I needed to get it out.. it might help others

x_Rainbow_x

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Iv never told my story in full.. its always been in parts. so i thought it might help me and maybe some others reading it. so here i go.. id get a cuppa T first if i was you..

november 2006 it was just over a week since my 19th birthday id been with my partner 8 months, we was getting married in the january and was looking forwards to it.
on 28th november i found out i was pregnant i was terrified. i only took a test because my OH told me to. when it came back positive i paniced bit then got really excited i always wanted to be a mum. i took 2 more tests and then plucked up the courage to go tell my mum. she guessed the moment i got in :dohh: she got excited then booked me in 2 the local dr to get it registered.
when the dr had a look at me she said she found a lump and wanted me looking at.
i spent 5 hours in epau being looked at having blood took. the lump was my womb. it leaned to the right. they said i was 2 early to see anything on a scan. they sent me home and told me to come back in 48 hrs.
2 days later they repeated my blood tests then told me to go home and theyl ring with results.
5:30 on 1st december came. the day ill never forget her words.
the nurse rang and told me but my HCG levels went from 200 to 220. theyd hardly moved. she told me my baby had no chance of survival. i cryed for hours. i couldnt ring my oh to tell him about our baby.
for the following 3 weeks i was in and out of hospital as they thought i was ectopic as they cuddnt find the baby.
finally on december 25th 2006 i m/c at home in bed while my oh was away at work.
it hit me like a ton of bricks. i went from a healthy size 10 to a unhealthy size 6 and weighed just 8 stone. i got married looking like a shadow of myself. i didnt no how to cope.
i was told its normal 2 have a m/c and not 2 worry.

in april 2007 after months of getting myself back on track and back to a very healthy weight i found out i was pregnant again. i was terrified the same would happen. hubby was away again so i planned how id tell him.
when he came home i sent him a txt just as he gt outta the car
" hello daddy u havent met me yet but i live in mummys tummy all nice and warm and im dying to meet you come and rub mummys belly"​
he read it and jaw hit the floor he was shocked. he was so scared to the point he pushed me away alittle. he couldnt bond properly.
at 8 weeks i had a scan due to bleeding. my oh watched our little 1s heart beat away on the screen it was amazing he couldnt stop watching. i was so happy. he was leaving that day to go away 6 months. he took a pic of our baby to remind him what wed made.
2 weeks later on april 2007 i bled. i knew then my baby had died. my mum rushed me in to hospital and watched the screen as they scanned for the baby. i layed there sobbing i refused to look at the screen. my mum took one look and burst in to tears. i new my precious baby had died.
once again i was back down there again the place i didnt want to go. i opted to m/c naturally. that night i passed our baby on the loo bleeding so much. i was in so much pain my dad had to carry me to my room.
i couldnt get hold of my OH. 2 weeks later when he rang i broke the news to him. he said he had to go. but i received a msg from a friend that her husband had said my OH was in peices. something even to this day iv never seen him break down.
i didnt no how to cope. it killed me.

it took me time to get over losing our baby, in december 2007 we desided we was going to try again. we was desparate for a baby. on january 7th 2008 the day after our first wedding anniversary someone answered our prayers. 2 line showed up on a test. for some reason i couldnt get excited i didnt feel right. i took another test a week later. it was negative then i bled.
i went to see my gp and was told my pregnancy was chemical.
i new it... we desided no more. not untill wed moved and was settled.

in march 2008 we moved house, we desided to try again. in may i was feeling very sick bad dreams every sympton you can think of. so i took a test. OMG it was positive but this time i was full of symptoms i had so many good feelings. so did OH. we registered the pregnancy and got 2 scans in. our baby was growing so well the heart was strong. id had my appointment with my m/w. wed started buying books talking about names. we was convinced we was having a boy. we wanted to call him either kyran or daniel. OH constantly rubbed my tummy. at 10 weeks i told my m/w i was in discomfort she told me i worry to much and the pains are just my uterous moving.
that night i felt a movement next thing i new my nickers were wet like id wet myself. there was alot of mucus.
OH rushed me to hospital, i was convinced baby was fine as my symptoms were still there.
they did a test and put me in the waiting room. they came out with a wheelchair. it was for me. i paniced.
they took me for a scan. because i was 10 weeks they could do a external scan. but they couldnt see him. i new then it was over i shook as he did the internal and confirmed the heart wasnt beating anf the baby died at 7 weeks.
they had me in 2 days later for a D&C as they wanted the baby to test on. i was going to be having all tests to see why id lost 4 pregnancys/
on the monday i was admitted and shown to a private room. i was told id be in thetre by 5 they prepped me at 3. i had dilation tablets to open my cervix and 2 bring on a state of labour.
7pm came and no thetre.. the pains were fast and long i was in agony i stood up to walk around and woosh.. i felt all movemnt. i had to pass my baby and all the contents of my womb in to a bed pan. id lost so much blood and because i was nil by mouth i passed out for a few seconds.
i was taken for a scan at 9pm to check if id passed everything. i had passed all but a few blood clots. i was kept in all night and given 6 more tablets.
i left hospital june 22nd in peices. a bitter nasty woman that no pregnant lady should have spoken to.
i hated everyone who spoke to me or told me not to worry.

i had extensive tests for 3 months. finally iv been told i have a problem called translocation of the chomosome. i dont no how i can be helped or if ill ever have a child but i no if i had a child naturally without helo the chances of a abnormal child is very very high.
i have a little book with all my scans in from 3 of my 4 pregnancys. ill never forget my angels and never forget the fight iv had to try keep my babies.

thats my story im sorry is so long.. i cryed as i wrote it but its good to get it out. i hope it can help people realise no matter how hard it looks at the time it does get easier.
 
oh hunny thats so sad i have tears runing down my face my heart goes out to you if you need to have a chat im here take care gem :hugs:
 
Awww bless you Tracie you have been very strong and very brave to share this story with us, My heart goes out to you as I can only imagine your pain, I know u'd make a brilliant mummy and I hope one day you get your miracle because you more than certainlly deserve it x x
 
thanks girls.. just wanted ppl 2 no that you can go hrough such hard times and come out the other side.
 
Thank you for posting your story you have been through so much. Really hope the doctors can help make your next one a sticky one. Sending you a big :hug:
 
your story made me cry too, it brings it all back..im so sorry you have had to got through this Xxx
 
Thanks for sharing that with us, my 3 m/c's were so similar. :hugs:
 
tracie...I know we've talked alittle about your situation. I just want to say that I am very sorry you've had to go through all of this and lost your lo's. Your angels are very lucky to have a mom like you that someday they will get to meet and be cherished by all your love for them. I hope and pray that somehow or someway you get your miracle baby and he/she is a healthy lil one. You have been through so much and I am so proud of you for writing that to us and sharing all of your kind words to each and everyone of us, even though you've been through so much. Please if you ever want to just talk im hear to listen.
I have no been through anything like this but I will always be here for you. Take care babe. Lots of hugs to you.
 
:hug: :hug: I am crying now, I am so so sorry you had to go through all this. I wish to God you will have a miracle baby - a healthy LO.
 
:hug: thanks for sharing!
Never give up hope chick! One day you will be blessed with a little one of your own! :hugs:
 
Your story just made me cry so much, my heart goes out to you, i am so sorry for your losses.
Your strenght is amazing. I just wish with all my heart you get the baby you and your OH so clearly deserve :hugs:
 
sorry for your losses. hope u get a sticky bean in the nearest future. hugs
 
Oh my darling, i wish you were here so that I could hold you. You have been so brave to pick yourself up and try again. You must be such a strong woman.

I had my 2nd four weeks ago. I am still scared and scarred to even to start to think of trying again. I have horrible memories of what happened and the pain, I never want to go through again. I went in an ambulance to hospital as I desperately needed pain relief - I have seen so many ambulances in the past day or so and it just reminds me of that awful experience.

Before I had a miscarriage, I had no idea what women went through - the emotional and physical pain.

I am so glad that we are couragious enough to tell other people our experiences as painful they are to relive.

I pray you will have your baby darling xxx
 
im so sorry for your losses and i sincerely hope one day you will have a baby of your own. i am sure you will be a wonderful mother. xx
 

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