I Probably Won't Be Pregnant By My EDD

[Sparkly]

Annnnnd, I just had to change "Pregnancy Blog" in my siggy to "Conception Blog" and then remove all my pregnancy tickers from the blog and make a post explaining briefly what happened. "Hello, PMA! Let me introduce you to the toilet! *flushing sound*"

It's things like this that can really get you down! Here in the UK we get a maternity exemption card, for free medications and dental treatment during pregnancy................mine arrived the morning after my m/c!!! I just threw it on the floor and sobbed, I had to return it, but I could face doing it for weeks!

 

[Megg33k]

Ugh! That would be awful with the maternity exemption card! I can't imagine how rubbish that was to have happen to you! Are the bad days getting fewer now that its been almost 2 months? Or is it just as bad as it ever was?

I didn't do this last time. I was just... numb last time. I didn't feel anything. But, now? OMG! You'd think someone had ripped my heart out... literally!

I understand panic attacks. I am happy to be able to take my Xanax again as needed! I've only taken one since finding out... but I was crying so hard that I was nearly screaming... each breath sounded like it was my last gasp of air ever... I was pretty well hyperventilating! After about 10 minutes of it only getting worse, my OH coerced me to take a Xanax. However, it really sealed the "OMG! Its over!" for me... because I couldn't take it during a healthy pregnancy. So, crying about the loss followed by taking meds that I couldn't take if I hadn't had the loss... meta-depression! But, 15 minutes later, I was happily drifting off to sleep. At least there's that!

The worst part is that I feel like such a fake! I mean... that little circle on the U/S screen doesn't equate to much for me. So, I feel like it was all pretend. That little circle... or empty sac... whatever... just pissed that my (pardon me) fucking body keeps playing dirty little tricks on me! I feel like such a failure!

 

[Sparkly]

The bad days are defo getting fewer hun, it just happens I'm having a few bad ones atm! I had 3 panic attacks on Monday, they were the first since the week following my m/c, I had my first one ever whilst I was miscarrying, (mine happened naturally) I didn't know what was happening at the time. i just knew that I couldn't breath, and I felt like I was having a heart attack, whilst screaming and crying

I completely get the ripped your heart out feeling, it's how I feel too, I literally feel like a part of me is missing, and will never be the same.

You are not a fake, your pregnancy was not pretend, just because the sac was empty at your us, doesn't mean your angel was never there, just that she grew wings and floated to heaven before you got a chance to see her......she'll be back xxx

 

[SmileyShazza]

Here in the UK we get a maternity exemption card, for free medications and dental treatment during pregnancy................mine arrived the morning after my m/c!!! I just threw it on the floor and sobbed, I had to return it, but I could face doing it for weeks!

The same thing happened to me! Mine arrived two days after my ERPC I didn't send it back for about 2 months I just couldn't face it. I also had a letter come about the grant you get when you have a child to invest for them about 3 months after the erpc - it was the most awful feeling having to phone up and say "Please take me off your list as I have had a miscarriage"

Thank you Megg for starting this thread.

My EDD was 5th June so just over 3 weeks away this cycle will be our last chance to get a bfp before then but I am not feeling hopeful as I don’t want to then get upset and crash back down to earth when the shows up

All I keep thinking about is how I should be 37 weeks and instead of being at this shit hole I call work I should be at home putting my feet up and getting ready to meet our baby I had really hoped that we would fall pregnant quickly after our mmc but it just doesn’t seem to be happening and each month I am feeling more and more like it is never going to happen for us

In a way as upsetting as it is it is a comfort to see that I am not the only one who hasn’t succeeded in falling pregnant quickly as a lot of my buddies on here who I formed friendships with have had their bfps and I have been feeling like I am the one that is going to get left behind, unable to get pregnant again.

I truly hope that all of us get the bfp’s we want so much and rightly deserve. I suppose it just takes some people longer than others and it will make me appreciate it more when we do get our baby – whenever that may be.

I wish you all the best in the world. Baby to all

 

[SmileyShazza]

You are not a fake, your pregnancy was not pretend, just because the sac was empty at your us, doesn't mean your angel was never there, just that she grew wings and floated to heaven before you got a chance to see her......she'll be back xxx

Thats a lovely way to look at it

 

[Megg33k]

Aww... You made me cry, Sparkly... but in a good way! Thank you! That's a lovely sentiment!!! I'm glad your bad days are fewer now!

Shazza - That's exactly how I feel... The bit about being left behind! I think that's why this time hit me harder... So many more people I've gotten close to are in healthy pregnancies now... and I feel like the rest will be soon enough, and I'll be all alone!

 

[goddess25]

My estimated due date was September... I am working with 3 girls right now who are all pregnant and its all they talk about. 1 is due in June, 1 in July and 1 in November and I cant help thinking it should be me in September not to mention that I should have a 3 year old at the same time...

Hope your days are ok for the ones with there due dates coming up soon.

 

[Megg33k]

goddess!

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

So sorry goddess , i am working with a girl who is due the same day as me and shes still planning on going to a festival and getting drunk because apparently 'it wont hurt just once', makes me so mad that she has a perfectly healthy baby and is putting it at risk and mine died inside me

 

[debgreasby]

So sorry goddess , i am working with a girl who is due the same day as me and shes still planning on going to a festival and getting drunk because apparently 'it wont hurt just once', makes me so mad that she has a perfectly healthy baby and is putting it at risk and mine died inside me

it really does piss you off doesn't it?

My due date is approaching - 18th June. I should be 35 weeks pregnant, instead i'm wishing my life away waiting to bloody OV. Hate this TTC lark. It's so draining and it's really affecting the whole house now. Everyone is suffering because of my mood swings.

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

It certainly does debgreasby, i just dont understand i feel i'd have more of a chance if i just went and smoked, and done drugs lol (not that i would).

It is very draining its all i seem to think and talk about, OH doesnt seem fed up yet, but i'm getting so tired of having to do all the work of trying to chart my cycle and all that, I hope we get our BFP soon x

 

[w8ing4bean]

heya girls. after a bfn yesterday looks like i wont be pregnant by my due date...6th june.

my cycles are so messed up...im on day 48 hopefully 3rd cycle will be 3rd time lucky!!!!!

xx

 

[debgreasby]

 

[Beadette]

Like others I unfortunately now have 2 EDD's to dread. The first is 10th July and the second is 20th November. Now its not enough for me to have a BFPbefore those dates its having a healthy 12 week scan before. Well obviously thats not going to happen before the first date.

Strangely I'm not worried about not getting pregnant again quickly as I got caught mega quick with both pregnancies. Second cycle after coming off the pill and first (real) cycle after my first MMC. I have it in my head that my problem is not getting pregnant - it's staying pregnant.

I don't know for sure that i'll get caught again quickly - I have a feeling that I might but then there's always the feling of "how many more times will I MMC before I get my baby"

Giving up is not an option for me though - Despite having a fecking awful week, i'm more convinced than ever that I will go through this as many times as it takes if I can eventually have a healthy baby!

Good luck and sticky dust to all x x x x

 

[Megg33k]

I understand, Nina! I'm not at a point of "I refuse to give up until I have a healthy baby!" too!

We'll all get through this together, girls! Love to you all!! xx

 

[Rainbowpea]

So I am on cd2, so will deffo not be preggo by next fri (4th my due date) I was expecting it of course as we weren't even trying last month but it is so sad. Got magazine with free nappy in from sainsburys today saying congrats on your new arrival. Obv from something I filled out before mmc, never will I do that again! And then just now seen pics of friends baby just been born. Absolutely gutted today. But I am still trying to keep positive, guess I'll allow myself a down day. Sucks that there is no one really to talk to about it. Dh is stressed enough with work and don't want to depress him too. Need some virtual hugs girls! Xx

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

rainbowpea, sending lots of love hun x

 

[vickyd]

I have already passed my first due date and this week my second due date will pass as well....Also June 10th will be 1 year since my first loss...As im writing this i am already quite drunk and full of dispair, mourning two losses and pretty sure i wont be pregnant this month...

 

[Megg33k]

So I am on cd2, so will deffo not be preggo by next fri (4th my due date) I was expecting it of course as we weren't even trying last month but it is so sad. Got magazine with free nappy in from sainsburys today saying congrats on your new arrival. Obv from something I filled out before mmc, never will I do that again! And then just now seen pics of friends baby just been born. Absolutely gutted today. But I am still trying to keep positive, guess I'll allow myself a down day. Sucks that there is no one really to talk to about it. Dh is stressed enough with work and don't want to depress him too. Need some virtual hugs girls! Xx

I have already passed my first due date and this week my second due date will pass as well....Also June 10th will be 1 year since my first loss...As im writing this i am already quite drunk and full of dispair, mourning two losses and pretty sure i wont be pregnant this month...

My first due date is a month from tomorrow. I'm not out yet, but I probably will be very soon!

 

[aussiettc]

For rainbow pea and all the others who need a little love in the coming days.

My first ever due date will be in 2 weeks roughly, that bubs would of been 15 now.
but i still have a little bit of time untill my second which would of been October 21.
Sad fact is that i'm no closer to getting another BFP either cause i'm not ovulating and have very long cycles.
**wollows in self pity**