in need of a friend/1st miscarriage, many Q's

[Kimbre]

hi everyone.

Ive been off of any type of BC for about 5 years. ttc for a few years and i figured i might as well give up. finally in november AF never came and we got a BFP. i was over the moon!! i was in shock. just when i get so attached and we have baby names and everything im told i may miscarry. the next week i did. It was awful. painful in every way. i had horrible contractions from 1 am to 8 pm and was stuck in the hospital the whole time. finally it stopped and i had to have a d&c to "clean it out". my nurse says to me im sorry its taking so long for surgery but the doc is delivering triplets lol" REALLY!!!?? who says that??

anyway i find myself crying out of no where everyday.

how long should we wait to TTC. when will i get my AF?

thanks ladies

 

[MrsWhite]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there recently, and I know it is a pain like no other. Give yourself some time to grieve, and remember it is ok to be angry and upset and tearful, it is ok to not want to be social, and it is ok to let yourself feel all the emotions you are feeling. I was like that, crying out of nowhere, for the first month after. I would be "fine" all day long while at work and then I'd come home and fall apart. Every. Single. Day. For a month. I'm not saying you will get over it, but it does get easier. Eventually you will find yourself feeling more normal again.
I also am sorry to hear how insensitive the nurse was...unfortunately that probably won't be the only time you hear someone being insensitive regarding it. I had, and still do from time to time, people saying some things that made me think "who says that?". One girl I work with who is very pregnant, asked me if I was relieved when I miscarried (because my pregnancy wasn't planned), which just horrified me. Lots of stuff like that. People are seriously dumb.

As far as when you can try, that is up to you. My doctor told me that some doctors say wait 3 cycles, but that she thinks it is fine to try right away if you feel emotionally ready. She said it is good to wait one cycle so that you can date the pregnancy more easily. Personally, I wasn't ready to TTC right away emotionally. By the time my first period came, I was ready though. My first AF came 41 days after the miscarriage, but everyone is different. It can be anywhere from 4-8 weeks and still be normal. In your case, since you did have to have a d & c, I would let yourself have one cycle to make sure your uterine lining is built back up, but that may not be necessary. If you think you are ready, go for it! But be kind to yourself too and allow yourself to heal. A new pregnancy won't necessarily take away the pain from your loss; add joy, yes, but you will still feel the loss.
Keep us updated and if you ever need to vent/talk you can pm me. I know it is hard and I found that nobody really can understand what you are going through unless they have been there. I found a lot of comfort from the ladies on this site.

 

[spiritbear]

Hi there, I was really touched by both of your posts. I am so sorry for what you have been through.

We've been ttc for 10 months w 2 cp but I know that only gives me a tiny glimpse of what you've been through. I can't imagine going through that much pain, but your strength does give me a lot of inspiration.

I agree to take things one day at a time and give lots of time to really take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. I love doing castor oil packs on my abdomen and taking long epsom salt baths in a candle lit room (you shouldn't do either after ovulation when ttc, just before)... it makes me feel like I'm completely detoxing and ready for the next try.

And um, to both of those quotes from the insensitive nurse and the pregnant friend... that is insane! Try to do everything you can to focus on the good around you and drown out any negativity or meanness.

Sending lots of healing thoughts your way

 

[Kimbre]

Thank you ladies so much for your responses. I have talked. With my SO and we both think we should wait a few cycles before trying again. But I deff. Can't wait to TTC Again all I can think about is getting pregnant again. I know it'll be a diff pregnancy and won't stop the pain I feel for my angel baby but I still do want a baby.

The comments people make are stupid and insensitive ppl don't understand at all!! I'm tired of hearing about babies and this and that. Its so hard. My poor SO finds me crying in the shower or after he leaves the room. I'm really trying to be strong

What are the castor oil packs? And ten months TTC is still long hun you're in my thoughts.

 

[spiritbear]

Hi Kimbre. I see you are in Syracuse- I grew up in Buffalo What a great area!

I'm glad you guys talked and came to a mutual decision, hopefully that gives a little bit of peace moving forward. Yes, your sweet angel baby will always be a part of you

Do you have a little one? It looked like your profile said you did. If so, I hope they are a huge comfort to you during this painful time. Did you tell anyone in your family or your friends? It's hard to decide who to talk to about it. Hopefully if you did share with anyone, they are giving you tons of love and support.

Here's a link that explains the castor oil packs. I used to do them a while back when I started going to acupuncture for painful periods (before ttc) and then started again after the CPs (only after af stops and before ovulation). Sometimes it's too much work for me to do the whole thing with the cloth so I just put the oil on my abdomen before taking a hot bath or shower- the heat makes it penetrate through.
https://natural-fertility-info.com/castor-oil-therapy

One other thing, is that I recently read this book Fully Fertile by Tami Quinn and it was wonderful. It is written by women who suffered through terrible losses as well as infertility and they started a holistic fertility center in Chicago. It's pretty 'new-age' (has a lot about yoga and meditation and stuff) but has a lot of tools that I found useful to strengthen and heal.

And thank you for the thoughts- I appreciate it! We are trying to stay sane and patient over here ;-)

Sending you lots of health and strength from across the country in washington state