You are NOT a bad mother, how could your OH say that? When your baby is crying unconsolably it is the number one most horrible thing in the world, I know.
If you think you'd be at all comfortable co-sleeping, I'd really recommend it. I was totally against it, until about day 3 of David refusing to sleep in his crib. He would just wail and cry, and I kept on falling asleep in the recliner with him in my arms. Now he sleeps next to me in bed, and he'll usually go 2-4 hours without waking to eat, which is pretty darn good for a breastfed baby, I think -- and he goes straight to sleep afterward, with no fussing.
I've been getting my 8 hours ever since we started co-sleeping; it is really a miracle what one good night of sleep will do for your poor, tired psyche. I really hope you find your key to sleeping soon... I know what lack of sleep can do to a woman. Your frustration is totally warranted!