Irresponsible to have children on benefits?

[sequeena]

Not to jump on you eternal but my mum is disabled and had me in her 30s (suffered her first major stroke at 18). I don't agree with the idea that just because she's ill means she can't/shouldn't be having children. I wouldn't be here otherwise

 

[Loverman]

Not to jump on you eternal but my mum is disabled and had me in her 30s (suffered her first major stroke at 18). I don't agree with the idea that just because she's ill means she can't/shouldn't be having children. I wouldn't be here otherwise

That's fair enough but if your whole family relied on benefits at the time then I don't think what they did was right.

 

[sequeena]

Not to jump on you eternal but my mum is disabled and had me in her 30s (suffered her first major stroke at 18). I don't agree with the idea that just because she's ill means she can't/shouldn't be having children. I wouldn't be here otherwise

That's fair enough but if your whole family relied on benefits at the time then I don't think what they did was right.

They're weren't.

 

[famof6]

Sorry I am from the US and clueless here,but I read that some people and their
oh's were not working and receiving benefits.Is it possible for a family with noone working to recieve enough benefits to raise children?I have never met anyone here that does that.I don't think we even have enough benefits available for a family to live off of.I think most people here have a least one person working or would live with relatives ect.Just curious as that would mean you would need help with rent,food,utilities,ect.What about everyday things like clothing& things for the household?Anyway just trying to understand how it works.Do they just give you a certain amount of money and you use it as you need to?

 

[sequeena]

Sorry I am from the US and clueless here,but I read that some people and their
oh's were not working and receiving benefits.Is it possible for a family with noone working to recieve enough benefits to raise children?I have never met anyone here that does that.I don't think we even have enough benefits available for a family to live off of.I think most people here have a least one person working or would live with relatives ect.Just curious as that would mean you would need help with rent,food,utilities,ect.What about everyday things like clothing& things for the household?Anyway just trying to understand how it works.Do they just give you a certain amount of money and you use it as you need to?

Benefits are completely different in the UK to the US. In the UK you can probably get a benefit for just about anything... we have a very good system, it's just a shame it's abused as much as it is.

There are things like housing benefit to help pay or pays all of your rent, council tax benefit if you have to pay it, job seekers allowance for those who aren't working but are looking, employment and support allowance for those who can't work (I think it took over from income support) or have hit statuatory sick pay if they do work but are ill (this gives them top ups to their sick wage whilst off work), disability living allowance etc.

You can also get a car if you have disability living allowance (not sure if it's just DLA or if you need to be awarded the mobility part too). I think they take some money out of your DLA each month to pay for it but you don't have to pay for tax, insurance etc. at all you only need to pay for your petrol.

It's a bit confusing but there are LOTS of different benefits.

There are also things like crisis loans which anyone can get but you need a good reason (ie no money for food, no money for rent etc).

 

[famof6]

Sorry I am from the US and clueless here,but I read that some people and their
oh's were not working and receiving benefits.Is it possible for a family with noone working to recieve enough benefits to raise children?I have never met anyone here that does that.I don't think we even have enough benefits available for a family to live off of.I think most people here have a least one person working or would live with relatives ect.Just curious as that would mean you would need help with rent,food,utilities,ect.What about everyday things like clothing& things for the household?Anyway just trying to understand how it works.Do they just give you a certain amount of money and you use it as you need to?

Benefits are completely different in the UK to the US. In the UK you can probably get a benefit for just about anything... we have a very good system, it's just a shame it's abused as much as it is.

There are things like housing benefit to help pay or pays all of your rent, council tax benefit if you have to pay it, job seekers allowance for those who aren't working but are looking, employment and support allowance for those who can't work (I think it took over from income support) or have hit statuatory sick pay if they do work but are ill (this gives them top ups to their sick wage whilst off work), disability living allowance etc.

You can also get a car if you have disability living allowance (not sure if it's just DLA or if you need to be awarded the mobility part too). I think they take some money out of your DLA each month to pay for it but you don't have to pay for tax, insurance etc. at all you only need to pay for your petrol.

It's a bit confusing but there are LOTS of different benefits.

There are also things like crisis loans which anyone can get but you need a good reason (ie no money for food, no money for rent etc).

Thanks that is a lot of benefits.I think our main ones here are medical and food but I heard it takes alot to approved for those but not really sure.

 

[sequeena]

Luckily our NHS is free... we are very lucky in this country.

I think we have food stamps/vouchers and food banks too.

 

[Natsku]

The system is very good here too, housing benefit, unemployment, sickness, disability and if you are still struggling then you can get living allowance which brings your income up to the guaranteed minimum. But I don't think its abused as much here because there's a very strong work ethic.

 

[ShanandBoc]

Our welfare system is good too, free medical care, reduced prescriptions (medication), rent assistance.

Until my DH starts his new job, we get (couple with 1 child) AUD$1267 a fortnight (GBP 844) Not sure how that compares to the UK?

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Not to jump on you eternal but my mum is disabled and had me in her 30s (suffered her first major stroke at 18). I don't agree with the idea that just because she's ill means she can't/shouldn't be having children. I wouldn't be here otherwise

That's fair enough but if your whole family relied on benefits at the time then I don't think what they did was right.

I think thats a bit harsh!

 

[Eternal]

Not to jump on you eternal but my mum is disabled and had me in her 30s (suffered her first major stroke at 18). I don't agree with the idea that just because she's ill means she can't/shouldn't be having children. I wouldn't be here otherwise

That's fair enough but if your whole family relied on benefits at the time then I don't think what they did was right.

They're weren't.

I am just saying what my mum did, and what I would probably do, For me personally if im too ill to work and claiming benefits then i would be too ill to bring a child into the world. I am not saying that someone who is diabled cant have children, of course the can, but if they are saying they are too ill to work then it seems a bit strange to me. But thats just my opioion and as i said what my mum did in her circumstances, saying that, my dad worked and for awhile he run her business too (she owned her own shop which was mega suscessful).

 

[Eternal]

Luckily our NHS is free... we are very lucky in this country.

I think we have food stamps/vouchers and food banks too.

I disagree, the NHS in only free at the point of contact, but for those who are working we pay a hell of a lot of money towards the NHS.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

What about people with dsiabled children? Sometimes they can't work due to the fact their child needs round the clock care and regular hopsital appoinments. No job would accomodate for that and often with a severly disabled child both parents have to stay at home to help with carers coming into the home. When they planned that child they didn't know their child would have many additional needs therefore they were not irresponsible when tryingx

 

[Eternal]

What about people with dsiabled children? Sometimes they can't work due to the fact their child needs round the clock care and regular hopsital appoinments. No job would accomodate for that and often with a severly disabled child both parents have to stay at home to help with carers coming into the home. When they planned that child they didn't know their child would have many additional needs therefore they were not irresponsible when tryingx

I think thats completly different, although im not sure what we are talking about, are we talking about parents with children who have such sereve disablities that both parents need to give round the clock care being on benefits or having another child?

Im not judging anyone, just expressing my opioion, but parents in that circumance are different from the parent themselves being disabled, however if you are talking about a child which such extesntive care needs that both parents need to provide round the clock care i would wonder how they could cope with another child.

My BIL is mentally and physically disabled, he was my MILs first child, and she went on to have three more kids (thankfully or my OH wouldnt be here) but although i beleive she got some benefits from his diability she went back to work when the kids were older and FIL never needed to give up work.

Nothing wrong with parents of kids with disabilities having more kids, i think it actuallu adds balance and normality (at least from what ive seen in my OHs family) but if a child needed that much care then im not sure it would be fair on another child being born where they clearly cant be given that much attention. Infact i worked with social services and trained volenteers to work with children known to social services, and there were some children there who were having to have social workers and "befrienders" as their parents didnt have enough time for them while caring for another, most in this case were terminally ill children, but it was really sad for those kids and they struggled with not having the attention the other child did, one older one even self harmed. so its difficult, but its up to the parents.

As for claiming benefits, i have said i have no issue with that, people need to claim for all sorts of reasons, im very pro the diability assistance and if anything think more money should be invested in this area, people cant help if they arnt well enough to work, of if their child is, or whatever, i was my mums carer since i was 7 (unpaid) so im very pro disability. i was just responding to the comments previously.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

What about people with dsiabled children? Sometimes they can't work due to the fact their child needs round the clock care and regular hopsital appoinments. No job would accomodate for that and often with a severly disabled child both parents have to stay at home to help with carers coming into the home. When they planned that child they didn't know their child would have many additional needs therefore they were not irresponsible when tryingx

I think thats completly different, although im not sure what we are talking about, are we talking about parents with children who have such sereve disablities that both parents need to give round the clock care being on benefits or having another child?

Im not judging anyone, just expressing my opioion, but parents in that circumance are different from the parent themselves being disabled, however if you are talking about a child which such extesntive care needs that both parents need to provide round the clock care i would wonder how they could cope with another child.

My BIL is mentally and physically disabled, he was my MILs first child, and she went on to have three more kids (thankfully or my OH wouldnt be here) but although i beleive she got some benefits from his diability she went back to work when the kids were older and FIL never needed to give up work.

Nothing wrong with parents of kids with disabilities having more kids, i think it actuallu adds balance and normality (at least from what ive seen in my OHs family) but if a child needed that much care then im not sure it would be fair on another child being born where they clearly cant be given that much attention. Infact i worked with social services and trained volenteers to work with children known to social services, and there were some children there who were having to have social workers and "befrienders" as their parents didnt have enough time for them while caring for another, most in this case were terminally ill children, but it was really sad for those kids and they struggled with not having the attention the other child did, one older one even self harmed. so its difficult, but its up to the parents.

As for claiming benefits, i have said i have no issue with that, people need to claim for all sorts of reasons, im very pro the diability assistance and if anything think more money should be invested in this area, people cant help if they arnt well enough to work, of if their child is, or whatever, i was my mums carer since i was 7 (unpaid) so im very pro disability. i was just responding to the comments previously.

Disabilities/chronic illnesses vary and have different impact on each families. A child I care for has leukimia she is currently being treated in a hopsital over 150 miles away from their home. The parents do no leave her bedside in fear of her suddenly going downhill quickly and them not being able to get there in time. Both the mother and the father stay in parent accomodation. The father did work before his daughter became ill but due to the metal and phsyical stress that having a seriously ill child gives he had to give up work. He just simply couldn't concentrate on his job and he became increasingly depressed, so he gave up work to be by his daughters bedside and support his wife. His wife had the coil fitted when their child became ill (they were trying previously). Three months ago she began feeling tired, sick etc, she was pregnant. It turns out the coil wasn't fitted properly and allowed pregnancy to occur. They didn't plan this baby but they found themselves in that situation through no fault of their own. The family would love to be able to continue with day to day activties i.e. working but having a child that is so ill doesn't allow this. As a student children's nurse I work with families everyday. I have seen families react to excatly the same illnesses in completley different ways. Some crumble and only focus is that child, others seem to throw themselves into work (maybe it takes their mind of it) Neither of their reactions are wrong just different because they are indiviudal people/families with inidvidual needs. x

 

[sequeena]

I don't think many of us will ever pay into the NHS the amount that we take out of it.

 

[Eternal]

What about people with dsiabled children? Sometimes they can't work due to the fact their child needs round the clock care and regular hopsital appoinments. No job would accomodate for that and often with a severly disabled child both parents have to stay at home to help with carers coming into the home. When they planned that child they didn't know their child would have many additional needs therefore they were not irresponsible when tryingx

I think thats completly different, although im not sure what we are talking about, are we talking about parents with children who have such sereve disablities that both parents need to give round the clock care being on benefits or having another child?

Im not judging anyone, just expressing my opioion, but parents in that circumance are different from the parent themselves being disabled, however if you are talking about a child which such extesntive care needs that both parents need to provide round the clock care i would wonder how they could cope with another child.

My BIL is mentally and physically disabled, he was my MILs first child, and she went on to have three more kids (thankfully or my OH wouldnt be here) but although i beleive she got some benefits from his diability she went back to work when the kids were older and FIL never needed to give up work.

Nothing wrong with parents of kids with disabilities having more kids, i think it actuallu adds balance and normality (at least from what ive seen in my OHs family) but if a child needed that much care then im not sure it would be fair on another child being born where they clearly cant be given that much attention. Infact i worked with social services and trained volenteers to work with children known to social services, and there were some children there who were having to have social workers and "befrienders" as their parents didnt have enough time for them while caring for another, most in this case were terminally ill children, but it was really sad for those kids and they struggled with not having the attention the other child did, one older one even self harmed. so its difficult, but its up to the parents.

As for claiming benefits, i have said i have no issue with that, people need to claim for all sorts of reasons, im very pro the diability assistance and if anything think more money should be invested in this area, people cant help if they arnt well enough to work, of if their child is, or whatever, i was my mums carer since i was 7 (unpaid) so im very pro disability. i was just responding to the comments previously.

Disabilities/chronic illnesses vary and have different impact on each familis. I child I care for has leukimia she is currently being treated in a hopsital over 150 miles away from their home. The parents do no leave her bedside in fear of her suddenly going downhill quickly and them not being able to get there in time. Both the mother and the father stay in parent accomodation. The father did work before his daughter became ill but due to the metal and phsyical stress that having a seriously ill give he had to give up work. He just simply couldn't concentrate on his job and he became increasingly depressed. So he gave up work to be by his daughters bedside and support his wife. His wife had the coil fitted when their child became ill (they were trying previously). Three months ago she began feeling tired, sick etc, she was pregnant. It turns out the coil wasn't fitted properly and allowed pregnancy to occur. They didn't plan this baby but they found themselves in that situation through no fault of their own. The family would love to be able to continue with day to day activties i.e. working but having a child that is so ill doesn't allow this. As a student children's nurse I work with families everyday. I have seen families react to excatly the same illnesses in completley different ways. Some crumble and only focus is that child, others seem to throw themselves into work (maybe it takes their mind of it) Neither of their reactions are wrong just different because they are indiviudal people/families with inidvidual needs. x

Yes and that exactly what I was saying, I was a nurse and my son has spent time in hospital and seeing parents there take shifts to always be by their long term ill sick childs bed is exhursting. Of course they cant work, but thats what I was saying, if i were in the same circumstances im sure we would be there (we are lucky that my husband would get leave from work long term not so sure about how money would be though). And in addition what i said was how more money should be invested, which this is clearly an example of where more money should be invested for the parents to not have to worry about money at all during this process.

Your point that she is pregnant really again emphasises what i said, she clearly didnt plan that child and although im sure that child will be very loved and cared for, at this present time she didnt want another child, because their time and energy is taken up with their sick child. She clearly wouldnt have planned another child at a time like that. that was my point, hopfully they are getting by finicially with whatever assistance the government can provide (which i doubt is enough) but that is clearly what i was saying about more money needed, David Cameron himself talked about how poor it was when his son was ill, i dont know if he has done anything about it and of course he could afford extra private things that the majoirty cant, but this is clearly an area that needed extra funding, either for those in these circustances or other types of disabilities, providing extra servies and even rest bite care.

 

[Eternal]

I don't think many of us will ever pay into the NHS the amount that we take out of it.

Some of us do, and some of us top up our care with private care too.

Yes I do use the NHS still and so does my son and husband, but we have paid far more into it than what we have taken from it, and we find ourselves increasingly paying privately for some aspects of our care.

For those who pay 40% tax and even 50% tax it doesnt take long to be paying in a huge amount, saying that of course what we pay in taxes also goes towards education, policing and other such things.

But when i was nursing i knew elderly people coming in after a fall or something and having no notes, because they had never ever used a hospital or a doctor, now im sure thats rare amoungt the younger generation, but the system works because some people pay a hell of a lot in, and some people use it less than others.

 

[ASBO_ALI]

me and hubby were both working full time. Once baby arrived i went back part time - my MIL looked after baby one of the days therefore cutting the nursery fee's. After 4 months of part time, my office wanted me back full time but we couldnt afford the full time nursery fee's at over £1000 a month and i didnt have a baby for my MIL to look after!!! So i had no choice but to give up work and claim benefits... im no better off being on benefits, but at least i get to raise my son as i want to and not some nursery teacher or my MIL. They make it impossible for mum's to return to work unless its for a job paying £30k + a year.. x
I actually found an evening office job for a couple of hours a week - but my tax credits stopped, i never got to see my husband, so had to quit for the sake of my family life... its crazy tax credits are not helping more with those who DO go and find a little part time job!!! Ludicrous. xx

 

[Lightworker]

OT- but how come people pick on benefits alot? why doesnt anyone ask whether it is irresponsible to have children when you work 60 hour weeks and you never have time for them. Financial stability should not be the yardstick with which we evaluate the competence of parents.

That does get discussed quite a lot, but it's a seperate debate to this one.

Yeah I appreciate it is a seperate debate, which is why I said "OT" but I just haven't seen it being debated here, whereas the benefits one has been, alot. Anyway, sorry to detract from the original discussion, I was merely pondering the issue.