Is it just my OH thats selfish??

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by XxSamBxX, Jun 5, 2011.

?

Is your OH not as understanding as you hoped?

  1. Yes

  2. No

  3. I'm Single

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  1. XxSamBxX

    XxSamBxX Mom & Expecting #2

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    I was wondering if it was just me that had a rather selfish OH???

    He knows i struggle to get comfy in bed and when i finally do he asks me to move!! and moans and moans until i lose my temper and im not comfy once again!!

    He has NO IDEA how i am feeling at the moment and i know he truly doesnt care as long as he is ok!!

    How I'm Feeling:
    • Exhausted
    • Overwhelmed
    • In pain
    • Lonely
    • Wondering whether its worth being together
    • Emotinally drained
      My list could go on forever

      I spend along of my days in tears because i am so tired and i just want a little support from him am i asking too much??
     
  2. zozo28

    zozo28 Well-Known Member

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    I know how you feel! Mine is useless, wont help around the house, still bugs me to give him massages, makes a huge mess everywhere, wont feed the dogs even though their food makes me sick. I can cope when I feeling 100% but not at the moment. He has no empathy whatsoever. If I need any help I will probably have to ring my mum who lives an hour away! It makes you wonder doesnt it? x
     
  3. XxSamBxX

    XxSamBxX Mom & Expecting #2

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    Definatley!! Luckily my mom live 10 mins away!! its 12am i am exhausted because he moaned that i took up too much bed he knows i struggle to get into a comfortable position! its always gotta be about him!! im sat here crying and he's in there snoring!! Im 11wks pregnant how is it fair!!
     
  4. robinator

    robinator Guest

    My DH has always been a considerate, what-can-I-do-for-you kind of person, with anybody. He's even better now and I didn't think that was possible. I couldn't ask for a better partner :flower:
     
  5. XxSamBxX

    XxSamBxX Mom & Expecting #2

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    Wish mine was!!
     
  6. kaz29

    kaz29 Well-Known Member

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    ha mine has only just started to become a little less selfish, i have noticed that he can get jealous at times because he is not the centre of the universe anymore and he has been in the past before LO sparked into exsistance and i was pregnant and needing more me time and support.

    Some men are so ignorant and show their true clours at times like these.
     
  7. XxSamBxX

    XxSamBxX Mom & Expecting #2

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    i totally agree! But he makes me feel awful for being comfortable!! He just isnt the guy i met and i know i have changed for the worst but i only want a little understanding from him!!
     
  8. zozo28

    zozo28 Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing! I was in the same position last night, half the time I end up sleeping in the spare room as I cant stand him breathing on me anyway! I just tell him he was snoring and I couldnt sleep.

    I try to tell myself that I can cope doing everything around the house even when I feel really sick, I dont want to rock the boat too much as I dont want to ruin the relationship with a LO on the way. But then I feel pathetic and I know I should stand up for myself! My MS has only just started too, Ive been pregnant before and was bent over a toilet for weeks so I dread how I will go then with him and 3 dogs to look after, plus working full time. It will all be fine once I'm feeling normal again but I dont understand how he can be so selfish and thoughtless while I'm feeling so bad. :growlmad:
     
  9. XxSamBxX

    XxSamBxX Mom & Expecting #2

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    :hugs: how far gone are you?

    I end up on the sofa! :( but he can sit there and reel off a list of stuff he wants doing while he's at work!!
     
  10. zozo28

    zozo28 Well-Known Member

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    oh no, not the couch! I hope its comfy at least?

    Im only 4 and half weeks so ages to go yet! Ive just started feeling sick in the last few days, its not too bad yet though.

    It makes you feel kind of said when you read about how nice everyone else's OH/DH is on this site, I dont know about you but I feel a bit left out! I know he will be a good dad though once LO is here, he is just hopeless around the house and has no bedside manner. Its been the same in the past if I have the flu. If I start to feel too much worse I think I will go and stay with my mum for a few weeks and leave him to sit in his own filth for a while! Kind of sad though as I just turned 32! Lol
     
  11. swanxxsong

    swanxxsong pregnant w my rainbow!

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    I'm so sorry to read of your problems with your OHs, ladies! /: It frustrates me, because you would think a man would at least attempt to understand. I know they'll never completely get it, but at least try. I hope you can all get through to them soon!!

    Thus far, hub's just been hovering and over-protective, but I'm really trying to not get annoyed by it. I appreciate it, I just am not incompetent either, you know? lol We haven't even known for a week yet, so I'm interested to see how things go as it progresses.
     
  12. kaz29

    kaz29 Well-Known Member

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    lots of people find that their OH change when they become pregnant, could be us changing, them changing or everything changing, but he is extreamly selfish to make u sleep on the couch because hes being difficult and also i give u a list, listen me and OH have argued like nothing else in the past 9 months and im telling u i started eventaully standing more and more up for myself and telling him its just not good enough.

    I was all ready to walk away the other nite and he soon changed his tune and begged me not to leave him, he loves me etc and hes been a lot better evr since but i swear one more time and im so gone. Thing is when u get further along your priorites change and u will become fed up of his ways so much so that your mothering instincts will kick in and u will do and be in the best enviroment for your baby u can be and anything less will not do.

    When u are near the end everything seems more real regarding LO and u would do anything for LO and to make sure u can be fully functional to be the best mother a baby can have just so u have the focus just to do feds and general looking after. He will be at the back of the que hun.

    And you'll take his list, rip it up infront of him(of tell him to shove it) and be totally into your baby.

    Hes gonna have the biggest shock of his lofe, and he seriously needs to grow up and grow a pair and stop expecting you to replace his mother and mother him and look after him like he was a baby.
     
  13. kaz29

    kaz29 Well-Known Member

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    ive made so many spelling mistake in that post, lol baby brain
     
  14. queenlavera

    queenlavera Mommy to a miracle

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    Sorry to hear your OHs have been difficult. I am blessed mine has been amazing, cooks, cleans, runs out to the store to pick things up for me. I feel even more grateful now!!
     
  15. mamawannabee

    mamawannabee Natural Mama/WTT #2

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    It's not just you! OH knows why I'm peeing all the time, tired, sick, ect, but he doesn't seem to care. He doesn't get why it takes me a half hour of moving around in bed to get comfortable, my constant tossing and turning, he complains about how it keeps him up. Do you think I like being up all the time from it? So frustrating! Tonight I was cooking and he was picking on me for the way I was doing it, I was like if you don't like it do it yourself, I am so sick and the last thing I want to do is cook, deal with it. I know they couldn't possibly know what we feel like, but you would think they understand that growing a baby is hard work! And that we are not feeling 100 percent right now, that we need some help. Don't get me wrong, he does a lot of the cleaning, and has so long as we've lived together, for which I am very thankful, but everything else he just makes out to be such a big deal. I just spent a half hour crying in the shower over the dinner issue, which really was just such a big deal because I'm so hormonal and emotional, but I just want him to get it! I'm glad all of you understand, because there is no way men ever will!
     
  16. robinator

    robinator Guest

    I'm sorry :hugs::hugs:
     
  17. xdxxtx

    xdxxtx NTNP

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    I feel the same way. It's just awful. I hate it, but I know that it's mostly my hormones making me feel that way. My OH hasn't changed much since we got pregnant, but I think that's the problem mostly. OH is still so grumpy sometimes, and that stresses me out so much now and makes me so upset when I get snapped at or talked to in a mean way... It's just so hard to handle now, when before I would've just made a joke or fought back but now all I wanna do is cry and be sad and alone...

    We'll all get through this. Maybe we just have to talk with our OHs and let them know just how much it affects us... (Or maybe your OHs will be like mine and not care.)
     
  18. Saphira

    Saphira Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear that Sam. :( I don't find it very considerate that he's not putting your comfort first at the moment! I'm also way more sensitive with my comfort standards lately and have had a lot of late night/early morning wake-ups as a result. I personally think you need to sit down with him and try to calmly explain how you're feeling. For some it's really hard to put themselves in others' shoes so to say. Hopefully he starts caring more and, if not, I'd probably try to save the drama and make a comfy bed on the couch although that's also not the best solution. Sorry I'm not so much of a help. :(
     
  19. Hebble

    Hebble New Mama

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    I feel for you. I was hoping my OH would be considerate, but not so much.

    I'm six weeks, and so so nauseous. I can't stand to be around smells...particularly the kitchen and he doesn't seem to understand. If I mention it he seems to get annoyed at me for 'constantly complaining.' He also doesn't understand why I'm so tired as 'baby is tiny.'

    Ugh! Hopefully as time goes on things will improve, I guess it's hard to adjust for everyone.
     
  20. Christy21

    Christy21 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry you are having a hard time it must be really difficult. My OH had been so supportive but he is always like that and he is really excited, and that is how they should be at the moment. Have you tried telling him how bad you are feeling, you should be enjoying this wonderful journey and not feeling upset and alone <hugs>
     

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