I'm here AGAIN and I feel so useless.. :(

[FloatingKiss]

Hi ladies,

Sending out hugs to you all if you are going through or have suffered a mc/s.
It is just awful.

I'm here again for the 3rd time and to be honest I'm just not sure that I can keep doing this.

It's still very raw, only found out on Monday that there is defo no hb and 'it' had shrunk.. So they said that I've had another missed miscarriage and I've now got to wait until Friday until I can go for 'the op'.

I just don't understand.
Why does this keep happening to us.
Why is it that every single person that I know can pop out babies easy as pie and I can't?
My friends ALL have 2 or more kids.
My family ALL have 2 or more kids (one of them has 7!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Yesterday I had to go back to the hospital and sit in the antenatel clinic - watching people going into the scan rooms and coming out, grinning and waving their scan pictures around....

I was trying so hard to be pleased for them but all I wanted to do was cry.

I'm still getting all the flipping pregnancy symptoms but I now keep getting pains.... every single time I get a pain I wonder "is it going to happen now, is my body going to mc now"?

A few of my friends knew that we were pregnant and as I'm on this site - I hope you won't mind me saying ..... if anyone else says to be "but look on the bright side, you can get pregnant" - I think I'll punch them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry... I'm a lover not a fighter but I wished people would stop saying that to me! Arrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

I am with the recurrent miscarriage clinic and one programme that I was in has come back as all okay (thyroid)... not that I want anything to be wrong, but I guess I just wanted them to find something to blame, so it could be fixed... is that wrong for thinking like that?

Anyway.... sorry to rant on... I just feel so useless, inferior and unable to give my husband what he so desperately wants (all of his mates are popping out babies too)....

I just don't get it.. I really don't.

Sending you all massive hugs and sending anyone that is hoping for bambinoes all the baby fairy dust in the world.

FloatingKiss
xx

 

[Ninarane]

Oh I feel so much like you.....its really hard on us. In fact I try & avoid most of my friends & my social life is dead. Just don't want to face anyone.

Which RMC are you with ? I am seeing St Mary's.

Just keep telling yourself one day I'll cross over the other side...I know its easier said than done but we are there for each other.

lots of hugs, Nina

 

[FloatingKiss]

Hi Ninarane,
Thanks for your message.... so so so sorry you feel the way that I do....
I don't blame you for avoiding friends.... think I'm going to do that for a while now - its just too much, too raw.

I'm with Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham... they are lovely people and I know how many people they have helped (paper clippings and photos all over the wall in the Office)... I guess I just wished I could feel 'normal' and not worried 100% of the time.

Hope you are okay.... thanks for the hugs... well and truly needed today.

FloatingKiss xx

 

[Topanga053]

I am so, so sorry. I know there are no words and it is beyond unfair that you've had to go through everything that you have.

When I miscarried last year, a lot of my friends were pregnant or had newborns. I remember feeling the exact same way you did-- like I was a failure. It seemed like they were "better" women because they were able to carry healthy babies and I lost mine. I realized that it was a "stupid" thing to think, but I couldn't help it... that's the way that I felt. I remember telling one of my friends that I felt like a failure, as a woman, as a wife, and as a mother. It's amazing how much of our feminine identities are defined by childbirth... I don't think we even realize how much until we go through a loss(es).

Eventually, those feelings went away and I hope they do for you too. It's an awful way to feel. I also hope that you're able to get answers at the clinic and that you get pregnant again soon with a healthy rainbow baby... you deserve it.

 

[FloatingKiss]

Thank you so much Topanga053 for your reply.

The feeling a failure thing is still very raw with me at the moment.... and I'm just hoping that I don't hear of anyone being pregnant soon or I think I'll explode...

Last year I avoided two people for 6 months and only very recently saw them with their bundles of joy - which I snuggled and cooed all over them.. hahaha.

I've got everything crossed for all of us to be snuggling and cooing over our own little bundles v v v v v v v soon.

FloatingKiss
x