I think I had enough...

[brumbar]

Ladies,

I don't think I can do this any longer.... I can't face another BFN or even the thought of it.....I think it's time for me to give up....Sitting here like a looney crying at my desk at work, doing research on midcycle spotting and other fertility issues, taking countless vitamins that make me sick - [this is the latest "pregnacare conception " side effect ( i even had to get off the bus this morning and eat my cereal bar to stop me from vomiting on the road)]...Is it normal to feel like this? I mean wanting to give up completely.....

 

[obe]

Sorry your feling so down hun but dont give up!
What stage are you at at the mo?
It is hard when its all you can think about and you have no control over it what so ever.
Thinking of you x

 

[brumbar]

Yeah....i'm usually positive but it's really getting me down. I hate not knowing and this 'unexplained' thing is driving me mad. There's always a reason...otherwise it woudn't be NOT happening.....they just can't be bothered to check properly! Sorry for moaning.....We are on cycle 22, cd 24 of a 28day cycle....i guess getting closer to the 'moment of truth' is making me nervous....

 

[cazhd]

So sorry you feeling down brumbar I seem to go thur spells when i find it harder to deal with than others then pick myself back up. Stay strong

 

[puppymom32]

I felt the same exact way earlier this month. I dont know how much more emotionally I can take of this journey. Trying to stay positive but sometimes I wonder why I try so hard. Keep your head up.

 

[brumbar]

I'm starting to doubt that i'm ever gonna get there....lucky my dh sensed my funny funny mood and offered to take me out for a dinner... Hope i feel better after.... Thanks guys for your support. Xxx

 

[-Linn-]

hey there
i do think it is normal wanting to give up, it is so painfull getting a BFN time after time again. i have a daughter now but it took me 34 months and i had completely given up by the time i actually did get my bfp i wouldnt even test anymore and found out really late. i'm not saying that if u give up it will happen, i know its not that easy but i think it is totally normal for you to feel that way, it is just so disappointing. even after i gave up i was still really upset every time af arrived. i don't know exactly what your fertility issues are but i wish u all the best in getting that bfp or just being able to enjoy life again and not permanently thinking about ttc, it takes over your whole life... and it's just not fair. hugs x

 

[brumbar]

Thanks linn...i guess i'll be fine....just getting nervous about the moment of truth i guess - i.e testing time...i just never felt like this b4 it's always been...ok may be next time..... As to the fertility issues- no idea what's wrong...possibly endo, but currently they are treating us as unexplained...and i've had this funny pinkish tinted CM at implantation time for 3 months now ... I was getting my hopes high ( yes, i should know by now )....but .... BFN each time... same this month and i'm too scared to even think about anything like that... X

 

[-Linn-]

Oh I know exactly how u feel, naively i thought having one child now whatever my issue was TTc fisrt time round that it is sorted but thats not true unfortunetely have come up to 22 months again. did u have all the testing done? even if its unexplained can't they put u on the waiting list for IVF? or is that sth you wouldnt consider? unfortunetely i wouldnt qualify for NHS ivf as i got one child but anyway i wish you the best of luck, my infertility is unexplained too but only as i havent been to the doctors yet. have now resorted to trying all the stuff i read about on this forum lol
I just love it on here since jopining i feel so much better at least im not alone feeling upset and frustrated TTC
loads of babydust for you x

 

[MeToo]

Sorry you are feeling down. I have not been ttc for as long as you (15 cycles) but i understand how difficult it is when month after month af arrives of you see ANOTHER bfn. I have to keep telling myself it will happen or will probably go mad

Hugs xx

 

[brumbar]

Hey Linn... All tests done... All seems to be fine, i've got a small cyst but they don't think it matters... We are on the ivf list... Guess what the waiting time is for the London area? Around 2 years!!! Ain't i lucky? We only get 2 iui+1 ivf or just 2 ivf straight.... We opted for 2 ivfs and are thinking of paying private for an iui...dont even know where we are with it as i haven't had any letters yet.... I've got an appointment with the FS on the 30....i'll ask all these questions.... Soooo sorry you don't get a free ivf...how comes? My dh has 2 kids and we got it (hope they don't tell us something else later)....nhs ivf lottery...

 

[brumbar]

Thanks MeeToo... 15 months is long enough ....hope it all works out...have you done any testing? X

 

[-Linn-]

Hey Linn... All tests done... All seems to be fine, i've got a small cyst but they don't think it matters... We are on the ivf list... Guess what the waiting time is for the London area? Around 2 years!!! Ain't i lucky? We only get 2 iui+1 ivf or just 2 ivf straight.... We opted for 2 ivfs and are thinking of paying private for an iui...dont even know where we are with it as i haven't had any letters yet.... I've got an appointment with the FS on the 30....i'll ask all these questions.... Soooo sorry you don't get a free ivf...how comes? My dh has 2 kids and we got it (hope they don't tell us something else later)....nhs ivf lottery...

hey there
i can't get free ivf cause i got my daughter, i think its different for all PCTs I would go under the cambridgeshire PCT and i was told by a friend who had to pay for private ivf that u can't get it on the nhs here if u or even just your oh has kids already, its a shame but even though i get very upset every time af shows i also never loose hope completely like i did before i had my daughter as i got there once so im telling myself why not a second time. yeah u should chase up for the ivf waiting list thing just make u are on it, 2 years is a long time, ubelievable actually as iff ttc long term is so much fun and another 2 years won't matter, but at least u can go back to that if all else fails, if i wont conceive naturally or with some medical help such as clomid or iui then i would have to pay private luckily im not so old so hopefully one day i will be able to have a second child. i will try and get a referal for a gynecologist soon, i was meant to have one after i gave birth as i had a very complicated birth and nearly died but my gp just said oh if u are feeling all right and are not in a lot of pain then there is no need. i have recently moved and got a new gp so maybe i can get a referral now, would like them to check everything is fine following my complications which were actually 2 years ago, but i guess thats the nhs for us, its free but u have to wait an age for anything
must be frustrating to be told everything is fine when u have been trying for so long and nothing has happened yet. did u ever get a bfp? must make u think they missed something when they checked u out. hope u will get somewhere soon. i read about your mid cycle spotting, i actually had this twice as well like 4 and 5 cycles back, i didnt even think anything of it but i understand now u were getting your hopes up as it can mean implantation. did u tell your doctor/gyne or fs about this? sometimes i think gps are pretty useless for issues like that its just not there job really,.
good luck for your appointment.
x

 

[brumbar]

Hey Linn. Sorry 2 hear about the complications during the birth of your daughter... and i'm glad it all ended fine for both of you... I never had a bfp ....never ever...i,m even starting to think that tests with 2 lines do not exist....don't know what got into me this morning but suddenly decided to test with an internet cheapie... and second MU ( had to get up at 4.30 as i was going to wee myself so that's the FMU gone) What is it...10dpo?negative of course.... Whatever..... Someone should hide the sticks and my wallet from me... I mentioned the spotting to my GP and to the STD guy and to the Endo lady.... They didn't say much... The GP said '....aghhhh ovulation?'(yeah right more like 7 days after ovulation). The Std guy checked for stds and said that i have none... The endo lady said that it might be hormonal, nothing to worry about... Yeah right! Nothing to worry about? Hormones? TTC? Rings a bell? So what i'll do, i'll mention it to the FS when i go next wednesday... She should perhaps do weekly blood tests for a change... I wonder if they actually want to help you...

 

[-Linn-]

hey brumbar
yeah might make one think all those doctors don't have a clue what they are acutally doing. sorry to hear u had a bfn... yeah lol hide the tests and wallet im forever testing too like the more often i test the bigger my chances for a bfp before i had my DD i also bever ever had BFP and thought they don't exist when i eventually did a test with her i nearly fainted in the toilet at work as it went positive before the control line was even there. so i can assure you all is possible. i forgot to say maybe your spotting is due to low progesterone? i read that somewhere on the net, but can't remember were. so in that case it would be hormonal, i cant believe the endo lady said that you lol, if you are TTC you would like your homrmones to be balanced wouldn't you? fingers crossed the FS will know sth. do you also have endo? i never considered having that myself but since reading more on BnB im starting to think i might as i got some of the symptoms, i get really painful periods and bowel pain and all that but my periods are not too strong or anything, they are not light but i wouldn't say they are particularly strong. so don't know guess i gotta try and get a referral from my gp already

 

[brumbar]

Hey Linn... Not diagnosed with endo(the only way they could do that is by doing a lap and i refused doing it) but i possibly have it- if the cyct is an endometrioma....i've got no other symptoms but i use to have painful periods. They say that some people may have no symptoms and still have it. You should tell your doc about the painfull bowel movements...it might be an indication. Why don't you make an appointment...they'll probably investigate and let you know the cause ( at least we hope they will)... DH is misbehaving today runs around and makes advances as my (.)(.) are huge for some reason today but also really painfull (for his disappointment)...don't know what's wrong with me! They'll probably tell me its hormonal again..... LOL ... I obviously feel better today...talking silly things. Thanks for your support with this... Oh and you should start your ttc journal, you know...i did yesterday....you can see the link below. Got to run and cook dinner now... Talk later xxxxx

 

[-Linn-]

hey there
can i ask why u refused having a lap done? is it meant to very painfull? i got no idea. but u are definetely right i should tell my doctor, i feel somehow anxious about going to the doctor and talking about all that stuff. feel like he might not take me serious with all my TTC stuff... but i do wanna go. i had a very very long assisted delivery and afterwards i couldnt deliver the placenta and following that i had so many complications when i was discharged from hospital the midwife told me i will need to arrange for an ultrasound on my uterus with my gp, but he just said that if im not in any pain its not necessary. however i have just moved and now have a new doctor that i have never even seen before so i will finally go and make an appointment soon.

hehehe that made me laugh about your (.)(.)s, i get that each month one week before i get af and it goes away 2 days after shes arrived. my OH always does the same. yeah lol thats what they will say hormones

sorry i went on for so long i will see about opening a journal, not so long ago i was still shy about posting on the forum but i really like it on here. will write on yout journal

talk soon

x