Is it right to smack a child?

[Rhi_Rhi1]

Usually in my experience its Lazy parenting that creates little monsters lol. As opposed to smacking or not smacking. who hasn't been in a restaurant when a little terror comes running/crawling past you screaming whilst the mum seems oblivious lol. I don't really care how people are parenting as long as they ARE parenting.

 

[lovie]

this has been so interesting for me, I have felt strongly that it was right of my mother to smack us and I feel strongly that it was the best option for her and us. But having heared everyones experiences I think you have changed my opinion from "it is right to smack children if a prarent does so as part of a loving thought through discipline structure" to "it is not allways wrong to smack a child but there is a risk when doing so that it will be wrong for that child" thank you for the interesting debate we are having!

I do find it offensive when those who have no experience of being smacked or smacking make statements about how a smacked child feels, I can only say how I felt not how "children" in general feel, those with no experience of smacking can only really say how they think a child might feel. If 95% of americans smack their children and all the negative things are correct associated with smacking then the american society would be in ruins.

I'm sorry to here so many of us have strained relationships with parents as adults, its really very sad I hope as time goes on things get better

You could create a bully. Children seldom can give what they dont receive. .

they learn it from somewhere here in sweden... youd think they would sit in rows being kind to each other with the compleat lack of smacking/shouting at home... but they dont, they hit and bite and bully just as much as an english/australin kid.

 

[deafgal]

my dad rarely discipline us. he neglect us mostly (alcohol do that) . but the only time he smack us is when we were annoying him. like I was crawling on him (I was just a baby according to my mom) and he wanted to watch sports on tv. it is really lazy parenting who use spanking or smacking to get their kids out of their hair so they don't have to deal with them or even interact with them.

 

[deafgal]

they learn it from somewhere here in sweden... youd think they would sit in rows being kind to each other with the compleat lack of smacking/shouting at home... but they dont, they hit and bite and bully just as much as an english/australin kid.

I do not care for too much control where the philosophy is "children should be seen and not heard"

some kids hit or bite because they frustrated and can't express themselves well. of course, they should be taught this is wrong and how to handle it better but it is normal for them to act out out of frustration. I don't think spanking would teach them how to handle their frustration better. in fact, my dad would smack me out of frustration. Not all kids are taught this so I can imagine they continue this behavior to adult years.

 

[Dragonfly]

this has been so interesting for me, I have felt strongly that it was right of my mother to smack us and I feel strongly that it was the best option for her and us. But having heared everyones experiences I think you have changed my opinion from "it is right to smack children if a prarent does so as part of a loving thought through discipline structure" to "it is not allways wrong to smack a child but there is a risk when doing so that it will be wrong for that child" thank you for the interesting debate we are having!

I do find it offensive when those who have no experience of being smacked or smacking make statements about how a smacked child feels, I can only say how I felt not how "children" in general feel, those with no experience of smacking can only really say how they think a child might feel. If 95% of americans smack their children and all the negative things are correct associated with smacking then the american society would be in ruins.

I'm sorry to here so many of us have strained relationships with parents as adults, its really very sad I hope as time goes on things get better

You could create a bully. Children seldom can give what they dont receive. .

they learn it from somewhere here in sweden... youd think they would sit in rows being kind to each other with the compleat lack of smacking/shouting at home... but they dont, they hit and bite and bully just as much as an english/australin kid.

Goes to show how much you know. My parents may not have hit me but I had a ex partner who did for years and raped me to. Its also not hard to see the embarrassment on a childs face who is hit in public.
Oh and my ex parents where spankers, his dad even hit his mum in front of me one day! to which she took an angina attack and I had to calm her down. She was in her 60s ffs.

 

[JASMAK]

this has been so interesting for me, I have felt strongly that it was right of my mother to smack us and I feel strongly that it was the best option for her and us. But having heared everyones experiences I think you have changed my opinion from "it is right to smack children if a prarent does so as part of a loving thought through discipline structure" to "it is not allways wrong to smack a child but there is a risk when doing so that it will be wrong for that child" thank you for the interesting debate we are having!

I do find it offensive when those who have no experience of being smacked or smacking make statements about how a smacked child feels, I can only say how I felt not how "children" in general feel, those with no experience of smacking can only really say how they think a child might feel. If 95% of americans smack their children and all the negative things are correct associated with smacking then the american society would be in ruins.

I'm sorry to here so many of us have strained relationships with parents as adults, its really very sad I hope as time goes on things get better

You could create a bully. Children seldom can give what they dont receive. .

they learn it from somewhere here in sweden... youd think they would sit in rows being kind to each other with the compleat lack of smacking/shouting at home... but they dont, they hit and bite and bully just as much as an english/australin kid.

Goes to show how much you know. My parents may not have hit me but I had a ex partner who did for years and raped me to. Its also not hard to see the embarrassment on a childs face who is hit in public.
Oh and my ex parents where spankers, his dad even hit his mum in front of me one day! to which she took an angina attack and I had to calm her down. She was in her 60s ffs.

It is very shaming, isn't it. I think that is one of the biggest issues I have with it. You are teaching people that YOU are in control, they have NO control, can't think for themselves, and deserve and have no rights. I don't even speak sternly infront of people to my kids, I will take them to private and speak to them about something. They deserve that respect...and so do I. If my husband talks loudly or rudely to me in public, it upsets me...and I will tell him so. My kids will be treated by me, the way that I want them to EXPECT to be treated as an adult. There is the physical pain, but number one...the shaming. My kids are worth more than that.

 

[Dragonfly]

And these are not directed at anyone on this thread just came across these and thought I would post.

 

[omfgski]

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[Dragonfly]

You know what though if a man hit his wife in the street people woudl step in, I know as my ex hit me when we where walking home from a club and he thought no one seen till a group of fellas chased him up the street. But if a childs hit people would ignore it...I wouldnt. Something would probably be said, that mum would know I was staring at her. And I am sure she would get angry and ask me what the hell I was staring at. I would then look at her child and my heart would bleed.. I could explain something to her, but it depends on whats happening. Probably a lot of negative stuff so my disgust at her actions would be shown.

 

[JASMAK]

I most definetly would say something!!! I have spoken up about how mothers talk about their kids...I most certainly would speak up about hitting. No doubt in my mind.

 

[deafgal]

You know what though if a man hit his wife in the street people woudl step in, I know as my ex hit me when we where walking home from a club and he thought no one seen till a group of fellas chased him up the street. But if a childs hit people would ignore it...I wouldnt. Something would probably be said, that mum would know I was staring at her. And I am sure she would get angry and ask me what the hell I was staring at. I would then look at her child and my heart would bleed.. I could explain something to her, but it depends on whats happening. Probably a lot of negative stuff so my disgust at her actions would be shown.

sad, I would be afraid to speak out out of fear of making the situation worst for the child though. I would just took a picture and gather everything I can find about the couples and report them.

 

[pinklightbulb]

I would not say anything to a smacking parent in public, it's frankly none of my business what their disciplinary method is. Same as I wouldn't voice my own disapproval of the "naughty step" method if I saw it used in public. I think that method is a huge, massive waste of time and useless to boot, but would I shame a parent in public I saw using it if it was working for them? No. So anyone who comes up to me and starts about me smacking my son(s) in public is going to get an earful of "mind your own business and parent your own kids, not mine."

 

[lovie]

Goes to show how much you know. My parents may not have hit me but I had a ex partner who did for years and raped me to. Its also not hard to see the embarrassment on a childs face who is hit in public.
Oh and my ex parents where spankers, his dad even hit his mum in front of me one day! to which she took an angina attack and I had to calm her down. She was in her 60s ffs.

I'm sorry to here you have had such a horrid experience with your ex, I cant imagine how nasty that must have been

with all respecs being abused as an adult does not help you understand how a smacked child feels, in the same way that because i was smacked as a child i cant say i understand how it feels to be hit and raped as an adult, its very very different. It sounds like your ex's parents hit each other and a child being exposed to violence in a relationship is again very different to the ocasional smacked bum.

If I was in a country where smacking is legal and they were following the rules of that country I wouldnt say anything, in the same way i wouldnt say anything if they left their baby to cry in a pram or if they gave their kid a happy meal.. just because i might not choose to parent that way its not my place to make up my own laws and start telling people they are doing things wrong.

 

[nosocks]

I'm actually deeply saddened at the reality that a woman getting slapped would probably result in someone saying something or the police being called, but a child being smacked in public would result in nothing.
What's the difference? Please explain.... It's actually really upset me society thinks there is a difference.
Maybe the woman was unfaithful so the man was 'disciplining her'... Why why why is it different? If neither left a 'mark' is it the same?
Surely the only difference is the woman could potentially defend herself and the child can't..... Which makes it more messed up anyway.

 

[Tasha]

I guess because to the majority smacking/spanking a child is not seen as abuse but an adult is not. I wonder if it is because in society it is seen as 'normal' for it to happen, like *most* people were smacked as a child, so that is there normal and a *lot* still smack now so again that is there normal.

ETA where as *most* or *a lot* of people are not smacked by their partner, so that is not their normal.

I dont know, just thinking out loud

 

[pinklightbulb]

The difference lies in the intent.

A man hits a woman to hurt her. He does it to retain power and to shame and frighten her. He has no good intentions behind this action.

A smack is most often administered to a child not to hurt them, but to shock/stun them out of a meltdown/away from dangerous situation, at least in my case. I use smacking as a last resort. Never a first. And it is certainly not an everyday, regular occurence.

 

[Dragonfly]

Goes to show how much you know. My parents may not have hit me but I had a ex partner who did for years and raped me to. Its also not hard to see the embarrassment on a childs face who is hit in public.
Oh and my ex parents where spankers, his dad even hit his mum in front of me one day! to which she took an angina attack and I had to calm her down. She was in her 60s ffs.

I'm sorry to here you have had such a horrid experience with your ex, I cant imagine how nasty that must have been

with all respecs being abused as an adult does not help you understand how a smacked child feels, in the same way that because i was smacked as a child i cant say i understand how it feels to be hit and raped as an adult, its very very different. It sounds like your ex's parents hit each other and a child being exposed to violence in a relationship is again very different to the ocasional smacked bum.

If I was in a country where smacking is legal and they were following the rules of that country I wouldnt say anything, in the same way i wouldnt say anything if they left their baby to cry in a pram or if they gave their kid a happy meal.. just because i might not choose to parent that way its not my place to make up my own laws and start telling people they are doing things wrong.

Just because there isnt a law against it dosnt mean its should be done.

And getting hit is getting hit, being a child and getting hit by someone who claims to love you would be just as bad, maybe in fact worse.

It is a messed up place if adults arnt allowed to hit each other but adults can hit children. Children are smaller obviously, big people should not hit small people its unfair.

I have done a lot of reading, I support non violence for children in any way that I can so I am not using how I felt to see what a child feels I have heard many accounts from grown ups how they feel. So please dont try and make my opinions invalid due to my parents not hitting me as a child.

Also look at the amount of children left crying to and people would walk past, ever see that experiment on youtube someone did,. they tried kidnapping a child yet everyone walked past and assumed she was just a naughty child while she was actually crying that that person wasnt her daddy. I also noticed in the report for Maddie McCann that she was crying for her parents for 2 hours hotel staff reported, no one went to see her? If a childs crying in a pram some would ignore that to. Children's needs are not taken seriously.

 

[My_First]

I do have to agree that cycle of domestic abuse in adults normally stems from seeing it as acceptable with an adult hitting and adult (mother and father etc.), and therefore seen as acceptable to degrade women in that way. However, as an ex 'victim' (I hate that word) of domestic violence, and like Dragonfly was raped/beaten black and blue, I do not see a slap on the wrist for doing wrong as unacceptable. Yes, if someone was beating a child then yes its illegal and is not acceptable, but we are not talking about that here.

I will however dispute on 'Childrens needs not taken seriously'. Its how YOU decide to parent DF and its not for everyone, it doesnt make how you parent any better or worse than anyone else.

My childs needs are taken quite seriously. If he is over tired, he becomes grouchy, and whingy and can lead to 'melt down'. He wont be touched rocked etc. he wants to be left alone have a little whinge and go to sleep.

If some people want to let their children cry, its their perogative, it doesnt make them less of a parent, nor does it make less of a well rounded kid, its just different to how you would do it. Not everyone wants to take on board AP, we all have a freedom of choice on how we parent and do whats right for the individual.

 

[Dragonfly]

I dont like how its insinuated that I think people are less than me for how they parent. We are all parents and learning from our children and things we do. No one is less than me.

 

[My_First]

I dont like how its insinuated that I think people are less than me for how they parent. We are all parents and learning from our children and things we do. No one is less than me.

Wasn't meant like that at all, I just meant different, didnt mean to suggest less of, although have re read, and I did put that, but I didnt mean it to suggest that you are putting people down IYKWIM...I am not really making myself clear...

I have editted to try and explain myself more clearly. By making bold statements at the end of a discussion such as 'Childrens needs are not taken seriously', because they are left in a pram to cry, or because they are given a tap on the wrist for being naughty, does read, to me, as if those that do, do it, dont take their childrens needs seriously. Whereas different parenting choices meet the needs of their own children as individuals. Does that make better sense?