Is it selfish for overweight women to plan to be come pregnant?

[Floralaura]

If a Woman is overweight, not by a pound or two but by quite a bit say, and is purposely TTC is that selfish?
Knowing that being overweight can have (what can be serious) health impactions for both her and her Baby? Also theres the cost involved..overweight Women are consultant led, often have GD, PE etc all which costs money..with a NHS already stretched is it fair that people are TTC knowing it will cost the NHS more for their care than for an averaged size Mum to be?

 

[v2007]

What about people who are taking drugs, smoke, drink too much or have an eating issues, should they not become pregnant too???!!!

I am so sick of us bigger ladies getting it in the neck for adding to the cost of an over stretched NHS.

There is a similar debate already been made on this sub-forum and it didnt go down too well either.

 

[v2007]

https://www.babyandbump.com/news-debates/496687-becoming-pregnant-while-obese-ethical.html

 

[Floralaura]

I think that its different for smokers/drinkers/addicts/ED's..each one throws up its own questions and dilemmas..I am (for now lol) just interested in overweight Women TTC.
Not particularly if its ethical but if people see it as selfish..if when talking to someone whos overweight who says that they are trying for a Baby if they see it as the person being selfish..if people who see a overweight Woman who is obviously pregnant if they judge them for being selfish..
I hadnt seen the other thread sorry before I posted this one, I will go read that one now though x

 

[KaceysMummy]

I don't think because your overweight anyone could deny you the right to have a baby or say it was selfish at all...
You would never say to someone who has disability that it was selfish of them having a baby - when a lot of complications can also arise - they have the right to have children like everybody else.
Your weight or NHS money shouldn't come into having a baby at all!
Love and happiness is the main thing and if a woman can give them to her baby then of course its not selfish in anyway to have children! x

 

[hypnorm]

A friend of mine is overweight, she is hypothyroid... Medically she can do nothing about it, so is it selfish of her to have three kids... No.

 

[Scamp]

I'm sure there was a post like this last year and it upset a lot of women.

I don't see why overweight women are selfish to become pregnant?
Yes complications can happen for overweight women during pregnancy, but they can happen to anyone.
And a lot of overweight women aren't overweight through choice and may never be able to get down to a size 10, does this mean they should never have kids?

 

[special_kala]

Of course they are selfish....everyone is selfish when they choose to have kids because you dont have kids for other people do you?

Are they selfish in regard to NHS resources? I dont think so. That would mean that a diabetic/epileptic are selfish too as they need more care.

I TTC with River knowing that brain aneurysms have effected at least 2 generations of women in my family (killing my nan whilst she was 8 months pregnant) so i had to be rushed through for a CT scan and MRI scan to see if my labour would need to be managed differently. I dont think that makes me selfish

 

[smelly07]

No not at all....i think there are definitely 'selfish' people out there bringing kids in to the world that shouldnt be but i dont think 'over weight' people qualify as being 'selfish'

 

[FEDup1981]

What about people who are taking drugs, smoke, drink too much or have an eating issues, should they not become pregnant too???!!!

I am so sick of us bigger ladies getting it in the neck for adding to the cost of an over stretched NHS.

There is a similar debate already been made on this sub-forum and it didnt go down too well either.

Couldnt agree more.

To the OP - are you overweight - not just by a pound or two???

 

[PrayinForBaby]

This is sickening.....so what about underweight women who are malnourished??? just because they are skinny should they get a baby before a chubby woman?? Come on! You can be large and healthy too!

 

[Raggydoll]

As long as the baby is loved and well cared for then that's all that matters.

There is never going to be an ideal. Even the most healthy people can have complicated pregnancies.

 

[DanielleM]

My BMI when I got pregnant was within a healthy range and I developed GD, was on sky high doses of insulin, was consultant led and was seen every week and admited to hospital for 8 days (obviously costing NHS a lot of money especially as I had to have one to one midwife care)!! So no any woman regardless of their BMI can develop complications, and to pinpoint 'overweight' ladies is pretty shallow!! To qualify for IVF on the NHS your BMI has to be 0 so they accept you even if you are overweight but not clinically obese!

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

yes i think it is selfish, in a sense.. why would you WANT to increase your risk of gestational diabetes? .. or god knows how many ova complications.. to me its as bad as smoking or drinking during pregnancy, but i'm not talking a few pounds like i'm talking stones and stones(i'm not good with maths sorry lol) overweight. sorry x

 

[Every Rose]

I think everyone who gets pregnant can be called selfish if you want to take that view. Most people have a baby because they want want and we can call almost any action selfish when we look at it like that.

Why should someone who's overweight be any more or less selfish than anyone else?

I just googled "is pregnancy a health risk" for the sake of seeing what came back. I haven't read them all, just the short bit you can see on the google page but these were the top ten:

The first on the list had a list of things that can make pregnancy more high risk and obesity was one of those things amongst others.

But the second said that pregnancy for women under age 20 makes it high risk for the baby.

The third is just plain scary for other reasons (I did look) and seems to expect everyone to suffer something nasty during pregnany (and listed more permanent side effects of pregnancy as infertility, disability and death).

The fourth was about obesity.

And the fifth was about health risks to teen mums that said they were more likely to have premature babies or babies with low birth weights.

Six was about eptopic pregnancies.

Seven was teen pregnancies and the high risks involved.

Eight was reducing pregnancy rates and health risk behaviour in teenagers.

Nine was saying that not all women with high risk pregnancies develop complications.

And ten was about something called PRAMS or Pregnancy Risk Assessment Monitoring System.

Google has more on the first page about the risks to teen mums and their babies than to obese mums. Google is not an authority on the subject but it showed me that a group I wouldn't immediately say were high risk actually are high risk (and therefore, perhaps, at risk of being called selfish).

I don't like using the word selfish when it comes to anyone elses parenting choices and that includes the issue of them chosing to become pregnant or not in the first place.

People of all sizes, ages, incomes and lifestyles become pregnant (or don't) and I don't think it is right to judge anyone as selfish for it.

 

[fantastica]

No-one is saying that other groups couldn't also be debated...this was just one topic of many..it doesn't mean it shouldn't/can't be discussed.

Tbh...I think it depends. If a woman is otherwise relatively healthy, and can love and care for a baby then she isn't selfish. But if you're talking obese as in EXTREME (i.e. can't even move from the bed...which is obvs rare) then perhaps that would be.

Most people's lifestyles in one way or another could be deemed as the 'wrong situation' or however you want to phrase it, but there's far worse things to be when trying for a baby.

 

[Laura2919]

God this thread again. Think we only just ended the last one


No I dont think it is selfish. It doesnt mean that because a lady is obese she is going to have health issues. Yes it increases your risk but I have met women who have the 'perfect' size figure and have serious health issues through pregnancy.
My girls were born at 29 weeks and I am not massively overweight. My mum was big when she had me yet I came exactly 40 weeks! Its not just weight that needs to be taken into consideration and most obese women would try to lose some weight before they got pregnant.

 

[elephant29]

I think it would be selfish to call overweight woman selfish for wanting a baby! Why shouldnt they?

MY weight was normal, bmi within range but I was consultant led due to having (controlable) asthma. It was un-necessary but thats what happened..so am I selfish? I had to have numerous growth scans and was hospitalised for blood clots etc etc and I was healthy when I became pregnant...illness/complications can happen to anyone.

xxx

 

[Every Rose]

No-one is saying that other groups couldn't also be debated...this was just one topic of many..it doesn't mean it shouldn't/can't be discussed.
Tbh...I think it depends. If a woman is otherwise relatively healthy, and can love and care for a baby then she isn't selfish. But if you're talking obese as in EXTREME (i.e. can't even move from the bed...which is obvs rare) then perhaps that would be.

Most people's lifestyles in one way or another could be deemed as the 'wrong situation' or however you want to phrase it, but there's far worse things to be when trying for a baby.

I know nobody has said we can't discuss the other groups that may be high risk but why are we discussing this one? The OP doesn't say really say why she is asking in her first post and she's given the thread quite an inflammatory title.

If a Woman is overweight, not by a pound or two but by quite a bit say, and is purposely TTC is that selfish?
Knowing that being overweight can have (what can be serious) health impactions for both her and her Baby? Also theres the cost involved..overweight Women are consultant led, often have GD, PE etc all which costs money..with a NHS already stretched is it fair that people are TTC knowing it will cost the NHS more for their care than for an averaged size Mum to be?

There's discussing things and then there is singling out a certain group of parents on the forum and throwing the word selfish at them along with a lot of prejudices about weight and implying they should think of the NHS before they think of themselves and their families.

But why should they, in particular, think of the NHS etc? I wasn't overweight when I became pregnant but I suffered two losses and planned my third pregnancy without a thought to how much I might be costing the NHS. I wanted my baby. I wanted all of my babies. Call me selfish but I tried for a third knowing he might also die, knowing he was at risk but I still wanted him enough to try for him and risk his life and perhaps mine and the NHS budget didn't enter my mind for a second. Thankfully he is now a fit and healthy two year old and whatever that cost the NHS is worth it to me.

And I doubt that many people who do decide to try for a baby have "cost to the NHS" on their list of pros or cons.

I'm not having a go at you fantastica, btw, I thought your answer was actually very fair. I'm not even having a go at the OP but the forum is full of locked threads where one group feels attacked by another and I would bet that in many of them the word selfish has been used somewhere by someone to attack a lifestyle or parenting choice. I just think that if you are going to start a debate like this you need to be very careful in the way you start it and using the word selfish right there in the title isn't going to get you a debate, it will get you an argument and I don't really think the OP wanted that but I can see why this issue might turn to one when people are feeling singled out or attacked in some way.

 

[Laura2919]

I was consultant led because I had twins was I selfish???