Im such a failure as a wife...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by natasja32, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    7,990
    Likes Received:
    0
    I seem to ruin everything for my husband at the moment. I was at home alone with my 3 year old(then 2 and half year old)son finley when i had my abruption with Bodhi in march and we lost him. It was the most scary thing ive ever been through and since becoming pregant with this baby im so scared to be at home without my husband here.He gets invited to things and i get so panicked when i know its hours away.I just cant be on my own. He has his xmas party tomorrow but its a fair few hours away and they are all going in a mini bus apparently.Ofcourse i did say what if something happens and you arent here??? I feel so bad for him,but i dont know if he really understands how scared i am of being on my own.:cry:I dont know what to do. If he was closer it wouldnt be so bad. But for me hours away and not even have his car is too much.Am i being selfish and silly? Please what would you do. :cry: PS: we have refrained from sex aswell as im too afraid it would cause something bad to happen to this baby too. He has been so good to me and i just feel like im letting him down.
     
  2. SugarKisses

    SugarKisses Luv my 3 miracle's

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2009
    Messages:
    2,759
    Likes Received:
    0
    I personally dont think your being silly babe. I would be the same. :hug: I dont really know what I can say to you....I just wish I lived closer because id give you a big hug and we could try keep each other sane.

    Love ya x x x
     
  3. xbabybumpx

    xbabybumpx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    0
    hi hun. im so so sorry about your loss. i generally dont like my husband getting invited to things because i feel sorry for myself being stuck in the house on my own and being pregnant. i feel like because im pregnant im no use to anyone or no one invites me to anything. if i was in your position i dont think i would let my dh out of the house! when i read that back to myself it makes me sound crazy!:haha: xox
     
  4. lisa9999

    lisa9999 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,540
    Likes Received:
    0
    You are not a failure babe, far from it!
    Totally understand how you must feel and I'm sure your hubby does too.

    My hubby is working away and I've felt a bit worried myself, and you have far, far more reason than I do!
    Wish I lived closer to you, hubby is back at lunchtime tomorrow and then out on his jollies for the day straight after that, so I could have come keep you company! :)
     
  5. janet

    janet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Awww im so sorry to hear about your loss, but your worries are totally justified, you clearly feel bad and like your spoiling your husbands chances to do things, so you are aware of it, i really would feel the same, i was just thinking the evening he goes away why not invite over a close friend/sister? and have a nice relaxed girlie night, im not sure if you just dont want to be on your own or if you dont want to be without your husband, but was thinking maybe if you had some company for that night then you wouldnt feel so alone :hugs: im sure im making no sense and just rambling way here but anyway hope ive helped some, take care xx
     
  6. sarahhoney

    sarahhoney Mummy to Dylan

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2008
    Messages:
    735
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm assuming there is no one else who could come sit with you?

    I don't think your being unreasonable, I would be the same, my hubby is a chef and of course at this time a year is barely at home but I'm very lucky as my neighbours (now very good friends) and my family are always on call and aware of the fact that hubby is at work a lot.

    I would be a nervous wreck if I'd been through your situation, its every Mum to be's worse nightmare but you've making it through and I'm sure everything will be fine, if it comes to it maybe have a chat or write a nice note to say thank you in your christmas card x I'm sure he does understand xxx
     
  7. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    7,990
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks girls...Im sorry i dont mean to make anyone sad with our loss. I just wanted to explain a bit more about why im so scared of being on my own. We are already high risk and we were told from my blood results that there is a good possibility that i could have bleeding and worse another abruption in this pregnancy. I feel so bad for my husband,he doesnt deserve any of this. I just want to make him happy and make him feel appreciated but im struggling with him going away so far and being on my own. I know sometimes with his job it cant be avoided and i have to cope alone.I wake up afraid and go to bed afraid.:cry:
     
  8. Gypsy_Punk

    Gypsy_Punk Mummy to 3 angels

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    Messages:
    1,619
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hun you are not a failure at all. If I lived near you I'd come keep you company.

    Big hugs

    xxxxxx
     
  9. xbabybumpx

    xbabybumpx Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    0
    or just come on here and we can keep each other company seen as us ladies are being left behind by our hubbies! lol xox
     
  10. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    7,990
    Likes Received:
    0
    It wouldnt be so bad if my parents were here,as they only live 5 mins up the road. But they are in south africa until the new year. My in laws live hours away and so does my sil.My neighbours arent the nicest,she lost her husband beginning of the year and has turned to drinking so always alot of fighting goin going on. Thanks for the advice.:hugs:
     
  11. janet

    janet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Awww you are worried and afraid, and both are totally justified, you are pregnant and hormonal add to that a devastating loss and no wonder you feel like you do :hugs: im sure your husband understands your worries as im sure he worries as well xx
     
  12. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2009
    Messages:
    22,292
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs: I completely understand how you are feeling xx
     
  13. td1309

    td1309 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2009
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think you should feel guilty about a single thing this pregnancy. I cannot imagine the heartache you have felt but I wouldn't expect you to do anything but worry and I'm sure your husband doesn't either.

    If you really feel that you need to change how things are because it's really interfering with your life then I think little by little is the answer rather than hubby going off for a whole night out in a mini bus.

    You should start with him going out for a shorter length of time and make sure you have plenty to be getting on with whilst he is gone and gradually extend that time - if that's what you want to do. If you want him all to yourself then I think that's ok too. I think anything considered 'normal' goes out the window when you're pregnant (even when you haven't suffered the trauma you have) because pregnancy often makes the strongest of women feel vulnerable and scared and your ultimate goal is to keep that little baby safe. Of course you are going to feel this more so than most.

    Maybe it would help if you could imagine what you would say to another lady on here who had been through what you have and was saying the same as you?... Would you tell her to stop feeling so guilty? I'm sure you would. Sometimes we're our own worst enemy. :hugs::hugs:
     
  14. cindi

    cindi Mom of 4 girls

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    you are not a failure to anyone! Don't ever say that! I'm sure he understands and maybe you two should sit down and discuss things if he doesn't understand why. But i'm sure like you he has fears in the back of his mind as well. You guys could help each other get past this.
     
  15. EternalRose

    EternalRose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Messages:
    5,510
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hugs: Hun, your not a failure. I think your doing really well considering what you have been through. But dont feel bad for feeling clingy as I feel like I dont want my fiance to go out most of the time since being pregnant and I havent been through the grief you have. He doesnt think your letting him down at all hun, do you have counselling at all? xx
     
  16. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    7,990
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the lovely reply hunny. We do have counselling and we are due a visit from our grief counsellar next week.I just feel so pathetic. I quess having our first xmas without our son is not helping either. Ugh im so tired of feeling like this and then making everyone on here sad when i post. I just dont have alot of friends and the ones i do have are at work in the day or works shifts. Im a stay at home mum so dont have many friends.:hugs:
     
  17. EternalRose

    EternalRose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Messages:
    5,510
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hun, you can chat to me anytime you like, send me a pm or whatever. Thats what bnb is here for, so you can get support you dont have to just write happy posts all the time. Do you have a supportive mum or dad or siblings? xx
     
  18. natasja32

    natasja32 Mum to 4 boys

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    7,990
    Likes Received:
    0
    Unfortunately my parents are people that dont deal with death and bad things.They sweep it under the carpet,iykwim?? So we dont tend to talk about bodhi and feelings and stuff as my parents dont know how to deal or cope with it. My brother just gets really uncomfortable and my sister lives in south africa. So really i just have my husband and the girls on here.:hugs:
     
  19. EternalRose

    EternalRose Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2009
    Messages:
    5,510
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am sorry to hear that hun, :hugs: I only have my fiance as I dont really have any family of my own ( long story ) so I know how you feel. Bodhi is a beautiful name by the way,maybe your feeling so down because you feel like you have expectations of you as a wife and mother? To carry on doing all of your duties, and to do it all happily. Thats all fine, if you havent experienced what you have hun. Try not to be so hard on yourself, and release yourself from some of the pressure to just move on and be ok with everything it takes time. I think if you allow yourself to just feel down and not put pressure on yourself to be happy all the time you may find yourself looking into things that might cheer you up even if its just something nice to eat or watching a film with your children. Never feel like your on a deadline for your grief hun :hugs:
     
  20. td1309

    td1309 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2009
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    0
    [/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the lovely reply hunny. We do have counselling and we are due a visit from our grief counsellar next week.I just feel so pathetic. I quess having our first xmas without our son is not helping either. Ugh im so tired of feeling like this and then making everyone on here sad when i post. I just dont have alot of friends and the ones i do have are at work in the day or works shifts. Im a stay at home mum so dont have many friends.:hugs:[/QUOTE]

    I don't think you should ever feel bad posting about your son on here. It is lovely to read about the happiness of pregnancy and babies but we would all be kidding ourselves if we ignored that it is still a high risk time and that sometimes the worst does happen. It's not fair to anyone and we all hope it won't happen to us but when it does happen the least we can do is to help keep the memory of the little angel alive and try to learn from what has happened xxxxxxxxxx :hugs:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice