad after. Anyways thanks for the support hun. It means a lot. :)
     
  11. vix1989

    vix1989 Baby Christmas <3

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    right shauna! i was in a similar situation to you! we was on a break and as far as i knew we werent gunna see anyone i found out when i was 38 weeks pregnant that he was texting some girl, he swore nothing happened but i was so angry thinking if something has does she think shel b part of the babys life? thankfully we got straight bk togetehr coz thats wat we wanted but YOU are the babys mother you have more rights then HIM! you tell him how it will go no girl is to be involved until they are hugely hugely serious about one another dont even let him have the baby alone just the 3 of you at least he gets to see the baby and you get what makes you feel comfy!
     
  12. dom85

    dom85 Mum of 2, 3rd on the way

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    Aw hun, you're probably got a million things going on in your head at the moment just with being pregnant without all of his nonsense :hugs:

    I had to think about this a lot recently as my ex has now decided that he actually doesn't want to be involved when the baby is born, but wants the 'option' to change his mind later on...grr

    Anyway, my thoughts were that while I would be happy for my child to have contact with their father, that's the only person I want them to have contact with, essentially their partner is a stranger and I wouldn't want my child to have contact with that person as it's just more confusing for them. Unless their living together or married/getting married then it's not serious enough to introduce a child into that situation I dont think.

    Yes he's the father, but you're the one who's taking care of the baby and bringing them up the majority of the time so he has to understand that he can't have everything it's not going to be the same as if you were together being parents.

    Hope it all works out, and dont let him stress you out too much, he doesn't need to be contacting you, you're not together and he's not a Dad yet.
     
  13. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Dom85, thanks for your kind words. You worded everything so perfectly. That is exactly how I feel about the whole situation. You're totally right though, I will be the one who raises this child the most. It will live with ME, so far I have paid ALL the medical fees, and I am the ONLY one between the both of us that has spent a good amount of money for buying the baby essential items such as lotions, soaps, clothes, and diapers. I'm still pissed about all that because I have insurance but I went to the ER twice and each time I went it is a fee of 200 dollars. So basically its 400 dollars total. I can't pay it all on my own, he is going to have to help me and if he doesn't then he will regret it when we are in court! ;)

    Vix1989, thanks hun. I'm glad things worked out with you and your hubby. I appreciate your input sweety. :)
     
  14. gracegrace

    gracegrace happily pregnant with 2nd

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    My Goodness :hugs: You've been through soooooo much!

    I'm afraid I can't relate, but I just wanted to let you know I care...
     
  15. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Gracegrace, thanks hun. I really appreciate that. I don't even feel like my friends I have known for years care. :hugs:
     
  16. JayDee

    JayDee Sunshine and rainbow

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    Aw honey - if only life was simple....

    Sounds like you're on top of things (as much as you can be) and hope you manage to get money things sorted with him soon.

    I don't know your friends, but I'm sure they'll care really, probably just don't know what to do for best. Sometimes easier for people like us on here who don't know you/your ex to be more objective about it.

    x
     

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