Infertile people are annoying.

[hopefull85]

infertility sucks, i have to deal with people everyday that dont understand what i have to go through on a daily basis. i have been called selfish by close family members. my 22 yr old sister in law just had her 2nd child yesterday and wanted me to be in the room with her. honestly that was the hardest thing i had to do. i tried so hard to keep tears from coming out. everyone seems to think that we just walk around and get mad at every woman who is pregnant. the only thing we are upset about is the fact that its not us. if you knew someone that was ill, didnt have legs, couldnt see. or hear, wouldnt you try to say things that wouldnt upset them. then the people that are close to you should watch what they say. we can only be strong for a little while then we hit that wall and have to break down. some of the things that i have heard from friends and family are
1.wait til your second husband
2. just relax, it just because you want it so bad
3. stop being so selfish
4. oh it will happen just give it time

what angers me is that im 26 will be 27 this month and have never had a BFP but 23 yr old brother and his wife have 2 ( 5yr old and newborn) they were living with my parents but are now staying with my older sister. and they think its ok to keep having kids, i have a friend who is also younger than me who has a 3yr old and when she found out she was pregnant she and her mother talked about abortion she was even a whiny hefer because it was a boy and not a girl. she lives with her lazy husband at her mother in laws house because they couldnt afford the place the were in a year ago and yet trying to get pregnant again. i am married and have been for 5 years my husband makes good money all my bills get paid and i dont have to have the government or anyone else's help and yet i have to struggle to get pregnant. thats what i cant understand. i am so tired of always having to go through so much for the things i want. this should be the one thing that comes easy and yet my body fails me. thanks goodness for BNB

 

[PocoHR]

While I hate infertility, I have to say, I don't expect people to be especially sensitive to me. I feel like its my job to protect my own feelings. I get jealous and angry too, but I know its my problem, not someone else's. It does not bother me when people post pics of their kids on fb. I think its normal and healthy that they do that. Of course they are excited. I don't begrudge other people their children, no matter what kind of parents they are. Different backgrounds and upbringings make people more interesting, and its good to have all kinds in the world. My mother has drug problems, and has for most of my life, and I am not sorry she is mom.

I don't know ltttc is hard, maybe I haven't been at it long enough to become truly upset (almost 2 years ttc here), but I think I have an obligation to try and not let it totally make me bitter and hateful to people who have what I don't. And when people say stupid or hurtful things, I just make it a point to never talk about ttc with them again.

I hope this doesn't make anyone upset, and when people come out and actually attack those who struggle with infertility, I think that is really wrong, and a horse of a different color. But I don't think my infertility should affect other people from doing normal things like having kids and being excited about it. I don't know, I just wanted to throw this out there. Hopefully we will all get our bfps soon and none of this will be a problem anymore!

 

[tamithomas]

While I hate infertility, I have to say, I don't expect people to be especially sensitive to me. I feel like its my job to protect my own feelings. I get jealous and angry too, but I know its my problem, not someone else's. It does not bother me when people post pics of their kids on fb. I think its normal and healthy that they do that. Of course they are excited. I don't begrudge other people their children, no matter what kind of parents they are. Different backgrounds and upbringings make people more interesting, and its good to have all kinds in the world. My mother has drug problems, and has for most of my life, and I am not sorry she is mom.

I don't know ltttc is hard, maybe I haven't been at it long enough to become truly upset (almost 2 years ttc here), but I think I have an obligation to try and not let it totally make me bitter and hateful to people who have what I don't. And when people say stupid or hurtful things, I just make it a point to never talk about ttc with them again.

I hope this doesn't make anyone upset, and when people come out and actually attack those who struggle with infertility, I think that is really wrong, and a horse of a different color. But I don't think my infertility should affect other people from doing normal things like having kids and being excited about it. I don't know, I just wanted to throw this out there. Hopefully we will all get our bfps soon and none of this will be a problem anymore!

Now this I can understand, it is your personal way of feeling without coming off as attack mode. Your view is very understanble, we all have our different ways of coping/dealing with infertility and you if anything i applaud you for being strong enough to be able to accept and feel normal around facebook posts and other peoples pregnancies. Some of us are not as strong but you at least explain it in a manner that does not feel intimidating and i again applaud you for you.

beegray: spot on.

 

[Sad Panda]

Ever been to baby-gaga? The place is full of insensitive women like this who think that they, and only they, have the right to an opinion. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, had four miscarriages, gave up and had that implant thingie surgically put in my arm. Met a nice guy and we decided to be reckless and TTC after only 8 weeks together (I even talked my mom and dad round into it being a good idea based on my infertility). Got the implant out. Doctors told me I wouldn't conceive for at least 3 months due to the hormone still being in my system, if at all because of the severity of my PCOS. Two weeks later....yup I literally got knocked up the first time I ovulated and here we are 4 weeks off due date. I can see both sides. It was an inconvenience conceiving so quickly and easily but I'd never tell someone who struggles with infertility to just "suck it up" that's a horrible thing to say. Some people are just wrong in the head. It was also very hard watching my sister pop out 3 healthy babies in 4 years while I had miscarriage after miscarriage and eventually gave up all hope. The people saying this nasty stuff have obviously never had to deal with the heartache and bitterness being infertile/having multiple losses can cause.

 

[tamithomas]

Ever been to baby-gaga? The place is full of insensitive women like this who think that they, and only they, have the right to an opinion. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, had four miscarriages, gave up and had that implant thingie surgically put in my arm. Met a nice guy and we decided to be reckless and TTC after only 8 weeks together (I even talked my mom and dad round into it being a good idea based on my infertility). Got the implant out. Doctors told me I wouldn't conceive for at least 3 months due to the hormone still being in my system, if at all because of the severity of my PCOS. Two weeks later....yup I literally got knocked up the first time I ovulated and here we are 4 weeks off due date. I can see both sides. It was an inconvenience conceiving so quickly and easily but I'd never tell someone who struggles with infertility to just "suck it up" that's a horrible thing to say. Some people are just wrong in the head. It was also very hard watching my sister pop out 3 healthy babies in 4 years while I had miscarriage after miscarriage and eventually gave up all hope. The people saying this nasty stuff have obviously never had to deal with the heartache and bitterness being infertile/having multiple losses can cause.

I just checked baby-gaga and I feel as though it has a cold empty vibe to it, not the supporting warm vibe bnb has. Plus, just checked out the "drama" section (that's a horrible sign right off of the bat of how immature it is when you got that tab ) and i real hard lol

 

[zanDark]

Sad Panda I'm sorry for your losses hun

 

[vixxen]

I'm sorry first of all if you think i am wrong to post here, but i wanted to say i am so sorry for all the insensitive ignorant people out there that maybe you have met.
I myself have no fertility problems but my older sister has, so have found myself looking on the ltttc forums to try and find ways where i can maybe lessen the hurt for her.
She has severe pcos and mental health issues and is also lesbian (not that matters!) but the nhs will not pay for ivf for her or any other treatments.
I hope you don't mind when i look at the posts here as i am really only trying to be more sensitive to others and be less ignorant of things i have not expirienced myself.

 

[zanDark]

vixxen it's always refreshing when women with no IF problems come in to show their support!

Thank you! There aren't a lot of fertile women who are understanding towards the way we feel!

I'm sorry about your sister hun she's lucky to have such an awesome sister!

 

[tamithomas]

Vixxen, your heart is made of pure gold. Every LTTC member needs a sister like you honestly! That is very heart warming to hear that you take time out of your day to find ways to cope with her and learn about "us". Seriously major

 

[nickyXjayno]

it swings in roundabouts though.
I know a few people from baby group etc who had IVF for kids & have already palmed them off!
yet me who got pregnant at a drop of a hat have never spent any time away from my son other than the first 3 weeks cause he was in nicu.
you'd think after all waiting they'd spend every second with their kid but nope.

I get jealous of those who have had a baby born with no issues & could hold them etc straight away but they don't appreciate it.

jealousy is never ending so don't assume the ones who got pregnant easy live in a perfect rose tinted world.

 

[tamithomas]

it swings in roundabouts though.
I know a few people from baby group etc who had IVF for kids & have already palmed them off!
yet me who got pregnant at a drop of a hat have never spent any time away from my son other than the first 3 weeks cause he was in nicu.
you'd think after all waiting they'd spend every second with their kid but nope.

I get jealous of those who have had a baby born with no issues & could hold them etc straight away but they don't appreciate it.

jealousy is never ending so don't assume the ones who got pregnant easy live in a perfect rose tinted world.

nothing of that sort was ever assumed, we are talking about people who are insensitive to infertility, never mentioned about how pregnant couples have it peachy. Yes there are downs and ups on both ends I agree. We were just discussing how a bit of sympathy would be nice instead of being treated like as if we are spoiled 5 year olds that should just be happy with what we got type of attitude.

 

[nickyXjayno]

no I didn't mean that. think I came across wrong there too.
just that I've met a few ladies who were lttc & had IVF & yet the kids they wanted so bad they leaving regular.
kind of makes me a bit cynical & irritated.

 

[tamithomas]

no I didn't mean that. think I came across wrong there too.
just that I've met a few ladies who were lttc & had IVF & yet the kids they wanted so bad they leaving regular.
kind of makes me a bit cynical & irritated.

yea totally know what you mean, you would think that after spending all of that time and money to conceive, not taking care of the kid would be the last thing on your mind lol. I know that if I ever get my BFP that kid is going to be spoiled rotten with affection and everything else. Some women are just not meant to conceive, I'm not gonna lie..some women do TTC for the wrong reasons such as just because they've been brainwashed into thinking it's an obligation or pressure by family. But I understand your post now, misunderstanding

 

[sweetmere]

I just want to say that I have only been trying since November but I am pretty sure I have an issue of some kind (in the process of figuring out what). I cannot fathom the pain that comes with infertility. It's hard enough on me in just this short amount of time, it feels like forever. I've already dealt with a million rude comments, because people think it takes 1-3 months to get pregnant, that's how most people are. I work with a girl who is about to give birth, and it has been hell. She isn't one of the normal pregnant women, it's all showing off. She hasn't posted about anything but being pregnant on Facebook, constantly has a "we are so blessed and lucky" status and weekly bump photos. She has said some hateful things to me (once asked if I wanted to feel her baby move, I said yes and her baby stopped as soon as I felt and she told me her baby doesn't like me, and when she had baby shower invites it had a picture of her bare belly baby bump on it and she told me to hang it on my refrigerator so I could stare at it all day). She also used the crib she knew I wanted, and a quote she knew I had wanted to use for years on her baby's wall. She has done so much more but it hurts to work with her, it has been a LONG 9 MONTHS. When she told me she was pregnant I was devastated - I work with her and our husbands are best friends so I knew it would be hard, but it's been much harder than I thought it would be.

I've had so many comments from her and other people (and I haven't told many). Just relax, everything happens for a reason, there's a reason you're not pregnant and other people are, God blesses you when you're ready (oh, I'm not ready and that 14-year old over there is, and so is that lady over there with 9 kids already that lives in a 2 bedroom house?), among "you're fine" that I got about 3 times yesterday after they ASKED me how my appointment went. Oh, your doctor wants to do blood work and agrees that there is probably a thyroid or hormone issue, but you're fine. It's like a slap in the face.

I really understand being upset about other women being pregnant. To me, it's understandable. I *suppose* I can see how people think so negatively, but personally I have never had any negative viewpoints on infertility. I'm 21 and have always understood it to be hard, awful, unfair...some people just don't get that. I swear, there are so many selfish people in this world, so many that aren't thankful for what they have, and don't see how lucky they are. I understand now more than I ever have, I actually visit this board often. It's rough, you all are so strong even if you don't feel like it. I will take up for all of you at any point in time, infertility IS a disease, everyone deserves a child. I wish you all the luck and baby dust in the world. *hugs*

 

[sweetmere]

Oh, and if none of you have read the book "Waiting for Daisy" I highly recommend it!!

 

[lovie]

i have noticed it after becoming pregnant after lttc, when talking about our ivf (we didnt actually do ivf we were waiting for my period to start to start stimming when i got my bfp) my own grandfather said "oh things were so much easier in my day" to which i said "well not if you were infertile!"

also people are so happy to say "Oh you relaxed and it happened!" our bfp was on a relaxing month as the doctor had said i had 40 folicles and i wouldnt ovulate that month so we were not ttc, just dtd and we went skiing and drank lots. but it was also month #2 after a hsg and i think that had much more to do with it than the "relaxing"

I wanted to anounce on facebook when i hit 12 weeks but i know how much those anouncements hurt me and how i pictured everyone to have had easy conceptions as soon as they decided they wanted a baby. what i did was announce that we were expecting and then in another status explain how long we had tried for and how close to ivf we were and how infertility is unfortunatly such a secretive thing in our society. I wanted any friends who are secretly struggling to conceive to see that its not allways an easy road and hopefully that will make the baby/pregnancy updates that i will do not so hurtfull.

I do think that its not fair to feel anger towards a pregnant woman. even secret unspoken anger, it is damaging for everyone. I struggled with intense jelousy when ttc but i never thought bad thoughts about the unborn child or mum to be, just anger at my own body and my own situation. I do think that thos lttc should be happy for pregnant women as being angry/upset wont actually change anything. I feel deep shame about choosing to avoid some of my pregnant friends. now i am experiencing pregnancy with all its amazing and hard times i know how much they needed me as a friend. i must sit down with them and explain that for me i needed to avoid them at that time because it made me feel so bad about myself, not that i wasnt happy for them.

 

[rosebud_01_99]

i thought this thread was closed , why is it reopened?

 

[Vickie]

i thought this thread was closed , why is it reopened?

I looked at the moderation history of the thread and it was never closed, comments were removed by moderators but the thread was not closed.

 

[tamithomas]

i thought this thread was closed , why is it reopened?

I looked at the moderation history of the thread and it was never closed, comments were removed by moderators but the thread was not closed.

exactly, it was only modified. welcome back!

 

[tamithomas]

i have noticed it after becoming pregnant after lttc, when talking about our ivf (we didnt actually do ivf we were waiting for my period to start to start stimming when i got my bfp) my own grandfather said "oh things were so much easier in my day" to which i said "well not if you were infertile!"

also people are so happy to say "Oh you relaxed and it happened!" our bfp was on a relaxing month as the doctor had said i had 40 folicles and i wouldnt ovulate that month so we were not ttc, just dtd and we went skiing and drank lots. but it was also month #2 after a hsg and i think that had much more to do with it than the "relaxing"

I wanted to anounce on facebook when i hit 12 weeks but i know how much those anouncements hurt me and how i pictured everyone to have had easy conceptions as soon as they decided they wanted a baby. what i did was announce that we were expecting and then in another status explain how long we had tried for and how close to ivf we were and how infertility is unfortunatly such a secretive thing in our society. I wanted any friends who are secretly struggling to conceive to see that its not allways an easy road and hopefully that will make the baby/pregnancy updates that i will do not so hurtfull.

I do think that its not fair to feel anger towards a pregnant woman. even secret unspoken anger, it is damaging for everyone. I struggled with intense jelousy when ttc but i never thought bad thoughts about the unborn child or mum to be, just anger at my own body and my own situation. I do think that thos lttc should be happy for pregnant women as being angry/upset wont actually change anything. I feel deep shame about choosing to avoid some of my pregnant friends. now i am experiencing pregnancy with all its amazing and hard times i know how much they needed me as a friend. i must sit down with them and explain that for me i needed to avoid them at that time because it made me feel so bad about myself, not that i wasnt happy for them.

firstly congrats on BFP. How courageous of you to announce your struggle, that's actually very nobble and brave of you to let people know they're not alone.

That being said, I understand being angry towards pregnant women will not get my closer to my BFP. However, if we are feeling an emotion it is healthy to go along with it instead of supressing it. I'm not saying we go around bashing pregnant woman to their faces and make their pregnancies living hell. Never in a million years though would I wish harm on a unborn child or the mother, that's just go borderline psychopath and anyone who thinks that should go get their head checked lol.

But if we chose to avoid them or unsubscribe to them because we don't want to be around it then it's our way of coping. What we feel on our private time is our business. I understand that you see the light now that you are BFP but some of us aren't and we still have that struggling aching IF feeling. We still cry to sleep at night wondering if we'll ever be mothers, wondering if all you'll ever be is a babysitter instead of taking care of your own. I'm not saying you don't know how it feels as you've struggled through heck to get BFP but for us who still live in the If world, pregnancy is not something we wanna be surrounded by. We all deal differently, I will respect your opinion just so long as you respect ours. If they really are friends who actually take the time to understand then I'm sure they understand as well. Once again, congrats on the BFP