I'm about to give up. Does anyone have any last resort advice?

[TheNewMrs]

Well all that advice about happy baby happy mama was BS in my case. switching to FF almost sent me into a huge depression. It makes me VERY angry to hear this kind of crap spouted on forums because nobody knows how much breastfeeding means to a mother who has obviously worked her ass off to get where she is.

I re lactated from zero milk. I know EXACTLY how you feel OP, I was so close to giving up so many time because I had negative people in my ear like some of the previous posters on here saying "ah sure you've done your best". Well I can tell you now, I knew I hadn't done my best because my baby was still taking formula and I wanted to be EBF. Now I am NOT saying that is the case for everyone OP, but it sure sounds like you would love to be EBF now and just get over the hurdle you are stuck at, at the moment.

Please do not give up.

I was exhausted, I was cranky, I was pumping 2/3 hourly day and night, breastfeeding, formula feeding all at once at it was theee hardest time in my life. I pushed myself to my limits but you know what? That was over a year ago now and I am nursing a happy, HEALTHY, 14 month old who has an incredible immune system, a beautiful secure, confidence about her. My life is so much easier now because BF fixes EVERYTHING! Weather its being overtired, cranky, upset, hurt, bumped head, frustration, you name it and bf is the answer.

I am SO glad I stuck with it, and I am so thankful for the encouraging supportive mums on this forum who cheered me on. My post is in my signature, please feel free to have a read, you may pick up a few things that worked for us. And feel free to PM me ANYTIME I would love to help and support you. xxxx

 

[jessicaR4bbit]

Yes, I have to admit that it is disheartening reading so many posts talking about how important it is for mum to be happy in order for baby to be happy and that if breastfeeding makes the mum miserable then formula is just fine. Sorry, but what if breastfeeding is important to the mother? I wasn't happy and relaxed in those first months, so then I was a bad mum because I wasn't happy and smiles at all times for the baby? Why do people expect the newborn stage to be a breeze. . . it certainly wasn't for me. I did go out for walks (mostly to support groups lol) but it was no holiday. I wasn't putting my feet up drinking pina coladas while the entire family fed and tended to my baby to give me a break. It was hard work, and I felt like quitting so often due to lack of sleep and pressure from others flaunting this relaxed lifestyle but I persevered because I believed that I was doing the right thing by my boy by continuing to breastfeed him and that it would pay off in the years to come. So often I have doubted myself and breastfeeding along the way, being told from all angles that it should be easier than it was and therefore I was doing something wrong. Anyway, sorry for ranting but I basically agree with Patch and TheNewMrs. By the way Patch, I am so sorry to hear you lost your baby.

 

[justkitty]

No one is saying she should give up bf to be happy. They are saying giving OP validation thats its ok to IF she wants to. I think your jourbey is fantastic and inspirational that you wanted to continue through the struggles.

But don't refer be so rude as to refer to others views as BS. All we have done is offer support in the same way you have. And yes the research does show that maternal anxeoty affects a child for their whole life.

No one is going to ask you in a job interview if you were breastfed. Breast milk is totally the best you can give your child in terms of nutrition to aid development. But there are a whole lot of bf and ff children and adults with issues that may link back. Do a google scholar search.

I'm not saying or implying bf mums are miserable and damage their children. Ffing mums can also suffer with issues causing them anxiety etc. I'm saying don't judge other mums negatively for offering the advice that its ok to stop bfing if its making you miserable and you want to stop.

It's such a shame that there isn't enough support and education for bf mums on how tough it can be and support getting through those times etc. But its fantastic there are mums like you who can talk about how you managed to overcome difficulties and negative bf feelings to go on to feed your baby for as long as you have.

Well all that advice about happy baby happy mama was BS in my case. switching to FF almost sent me into a huge depression. It makes me VERY angry to hear this kind of crap spouted on forums because nobody knows how much breastfeeding means to a mother who has obviously worked her ass off to get where she is.

I re lactated from zero milk. I know EXACTLY how you feel OP, I was so close to giving up so many time because I had negative people in my ear like some of the previous posters on here saying "ah sure you've done your best". Well I can tell you now, I knew I hadn't done my best because my baby was still taking formula and I wanted to be EBF. Now I am NOT saying that is the case for everyone OP, but it sure sounds like you would love to be EBF now and just get over the hurdle you are stuck at, at the moment.

Please do not give up.

I was exhausted, I was cranky, I was pumping 2/3 hourly day and night, breastfeeding, formula feeding all at once at it was theee hardest time in my life. I pushed myself to my limits but you know what? That was over a year ago now and I am nursing a happy, HEALTHY, 14 month old who has an incredible immune system, a beautiful secure, confidence about her. My life is so much easier now because BF fixes EVERYTHING! Weather its being overtired, cranky, upset, hurt, bumped head, frustration, you name it and bf is the answer.

I am SO glad I stuck with it, and I am so thankful for the encouraging supportive mums on this forum who cheered me on. My post is in my signature, please feel free to have a read, you may pick up a few things that worked for us. And feel free to PM me ANYTIME I would love to help and support you. xxxx

 

[TheNewMrs]

No one is saying she should give up bf to be happy. They are saying giving OP validation thats its ok to IF she wants to. I think your jourbey is fantastic and inspirational that you wanted to continue through the struggles.

But don't refer be so rude as to refer to others views as BS. All we have done is offer support in the same way you have. And yes the research does show that maternal anxeoty affects a child for their whole life.

No one is going to ask you in a job interview if you were breastfed. Breast milk is totally the best you can give your child in terms of nutrition to aid development. But there are a whole lot of bf and ff children and adults with issues that may link back. Do a google scholar search.

I'm not saying or implying bf mums are miserable and damage their children. Ffing mums can also suffer with issues causing them anxiety etc. I'm saying don't judge other mums negatively for offering the advice that its ok to stop bfing if its making you miserable and you want to stop.

It's such a shame that there isn't enough support and education for bf mums on how tough it can be and support getting through those times etc. But its fantastic there are mums like you who can talk about how you managed to overcome difficulties and negative bf feelings to go on to feed your baby for as long as you have.

Well all that advice about happy baby happy mama was BS in my case. switching to FF almost sent me into a huge depression. It makes me VERY angry to hear this kind of crap spouted on forums because nobody knows how much breastfeeding means to a mother who has obviously worked her ass off to get where she is.

I re lactated from zero milk. I know EXACTLY how you feel OP, I was so close to giving up so many time because I had negative people in my ear like some of the previous posters on here saying "ah sure you've done your best". Well I can tell you now, I knew I hadn't done my best because my baby was still taking formula and I wanted to be EBF. Now I am NOT saying that is the case for everyone OP, but it sure sounds like you would love to be EBF now and just get over the hurdle you are stuck at, at the moment.

Please do not give up.

I was exhausted, I was cranky, I was pumping 2/3 hourly day and night, breastfeeding, formula feeding all at once at it was theee hardest time in my life. I pushed myself to my limits but you know what? That was over a year ago now and I am nursing a happy, HEALTHY, 14 month old who has an incredible immune system, a beautiful secure, confidence about her. My life is so much easier now because BF fixes EVERYTHING! Weather its being overtired, cranky, upset, hurt, bumped head, frustration, you name it and bf is the answer.

I am SO glad I stuck with it, and I am so thankful for the encouraging supportive mums on this forum who cheered me on. My post is in my signature, please feel free to have a read, you may pick up a few things that worked for us. And feel free to PM me ANYTIME I would love to help and support you. xxxx

Getting through, just as you said! Not giving up!
And I am not being rude, I am being honest. Its pure BS to me to hear that crap. Thats just how it is. I'm sorry if that hurts you or makes you sad but its how I feel.

 

[Care76]

Personally I had many tell me things like "it's quality of life, right now you are so stressed it would be better to switch to formula" or "it's not the end of the world to switch to formula" and personally these statements drove me nuts. I wanted to BF and succeed so bad I went above and beyond getting there. It took us months of pain and struggles but it was so worth it. The thing is not everybody feels as strongly as I do about BF, so like I mentioned in my first post, it really depends on how bad you want it. For me it was worth the wait and I am very proud to have gotten as far as I have and I intend to continue as long as I can. But I don't judge those who don't feel the same.

My advice is, if you really want it then keep working on it. I promise you can get there. If you are comfortable with formula then go for it. It all comes down to a personal decision.

I will add that my son is 7.5 months and has never had a cold or bug. Never sick even when everybody around him including me had a very bad flu. I believe BF has given him an excellent immune system. Im not saying formula fed babies can't have the same, but I personally feel if he wasn't BF he would have a weaker immune system.

 

[RoseArcana]

Well - don't I feel like a tw*t now.

If my response caused offence OP then I apologise. I'm going to keep my mouth shut from now. Seems like can't do right for wrong on here anymore.

 

[abby3009]

RoseArcana, I thought your post was very kind, empathetic and supportive. Unlike some others on here. I'm a lurker here mostly but I was shocked to say the least at genuine and compassionate advice being referred to as 'crap' and 'BS' - that's totally uncalled for.

To the OP: Be gentle to yourself. Look back and recognise what a wonderful start you have given your DS. And then look into your heart and find the choice that is right for you both. There is lots of support out there, whichever path you choose.

 

[New Mrs W]

Well all that advice about happy baby happy mama was BS in my case. switching to FF almost sent me into a huge depression. It makes me VERY angry to hear this kind of crap spouted on forums because nobody knows how much breastfeeding means to a mother who has obviously worked her ass off to get where she is.

I re lactated from zero milk. I know EXACTLY how you feel OP, I was so close to giving up so many time because I had negative people in my ear like some of the previous posters on here saying "ah sure you've done your best". Well I can tell you now, I knew I hadn't done my best because my baby was still taking formula and I wanted to be EBF. Now I am NOT saying that is the case for everyone OP, but it sure sounds like you would love to be EBF now and just get over the hurdle you are stuck at, at the moment.

Please do not give up.

I was exhausted, I was cranky, I was pumping 2/3 hourly day and night, breastfeeding, formula feeding all at once at it was theee hardest time in my life. I pushed myself to my limits but you know what? That was over a year ago now and I am nursing a happy, HEALTHY, 14 month old who has an incredible immune system, a beautiful secure, confidence about her. My life is so much easier now because BF fixes EVERYTHING! Weather its being overtired, cranky, upset, hurt, bumped head, frustration, you name it and bf is the answer.

I am SO glad I stuck with it, and I am so thankful for the encouraging supportive mums on this forum who cheered me on. My post is in my signature, please feel free to have a read, you may pick up a few things that worked for us. And feel free to PM me ANYTIME I would love to help and support you. xxxx

Well, despite my opinion being bs in the eyes of some, what I will say is that I speak from experience. My first son lost a lot of weight and it frightened me sufficiently to stop bf. This ultimately came very close to tipping me into depression. As such I dedicated a lot of time during my second pregnancy researching bf and this time I have stuck with it even though it has been hard. However I am now the mummy of a ten week old baby who I feel I really haven't been able to enjoy so far as the stress of bf him coupled with caring for his big brother has made me feel so guilty for so much of that time. Bf does mean a lot to me but the happiness of my children and the precious memories I will have of this time mean so much more on balance. Luckily for me, Mickey seems to have turned a corner these last few days so I am feeling much happier to continue. But it was a very close call. And I don't think we're out of the woods yet.

You have done so well with feeding your child and I commend you for that. However, your 'bf fixes everything/is the answer to everything" attitude is one that most likely will turn struggling mothers away from bf rather than towards. Please consider that the next time someone asks you for advice.

 

[TheNewMrs]

Well all that advice about happy baby happy mama was BS in my case. switching to FF almost sent me into a huge depression. It makes me VERY angry to hear this kind of crap spouted on forums because nobody knows how much breastfeeding means to a mother who has obviously worked her ass off to get where she is.

I re lactated from zero milk. I know EXACTLY how you feel OP, I was so close to giving up so many time because I had negative people in my ear like some of the previous posters on here saying "ah sure you've done your best". Well I can tell you now, I knew I hadn't done my best because my baby was still taking formula and I wanted to be EBF. Now I am NOT saying that is the case for everyone OP, but it sure sounds like you would love to be EBF now and just get over the hurdle you are stuck at, at the moment.

Please do not give up.

I was exhausted, I was cranky, I was pumping 2/3 hourly day and night, breastfeeding, formula feeding all at once at it was theee hardest time in my life. I pushed myself to my limits but you know what? That was over a year ago now and I am nursing a happy, HEALTHY, 14 month old who has an incredible immune system, a beautiful secure, confidence about her. My life is so much easier now because BF fixes EVERYTHING! Weather its being overtired, cranky, upset, hurt, bumped head, frustration, you name it and bf is the answer.

I am SO glad I stuck with it, and I am so thankful for the encouraging supportive mums on this forum who cheered me on. My post is in my signature, please feel free to have a read, you may pick up a few things that worked for us. And feel free to PM me ANYTIME I would love to help and support you. xxxx

Well, despite my opinion being bs in the eyes of some, what I will say is that I speak from experience. My first son lost a lot of weight and it frightened me sufficiently to stop bf. This ultimately came very close to tipping me into depression. As such I dedicated a lot of time during my second pregnancy researching bf and this time I have stuck with it even though it has been hard. However I am now the mummy of a ten week old baby who I feel I really haven't been able to enjoy so far as the stress of bf him coupled with caring for his big brother has made me feel so guilty for so much of that time. Bf does mean a lot to me but the happiness of my children and the precious memories I will have of this time mean so much more on balance. Luckily for me, Mickey seems to have turned a corner these last few days so I am feeling much happier to continue. But it was a very close call. And I don't think we're out of the woods yet.

You have done so well with feeding your child and I commend you for that. However, your 'bf fixes everything/is the answer to everything" attitude is one that most likely will turn struggling mothers away from bf rather than towards. Please consider that the next time someone asks you for advice.

I disagree. If you read the OP you will notice that she desperately WANTS to make it work. She needs hope, encouragement, support and guidance. Not to be told that "you've done your bit now its time to stop". If she wanted to stop she'd have done it and not posted on here about it. This is not about me and my experience but my experience is relevant to the OPs situation because she WANTS to continue.

 

[cat lover]

Actually, it reads that she DOES want to stop 'I just want to give up.' Its fab to offer experiences and your story is amazing but its not fair to call people unsupportive if they advise her to stop, they are only letting her know she doesnt have to kill herself over this. OP i hope you are ok and make peace with whatever decision you come to

 

[TheNewMrs]

"I don't want to give up because I really want to be able to do this. It's what's best for him and I didn't get to do it the first time. So I guess I have a lot of reasons to be putting forth as much effort as possible."

Bash me for being honest all you like. I stand by my posts.

 

[patch2006uk]

The thing is, most people have no problem with finding people to reassure them that it's ok to switch to formula. That they've 'done their best'. This is a breastfeeding forum, designed to help support women to achieve their breastfeeding goals. The OP clearly doesn't want to just give up, otherwise she wouldn't have been working so hard up to this point. And if she doesn't want to stop, then she won't be 'happy' just because she does. Maybe relieved, because the feeding problems are resolved. Maybe a bit more rested, as someone else can help out. But how about the negative feelings? Maybe regret at the loss of the breastfeeding relationship. Guilt at having given up.

There is a thread in the FF section for women who feel negatively when their BFing relationship has come to a premature end. It's not as simple as BFing=too hard, so FF=happy and easy.

It's a natural, hormonal, emotional urge, to breastfeed your child. Not a luxury extra.

Of course, if the OP wants to switch to formula, then different advice would be relevant. But given she's already expressed for three months, fighting through all the problems that she has, then clearly this means something to her, and she deserves our support to help her continue, not our empty congratulations and a pat on the back and told that it's not worth it anymore, really.

 

[cat lover]

She is obviously in conflict and hope she is ok. Would be good to hear how you are doing OP. I combifeed so totally understand the benefits and negatives of both FF and BF. I can only assume that pumping and bfing as much as poss is the best way of upping production

 

[ladysarcasma]

Well - don't I feel like a tw*t now.

If my response caused offence OP then I apologise. I'm going to keep my mouth shut from now. Seems like can't do right for wrong on here anymore.

No, why would I be offended? I thought you were being very nice. I really don't see why any of the posts were particularly offensive.

 

[ladysarcasma]

Ok, here's the deal. The PP was correct in that I was conflicted. I absolutely want to continue BF and I am seeking any way that I can continue to do so. I do not want to switch to FF even though I've done it before and it turned out ok. I'm still trying, but I have accepted that combi feeding might end up being the best I can do, and if it is, I will do that as long as I can. I actually feel a lot better after hearing all the advice in this thread. It has made me feel less guilty for not being perfect, but more motivated to continue trying.

Thank you so much to everyone who answered!

 

[pinklightbulb]

 

[BellaRosa8302]

I don't have the same background issue with supply, but due to a lot of nipple pain and difficulty latching, I got into a routine of mostly pumping for a few days when LO was about a week old. I felt like a failure. I finally decided baby steps were the way - if I could nurse LO one time everyday, I was ok with that. I felt like that was something I could do. Well, before I knew it, one time per day increased to 3x per day to 5x etc. before I knew it I was nursing all day and pumping once before bed and once in the morning. Now I'm working on nursing at night, too, and only pumping in the mornings. Bottom line - baby steps! Find what you feel you can do and take it from there good luck!!

 

[ladysarcasma]

I don't have the same background issue with supply, but due to a lot of nipple pain and difficulty latching, I got into a routine of mostly pumping for a few days when LO was about a week old. I felt like a failure. I finally decided baby steps were the way - if I could nurse LO one time everyday, I was ok with that. I felt like that was something I could do. Well, before I knew it, one time per day increased to 3x per day to 5x etc. before I knew it I was nursing all day and pumping once before bed and once in the morning. Now I'm working on nursing at night, too, and only pumping in the mornings. Bottom line - baby steps! Find what you feel you can do and take it from there good luck!!

Thank you so much for this! This really gave me hope that things will get better!

 

[justkitty]

Yey!!!!! Keep us updated

There are so many success stories for bf/combi on here and I am happy to hear you feel supported.

I don't have the same background issue with supply, but due to a lot of nipple pain and difficulty latching, I got into a routine of mostly pumping for a few days when LO was about a week old. I felt like a failure. I finally decided baby steps were the way - if I could nurse LO one time everyday, I was ok with that. I felt like that was something I could do. Well, before I knew it, one time per day increased to 3x per day to 5x etc. before I knew it I was nursing all day and pumping once before bed and once in the morning. Now I'm working on nursing at night, too, and only pumping in the mornings. Bottom line - baby steps! Find what you feel you can do and take it from there good luck!!

Thank you so much for this! This really gave me hope that things will get better!