If anyone else tells me to 'just relax and it'll happen', I will....

[Reb S]

ha ha ha!! Two months that's sweet. Thanks for all your responses, ladies - keep 'em coming!
I think I'm going to use the line - 'Would you like to see a printout of my OH's sperm analysis?'!!
Sorry to hear about your IVF woes, I didn't know that you weren't entitled if one of you already has a child. It's not very fair.

 

[Tiki]

I typically give a rude response, and feel bad after. My most typical response is "Just because your pregnancy was an accident, doesn't mean that everyone can get pregnant that way"

I have started just ignoring the comment and rolling my eyes.

 

[Euronova]

I totally agree and then there are the ones who keep sending you links to acupuncture, drinking some kind of juice, taking this oil or is it this one? And all other stuff that could just mess you up even more!!
You have to read the book called Bump And Grind.... it's an hilarious survival guide to TTC and in her introduction she says "if someone else tells me to relax and it will happen, I might just rip one of my ovaries just to have something to chuck at them!"

Really helped me reading it!

 

[wishingalways]

That sounds like a good book Euronova, certainly could do with a laugh and if the first line is anything to go by I will be laughing my head off. Good one.
x

 

[wishingalways]

Reb s thank you, I know i dont think its fair either. It is a postcode lottery, I can understand that couples with no children at all should get the funding but even if they offered 1 round to us and not the 2 or 3 that you get if you have no children, that would be a little fairer, especially considering my DH doesnt have any children of his own.
I feel so guilty as well because my son is with a previous partner and its my fault we are not getting funding, I know he doesnt think like that at all but i still feel like that sometimes. Hey ho life is what it is. Still wishing and hoping everyday.

 

[readyformore]

What really bothers me is when the "You need to just relax and then it will happen" comment comes from a former ltttc person.

How could someone say that when they know how counterproductive it is?

I tell you what. I was ltttc my first. I did NOT relax for one single second. It was only crazy obsessive determination, micromanipulation, self-advocacy, and self-imposed stress that DID get me pregnant!

 

[fisher640]

DH always says I'm thinking about it too much & worrying too much

 

[fisher640]

What really bothers me is when the "You need to just relax and then it will happen" comment comes from a former ltttc person.

How could someone say that when they know how counterproductive it is?

I tell you what. I was ltttc my first. I did NOT relax for one single second. It was only crazy obsessive determination, micromanipulation, self-advocacy, and self-imposed stress that DID get me pregnant!

What worked for you?

 

[CryHer]

omg i soo know what you mean, I want to punch everyone who says it

 

[pavementfan]

ah yes, the 'relax and it will happen', those words have been uttered so many times to me over the last year!! and not received well!! i usually point out that time isn't on my side so i can't really relax about it any more
But then i got to thinking how many times i've asked people about their love life, career and so on, and i may have given the same misguided advice, like 'oh, you'll meet someone when you're ready or 'i'm sure you'll get that promotion next time' blah blah blah... i think sometimes people are just making conversation, they don't even think about what they are saying or can't offer advice as they haven't been in that position so they just come out with a glib cliche
anyway, good luck all... but i won't say 'just relax and it will happen' because we know it's not that easy... sigh...

 

[readyformore]

What really bothers me is when the "You need to just relax and then it will happen" comment comes from a former ltttc person.

How could someone say that when they know how counterproductive it is?

I tell you what. I was ltttc my first. I did NOT relax for one single second. It was only crazy obsessive determination, micromanipulation, self-advocacy, and self-imposed stress that DID get me pregnant!

What worked for you?

IUI. I let the doctor run it the first 3 times, then I interfered and micromanaged and finally got a baby.

 

[nickyXjayno]

I used to be like those people thinking stop stressing til I went on this site and saw the struggles people have and the reasons for them.

There is loads of info (even my dr agreed with)saying temping and opks are unreliable as they show positive signs even if you do not release an egg, as sometimes our bodies will do all the right things, ie hormone levels correct but for some odd reason egg doesn't get released or sometimes is released earlier than estimated.

Dr also agreed that you have a higher chance of conceiving if the sperm is already waiting when the egg is released rather than waiting until you have ovulated, so waiting for a + opk and then having sex it may actually already be to late.
So she pretty much said have sex every other day to every 2 days to cover all bases, even outside what you think is your fertile week.

I think this is what makes people think oh stop stressing, have sex and it will happen.
I do actually physically know people who do not have sex unless their opk tells them to so they can save the sperm and I do think in their cases they may potentially be doing more harm than good.
Some girls also stress from the get go, rather than deciding lets start trying for a baby and just stop using protection they instantly turn it into a mission with opks, temp testing and timed sex.

I can understand doing all those things when you have been TTC for a while but to do it straight off the bat can't be healthy right?
Stress makes you ill and run down, destroys muscle and your immune system so it makes you wonder what it would do to TTC if your mega stressed from the off?

that's my take on it anyway girls and I think that's the first thought lots of people have when you hear people are TTC with tools etc.
Lots of people are ignorant to the levels of infertility so jump straight to the stress conclusion.
Before this site I was unaware of low sperm levels and how to increase levels/strength of sperm etc.

I do wish you all baby dust and hope I made some sense

 

[Bradpittswife]

Just want to second Euronova on Bump and Grind- I bought it on her recommendation and it's just a great book! Really easy to dip in and out of and full of useful info and fun!

 

[Reb S]

Nickyxjayno - you're right, I probably thought that way myself before I understood what struggles people (myself included!) really face and you're right about the sperm meets egg timing - hopefully most people on the LTTTC forum know all that anyway but it's always good to be reminded to have LOADS OF SEX!!! - even if it won't do any good for some of us it's still lots of fun

 

[loyla]

Okay, you read the title! How many people have told you - 'it'll happen when you're not thinking about it!' 'Just relax!' 'Give up and it'll happen!' GRRRRRRRRR!

Suggestions as to responses, please ladies - polite or otherwise!
x

Oooh, Yes! EVERYONE told me that for 15 months. I was 'trying too hard'...'thinking about it too much'...'worrying about it too much'....all coming from people who either conceived immediately or haven't even gone down the ttc road yet. Turns out there was a medical reason why(bilateral vericocele and very low sperm count), and we were, in fact, NOT stressed or impatient.
I've found it to be a lot less stressful for me to not really discuss the ttc process with those folks anymore....and when they bring it up and insert these type of comments...I tell them (sometimes politely) that it is none of their business. Maybe this could spawn a venting thread, called 'Bone-headed and insensitive things folks do around ttc'ers'....I'm sure we all have stories

 

[fisher640]

Oooh, Yes! EVERYONE told me that for 15 months. I was 'trying too hard'...'thinking about it too much'...'worrying about it too much'....all coming from people who either conceived immediately or haven't even gone down the ttc road yet.

Right. I'll shove my relaxed foot right up your relaxed....

 

[Amber3]

Hi there
I just though I'd join here. Since I OFTEN hear this sentence too. Last time I heard it was from a colleague today, she is totally nice so I do not get offended but I always tell answer people that no one would say that to a person with cancer. My underlying diseases which cause the infertility are no less real than cancer, and are not going to go away just because I relax.
Best wishes,
Amber

 

[Reb S]

Oooh, Yes! EVERYONE told me that for 15 months. I was 'trying too hard'...'thinking about it too much'...'worrying about it too much'....all coming from people who either conceived immediately or haven't even gone down the ttc road yet.

Right. I'll shove my relaxed foot right up your relaxed....

ha ha!!! Keep 'em coming!

 

[Apple Blossom]

I have just spent a couple of hours with one of my friends and her husband, they are a lovely couple really they are but slightly clueless to all the TTC stuff because they concieved there little darlings so easy. We are suppose to be going out at the end of the mth for a few drinks so I announced I cant drink because of TTC, wish I had kept my stupid mouth shut because the next hour, yep you guessed it was all about how they concieved and I should be able to as well aspecially as I have already had one. And they conceived most of the time after a few heavy nights on the drink so I shouldnt stop drinking, I shall just go out and get absolutley blotted out of my brain and make sure that I fall into bed with my legs apart and then find myself pregnant, and then I will wonder why didnt I just think of this before because it doesnt bloody work

 

[readyformore]

hopefully most people on the LTTTC forum know all that anyway but it's always good to be reminded to have LOADS OF SEX!!!

Um, but not too much sex, lol. You don't want that count to tank (yes, you have been ltttc when you know what your OHs count looks like after daily sex versus 4 days of abstinence).