Is it right to smack a child?

[My_First]

@ tasha you make some very valid points.

 

[My_First]

omg! we are talking about one little swat on the butt, not corporal punishment, or physical abuse or anything of that nature. imo, this has gotten way out of hand. just as we dont know how other kids have been "affected" by spanking, NONE of you know how my kids are. they are perfect, at least to me! so please stop judging! and yes, i am against any kind of abuse, but a spank is not abuse. if anything youre "abusing" the term "abuse". it may be a form of discipline you dont agree with, but that doesnt make it abuse.

No one is judging 'you'. We are all 'judging' spanking. Is it abuse, is it not? That is up to opinion. I believe that it crosses the line to abuse. For me, it's black and white. You either do, or don't. Not everyone sees it that way, and as we have posted, the law doesn't in some countries, and others it does. The reason why *I* believe it is...is because there is EVIDENCE that it is damaging. Damaging to me = abuse. I am always trying to find ways to be a better parent. I do research things, and I am not perfect nor do I ever claim to be (and I am sorry if I ever come off as 'perfect'). I admit that I have yelled at my kids, which I do not do often, but, like I said, I am not perfect. I think we can all look at ourselves and see things that we can improve on, and by working on those things, that is taking a step forward and our kids are the ones that benefit.

This I agree with, we can only do as best as we can as a parent. No one is perfect, and we all seek for ways to improve. We and our children are individuals and we must treat/accept as such.

 

[nosocks]

Of course children are able to understand the consequences of their actions... I taught 4 & 5 year olds and we would have discussion based on the rules of the class. I wouldn't just tell them what they were allowed and not allowed to do- I would ask them why they thought certain things were wrong, why things are not kind to others, why we have to share, take turns, not hit etc and every time I was pleasantly suprised at how in depth their answers were. They knew why things were wrong so I don't agree with that statement at all.
Even if my 16 month old doesn't know 'why' hitting is wrong.... She doesn't do it because I have consistently told her 'no', have shown her how to be gentle, and have modelled nice behaviour and I think most of all she doesn't have anything to copy- ie, I don't hit her so she doesn't hit me.
Also, if we're smacking because young children aren't able to understand consequences- surely at the same time then, they won't be able to understand it is done to 'teach' them and it is not about anger. Again, another contradiction.
The point of the article is that smacking works no more than other forms of discipline- so why would anyone EVER choose to hurt their child over another option.

I think the reason why behaviour has gotten worse in schools is because of poor parenting at home due to many many factors. Children in my class would tell me how they got smacked- and the reasons why- mostly not valid in my opinion. But those poor kids would act out their frustrations on other poor kids in my class.
Isn't it a huge vicious cycle.

Still no-one has answered my question as to why it's only parents who are allowed to smack.... But the rest of the world isn't.

 

[meli1981]

the thing is how we discilpline our kids IS personal, when you say its damaging to kids, youre in theory saying i have damaged my daughter because i have given her a spank on occasion. you have basically said i have abused my daughter, im sorry, but that is what i heard. this subject is very personal and can hurt alot a feelings.

 

[Tasha]

the thing is how we discilpline our kids IS personal, when you say its damaging to kids, youre in theory saying i have damaged my daughter because i have given her a spank on occasion. you have basically said i have abused my daughter, im sorry, but that is what i heard. this subject is very personal and can hurt alot a feelings.

I can see why it does hurt your feelings, I dont think it is intentional on anyone's behalf though.

 

[meli1981]

the thing is how we discilpline our kids IS personal, when you say its damaging to kids, youre in theory saying i have damaged my daughter because i have given her a spank on occasion. you have basically said i have abused my daughter, im sorry, but that is what i heard. this subject is very personal and can hurt alot a feelings.

I can see why it does hurt your feelings, I dont think it is intentional on anyone's behalf though.

i appreciate this, thank you i do agree to try OTHER forms of discipline before doing any kind of spanking. but in the end its the parents choice on what they want to do with their kids. i dont read research, because theres always some kind of superior parent who will make you feel like you can do no right, and that theres so much conflicting info out there. i have to believe in myself that i make the right choices for my kids, whether that be spanking, formula feeding, or letting my baby cio, there will always be something people will disagree with. i believe its not one thing that shapes a person. spanking alone wont create an unruly child, there could be other factors such as being neglected etc. these are the kids that act out for attention.

 

[lovie]

I think this was quite dismissive of her opinons. I actually said how I felt as a child on this thread when I was hit and not one person acknowledged it. Just because you (and others) were smacked, it doesnt mean that you know how smacked children feel either, you know how you and you alone felt.

i really appreciate you sharing how you felt with us tasha, it really made me consider the risk of smacking, I hadnt heared many negative comments about just smacking (as in not mixed with neglect or adult/adult abuse) it really made me change my opinion as to if it is a risk worth taking. Im sorry i didnt say this at the time, it took a while for me to think it over and i can get a little carried away...

I know i dont know how all children felt/feel and i dont want it to seem like that, i just feel frustrated when people use opinion (there's or others) as facts. I just get upset when people on either side of the smacking opinion fence make things seem so black and white and definate by saying things like "when a child is smacked they feel....." I think that by stating things as facts makes it come across as more judgemental.

The facts are

There is research for and against smacking
There are people who feel smacking has had a negative effect on their life
There are people who feel like smacking has had no negative/positive effect on their life
tSmacking is legal in all the countries we come from
everything else is opinion. if we all word it as such i think it will be less likely that others feel judged.

Still no-one has answered my question as to why it's only parents who are allowed to smack.... But the rest of the world isn't.

my guess that it is asumed that parents love their children more than anything and want the best for them if they smack they will do it with the right intentions.... teachers/caregivers might not have that level of care for the child and be more likely to do things out of irritation (my little sisters teacher told a class full of 7 year olds that she didnt want to see any of them smiling of they would be punished a person like that in charge of physical discipline would be a very scary thing!)

 

[meli1981]

i agree, the reason i and i alone will spank my child is because i know my line between a swat and what i consider to be abuse. i have given one swat on the butt, that is my line, one, not hard no mark. i dont know where other peoples line are, is it 2 swats, 3? see this i dont agree with. i dont know if theyll get cared away and take it too far. i am the mother i will do the discipling for my child. (i rarely have babysitters, and my daughters very well behaved at school)

 

[kimini26]

I think the reason it is considered ok for parents to smack/spank their children is because they are expected to be teaching their children appropriate behavior. Discipline is primarily a parents job. Once your grown it is expected that you will know what is appropriate behavior and won't need to rely on someone else to steer you in the right direction. Parents smacking their children usually do so in an attempt to correct/prevent a negative behavior. Adults smacking other adults are usually trying to assert dominance or instill fear. They are not trying to encourage their victim to behave in a manner deemed positive by society. Just my opinion on that particular point.

 

[omfgski]

.

 

[kimini26]

I guess it would be considered a consequence. I'm not saying its right or wrong, just that its commonly considered a form of discipline. I don't know where I stand on the issue, but I do know that my dad hit me and my brother with a belt and it did very little to alter any of my future behavior. I never once thought, oh I'd better not do this or that since dad will get us with the belt. Instead I tried to find ways to misbehave covertly. I was a deviant child, lol.
As far as what part of being smacked actually has an effect on behavior, I'm not sure. We always had the promise of being whipped when dad got home. We would spend the day hoping that mom would forget to tell him. The anticipation gnawed at us. The actual pain was intense and stung, but didn't last long. I honestly don't think being smacked/whipped did anything positive for us. Mom telling us that if we didn't behave she was going to tell dad when he got home was far more effective, but was more of a fear tactic. It didn't teach us how to behave appropriately, just how not to behave. She probably would've gotten farther with us by giving us alternatives to whatever we were doing wrong.

 

[fidgets mammy]

as ive said before i dont smack my son.

i asked him yesterday if he has friends who get smacked, he said yes, i asked him how he'd feel if i were to smack him.

he was horrified- he said-

"no, thats not kind, people arent supposed to hit other people, it would hurt me and make me sad, if u hit me id tell my dad and if dad hit me id tell you. but you wouldnt smack me wouldnt you not because its mean and your not mean."

he's 5yrs old.

granted he is very well behaved, and understands what is asked of him but hearing him say this made it perfectly clear to me.

as they say=straight out of babes mouths.