I would never take LO away from Oh, how an people do this?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by minties, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. minties

    minties Complete

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    I hope it's ok to post this here.

    My grandma has been married for 15 years to the most amazingly kind man (Rod) you could ever hope to meet. He's quite a bit younger than her, he is about 45 and she is 65, but they get along like a hous on fire. He's one of those people that would drive 4 hours just to pick you up if you were stuck somewhere.

    When I had money troubles once, he turned up on my doorstep with $5,000, handed it to me and then told me to please not pay him back.

    He's basically treated me and my brother like we are his kids, he would do anything for anyone.

    He's so fantastic with Thomas, they have a great bond, he can always makes him giggle and no one else can except OH and I.

    Anyway, when Rod was 16 his girlfriend got pregnant. He was excited though she wanted an abortion. he convinced her to keep the baby and if she didn't want it, he would be more than happy to be a solo dad.

    She had the baby, he got to see him once at the hospital, then she disapeared. It turns out she took off to Australia and had been planning to the whole time.

    To this day he is still devastated and my grandma says he cries a lot at night thinking about what he has missed out on.

    Now, age aside - how can someone do that? To a man who is the nicest guy you could ever meet? My neice who is due any day now and is 15, hasn't even told the guy she slept with that he is going to be a dad. Ugh! It makes me so angry.

    No matter what personal issues I have with my OH, I would NEVER EVER take Thomas away from him. Who's with me on that one? Or am I alone in thinking men have every damn right to their kids?!

    If we didn't want to have a relationship we have agreed to stay living together as friends, or have a shared care arrangement.
     
  2. KatelynsMummy

    KatelynsMummy Mummy to Katelyn!

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    I totally agree, my OH's uncle isnt allowed to see his daughter and he is a damn good dad!
    We're all going court soon as i think its out of order, people dont give dads enough appreciation, sometimes they just dont get the chance to be a dad!
    Dads are just as important as mums, and if they want to be a part of the babies life, what does that say, that he is a decent guy!
    Winds me right up, sorry, rant over! :haha: :flower:
     
  3. allyk

    allyk Mummy to DD, Preg with #2

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    i dont know how people do this.. even if it was a one night stand the father still deserves to know. surely the child will want to know when he/she grows up??

    its even worse when the man is really nice but some people just dont think do they?!?? although one thing i wil say is that you only know one side of the story there may be more too it??
     
  4. pinklizzy

    pinklizzy Mummy to two little bears

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    No you're not alone although I think there should be exceptions when there is violence involved (prob supervised visits)
    My parents divorced when I was 10 and I will always be so grateful to my mum that no matter what was going on between my parents (my dad left for another woman) she never stopped us seeing my dad and we were never brought into any arguements etc.
    I still have a good relationship with my dad and his new wife and wouldn't have had it any other way.
     
  5. blinkybaby

    blinkybaby Well-Known Member

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    I would never ever even think about doing this. The child will have something to say about it when they're older, they'll have questions that the mother will have to answer and will probably resent her for not giving them the chance to have a dad!

    Having said that, the type of woman who would do something like that probably wouldn't think twice about lying about the dad and saying he was a wife beater/murderer or something.

    Please do not misunderstand me, if the dad was a violent man or abusive in any way I would get out and keep my child as far away as possible, but if the man is a good man it wouldn't cross my mind to deny him a chance to be a dad.

    It's sad but unfortunately women do still have more sway than dads in this day and age.xxx
     
  6. tu123

    tu123 Well-Known Member

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    In this situation i i think the woman was awful!

    However, if the mother or father were violent and abusive i would ave no qualms.

    My mother abused and neglected us as kids. My life would have been better without her.

    I think it depends on the situation but i agree that some women are soooocruel and men can often get a bad deal.
     
  7. laura1991

    laura1991 Mummy to Lily

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    TBH it depends on the situation. Ive currently stopped FOB seeing Lily, no its not out of spite, its because i have genuine concerns about her saftey. Hes going to court making me out to be an awkard mother and me being horrible to eveyone, But theres two sides to every story, ive always encouraged him to be in Lils life but right now its not right. Lilys saftey is paramount but she will always know who he his and will have contact once hes recieved help.
     
  8. Kalah

    Kalah Guest

    I think as long as there aren't issues with abuse or violence then yes every baby deserves to have two parents!
     
  9. whoops

    whoops Just me and my LO

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    What I would say is that there are two sides to every story.

    My LO's father is one of the nicest guys you could ever meet, but he refuses to have anything to do with her. Not one person who knows him would believe he's capable of essentially abandoning his child - hell, even I don't really believe he's capable, and I'm the one living in the situation!

    I know the situation you're talking about is different, but I'm just posting that to show that unless you're the one involved, you can't really judge. Looking at it from the outside is very different.
     
  10. princesspie

    princesspie Well-Known Member

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    I would never take my little girl from her daddy, they have a very close bond even at 5 weeks :) and it's so lovely to see, however my older 2 children do not see there dad and haven't done for 7years, he was a violent horrible man who did some very nasty things not just to me but everyone he was ever encipher with including his elderly parents, however I did give him the chance to have supervised visits with a social worker present but he dicided in the end that his kids were not worth the effort so they have had better lives without him on my opinion, so yes I would say ever situation is different but if a man is a loving dad who the hell has the right to take his children away from him!!! It really makes me mad, it wouldn't happen to a mother and there are even cases of neglect and no one seems to step in, it's sad :(
     
  11. princesspie

    princesspie Well-Known Member

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    Wow sorry for my spelling, I'm using my phone :)
     
  12. Lellow

    Lellow Déjà poo ... Get it?

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    Whoops, if you dont mind my asking and pls say no if you like, but ifher father changed his mind and decided that he did want to be involved, would you allow him after all this time he has basically abandoned you both?

    Back to Minties Q - I dont care how much i might hate Aymens dad [god forbid] but i would never deny him the right to his son, neither would i not allow Aymens grandparents/uncles/aunts etc etc to not see him too....I think that any personal gripes i have with him should be just that, between me and him and noone else!

    But by the sounds of things, it seems like Rod did nothing wrong at all for her to just up and leave....absolutely awful thing to do to him.
    But i cant help think that she may have had genuine reason to just up and leave....she mustve been very young...we just dont know!!!
     
  13. KittyVentura

    KittyVentura Autism Mum

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    I think that some people are very selfish and canot see past thier own personal feelings. The way I see it is that REGARDLESS of what the FOB did to you (unless we're talking physical abuse/violence etc) you have no right whatsoever to keep that person from their child, unless you have genuine reason to believe they will harm the child. So many women use baby was a weapon or a way to spite the FOB. Like "he cheated... he'll never see the baby". That Man could have hurt you emotionally in every way possible... said what he want about the baby when pregnant... even wanted a termination... but they are not reasons to keep a child from it's father. It makes me so mad. FFS put your own feelings about the person the person to one side and think of what your CHILD deserves. They deserve to know both parents. It's spiteful and selfish.
     
  14. Blah11

    Blah11 ☼ Mummy to Amelie ☼

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    Most mothers do what they genuinely think is best for their child. TBH you don't know who rod was when he was 16 :shrug: If I thought amelies dad was no good for her, damn right I'd not let him see her. She comes first. Luckily, Stefan is a great daddy. He adores her and she adores him.
     
  15. whoops

    whoops Just me and my LO

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    Lellow - of course I would, and I actually do hope that happens at some point in the future. I'd only put my foot down if she was older and he was dipping in and out when it suited him, upsetting her.

    I just posted, because even though the situations are completely different, the only two people fully aware of everything that's happened are me and him - people who know either one of us (or both) don't have all the facts.
     
  16. Lellow

    Lellow Déjà poo ... Get it?

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    Thats nice to hear.....I guess some mums can be resentful that dads havent been involved since day one and so maybe use that as a reason to stop access, but your choice sounds very sensible!

    Thanks for answering :)
     
  17. pinklightbulb

    pinklightbulb Single Mummy

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    This hits too close to home, my OH has been denied, and not for any good reason other than the mother didn't get her exact way re. financial support (he paid, just not what SHE wanted. CSA set the amount, he paid it, she decided it wasn't good enough.) I know he is a good father, he is lazy lol but if I wasn't about to do it for him he'd have no choice. I would never deny him access seeing what it does to well-meaning men who just want to see their kids. They DO get a raw deal and it's horribly unfair.
     
  18. minties

    minties Complete

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    I don't know Rod when he was 16, yeah - but my grandma did, she was around when this was happening. Rod trid to kill himself when the girl left with the baby. He keeps the one photo of him in his wallet and it's that worn, you can barely make out the face of the baby.

    Obviously if there is violence involved, then yes, there should be limits to the involvment that the parent has, either mum or dad. I just think it's sad when genuinely nice people get done over, that's all.

    It's not like she even gave him a chance to be a dad. Fair enough if they ended up living together and he was violent (why this assumption that there will be violence though?), but they were only dating.

    There are letters and while I have not read them myself, supposedly her mother feared Rod and his family would try to take the baby away or something.

    I am NOT trying to be direspectful to any single mothers, I don't know anyone else situation on here and everyone is different.

    My own dad is a drop-kick and my mum was a single mum with 2 kids by the age of 20, so I know all men aren't shining examples of perfection.
     
  19. Lellow

    Lellow Déjà poo ... Get it?

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    We cant always assume the worst in the bloke at the end of the day, just as a mother knows whats best for there child, so can a father...

    Besides if she was so set against keeping the baby and considering abortion, why would she have been worried about Rod and his family taking the baby away, surely that wouldve been a blessing for the baby to go to someone thats actually wants him/her...

    ...I dunno, some people are just odd...
     
  20. pinklightbulb

    pinklightbulb Single Mummy

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    It makes so little sense to me. Doesn't the child have the right to know his/her father if they aren't an obvious dropkick? Sigh... it does my head in how spiteful some mothers can turn at the end of a relationship.
     

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