Intense anxiety due to over researching on internet - please help

[PixieV]

Hello All,

I became pregnant after about 2 years of trying. It was the happiest time of my life and I am now 30 weeks

I have intense anxiety that I try to keep under control with meditation/acupuncture/hypnotherapy/CBT but it is just not enough. My doctor is insisting I start on anti-depressants but as it will take a while for them to kick in is it really worth it before my baby is born?

Three weeks ago I read that early ultrasounds cause autism on various forums. I had early ultrasounds due to my anxiety and not believing I was pregnant! I know that sounds mad but at the time I didnt realise what problems I could be causing. I wake up 3am every day and lay there panicking until it is time to get up.

I had my partner tested for his RH status as I am negative, it turns out he is also negative. I have already had an anti-d injection and even after 6 hours of researching I cannot find anything that confirms or denies an anti-d injection will affect a negative fetus - it just says if your partner is negative you do not need the injection.

I have tried so hard since day 1 to do things "right" but for everything I did "right" I have done 10 things wrong.

I feel broken, lost and devastated. My partner is at his wits end trying to cope with me and of course, my stress will be affecting my poor baby (which according to midwife appointments is actually doing quite well and I hope so much that this is the case).

What shall I do? I am sorry for the long message. I have wanted to post for weeks but just didn't know how to word it.

If anyone has any comments on the ultrasounds or RH status I would much appreciate it. My head is a mess trying to comprehend it. If my child had special needs I would cope, what I would not cope with is the realisation it is down to me.

Thank you so much. This should be the happiest time of my life and instead i am stuck in a nightmare that doesn't seem to end.

 

[kewpie]

Hey Pixie,

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds extremely stressful.

Unsure why exactly you're feeling devastated when everything indicates baby is doing fine? I do understand it is very easy to worry about how your baby is doing or if you're doing something 'wrong' - it's a long time to essentially sit back and let nature be in control.

In regard to the ultrasound, many of us have had early ultrasounds for various reasons, myself included - doctors would simply not go ahead with them if there was any legitimate evidence of causing harm. It is simply not worth letting speculation from a forum disturb your precious sleep or your enjoyment of your pregnancy and I wonder if it could be worth talking it over with someone you trust or a counsellor to help you get to a point where you won't worry about it.

I suggest you lean on your doctor a bit more at this time as it's crucial you are able to reassure yourself you haven't done anything wrong. Does your doctor think the anti-depressants will kick in within 10 weeks? If so then it may be worth starting them.

Can you focus on the positive things your midwife is saying about baby and bring those to the forefront of your mind? So that when you are lying awake at night and your mind starts to worry, you can gently bring your mind back each time to the positive words she has said. Get her to elaborate more at your next appointment if you can so you have even more to work with.

I made a comment early on in my pregnancy which showed I was worrying a bit and my mother-and-law gently but firmly said 'Just keep thinking positively'. Her voice echoes in my mind each time I'm tempted to worry about anything and I know it's beneficial for me and baby to worry less so this is my motivation.

Hoping you are able to find some peace very soon! Warm thoughts

 

[Myshelsong]

Hi, just want to say I do understand how anxiety and paranoia can cause stress in your life. Although I don't have the level of anxiety you have, my pregnancy has not been stress free thanks to a loss last year. We also have done years of infertility treatments, tons of hormones as well so anxiety and stress has been apart of our lives for years.

Here is what I am suggesting.
A - Listen to your doctor and if they are recommending medication than follow your doctors suggestions. yes medication takes time to wok, however with all the anxiety you are feeling now it isn't going to just disappear after birth happens. So getting some help before baby comes is the best thing you could do.
B - Stay away from the Internet. Yes, honestly stay away. Make after dinner home time an internet free zone. Unplug completely, it is the best thing you could do for yourself.
C - Let go of your guilt over anything you might have done in earlier pregnancy. Honestly, baby is doing fine you did everything you could do and you still are. You have nothing to feel guilty about and there is no actual proof of ultrasounds causing autism. Also RH shot does not affect fetus at all even if you are both negative, even if all three of you are negative, which it sounds like you should be. Again, leave the internet alone.

Just wishing you all the luck in the world. Hope you feel better soon Hun.

 

[Talia12]

It sounds like you have a bit of antenatal depression, I did with my son and like you I was absolutely full of irrational worry and panic (over other things) and it ruined a good portion of the pregnancy. If you can get help, do it - you won't be pregnant with this baby again and you want to be able to look back with at least some fond memories (I can fortunately as my fug had mostly passed by 30 weeks but was very bad before then).
Also, I'm now 34 weeks and have started feeling quite down for no reason, I wouldn't say broken or devastated but definitely some ups and downs hormonally so try to remember that that will be happening in your body too, some of what you're feeling now is down to hormones.
Yesterday I had a really down day so I pulled out some of the baby's stuff and it cheered me up. Try something like that OR if it'll help more to do something completely unrelated to the baby, do that instead. And do talk to your midwife/doctor and tell them how you're feeling. You won't be the first by far.

On another note I've had absolutely tons of ultrasounds during this pregnancy due to a previous miscarriage and then other anomalies they picked up with the baby plus two private ones. It is safe. Ultrasounds have been around for long enough that they would've established a proper link by now, but they are safe. They haven't harmed your baby.

Sending you hugs

 

[Talia12]

Oh and I would say yes it's worth starting the antidepressants now because even if they don't kick in till after baby comes (but I'd imagine they would, you still have 10 weeks), you're going to be very liable to feeling anxious/depressed after the birth as it is, because lots of women are prone to that.

 

[PixieV]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my message.

You wouldn’t believe how much it helps, it makes me feel less alone and I will definitely take your comments on board, they are very intelligent and make sense. I just need to be reminded sometimes

If I could change one thing from this pregnancy it would be no Internet - it has brought me nothing but worry and anxiety (I know the internet can be used appropriately during pregnancy, but I have not done this!)

At least I have this forum post - which is definitely a positive element to the Internet!

 

[Talia12]

Well exactly the same here - the internet convinces me everything is likely to go wrong so I just stay the hell away. If I've got a question, I sometimes ask it on here - and only on here! - or I ask my doctor or mw. Oh and when baby comes, stay the hell away from it too! When my ds was about two weeks old I saw a bright white patch on the roof of his mouth, googled it, first thing that came up: "MOUTH CANCER" my god I was a gibbering crying wreck for about two minutes until I had another look and realised it was a f*cking piece of paper that had somehow got inside his mouth!!! google is not a doctor

 

[PixieV]

Oh I’ve not thought what I’ll be like when he finally arrives and how my anxieties are going to take on a new form

Haha the story of the paper in your babies mouth made me lol - though I really shouldn’t as it’s 100% something that could happen to me !

 

[Zephram]

First thing first - stop consulting Dr Google and especially don’t take what other hormonal pregnant women who are not medical doctors say seriously. Except for us, in this context, naturally. People say all sorts of crap on the internet and it is pretty much all untrue. If you have a medical question, you go and ask your doctor or midwife, you don’t freak yourself out by googling every possible scenario. And you especially don’t believe everything you read.

With that said, let’s just level things out here - ultrasounds are fine and so is anti-d. You haven’t done anything wrong, you haven’t caused some catastrophe to happen to your baby and you are an amazing, caring mama.

I think you should go on the antidepressants now. Women who have antenatal depression or anxiety are much more likely to go on to have post natal depression or anxiety. If your doctor is recommending you to take them, then I really think you should. Think of it as armour that’ll help you get through the newborn period.

Plus, I just want to say, as mums in the Information Age, it’s really easy for all of us to fall into the trap of believing what we read on the internet. It’s not just you. A couple of months ago I had a really bad cold and was convinced it had somehow damaged my baby, so I googled ‘Viruses that can harm your baby’ and spent the next few days freaking out about it! My very kind midwife calmed me down (probably while laughing internally ) and told me about an app called ‘Mind the bump’, which has guided meditations for pregnant women. It could be a good one for you to check out, I’ve done a few of the meditations and they do help calm you down. See here: https://www.mindthebump.org.au/

 

[laura109]

Hi hun. So sorry you feel this way. But honestly hun it's something that gets us all in different ways and to different levels. I'm my opinion anyway! I have anxiety over my children being hurt one day. I'm that mum who doesn't like the idea of them starting school because I worry so much about them being hit or bullied.

Early scans are something I had this time. The Internet will have studies and ideas on it so absolutely everything is a possibility. To the point where we might aswell all give up now lol. There is absolutely no reason your child won't be thriving and healthy. You are bound to feel anxious due to how long it took you to fall pregnant.

Keep talking to people. Try relaxing like listening to music or baths. Go for a walk. Our emotions can be so up and down in pregnancy. It's a part of life we have little control over all we can do is look after ourselves and trust in our bodies to do the rest. We can't choose if our babies are early or late, their blood type or sex. Their looks or if they did have an illness. But this right here is the truth. Whatever happens you will love your baby. You will protect them and care for them. We all have hurdles along the way. It's totally different but my LG had hip dysplasia. It runs in our family. I knew there was a risk. It happened. I had to accept she Couldn't wear her outfits that we had picked out. She couldn't be bathed for 3 months. She was strapped up in a harness for 12 weeks. But despite all that everything was and is OK. I just want to reassure you that anxiety is always higher in pregnancy for alot of us. Google is going to scare you and as a mummy you will worry because we love our little humans.

As for anti depressants I'd discuss further with your Dr. Take care x

 

[sevenofnine]

My poor relationship with Google started over 12 years when I was 15 and convinced myself through searching online that I had cancer behind my ear (it was a small cyst that I still have to this day).

Over the years I’ve been convinced I had: lymphoma, a brain tumor, any type of cancer, meningitis, you name it.

So I say with all honestly and having fully lived through it... STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE!

I am a massive anxiety-ridden health hypochondriac. It still affects me at doctor appointments to this day, to the point of giving me such bad white coat hypertension that I have to monitor at home (where I’m normal 90% of the time). I just hate being at the doctors office.

Anyway, hugs to you!! Anxiety is so hard.

 

[Talia12]

Hi hun. So sorry you feel this way. But honestly hun it's something that gets us all in different ways and to different levels. I'm my opinion anyway! I have anxiety over my children being hurt one day. I'm that mum who doesn't like the idea of them starting school because I worry so much about them being hit or bullied.

Early scans are something I had this time. The Internet will have studies and ideas on it so absolutely everything is a possibility. To the point where we might aswell all give up now lol. There is absolutely no reason your child won't be thriving and healthy. You are bound to feel anxious due to how long it took you to fall pregnant.

Keep talking to people. Try relaxing like listening to music or baths. Go for a walk. Our emotions can be so up and down in pregnancy. It's a part of life we have little control over all we can do is look after ourselves and trust in our bodies to do the rest. We can't choose if our babies are early or late, their blood type or sex. Their looks or if they did have an illness. But this right here is the truth. Whatever happens you will love your baby. You will protect them and care for them. We all have hurdles along the way. It's totally different but my LG had hip dysplasia. It runs in our family. I knew there was a risk. It happened. I had to accept she Couldn't wear her outfits that we had picked out. She couldn't be bathed for 3 months. She was strapped up in a harness for 12 weeks. But despite all that everything was and is OK. I just want to reassure you that anxiety is always higher in pregnancy for alot of us. Google is going to scare you and as a mummy you will worry because we love our little humans.

As for anti depressants I'd discuss further with your Dr. Take care x

I teared up!

 

[second.time]

I have anxiety and hypochondria even when not pregnant so I can relate. I struggled with so many fears during pregnancy and it seemed every time I googled something I'd discover something new that I "shouldn't" have done. I remember sitting at restaurants in a cold-sweat panic because I wasn't sure which item on the menu was safe and I was convinced that if I ate a single crumb of unpasteurized feta or a drop of Cesar dressing I'd mess everything up. Plus my mother has her own ideas on things and she would send me outdated research proving that X or Y or Z was going to cause a miscarriage, which didn't help.

I feel like now that we have the Internet and we have such big improvements in scientific research and medical advancements, the down side is that it's easier than ever for us to agonize and worry over every little thing. I've made offhand comments on forums and had people reply, "I don't mean to scare you BUT" and tell me a horror story, and then I end up having some other part of my pregnancy ruined or turned into something scary or anxiety-producing.

I wish I could go back in time and relax and enjoy my pregnancy, but I know that anxiety is outside your control, it's not always helpful or even possible to "just relax." But it sounds as if your pregnancy is going very well. The fact that you're concerned about these things shows that you're a conscientious and thoughtful person and that you're likely to make good choices, and nothing you've done so far is harmful. Aside from drinking heavily every day or spending all day in a hot tub or something, you can do quite a lot during pregnancy and still have a perfectly healthy, happy baby. A lot of the risks are more "in an ideal world, avoid this" and the risks are so, so tiny that it doesn't matter much.

I recommend listening to your doctor about medications and ways to manage your anxiety during pregnancy. You deserve a happy pregnancy and your little one deserves a mother who's caring, but not beating herself up.

 

[PixieV]

Thank you all so much for these replies.

I am bookmarking the post and referring to it whenever I’m feeling anxious as the replies help calm me down

 

[KatBar]

Sorry you are feeling this way .
I feel that the previous posters have probably covered off everything now, and it’s good to see you are feeling a bit better!
I did just want to say, that the anti-depressants (if you choose to take them), should kick in well before baby arrives (basing off you having 10 weeks to go). I went on them for terrible anxiety and a little PND when my son was born - I was having 8 hour panic attacks and feeling dreadful. I remember them saying it would take about 2 weeks to feel the full effects of the anti-depressants, but I reckon even after a week there was a notable difference.
Wishing you all the best!!

 

[sevenofnine]

I wish I could go back in time and relax and enjoy my pregnancy, but I know that anxiety is outside your control, it's not always helpful or even possible to "just relax.”

I second this. My anxiety is so bad that traditional methods to calm down actually don’t work... like slow breathing actually raises my anxiety because I’ve officially associated anxiety with slow breathing. Anxiety can make you quite a mess!

Xx