Is it just my OH thats selfish??

[XxSamBxX]

I have told him time and time again exactly how im feeling and he doesnt seem to care!! I literally only moved back in with him on saturday after i had had enough and moved back into my parents for a few days! He had conditions for me when i came home (which i am sticking to) & i had conditions for him to one of which to be more understanding and he hasnt!!

I give him a few more days and if no change we will be over i cant live like this anymore!! He thinks that because i left work and he offered to "keep" me that i am his maid and he owns me i am still using my own money all he is doing is not asking me to contribute so until i ask him for money he isnt "keeping" me i am being more of a mother to him!!

His mother said the best thing the other day which was "she needs to do more for him" WTF! i clean the flat EVERYDAY i do everything the next thing she will want me to do is wipe his ass!!!

the day i moved out i had to go because i was that angry i put my fist thru his door!!

so he better change by friday or im gone!! and he can be a weekend dad!!

 

[Gretaa]

My man has a huge ego and before he liked when all of my attention was towards him. Now it's a bit different and it's gonna stay like this all the time now! men are very much egoists and they need to be told so, so they can put themselves into frames a bit and sacrifice their selfishness. Good luck with yours, but i'd say - talking and communication is the key.

 

[XxSamBxX]

he doesnt respond to talking he doesnt care about anything really!!

 

[gingerwhinger]

Maybe not what you want to hear but I would leave. Now. He sounds like a total jerk and I wouldn't bother putting up with it for a second longer. I am a 'kept woman' if you like, I have never worked since my fella and I got a place together for no other reason than he has a good job and is well paid so fortunately I don't need to. If he, or his family, thought for a second that I should be some sort of maid then they could think again! I look after him, the house, the purse strings, my son etc etc. And when I am not doing that I am busy growing a human or, God forbid, enjoying myself! Maybe try one last proper talk, or write it down for him?? He needs to change before your baby gets here whether you are together or not x

 

[crazylilth1ng]

I have to say SamB that I agree with the above post. He sounds to be a very selfish little man and he is not even TRYING to understand how you feel.

I will be leaving my job soon as my husband has a great salary and I don't actually "need" to work... and even though my husband has his faults (his ego is a little bigger than I would like and he is childish sometimes) he is extremely understanding about the pregnancy and when he makes lists of stuff for me to do while he is working, if I tell him its too much he says ok and cuts it right down to what I can manage. Of course I do not leave the house dirty and I do the cleaning, but it is done at my pace and he respects it.

Yea, give him a few days... but honestly from what u have said it doesn't seem like he will change much.

 

[Saphira]

That doesn't sound good at all. If communicating isn't getting anywhere and the situation stays the same I would honestly leave him. You have enough worries at the moment. If he continues to make your life miserable it's not worth it. I believe a split at this point will be much easier for you and baby as opposed to waiting it out and trying to make the relationship work while trying to care for a newborn. I really am wishing you the best Sam and hoping he turns around!

 

[lozzy21]

It can take a while for men to realise there is a baby in there, afterall you look exactly the same and pregnancy isent an illness I suggest getting him pissed as a fart so that he has the hangover from hell and then get him to do things round the house. When he tryes to complain tell him thats how you feel everyday so if you can continue doing things so can he.

My OH is usualy the most sweet and kindest person you will ever meet but for the first 9 weeks he was an complete and utter dick, it took me exploding at him and telling him he ether needed to start making things easier for me of he can move out. After a second scan at 9 weeks when she started to look like a baby he changed and turned back into the man i fell in love with. He is the most amazing father and will do anything for her now.

 

[Dizzy321]

Men will never understand a womans feelings and what we have to go through in pregnancy, they are different crechures I'm afraid they can try though, mine does not make much fuss of me being pregnant, but is the best daddy I could ever ask fo for my kids xx

 

[gingerwhinger]

I agree with the posters about men just not understanding how we feel when to them we look no different! I email a link to the week we are at on the babyzone website to my fella to read at work and it has made a HUGE difference! I have really suffered with tiredness and I am sure that oh thought I was just being a bit pathetic but now he reads it he understands and doesn't mind that the house is a bit of a tip. He goes a bit far with it mind you - today he announced that as I was nearing the end of first trimester within a week I shall be feeling on top of the world! Gee thanks I said, can't wait

 

[MrsMama]

I think that's awful Hun, my husband did everything for me when I was pregnant with our first daughter and now I'm pregnant again he is just the same. He does the housework when I'm too tired, he cooks, he sorts out our 3 year old, goes to the shops for me, and all this after he comes home from work after being up since 5am (gets home around 6pm). He's the same even if he has done a duty weekend or a deployment (my husband is military). I have nothing to complain about with my Hubby and I believe every man should be this way!!

 

[Animaniacs]

We've been married almost 13 years and have two kids already. My hubby is the best and helps me a lot. Sorry some of yours are different...

 

[Eternal]

my husband is really good most of the time, he is def taking extra good care of me after me lost the last baby and esp now we know its twins. i dont think he can fully comprehend what im going through and how it feels for me, but he is trying which is all i can ask.

The bed thing, I told him how i need to lay to get comfortable and i suddenly cant stand him breathing near me, so i told him and he sleeps differently to accomadate me. im still uncomnfortable though, but at least i cant blame it on him.

We had a row the other night because i hadnt folder any of the laundry in a week!!! But again i explained how i am feeling, people keep saying to him how hard it must be for me with a twin pregnancy and think he realises that i am stuggling just to look after Sam at the moment, plus my disabled mum, the house is the least of my worries.

The kitchen he knows he is responsible for, and think we are finally figuring out how to work together with things, he is fantastic, I really couldnt ask for better, he isnt perfect, but i am soooooooo not perfect, but we are both trying and thats the main thing.

My advice is communication, sometimes causes arguments but that isnt always a bad thing, men are clueless and lazy, if they can carry on and nothing change they will. if you want them to do something or consider you differently then say, its the first step, say, it really hurts me when you are so inconsiderate at night, i am 11 weeks pregnant, i cant sleep, im constatntly confomy and when i do evetually find a comfortable position you move me.

Hopfully that will be enough, it usually is for us.

 

[flippityflop]

Mine is off and on.

For example, I had Friday off and spent the morning cleaning and I was going away all weekend so left the house nice and tidy and clean. I came home to sick in the toilet as he'd got drunk the night before and the blanket on the sofa covered in spilt food. I was so annoyed.

I was so tired from the weekend (hen weekend) and just wanted to come home and rest. He announced he was going to the pub in the afternoon and I was really miffed. I was away all weekend and you'd think he'd want to spend some time with me once I was back. I get that its not all about me and he's already made plans but I thought he'd want to stay with me. I had a go at him about getting the house into such a mess and I wasn't his bloody mother or his slave and I didn't always have to pick up after him and was tired of living with his rubbish. He just kept laughing at me and I was getting more and more wound up. I know I was overtired and hormonal but he could have just apologized for being such a mess but he just laughed and said he'd had to cut short his pub visit the night before and come home early as I was away and the dogs were on their own, so I came back with "oh, so if I wasn't away you would have stayed in the pub all night, leaving me all alone at home". I asked him if he was planning on doing this all the time whilst I was pregnant - I'm not drinking so don't need a social life. He said of course not and how could I get mad at him over a hypothetical situation. It got the point where I nearly poured a bottle of water on his head. He just made me so angry. I ended up crying and saying how crap he would be as a Dad and how miserable I felt and stormed out the house.

I know that I was extremely sensitive yesterday and I did expect him to fawn all over me when I came home, and he didn't. Which is isn't like us really so I was expecting him to behave in a way that he doesn't normally. I've changed since I became pregnant and I was sort of hoping he would too but he hasn't. He thinks he's got 9 months to change.

Sigh.

But on other occasions he's completely sensitive, overly helpful, looks after me, always checking how I am feeling, if I need any help. Neither of us are very good with each other when we're tired and I think yesterday escalated into something more than it should have, although I know I was in the right!!

I have noticed one thing. Before I was pregnant we'd have rows and he would ignore me for sometimes days, and wouldn't talk about the argument and would just forget it and not get to the root of the problem. Now though, he will talk through problems with me and doesn't just go all moody and silent so I never know what he's thinking.

MEN!

 

[Lulu1982]

Sometimes they need it spelt out slearly to them

We've only known about our pregnancy for a week and have had two disagreements already

I asked him to feed the horses as the smell of the haylage was making me heave ... his reply : "No it isn't!" Queue emotional meltdown from me.#

We sat down and had a chat. I explained to him that I feel terrified that something might go wrong, that I want to be excited but I'm too scared to until we know if everything is okay. He couldn;t understand how I "felt" pregnant when it's such early days so I explained about the queasyness, the tummy pulling feelings, the excessive bloating, the fact that I can't even pull the duvet over me without my boobs hurting ... then he understood!

Quote of the day from my OH ... "I'm a proper bloke", which just about sums him up I guess! He needs me to explain what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, it doesn't mean he doesn't care ... he just doesn't understand

I've had the sleep problems too where he's happily snoring away and I'm angry and crying into my pillow but I know it's just my hormones and that I wouldn't normally take things like that to heart.

I hope things are a little bit better soon for you both

 

[XxSamBxX]

well i went back to my parents today while he was at work and he came round when he finished and i explained that this is his last chance FX'd he does realise im finding it hard at the moment!!

im not asking much only that he understands a little more i know i have flaws that i am trying to change i just want him to see his and try to change i understand it wont happen over night but seeing an effort would be enough for me!

so if nothing changes i'll be back at my moms soon!!

 

[Pixie2320]

I didn't start having issues with discomfort until I was well into my second trimester.. What is causing you pain this early since baby and uterus are still tiny?

That being said, my hubby has always been great about being considerate and since I've been pregnant he goes even more out of his way to make sure I'm comfy Maybe I should send him to your house for some hubby training!

 

[XxSamBxX]

its not so much pain as it is being exhausted all the time!! But i do find if i do too much i get a mild cramping but nothing major!! I also have quite bad sunburn which isnt helping and really getting me down!

 

[kaz29]

ha u know what the problem is dont u? hes been spoiled by his mother and its ruined him. He will always treat women like this because to him women are their to look after him just like his mother did and still does

 

[zozo28]

well, Im sorry to say but my OH is the worst of them all. We were NTNP for two months. It was his idea to do this, I was a bit hesitant because we have only been together for 7 months and living together for 5. Because Ive wanted a baby for so long and I am 32 I guess I threw caution to the wind. I got my BFP on the second month and am now around 4.5 weeks. OH was actually strangely when I told him and now he's said he wants me to get an abortion. Obviously this is out of the question but I just cant believe he's doing this. He says its now not the right time with his business and he didnt think it would happen so quickly. Im torn between persisting with the relationship and seeing if he 'comes around' or just getting the hell out of there as quick as I can. I cant believe Im in this situation, Ive waited so long to have a baby and for it to be the right time, now he's doing this.

 

[XxSamBxX]

OMG hun im so sorry he has put you in this situation i cant make your mind up for you!! with my first pregnancy we werent trying and hadnt been together long my OH suggested an abortion but when i said im NOT getting an abortion he came round to the idea of being a dad i think he was just scared we lost the baby in the end and he was absolutely gutted and then we decided to actually try for a baby.

I cant say if your OH will come round or not but what i thought to myself when he suggested it first time round was am i willing to do this on my own if he doesnt come round and my answer was yes everyone is different thou. It is your decision at the end of the day!