Infertile people are annoying.

[tamithomas]

Ok Ladies n Gents, I gotta get something off of my chest. As infertility makes more awareness, I have been coming across more and more blogs on other sites about how apparently us infertile are annoying. Apparently we should:

-Get over ourselves
-Just adopt
-We do not have a right to be pissed off at other women for being pregnant
-We are selfish
-Infertility is not a disease and should not be treated as such, if you want a baby so damn bad suck it up and pay for the treatments yourself
-Just suck is up and go to the baby showers and be happy for everyones pregnancies

the one that got me really shaken by disgust was: They should just shut up and stop whining, this world is already over populated as it is and they're doing the world a favor.... this came from a husband that had been TTC'ing with his wife for 20 years saying that it was just for his wife he even bothered TTC'ing, I felt so bad for the wife while reading that.

Has anyone else been falling on these blogs lately? A part of me boils like a kettle while reading this as it's usually those who pop them out at ease who make these blogs who only TTC for a year before conceiving. What do you think the problem is, a misunderstanding about infertility or insensitivity?

 

[StephieB]

I've never read any of them, and if I did I would probably try and delete the stuff from my mind entirely. Nothing annoys me more than people who just don't understand!!

I was having this discussion with DH the other evening after we finally told our families we were LTTTC, and it annoys me that people just don't understand or realise what it is! Its never represented ANYWHERE! You don't see charities supporting new infertility investigations, or support groups advertised on TV, and people just think it never happens. My Dh and I were married 8 months ago, and all we've gotten from friends and family is "Oh you'll be having kids soon" or "enjoy the piece and quiet when it lasts" and I just think people assume everyone is capable of having children because they don't know any different!

For all of the people who make flippant comments about infertility, I would love for them to have their hearing, sight or ability to walk taken away for a day or two, then just say to them "Thats something thats every human should be able to naturally do, but you can't? shame. get over it" (bit extreme I know )

 

[mjemma]

It's not just blogs but mainstream media too. The Daily Mail seems to have a constant surge of provocative articles about IVF followed by streams of ignorant, offensive comments by their readers.

The ones that rile me the most are:
-A baby is not a right, its a gift (usually said by mothers, and often by those who conceived v.easily)
-If you can't afford the money for IVF how can you afford a child (firstly IVF is not like buying a pony, it's an expensive gamble and secondly, there are millions of people who can't afford children that we are funding and they got knocked up naturally)
-NHS shouldn't pay for fertility treatments, it should be spent on life saving work (then lets stop funding hip replacements, treating facial deformities or giving disabled people wheelchairs too shall we!!)

Grrrr!

 

[PocoHR]

I think its just pure insensitivity. Some people have very little empathy and they can't imagine even how it would feel to not have children. Those who accuse people with fertility problems of being selfish or who recommend we get over ourselves are not even worth paying attention to, in my opinion. They are clearly the ones who are so selfish that they can't even sympathize on a basic level with another human being's pain.

As far as people who say we have no right to be pissed at others for getting pregnant, I agree with them. We are all absoutely allowed to become pregnant and be happy, and should be able to do so without facing the anger of someone else. I also agree that even though you have fertility problems, you should make an effort to be happy for others who are pregnant. Maybe that doesn't mean you attend a baby shower, because that is tough, but you should send a present and give congratulations, and visit once the baby is born. I get jealous and sad too, but I try to remind myself that its not MY baby they are carrying. Its their baby. They are entitled to get pregnant and give birth to their baby and it doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't agree with people who close themselves off completely from pregnant friends, I think its one thing to pull away a little, that is understandable, but we should all still have respect and kindness for others who are pregnant.

As far as infertility not being a disease, that is just stupid. Obviously, every person should be able to get pregnant. When you can't, its because of a medical problem, or better put: a disease. Its a medical problem with medical solutions, and that is what healthcare exists for.

That Dad who made that terrible comment about overpopulation, I don't know. While it is an awful thing to say, I wonder how true it is, or how much of it comes from defenses he has built over years of infertility. Its hard on men too, and sometimes we say stupid things out of pain and disappointment. What he said was wrong, but I guess I question whether or not he actually meant something like that.

 

[zanDark]

yeah it's easy to judge when you pop kids out like there's no tomorrow

people that say that infertile couples are annoying are the kind of ANNOYING people that conceived on the first try and think you're obviously doing something wrong and want to offer you their helpful advice.

 

[shorman]

thats aweful i havent suffered from fertility problems but i sympathise with what you ladies have to go through, also i must say though as much as women who dont understand because untill your put into that situation you cant understand fully how it feels its also true and very sad for some ladies do delibratley cut of all there friends that are pregnant and cant be happy for them and get consumed in jelousy end up bitter so theres two sides to the story but i dont understand how some people can say people having problems concieving are annoying they must have no compassion at all for others, hope you ladies dont mind me posting here, big hugs

 

[Gina91]

That's disgusting. Can't say I've ever seen anything of the sort. I hate the fact there are so many waste of space parents going around at the moment but the people who really deserve and will care for a child properly have trouble....
The people who write these things are clearly ignorant - not even worth thinking about...
Every woman should get the chance to be a mummy.

 

[Gina91]

-If you can't afford the money for IVF how can you afford a child (firstly IVF is not like buying a pony, it's an expensive gamble and secondly, there are millions of people who can't afford children that we are funding and they got knocked up naturally)
-NHS shouldn't pay for fertility treatments, it should be spent on life saving work (then lets stop funding hip replacements, treating facial deformities or giving disabled people wheelchairs too shall we!!)

Grrrr!

Don't even get me started! My sister spends a fortune on ivf which has failed 4 times now! People who have treatment are more likely to feel more grateful to have a baby, but like you say, we're left funding the irresponsibles who get pregnant at the drop of a hat....

I think i need to leave this thread! Haha!

 

[Lily7]

I think they are just under-educated on infertility through no fault of their own because admittedly I didn't know too much when I embarked on this everlasting journey. BUT like my Mother always taught me, "if you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" I think they should take heed of that and if they don't fully understand something or are just plain ignorant to it then they shouldn't make negative comments.

Also like someone else said earlier, it's always the ones that have 3 kids in tow that they have spat out that most likely we are paying for that always pipe up and have something to say!

And I am one of those people who gets upset when I hear of pregnancies etc but I wish I didn't feel that way but you can't control your feelings can you? So yes, unless you have walked in my shoes, don't comment on how I should or shouldn't feel!!

 

[Armywife84]

It's a combination of ignorance and insensitivity. Those people who write that garb never struggled to conceive. What's funny is some of them probably live off benefits, and my tax money is probably supporting their little family (Not taking a stab at those who need benefits, but those who abuse the system).

I cut myself off from pregnant people because that's part of my coping mechanism with IF. Unfortunately, I'm not taking this struggle well and have developed depression and anxiety. Thus seeing a baby or being around pregnant women can trigger an anxiety attack. It's best that I stay far away.

 

[Arcanegirl]

Thread tidied up, things said have been apologised for and I have passed on the request made in help and testing onto admin

 

[zanDark]

Thread tidied up, things said have been apologised for and I have passed on the request made in help and testing onto admin

thank you so much hun I really appreciate your hard work and that you're keeping an eye out on us

 

[tamithomas]

Thread tidied up, things said have been apologised for and I have passed on the request made in help and testing onto admin

thank you, was wondering how the thread instantly got shorter lol. These things happen when sensitives topics come up, keeping doing what do you best much love! xox

 

[rosebud_01_99]

hi , i was wondering why my post was deleted and why i cant see any replies that were made, very annoying as i made a valid point? rosebud

 

[tamithomas]

hi , i was wondering why my post was deleted and why i cant see any replies that were made, very annoying as i made a valid point? rosebud

Any posts that were related to the under the belt comment that was left have been deleted by one of the admins and fairly so, we made great points but it's only a downer in the end as this website is for support and understanding.

 

[rosebud_01_99]

i understand that but i still feel i should have been able to view any replies than had been made when i next logged on,

i just hope that our replies made the person who made the comment think twice about being so judgemental in future, all we really want is for those lucky enough to be fertile to just have a bit of compassion for those of us who have through no fault of our own have been left childless.

rosebud

 

[tamithomas]

i understand that but i still feel i should have been able to view any replies than had been made when i next logged on,

i just hope that our replies made the person who made the comment think twice about being so judgemental in future, all we really want is for those lucky enough to be fertile to just have a bit of compassion for those of us who have through no fault of our own have been left childless.

rosebud

Totally understand, gonna give the admin credit though unlike other websites, these ones actually keep up to par with keeping things clean That was the point i was trying to make to the person before too was we have no bitterness for pregnant people themselves, just we give compassion to them how about giving a little back kinda thing.

But at least infertility is making light more and more in the public eye. Just recently I had to block my SIL from my news feed because she just had a baby and even though she knows her biological sister had 3 MC and my DH are are unable to conceive naturally and she knows this,she insists on her whole facebook being surrounded by her son. Kid's only a month old and already has 50 pictures uploaded of him, profile picture:him, timeline banner:him, status: him. No sensitivity at all. On her part it's plain ignorance because she's fully aware she has infertility around her. sending babydust all around

 

[beegray]

I think I might have actually read the same thing a few weeks ago. I must admit I actually felt extremely hurt. We have no control over the conditions that we have that cause infertility. Yes, we get jealous wen we see other pg women and it bloodly well hurts! Not only jealousy, it's anger at the unfairness of life where most of us are in a good position to raise a child yet pple that do drugs, sleep around and can barely hold a job together r the ones falling pg???? It hurts when someone close to u falls pg and has a baby bcause all u want to do is feel the same thing! Go thru the same thing! We pull away because more often then not it would cause more damage to the relationship to stay close to that friend / family member. We pull away to try protect what little sanity we have left. Adoption? Do pple not understand the PROCESS it takes to go thru. With an adoption and not only that the pain of having a door slammed in your face? It's not like going to a shop, picking a child from the shelf, paying and walking out!!!!! IVF? Well, it takes about a month on bc, then another 5 weeks (correct if I'm wrong here) before anything else can happen, it's a highly invasive process and also a very expensive gamble. Sure, it's like deciding if you want a bath or a shower? Really???? Do people think it's just a quick fix? That snap your fingers and all of these are done? Ok so maybe ranting alittle but ignorance is not excusable. It's downright harmful to other people!!!!!! The amount of times I have skirted on the edge of depression while ttc is scary. My dh has been my only beacon and sometimes it hits him hard too! Women who have been LTTTC should get medals for making it through alive and in one piece! Each day is a struggle of being reminded of what u so desperately want, reminded constantly of what ur body can't do? Every hope and dream slipping away as another month passes till eventually you fully understand that this will more than likely NEVER happen for you! It's crushing and to have ignorant morons slamming on top of daily struggles? I think not!!!!!!! Rant over! Lol!

 

[Lily7]

Well said beegray x

 

[NavyWife84]

BeeGray...I couldn't have said it better! Thank you.