I think I'm losing my bond with my son

[Jinty]

That is so sad. Well if your considering it then maybe mention it and see how she reacts? Maybe on a day where shes finding it hard? lol Theres no harm in trying? Even if you don't like you said it might benefit your son more. Its so sad

 

[Joyzerelly]

Your son is 18 months old he doesn't have a clue what's going on. Then he's moved from one house to another for a week at a time. That's enough to upset anyone's routine let alone a toddler.

Hope you sort something soon for everyone's sake

Like I said to a previous reply, I'm starting to think that giver HER full custody is my only option.

I know she wont allow me to have full custody and, were it to go to court, I'd stand no chance. I gave her the house, the furniture, everything when she left me so she's the one with the stable home.

Just the thought of seeing him so little is killing me, but being the man (and the only one out of the pair of us who works) I don't see an alternative

If I were you I would look into seeing a lawyer to discuss your options. You might have a better chance than you think, especially having been the main carer until your split. At least if you fight for custody your son will know that you did all you could to be with him and that you wanted him.
Also, could 'Fathers for justice' help you?

 

[Yorkshiredad]

Just a quick update for you all.

I got a text tonight saying that she wants him full time and that she only wants me to see him 1 weekend a month. This came completely out of nowhere (Although she is on holiday right now so there's a good chance she's had a drink or 2) and to be honest it's knocked me for six.

I've spoken to a few friends who have all suggested I seek legal advice which I'm probably going to have to do although with her being 'the mother', having her own house (Which I paid for) and me being the only one who works I don't fancy my chances.

I know a lot of you have to deal with fathers who don't care about their kids, but how can a mother do this to their child? Actively stop them seeing a father who devotes his entire life to them?

 

[ace28]

Could you not take her to court over this? Just a thought...

 

[Yorkshiredad]

Could you not take her to court over this? Just a thought...

I think that's the only option left, but what chance do I have? She's not a danger to him, she's just selfish and immature. All the rest is my word against hers and believe me she can bring on the waterworks if she wants to.

 

[BigZai]

Just a quick update for you all.

I got a text tonight saying that she wants him full time and that she only wants me to see him 1 weekend a month. This came completely out of nowhere (Although she is on holiday right now so there's a good chance she's had a drink or 2) and to be honest it's knocked me for six.

I've spoken to a few friends who have all suggested I seek legal advice which I'm probably going to have to do although with her being 'the mother', having her own house (Which I paid for) and me being the only one who works I don't fancy my chances.

I know a lot of you have to deal with fathers who don't care about their kids, but how can a mother do this to their child? Actively stop them seeing a father who devotes his entire life to them?

There are just crappy parents both mothers and fathers. It is really unfair because it effects the good parents, they are often forced to put their kids at risk. Get legal advice, take the risk, because if she has him that much who knows who is watching him while she goes out and parties. Some men are lucky and get full custody. start keeping text messages and screen shots of facebook or twitter, to show shes a party girl keep everything because the more you have the better.

 

[BigZai]

and check out https://www.fnf.org.uk/ idk where you are but I assume the UK

 

[Yorkshiredad]

There are just crappy parents both mothers and fathers. It is really unfair because it effects the good parents, they are often forced to put their kids at risk. Get legal advice, take the risk, because if she has him that much who knows who is watching him while she goes out and parties. Some men are lucky and get full custody. start keeping text messages and screen shots of facebook or twitter, to show shes a party girl keep everything because the more you have the better.

Oh yeah I keep everything, she's admitted in numerous texts that she doesn't do enough for our son and that, in her words, she's a terrible parent.

I just hope it helps

 

[CaptainMummy]

Hi, sorry to hear about your split!

I know how hard it can be. I split up with my LOs dad 2 months ago, and I was her primary carer before then. When I left (it was me who initiated the split) I took her with me but that night we decided on a schedule for us seeing her. We share custody, me having her 4 nights a week and him having her 3.
I miss her terribly when shes not here, but I definitely feel our bond has gotten stronger. I must say though, that she also cries when I leave, and when I take her to her dad (we meet at the train station) she doesnt want to go to him, and sticks to me until I go. There has been a couple of occasions where she has cried for her dad too though, so for all you know, your LO might be the same with his mum as he is with you. Im sure after those few hours he has a great time, and enjoys being with you so much... But I know it can be hard.

Havent read through all the posts (will have a read now) But I hope things get sorted out and you start to feel that bond growing stronger


Just read through the other posts... Sounds like its not going to well. I would definitely fight for your son, dont just give her what she wants. Speak to someone who can help and I hope things go in your favour x

 

[sophxx]

Dont give her full custody at tge mo if you on tge birth certificate you have 50/50 rights I'd get legal advice straight away I do k ow a little girl who was that age and courts placed her 50/50 with her parents. Why does she have tge house can you not sell it and split tge money?

 

[Yorkshiredad]

I must say though, that she also cries when I leave, and when I take her to her dad (we meet at the train station) she doesnt want to go to him, and sticks to me until I go. There has been a couple of occasions where she has cried for her dad too though, so for all you know, your LO might be the same with his mum as he is with you. Im sure after those few hours he has a great time, and enjoys being with you so much... But I know it can be hard.

Thank you so much for this, this is exactly what it's like with us and for the first time since all this started I feel like maybe I'm not being selfish wanting to spend so much time with my son.

He does cry for me when we've spent the week together and he goes to his mum, I think maybe I just notice it more when he's crying for his mum as oppose to me.

Have things gotten easier for you and your LO (Look at me using proper forum terminology)? As in, has she settled into the routine now, or as much as she can do in 2 months?

 

[Yorkshiredad]

Dont give her full custody at tge mo if you on tge birth certificate you have 50/50 rights I'd get legal advice straight away I do k ow a little girl who was that age and courts placed her 50/50 with her parents. Why does she have tge house can you not sell it and split tge money?

The house is rented, we were planning on moving into it together and so I paid the deposit and first month's rent, almost as soon as that was paid she left me (Whether the 2 are connected I don't know).

I'm seeing a solicitor in a couple of weeks just in case she does try and take him from me.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

How you sound, I really don't think you should give her full custody.
Don't give up.
It will take time for your little boy to get used to things but it will get better. Just try and do the best you can for him and I hope things get better xx

 

[Yorkshiredad]

How you sound, I really don't think you should give her full custody.
Don't give up.
It will take time for your little boy to get used to things but it will get better. Just try and do the best you can for him and I hope things get better xx

How I sound?

Thank you, it's nice to know that other people can see it from my side.

 

[xxxjessxxx]

Well you sound very much like your being the father he needs, and you was the main carer when you and your ex we're together. So you really can't give up.
It sounds like her family know what's best to.
Maybe see if he settles more over the next few months, and if nothing changes then consider a different option
I agree with another poster about giving him something that he can recognise and maybe help with the transitions from yours to his mums. Either way I wish you the best of luck

 

[BigZai]

Was that link any help? I saw a news clip about it but i wasnt sure if they could help you

 

[Yorkshiredad]

Well you sound very much like your being the father he needs, and you was the main carer when you and your ex we're together. So you really can't give up.
It sounds like her family know what's best to.
Maybe see if he settles more over the next few months, and if nothing changes then consider a different option
I agree with another poster about giving him something that he can recognise and maybe help with the transitions from yours to his mums. Either way I wish you the best of luck

Thank you

The thing that settles him most is the houses. I'm more than willing to collect him from her house but she flat out refuses to travel more than 10 miles so that's probably another reason why he seems more upset when he comes back to me.

 

[Yorkshiredad]

Was that link any help? I saw a news clip about it but i wasnt sure if they could help you

It was yes thank you

It's made me feel a lot better about things anyway

 

[MommaAlexis]

Your post rings a little bell that says you're being honest. Coming from someone who's learned the hard way to not trust a soul, I'm not sure why I believe you in E-land. I guess I just see so many men whining about their rights, but not about their responsibilities that to see someone not even mention their rights seems honest. Either way, I was going to say to just mention it in passing that if she needs a "break" to call you and you'll see what you can do, but if she's serious about going for full custody, get a lawyer STAT. What's that old story about Solomon I believe? With him cutting the baby in half or something? Ahh... Someone remember this story for me haha.

 

[BigZai]

. What's that old story about Solomon I believe? With him cutting the baby in half or something? Ahh... Someone remember this story for me haha.

If your serious its about two women who are trying to claim a baby so the king says he will cut it in half and the real mothers says no just let her have him while the fake mom says yes cut him in half

I agree something about him makes him seem legit in e-land not just a guy who wants custody to hurt the mother