Is it right to smack a child?

[nosocks]

Still confused,
So why is it a parents right/ prerogative to discipline their children by smacking but it's not a husband or wives right to do the same?
You're assuming a husband hits a wife because of a power thing.... Why is that true? And I believe it's a power thing when a parent smacks a child. A parent is bigger and stronger and therefore can get away with it and it works because it scares the child.
When a partner is smacked- they're scared too- why is it different?
I too was knocked about about by an ex- I was scared to tell anyone about it- I imagine I felt the same way a child would feel. My ex never left marks- but he would push me and physically stop me leaving his house etc. I was intimidated by him- so I di what he told me. Isn't it how smacking works with children? They become scared and intimidated so won't repeat the behaviour?? If I'm wrong, and how I felt would be different then i'm open to ideas.... But do we really know how it makes children feel. I know people say- my child would tell me anything- but I couldn't speak up... How do you know for sure you're not damaging their self esteem and confidence?
Why is it different to being pushed around by kids in their class! It's all physical. What about name calling? Why is smacking ok when name calling isn't??

One last bit of food or thought..... Why is it we generally only smack young children and not teenagers? Size?

 

[lovie]

Dragonfly I really respect your opinions, I just struggle with taking them seriously when you say things like "when smacked a child feels.." you should word it "I have read that sometimes when smacked a child feels.." and I would read and listen to your opinion, you are in effect telling me how I felt when I was a child and you are wrong. Your opinions are just that opinions so you need To word them as Opinions.

To those who Would intervene if they say a child being smacked, would you also tell a mother smoking whilst with a baby/child they are wrong? It's obviously damaging the child but it's socially acceptable. I personally would tell a smoker of if they smoked near me if I was obviously pregnant or with a baby/child but I don't think I'd tell someone else of if they choose to poisen their own child as it's not illegal and I don't think it would help/change anything, the only thing it would do would be to make that person feel like shit.

 

[Dragonfly]

Dragonfly I really respect your opinions, I just struggle with taking them seriously when you say things like "when smacked a child feels.." you should word it "I have read that sometimes when smacked a child feels.." and I would read and listen to your opinion, you are in effect telling me how I felt when I was a child and you are wrong. Your opinions are just that opinions so you need To word them as Opinions.

To those who Would intervene if they say a child being smacked, would you also tell a mother smoking whilst with a baby/child they are wrong? It's obviously damaging the child but it's socially acceptable. I personally would tell a smoker of if they smoked near me if I was obviously pregnant or with a baby/child but I don't think I'd tell someone else of if they choose to poisen their own child as it's not illegal and I don't think it would help/change anything, the only thing it would do would be to make that person feel like shit.

you respect my opinion but struggle to take it seriously? dosnt sound like to much respect to me. I cant say how every child feels when smacked, same as you cant say how they feel either. I explained how I felt, how many I know have felt.

I am at least going to stay on topic unlike you.If you feel smacking is right no one can make you feel like shit about it. I cannot make you feel something you dont feel. If someone smacks a child in the street and feels like shit they do. Someone saying it making them feel like crap...dosnt work like that.

 

[lovie]

I respect your opinion when you say it as an opinion, your right you cant say how a smacked child feels but you have said just that on a few occasions, That is when I find it hard to take you seriously (when you make statements about how smacked children feel) because however much you read you can't say how other people feel.

people feel bad because other people judge no matter how confident in their actions they are. if you stare horibly or say something negative to a parent they may well feel bad because that is not nice to be stared at and its not nice to have people critisise you.

what about if your child was misbehaving and someone said to you "that child needs a smack" you are commited in your no smacking parenting but even so wouldnt you feel sad that people were judging you, also would you want your children to here that? If I choose to smack my child and someone came and undermined me i would be really angry.

 

[omfgski]

.

 

[lovie]

I respect your opinion when you say it as an opinion, your right you cant say how a smacked child feels but you have said just that on a few occasions, That is when I find it hard to take you seriously (when you make statements about how smacked children feel) because however much you read you can't say how other people feel.

people feel bad because other people judge no matter how confident in their actions they are. if you stare horibly or say something negative to a parent they may well feel bad because that is not nice to be stared at and its not nice to have people critisise you.

what about if your child was misbehaving and someone said to you "that child needs a smack" you are commited in your no smacking parenting but even so wouldnt you feel sad that people were judging you, also would you want your children to here that? If I choose to smack my child and someone came and undermined me i would be really angry.

That's an interesting point! As a non smacker, if someone said that to me I would be very annoyed and I guess thats how a smacker feels if someone said "don't smack". I'm rubbish at explaining what I mean here, but I think you've made me realise that it's easy to be judgmental sometimes and I think I've been a bit judgmental of smackers in the past. I think while I still won't be smacking, I'm going to be trying a lot harder not to judge someone who does just because I wouldn't do it. I'm sure I do stuff that someone else wouldn't do and smacking really is just another one of those things everyone feels something about.

I don't think that made sense but I know what I'm trying to say lol!

It mede sence to me hun It's great to be able to talk about all of these things with people, I think we learn so much from each other!

I personally think people being judgemental is more damaging than the actual actions we judge. I worked as a photogrpher for 5 years in the UK and in Australia and I woked with 3-6 families a day, I often saw things I thought were wrong, smacking out of frustration being one of them, but rather than saying something rude or looking down my nose at them id try to help them, entertain a child whilst their nappy was being changed or distracting a child with a fun toy, nice song. really i think that was more helpful because a parent isnt going to stop smacking because a stranger says they should, and no child should have to here their parent be undermined/criticised.

I think its natural that people feel differently about things but with no conclusive research and with the law saying smacking is right we need to repect others decisions and concentrate on being excepting of others for the sake of our children

 

[JASMAK]

why is it a right for parents to be able to hit their children? I know the law might support that, but law aside...why should this be our right?

 

[lovie]

why is it a right for parents to be able to hit their children? I know the law might support that, but law aside...why should this be our right?

i'm not sure, i guess its because of cultural norms, there is an awful lot of things that are not right when looked at in the big picture, like driving cars and people living in houses with spare rooms when some families live in 1 bedroom or on the streets and tobacco still being legal, i cant explain to myself any of those things but they still happen and i accept them, i guess i do the same with smacking, i can't say exactly why I feel as i do about it.

If you feel so strongly maybe send letters to polititions to try to get the law changed

 

[Tasha]

Dragonfly I really respect your opinions, I just struggle with taking them seriously when you say things like "when smacked a child feels.." you should word it "I have read that sometimes when smacked a child feels.." and I would read and listen to your opinion, you are in effect telling me how I felt when I was a child and you are wrong. Your opinions are just that opinions so you need To word them as Opinions.

To those who Would intervene if they say a child being smacked, would you also tell a mother smoking whilst with a baby/child they are wrong? It's obviously damaging the child but it's socially acceptable. I personally would tell a smoker of if they smoked near me if I was obviously pregnant or with a baby/child but I don't think I'd tell someone else of if they choose to poisen their own child as it's not illegal and I don't think it would help/change anything, the only thing it would do would be to make that person feel like shit.

I think this was quite dismissive of her opinons. I actually said how I felt as a child on this thread when I was hit and not one person acknowledged it. Just because you (and others) were smacked, it doesnt mean that you know how smacked children feel either, you know how you and you alone felt.

 

[Dragonfly]

I respect your opinion when you say it as an opinion, your right you cant say how a smacked child feels but you have said just that on a few occasions, That is when I find it hard to take you seriously (when you make statements about how smacked children feel) because however much you read you can't say how other people feel.

people feel bad because other people judge no matter how confident in their actions they are. if you stare horibly or say something negative to a parent they may well feel bad because that is not nice to be stared at and its not nice to have people critisise you.

what about if your child was misbehaving and someone said to you "that child needs a smack" you are commited in your no smacking parenting but even so wouldnt you feel sad that people were judging you, also would you want your children to here that? If I choose to smack my child and someone came and undermined me i would be really angry.

You know what though if a man hit his wife in the street people woudl step in, I know as my ex hit me when we where walking home from a club and he thought no one seen till a group of fellas chased him up the street. But if a childs hit people would ignore it...I wouldnt. Something would probably be said, that mum would know I was staring at her. And I am sure she would get angry and ask me what the hell I was staring at. I would then look at her child and my heart would bleed.. I could explain something to her, but it depends on whats happening. Probably a lot of negative stuff so my disgust at her actions would be shown.

If you read what I said I did actually sat the same as you.
So dont know why you argue on that point.

If someone said my child needed a smack I would probably say something back to. Not sure what, maybe not worth repeating here but least my kid wont get smacked. And no my kids dont wreak the place in public.

 

[JASMAK]

why is it a right for parents to be able to hit their children? I know the law might support that, but law aside...why should this be our right?

i'm not sure, i guess its because of cultural norms, there is an awful lot of things that are not right when looked at in the big picture, like driving cars and people living in houses with spare rooms when some families live in 1 bedroom or on the streets and tobacco still being legal, i cant explain to myself any of those things but they still happen and i accept them, i guess i do the same with smacking, i can't say exactly why I feel as i do about it.

If you feel so strongly maybe send letters to polititions to try to get the law changed

Well, here, the law is changed, although I can see it being outlawed soon! This is the law in Canada to date:

What is considered reasonable force?
Since ‘reasonable under the circumstances’ is a broad
term, the Supreme Court created a
definition in relation to child discipline.
The Court interpreted reasonable force
as “minor corrective force” which is
short-lived and not harmful. The Court
also set limits on what would be
considered reasonable force. This
means that Courts have an objective test
to apply when deciding whether the use of
force is reasonable. As well, expert advice and social
consensus on the reasonable use of corporal punishment
reduces the risk that courts will make arbitrary or
subjective decisions.
What limits did the Court set on
reasonable force?
The Court found that the following is not reasonable:
• Hitting a child under two years of age. It is wrong and
harmful because spanking has no value with very young
children and can destroy a child's sense of security and
self-esteem. Children under two do not have the
cognitive ability to understand why someone is spanking
them.
• Corporal punishment of teenagers. It is not helpful and
is potentially harmful to use force on teenagers because
it achieves only short-term obedience and may alienate
the youth and promote aggressive or other anti-social
behaviour.
• Using objects to discipline a child such
as belts, rulers, etc. This is
potentially harmful both
physically and emotionally.
• Slaps or blows to the head.
• Degrading or inhumane
treatment.
• Corporal punishment
which causes injury –
(causing harm is child
abuse).


This all being said, I think most people here are opposed to spanking.

 

[My_First]

Likewise in the UK, its looking towards an outright ban...The law in the UK is not disimilair, bar the 'under 2' section. Although I cant find the detail of the law verbatim, here gives a general overview.

https://www.kidsbehaviour.co.uk/SmackingAndChildren.html

 

[Dragonfly]

What if they did make spanking illegal here would that stop people who smack from doing it?

 

[meli1981]

omg! we are talking about one little swat on the butt, not corporal punishment, or physical abuse or anything of that nature. imo, this has gotten way out of hand. just as we dont know how other kids have been "affected" by spanking, NONE of you know how my kids are. they are perfect, at least to me! so please stop judging! and yes, i am against any kind of abuse, but a spank is not abuse. if anything youre "abusing" the term "abuse". it may be a form of discipline you dont agree with, but that doesnt make it abuse.

 

[Tasha]

omg! we are talking about one little swat on the butt, not corporal punishment, or physical abuse or anything of that nature. imo, this has gotten way out of hand. just as we dont know how other kids have been "affected" by spanking, NONE of you know how my kids are. they are perfect, at least to me! so please stop judging! and yes, i am against any kind of abuse, but a spank is not abuse. if anything youre "abusing" the term "abuse". it may be a form of discipline you dont agree with, but that doesnt make it abuse.

I've said before the lines are different for different people. For you abuse is regular hitting with intention to hurt for instance, but others it is smacking/spanking/swatting just once. Both opinions are fine.

 

[nosocks]

I urge you to read this....in hope it will make you rethink.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccarthy-md/spanking_b_1608747.html

 

[My_First]

Its an interesting debate. I am bloody anchient and when I was at school corporal punishment still existed. In primary school if we were naughty, we were threatened with 'the slipper'. Now I dont actually know of ANYONE who actually got it, but we were all aware that it could 'possibly' happen and therefore made you think twice about playing up. I also went to a private school at corporal punishment was not outlawed in the private sector until 1994 I think, it made you think.

Now lets go forward 20 years and all you hear about is school kids playing up to teachers, to the point of it actually getting abusive, spitting, punching kicking etc.

Now I am not saying bring back corporal punishment at all, but sometimes, I think, that the being scared of something, so as not to do something is not a bad thing, IMHO. Crikey as a kid I was scared of Police and my parents, not because of being hit, but because of the fall out and the disappointment I would cause my family etc. if I was naughty/rude/bad.

Oh and I dont believe that people smack teenagers because you can rationalise with them, they understand the consequences of their actions, a child doesn't.

 

[My_First]

I urge you to read this....in hope it will make you rethink.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccarthy-md/spanking_b_1608747.html

I totally understand what you are saying but the research was with 'Harsh Physicial punishment, which was defined as pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping, hitting'.

No one is agreeing that, that is acceptable.

 

[Tasha]

Its an interesting debate. I am bloody anchient and when I was at school corporal punishment still existed. In primary school if we were naughty, we were threatened with 'the slipper'. Now I dont actually know of ANYONE who actually got it, but we were all aware that it could 'possibly' happen and therefore made you think twice about playing up. I also went to a private school at corporal punishment was not outlawed in the private sector until 1994 I think, it made you think.

Now lets go forward 20 years and all you hear about is school kids playing up to teachers, to the point of it actually getting abusive, spitting, punching kicking etc.

Now I am not saying bring back corporal punishment at all, but sometimes, I think, that the being scared of something, so as not to do something is not a bad thing, IMHO. Crikey as a kid I was scared of Police and my parents, not because of being hit, but because of the fall out and the disappointment I would cause my family etc. if I was naughty/rude/bad.

Oh and I dont believe that people smack teenagers because you can rationalise with them, they understand the consequences of their actions, a child doesn't.

I understand what you are saying but I do not believe it is down to that threat but there being NO consequences now. Like it is SO difficult for a school to exlude and expel a pupil now, and nine times out of ten they appeal and their appeal goes their way. Pupils know they can really push their luck.

Also I think it is the fact that (some) parents dont like the idea of teacher discipling their child. Like my Dad point blan refused to let me have afternoon detention in the winter for safety reasons, lunch times were cold so I quite liked lunch time detentions so there was no consequence for me. When I stayed off school for a month, no one did anything. My parents thought I was at school and I just turned up for registeration at morning and lunch, not one person tried to stop me because there really was no consequences they could place on me (this was summer), suspend or exclude me and I would of been happy, the threat of a slipper would of made me stay away for longer

A teacher grabbed my sons arm and pulled him, and I was horrified, IMO no adult should place their hands on my child other than to prevent him being hurt or to restrain him.

The difficult thing is, what is right for one child isnt right for another child. Like at my children school they use a traffic light system, which is everyone starts on green, then if you get a warning if you do something 'bad', then go to amber if you do something else, and then red if something else, which results in sitting outside the class (in the corridor but it is a joint learnt area cos it is so big, with tables, books etc) on a time out. Now there is a girl in my six year old's class who loves getting time outs cos she doesnt want to work, whereas my four year old starts school in September and I am so worried because she will do things that the school will see as naughty (she is being assessed for a social communication disorder) but if they put her on a time out then she WILL have a melt down, she wont cope with it at all Any way my point to my ramble, is that as parents with one, two, three, four etc children it is fairly easy to adapt discipline to the child's needs and personality but not so easy if you have a class of over thirty.

 

[JASMAK]

omg! we are talking about one little swat on the butt, not corporal punishment, or physical abuse or anything of that nature. imo, this has gotten way out of hand. just as we dont know how other kids have been "affected" by spanking, NONE of you know how my kids are. they are perfect, at least to me! so please stop judging! and yes, i am against any kind of abuse, but a spank is not abuse. if anything youre "abusing" the term "abuse". it may be a form of discipline you dont agree with, but that doesnt make it abuse.

No one is judging 'you'. We are all 'judging' spanking. Is it abuse, is it not? That is up to opinion. I believe that it crosses the line to abuse. For me, it's black and white. You either do, or don't. Not everyone sees it that way, and as we have posted, the law doesn't in some countries, and others it does. The reason why *I* believe it is...is because there is EVIDENCE that it is damaging. Damaging to me = abuse. I am always trying to find ways to be a better parent. I do research things, and I am not perfect nor do I ever claim to be (and I am sorry if I ever come off as 'perfect'). I admit that I have yelled at my kids, which I do not do often, but, like I said, I am not perfect. I think we can all look at ourselves and see things that we can improve on, and by working on those things, that is taking a step forward and our kids are the ones that benefit.