I would never take LO away from Oh, how an people do this?

[minties]

We cant always assume the worst in the bloke at the end of the day, just as a mother knows whats best for there child, so can a father...

Besides if she was so set against keeping the baby and considering abortion, why would she have been worried about Rod and his family taking the baby away, surely that wouldve been a blessing for the baby to go to someone thats actually wants him/her...

...I dunno, some people are just odd...

It was the girls mum, the grandma, who was worried, or so my grandma tells me. Who knows! People are weird. At 16 I don't think she had all that much power or say over things, but she did pretend that they were going to be a happy family when she knew all along that they were goin to vanish off into the sunset.

Everyone always seems to assume the worst about men, that they must be violent or "deserve it". Ok obviously some are, but I have come across some pretty nasty violent women in my time as well. Violence doesn't always have to be the physical kind.

This was really just a rant about me feeling sorry for Rod, he really is super awesome, he would have been a great dad. Ah well, he's being a fantastic great-grandad to Thomas. Lucky Thomas.

 

[charlotte-xo]

I think if there has been violence or abuse against them then no the father shouldnt see the child but i hate it when women use their child as a weapon against them out of spit, like for example most of the people on jeremy kyle its just punishing the child. I think however a child should always know who their father is i never knew my dad until i was 16 (loooooong story hes braindamaged from an accident everyone thought id be better off not knowing him because of his family blah blah blah.)

 

[Kalah]

It makes so little sense to me. Doesn't the child have the right to know his/her father if they aren't an obvious dropkick? Sigh... it does my head in how spiteful some mothers can turn at the end of a relationship.

I agree, I don't understand it at all. From my experience it's mostly young moms who do it too because it is a really childish thing to do. I once knew a guy who was really nice, worked hard, but didn't trust any girl at all and was secretly really sad because his ex wouldn't let him see their daughter. He has pictures of the little girl all over his room, she was about two by then, it was really sad.

 

[peanut84]

IF me and DH ever split he would every right to see Kaidie whenever he wanted to..
my BIL has two kids with two women and they both dont let him see the kids which is sooooo wrong and really annoys me! those kids need there dad just as much as they need there mum
so yes i totally agree she should tell FOB and let him decide IF he wants to be in LO's life..i hope she sees sense x

 

[nikkip75]

I couldn't do it either. My daughters dad just took of when she was 2 and didn't see her again until she was about 11. I find that just as crazy.

There are situations where I understand a parent not allowing the other to see the child like violence. But some people can be very bitter towards an ex and use the child to get their revenge which is very unfair. I can't imagine ever not allowing my girls to see their daddy, they would be devastated!

 

[summer rain]

I completely agree with you Minties; it can work the other way as well; my sis has a son from her first marriage, when he was about five and she and his dad split, his dad was very emotionally abusive and convinced my sister she needed time out for a month or so without their son; from this her ex managed not only to get full custody as he claimed my sis was an unfit mum who abandoned her child; but also to completely twist his mind against my sister. For example her ex destroyed all the photos of my sister with my nephew as a baby; and then said none such photos existed because my sister 'hated' my nephew and wished he was a girl. Unfortunately the family courts people also believed all her ex's BS as well as that of his poisonous new wife, my sis hasn't seen her son at all since he was 14 (and before that for 5 or 6 years it was gradually less and less), he is nearly 19 now x

 

[Kalah]

I wonder if the girls who do that even think about it in the way that they're not just taking baby away from daddy, but they're taking daddy away from baby. I mean, Kili gets sad when OH just sleeps too long in the day! She gets restless and starts tossing her toys around yelling "DA DA...DA DAAAAA" it's so sweet but sad too and when he does wake up she gets so incredibly happy and reaches up to hug him and won't let him put her down. How can any mother deny their baby that happiness without good reason?

ETA: And for those of you who know my story even though OH isn't the "sperm donor" for Kili he's been with me since halfway through my pregnancy so he is very much her father no matter what the DNA says.

 

[laura1991]

I think that some people are very selfish and canot see past thier own personal feelings. The way I see it is that REGARDLESS of what the FOB did to you (unless we're talking physical abuse/violence etc) you have no right whatsoever to keep that person from their child, unless you have genuine reason to believe they will harm the child. So many women use baby was a weapon or a way to spite the FOB. Like "he cheated... he'll never see the baby". That Man could have hurt you emotionally in every way possible... said what he want about the baby when pregnant... even wanted a termination... but they are not reasons to keep a child from it's father. It makes me so mad. FFS put your own feelings about the person the person to one side and think of what your CHILD deserves. They deserve to know both parents. It's spiteful and selfish.

This is true! The only reason i stoped Lily seeing FOB is because he grabbed her face. Hes getting supervised visits till hes got help. Children need both parents no matter what happens between them!

 

[charli87]

unless there is violence or abuse i think its best for all children to have to parents around.
im not getting on great with oh at the moment and some days i'd rather not be with him, but i could never leave as i could never take chloe away from him.

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

I think that you really need to know the situtation before you say that, I left my partner of 8 years and we had Mia who was 2 at the time and I never told anyone for a long time the reasons I did and everyone was so horrible to me and said I was a bitch for taking Mia away from him, then one day I told my family why I left him, he had been cheating on me a numerous amount of times fot 6 years of the relationship bu he also wouldnt let me go out on my own or if I did he wouldnt talk to me for weeks, I have always said it was important that Mia goes to her dads so I said every Tue Thurs and second weekend, she never stays over though and he sometimes says he cant make it and also she said that him and his family dont let her talk about her new baby sister, so right now I have stopped all contact and no I dont feel bad at all he brought it on himself, the ball is in his court when she is allowed to talk about her family she can go back, so I do think that you need to know the circumstance first x

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

I think that some people are very selfish and canot see past thier own personal feelings. The way I see it is that REGARDLESS of what the FOB did to you (unless we're talking physical abuse/violence etc) you have no right whatsoever to keep that person from their child, unless you have genuine reason to believe they will harm the child. So many women use baby was a weapon or a way to spite the FOB. Like "he cheated... he'll never see the baby". That Man could have hurt you emotionally in every way possible... said what he want about the baby when pregnant... even wanted a termination... but they are not reasons to keep a child from it's father. It makes me so mad. FFS put your own feelings about the person the person to one side and think of what your CHILD deserves. They deserve to know both parents. It's spiteful and selfish.

I agree my ex devastated me and I couldnt trust him to stay with him again, but I try so hard to get him to still see Mia but she stands and watches for him coming and sometimes he just doesnt show up ro like I said Mia isnt allowed to mention her baby sister or anything about what she does over here at home but we love to hear what she has done at her dads, I think that its important, she also came home and called be a cow one night and I said why are you saying that and she said her daddy calls me it all the time!!!!

 

[Kalah]

I think that some people are very selfish and canot see past thier own personal feelings. The way I see it is that REGARDLESS of what the FOB did to you (unless we're talking physical abuse/violence etc) you have no right whatsoever to keep that person from their child, unless you have genuine reason to believe they will harm the child. So many women use baby was a weapon or a way to spite the FOB. Like "he cheated... he'll never see the baby". That Man could have hurt you emotionally in every way possible... said what he want about the baby when pregnant... even wanted a termination... but they are not reasons to keep a child from it's father. It makes me so mad. FFS put your own feelings about the person the person to one side and think of what your CHILD deserves. They deserve to know both parents. It's spiteful and selfish.

I agree my ex devastated me and I couldnt trust him to stay with him again, but I try so hard to get him to still see Mia but she stands and watches for him coming and sometimes he just doesnt show up ro like I said Mia isnt allowed to mention her baby sister or anything about what she does over here at home but we love to hear what she has done at her dads, I think that its important, she also came home and called be a cow one night and I said why are you saying that and she said her daddy calls me it all the time!!!!

That is just awful, he shouldn't be saying things like that around her he sounds very immature. I remember when I was a little girl and my dad got to see me every other weekend, but many many times he didn't show up and I remember being devastated, curled up on my moms lap crying wondering why my daddy doesn't love me, it was really sad and I think you're doing the right thing making him shape up before he can see her again. I also remember my mom always made it a point to never ever talk bad about my dad around me, and I think that is really important.

 

[DanielleM]

My eldest son Evan has been brought up by my OH for the past 5 years. His dad left me when I was 18 and 6 months pregnant for a 46 year old rich woman (he was also 18). When Evan was born, his parents rang him and told him, his responce was that he didn't care and I was a whore (lovely man, I was with him for 2 years also).

When Evan was 8 months old he decided to get in contact with me and seen Evan for a grand total of 2 times before he buggered off again.

Then at nearly 4 years old he got in contact again, I let him see Evan again, he made a lot more of an effort this time as he has split up with his rich woman (he had bleed her dry), he seen Evan for 4 months until one time Evan was crying before his dad came to get him, he told me his dad shouts at him all the time and him and his girlfriend were always shouting at each other. When I asked his dad about this he started shouting at me telling me he couldn't be arsed with it all, and Evan was an embarrassment to him, being in a wheelchair.

This man had left his child 3 times and called him an embarrassment. Will I ever let him near his son again? Like fuck I will!!

If anybody thinks I am a bad mum for keeping this man away from my son so be it! Evan is loved and cared for by me and OH (who he calls dad and has been in his life since he was 2).

On the other hand my OH is the most amazing father, who has taken on another mans child as his own and treats both Evan and Jacob the same and loves the, both dearly. Would I keep the boys away from my OH? No way on this earth, he absolutley dotes on these kids!!

Just putting my side of things in here

 

[Lellow]

Danielle - At least you gave Evans father the opportunity to be there....Id even go as far as saying you gave him too many chances!

But thats where you differ....Just cos you split with Evans dad, it didnt make you wanna restrict access as a form of punishment for abandoning you!

I do not blame you whatsoever for restricting access now completely....THAT doesnt deserve to be a father and certainly doesnt after saying such a vile thing!

Your really strong...

 

[anna matronic]

What I would say is that there are two sides to every story.

My LO's father is one of the nicest guys you could ever meet, but he refuses to have anything to do with her. Not one person who knows him would believe he's capable of essentially abandoning his child - hell, even I don't really believe he's capable, and I'm the one living in the situation!

I know the situation you're talking about is different, but I'm just posting that to show that unless you're the one involved, you can't really judge. Looking at it from the outside is very different.

Is the father of your baby the father of mine LMAO!!!!

FOB was lovely, kind, caring a good laugh and a good friend and VERY family orientated.

He's never seen his son even though I have given him the opportunity!

 

[Carlyp1990]

My brother got full custody of my niece wen she was 2 because her mum went to pruson for stabbin someone. When my neice was born my brother was 17 and his ex was 32ish, she already had 5 kids. She stopped my brother seeing my niece and the only person who could take her anywhere and see her without her causin fights was me... i was 13. Since she came out of prison she has seen my niece 2/3 times... in about 4 years. Shes on drugs and is a right mess and if she tried to see me neice now there would b no chance. My brother had to grow up fast and is an amazin dad and i can tell it hurts him to think bk on what he missed out on wen she was tiny. Personally, i think it depends on the individual experiences and situations but i could never take my innocent child away from her daddy and make her suffer x

 

[jenmc226]

Not that it's an excuse but at 16 (and 15) these mothers are still children themselves. And we all know that children don't always make wise decisions. And (no offense) the fact that they are that young and pregnant shows a history of bad decision making. And it's not always easy to rectify a bad decision even once you're older and smarter.

Your grandfather sounds pretty awesome by the way. Perhaps letting him be involved in your little one's life will fill the void of the child he didn't get to raise and will help him heal.

 

[KatyKat]

I see the way Izzys face lights up when she sees her Daddy and I know that there is no way I could ever bring myself to come between them.

I think children deserve the love of, and a relationship with both of their parents wherever possible.

I agree that if either party (be it mother or father) poses a danger to the child then it may be appropriate to prevent or restrict access.

However, to prevent access for any other reason is plain spiteful, and it will more than likely end up backfiring in the future when the child is old enough to make their own decisions.............

 

[venusrockstar]

I could never keep my daughter away from her father if something happened. We are happily married right now, but if something were to happen I would hope they would still have a strong relationship. I think keeping a child away from one of their parents would just cause resentment and anger later on in their life towards the parents who prevented them from seeing the other parent.

 

[Thaynes]

I would never keep my OH from seeing LO. I see every day how much LO means to him. I will have to disagree on the young mom part that people mentioned. Atleast in my area. Most of the woman that do keep there children away (my mom included) were not young mothers.

I don't understand it at all. My mom hated that we loved our father and that we wanted to see him. She would make us feel horrible like we didn't love her if we loved dad. She never stopped bad mouthing our father at all. We never had an hour without hearing about our father. The messed up part was that our mom left our dad of 18 years for another man. Our dad didn't do anything to her at all. I was there so I know. It is because of this that I will never keep my son from his father. I remember how many times I cried because I had to leave my dad who spent time with me to go to mother who ignored me for her druggie boyfriend who is now her husband.