Irrational Fears ??

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive Over 35' started by Pie, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. Pie

    Pie TTC No.2

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    Hi Ladies,

    My OH & I are thinking about starting TTC sometime soon (our 2nd, DS is one).

    However, although we haven't even started TTC yet i'm already really worried about my age (nearly 39) and having a healthy baby. Is this really silly of me considering i'm not even pregnant yet (and, might not even be able to conceive!!).

    It's crazy. I find myself googling all kinds of things relating to older mums and babies and know it's not good for me but I can't help it. Is anybody else like this or am I just a looney!!

    I really wish I wasn't such a worrier and could concentrate on the first matter in hand which is being able to conceive in the first place!!! We conceived DS without too much difficulty but I was younger then and now i'm knocking on the door of 40 I feel like it will be harder 2nd time around.

    P xx
     
  2. madmax

    madmax Well-Known Member

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    Trust me I get where you are coming from! I am a new member too and we are ttc! Four months in and nowt, I thought it would be easy! I have decided I have got the early menopause, POF, well everything bad you can think off! Y don't u go to the docs and have a MOT? I admit that I fibbed to my doc about how long we had been trying, because in some areas it can take forever to get tested. My husband can't even have himself checked for two months as the clinic is so busy!

    Good luck sweetie, kinda feel better that there is someone else like me!!!!

    Maxine
     
  3. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    I do know how you feel. I am (virtually) 37 and just had a BFP a few weeks ago and have obviously seen how much my risk has increased since my last pregnancy (aged 34).

    But, rationally speaking, the odds are still in our favour. The risk of a baby with Down's syndrome is 1 in 106 at aged 40, which is still less than 1%. So a 99% chance of having a non affected baby is pretty good odds.
     
  4. seoj

    seoj Our family of four...

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    I think we all have irrational fears from time to time... it's only natural. We are woman and sometimes we anticipate the worst. If only to protect ourselves from disappointment.

    However, odds are, all will be totally fine. All went OK with your first child, so at this point you have no reason to think it would be any different with #2.

    Obviously, if there are any concerns or issues- it's not gonna hurt to have a chat with your OB to start. If anything, it should help ease your mind.

    Just remind yourself that there isn't always a rhyme or reason. Even though statistically it may be more difficult as we get older... it WILL happen for us.

    So keep the faith hun. You'll get there ;) Best of luck it's an easy journey!!!
     
  5. Pie

    Pie TTC No.2

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    Thanks guys! Maybe things were easier before the internet (but then we wouldn't have the support from places like this!!). I just need to stay away from google and concentrate on actually being able to conceive in the first place! I was soooo much fitter and healthier first time around (ran 40km average per week etc with other sports) but since having DS I can count the number of times i've done exercise on one hand and quick fix eating has become the order of the day rather than healthy!
     
  6. Jill72

    Jill72 Well-Known Member

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    I am 39 too and keep trying to push the downs worry out of my mind but it is constantly nagging at me. Loo sounds like she is talking sense and when she describes the statistics like that it does make me feel a bit more relaxed about it. I usually approach life with the attitude of not worrying about something until it is right on your doorstep - weeks of worry are an emotional drain but in terms of worries I agree that this is a biggy!! Thanks Loo for your common sense advice :):thumbup:
     
  7. Waitress

    Waitress Well-Known Member

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    Personally, I think that when you are contemplating doing this amazing thing ALL fears are completely rational!

    I am currently worried about:

    1. Being able to get pregnant (I am 38 and only just starting!)
    2. Being able to stay pregnant
    3. Having a healthy baby
    4. Having triplets (!!)
    5. My husband seeing me poo myself
    6. Never wanting to have sex again
    7. My husband never wanting to have sex again
    8. Being a good mum
    9. My child thinking I'm an old mum
    10. How quickly should I try for number 2.

    Once I've worked through them in that order I should be ready to start again!! I've been reading this forum for a few weeks now and have found at least one other person sharing one or other of the same worries.

    Good luck and FX'd for you xx
     
  8. Monkey12

    Monkey12 Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    Apparently Young women are at as much of a risk as older women when it comes to being pregnant with a downs baby? Many downs babies have been born to younger women who don't get offered the tests older mums do, so it would seem according to a midwife i spoke too, older mums have the advantage, we're offered tests on which basis we make informed decisions.


    Taking my chances at 39 :)

    x
     
  9. Pie

    Pie TTC No.2

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    Thanks for your re-assuring words! We are now NTNP (I think that's the abbreviation anyway!!). A lot of your list Waitress sounds very like mine !!

    xx
     
  10. Leeze

    Leeze Mum and TTC #2

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    brilliant list, I could have written it myself!! Although after TTC for over a year (I'm 38 too) I'm now starting to think that maybe twins or triplets wouldn't be such a bad thing so I'd miss number 4 of your list - I know they would be a major handful to start with but I'm thinking that the stress of having 2 or 3 newborns would also be combined with lots of amazing feelings around being a new mum - whereas I wouldn't ever have to worry about getting pregnant again after that as I'm pretty sure that would be enough!! Also the fact that we're worrying about whether we'll be good enough mums or too old suggests to me that we will make great mums because we're already thinking about the needs of our children!!! :hugs:

    Pie, my understanding is that whilst our eggs are older at this age it means that we might have a slightly higher chance of more eggs that aren't as healthy but we still have a lot of good ones in there too!! One of my best friends had her first child at 39 and is 8 months pregnant with number 2 and she's now nearly 42. I keep thinking of all these celebs who have babies in their mid-40s too - I know they probably got great fertility treatment but there's only so much you can do to help the natural process!!

    I like what Seoj said - keep the faith, it will happen!!! :hugs:
     
  11. Morgans19

    Morgans19 Well-Known Member

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    Hi. Loving this thread. I am 39 and been TTC for over a year with #1 and only!! I think of all these things too but also how wonderful it would be to be a mum. I have just visited the doc and getting prog levels checked on day 21

    Best of luck:thumbup:
     
  12. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    I think younger women are at a lower risk of having a baby with Down's syndrome (on an individual basis), but because more of them have babies, the total number of babies born with Down's is greater to younger mums. Does that make any sense!!??

    I think all our fears are rational and a healthy way of making sure we are not taking all these decisions lightly. It's when the fears take over your thoughts and blot out the positives that make it a problem.

    Good luck everyone! x
     
  13. Waitress

    Waitress Well-Known Member

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    Hi Morgans19,

    After how long TTC did you go to your doctor for some help? I hope you don't mind the question, just keen to know what an "acceptable" time of TTC before you get a bit of advice? My doctor has been on at me for the last 2 years to "get cracking" as he calls it so he knows I haven't been focused on TTC. I'm trying to work out what my next steps should be if I'm not pregnant by say, the summer?
     
  14. Morgans19

    Morgans19 Well-Known Member

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    Course I don't mind you asking. We have "seriously" been TTC for 14 months. I just now worry that I'm 39 so thought that we need to be checked. Loving me CBFM. I'm on day 14 and showing peak fertility yesterday and today so I do ovulate earlier than I thought!
     

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