Is it selfish for overweight women to plan to be come pregnant?

[Floralaura]

This is kinda going away from what I actually wanted to discuss. In some posts I kinda get the impression people are saying I shouldn't be asking this Q?!
From what I said, with a BMI of 35 from lifestyle choices (not medical), previous complications from a pregnancy for both Mum and Baby with a BMI of 35 last time when pregnant does mean (to me) that TTC again would be selfish..for Mum, Baby, other Children and yes the NHS..I wanted to see if I was alone in that thinking or if I was a exception in thinking that. Get other opinions on it, see how others judge things. I had not (As i pointed out earlier) seen the other post and my Q is not is it ethical but is it selfish in any way so slightly different Q's. This was not asked in a way to offend any Woman no matter their size!

 

[we can't wait]

When someone decides to become a Mommy, they are deciding to forever nurture, love, and guide another human being. I think that, regardless of size, is the most unselfish decision a lot of women have ever made. Having a child means that you can't be selfish or self-concerned anymore.
An overweight woman won't necessarily have any more complications than a person who is underweight or a healthy weight. It isn't fair to make a generalization that says that overweight women planning on getting pregnant are selfish.

I don't really see the point of this thread. It isn't going to get anywhere.

 

[Jess137]

I just don't like that there are discussions about things that people cannot necessarily control...some people have medical issues causing them to be overweight, and talking about mental health issues really irritates me because people start giving opinions when they have no idea what it is like. I am overweight, and bipolar. I am TTC. I don't think I'm any more selfish than any other woman who wants to have a baby. Even though I am overweight, I am pretty healthy, and I have my bipolar under control. So are some people trying to say that simply because I am overweight, and I do have a mental "disorder", that I don't deserve to have children, and that I will be a bad mother? That seems very small-minded to me.

 

[peanut56]

Being overweight doesn't mean you don't want to leave the house, or you're too "fat" to do activities with your kids! I'm overweight and perfectly healthy otherwise. I'm in the process of losing weight, but I can do any and all of the activities that "skinny" people do. I don't think people should make such sweeping generalizations.
So I guess I'm confused...how overweight are we talking here? If we're going by bmi, it really does not take much to be considered overweight. Or are we talking overweight like 500 pounds?
I know the OP didn't see the other thread and didn't mean to cause any offense...but it just seems like us larger ladies are getting picked on.

 

[Tasha]

Floralaura, understand what you are saying but when someone makes a sweeping generalisation about overweight people putting their children in front of the tv all day whilst they just eat, people will respond to that. New bits of discussion is a normal part of any thread.

I think that people are just saying that it seems unfair that this discussion focused on bigger women is happening again, so soon, it feels like they are being targeted. Now I know that you didnt want that to happen, but like anything if you are sensitive about it, or if society seems to judge you continuously on it, then you are going to feel defensive.

On a side, did you read the other thread? Some really good points in there, that can be applied here too.

 

[Floralaura]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

 

[Tasha]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

I said someone, not you. I meant someone earlier in the thread made sweeping statements about overweight people sticking there children in front of the tv whilst eating, that sort of thing is going to offend and will spark a response. The reason I wrote that was because you said this; This is kinda going away from what I actually wanted to discuss.

 

[Tasha]

Oh and I absolutely was not saying you are picking on them

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

i think this is one of those debates that would be never ending and is always going to hurt someones feelings ... its to personal i suppose x

 

[cleckner04]

I'm 'obese' and I could run circles around every single one of my skinny friends. I exercise at least 2 hours every day. I don't eat junk. And I'm f'ing fabulous! I'm losing weight very slowly and that's while doing everything right. It's not easy for some women to just drop off weight. Some women have to seriously work their asses off to even lose 1 lb. I don't think TTC while being overweight is selfish. I am personally trying to get down in weight as much as possible before TTC. But I wouldn't be doing this if my DH wasn't deployed. If he was here, we'd be actively TTC right now. Regardless of my weight.

The woman saying fat people just sit their kids in front of the TV while they eat....that is the most hurtful, ignorant thing I have read on here in a long time. It's people like you that would make the 'big' girls want to stay in the house. And if I could choose between being obese and being as hurtful as you are, I choose obesity. Being skinny doesn't make you a good person, it doesn't make you beautiful, and it sure as hell doesn't make a good mother.

It's pretty much common sense that women are going to get heated over a topic like this. Overweight women get enough judgement in daily life. And this is a forum full of women that have had babies, had miscarriages, had all sorts of life changing experiences that cause weight gain. Most of us aren't lucky enough to just shoot a baby out and be automatically thin again.

 

[Serene123]

I'm overweight I take my daughter out every day. She goes to Tumble Tots and Swimming and other days we go to the park or walk to Tesco or do something. If I didn't take her out every day she wouldn't sleep at night. She has her dads metabolism and she has so much steam she needs to let off.

I am not selfish or a bad mum because I'm overweight. I was less active when I was 11 stone than I am now.

To go back to what you keep saying the subject is. No, I don't think it's selfish for someone with a BMI over 35 to have another baby if they had complications the time before. Every pregnancy is different.

And I don't have an opinion on people smoking when they're pregnant, because it's their choice and I do believe in some cases it is worse for them to stop than to carry on.

 

[hb1]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

tbh your initial q was a sweeping generalisation and after this being pointed out trying to come up with a hypothetical fat person doesn't help at all.

Q to you - what exactly is the point of your question?

 

[Pixie2320]

Do you think it's selfish for women with eating disorders to get pregnant? I've seen far more harm come to babies born to mothers with anorexia/bulimia than I have to those born to obese mothers.

 

[Floralaura]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

tbh your initial q was a sweeping generalisation and after this being pointed out trying to come up with a hypothetical fat person doesn't help at all.

Q to you - what exactly is the point of your question?

So now i'm a hypothetical person?
The question was asked as it was a Q that had come up in my life..yes I think for 'the hypothetical person' to become pregnant after TTC again would be very selfish and as that person I am allowed to say so. I wanted to see if I was alone in thinking it would be selfish to TTC and all I have discovered is *some* overweight people think the world is out to get them and that its all about them. Its not though. As people just assumed I am thin then that means I sweeping generalisations here there and everywhere and that I am judging fatties and that I am picking on larger people. Fail. The Q was asked the why it was as if you as a Q directly relating to yourself people are more likely to tell you what you want to hear rather than what they really think..and I dont want to hear what people think I want to hear but rather actual opinions on the matter in hand.

 

[Tasha]

I am confused, doesnt take a lot though.

Only two of us mentioned sweeping generalisations (I think), myself and hb1. As I explained mine was aimed at the person stating that overweight people eat all day whilst their children watch tv, that is a sweeping generalisation.

 

[v2007]

I think it is selfish when you hear of a kid who never goes out because the mother is either to ashamed of her weight to take the kid out or is to unfit to even walk a bit outside the house.
I don't mean to be offensive but that's my opinion.
When you bring a life into this world you do it wanting to show he/she everything and help them explore and love life, so when I hear of someone who has had a baby but does nothing but eat all day and shove the kid in front of a telly I think it's horrific.
The kid would be missing out on so much of life, and when it's an adult would probably have to care for the parent then also.

It happens quite a lot these days.

Opinion not FACT!!!!

have noticed that almost everyone that has commented and thinks it is not "selfish" is overweight tho.....

So people who are overweight are not allowed to defend themselves???

I know a few women in work whose daughters are big and they are always worrying about their grandkids saying that they the grans are the only ones taking them out.

My neighbour is a prime example, she doesn't even walk her kids to school her mother/mother in law does it for her, I see her sometimes sitting by her back door when the kids are playing in the garden next to mine and it's just sad as the kids are like mum come here and chase me etc and she's just saying leave it out you know I can't.

Someone said on here they don't like going out much and it doesn't make them a bad mum, I disagree.
Don't you think your kids are missing out on loads of things cos you can't take them places?
I have tons of memories of going to the beaches, mountains, waterfalls, zoos etc with my mum and dad.
Every day they would take me some where even if it was just a walk up the fields to see the horses.
I never had a playstation or watched tv much.

So many kids these days don't even go swimming with parents.

I think that there are so many chavy and troubled people these days because they haven't done these activities with parents or family members and have just stayed in the house or gone and played on the street while the parents stay in the house.

I had friends in school whose parents didn't do much with them outside the house and they haven't ended up brilliant, aren't very close to their parents now either and sort of resented them as they felt they were missing out.

I'm really close to my parents despite moving out with my fiance when I was only 17, am now nearly 22, I talk to my father nearly every day and go over their house a few times a week.
We also still go on days out as a family.

Me personally I think it's wrong to have a kid if you're not going to take them out and enjoy life and just sit at home due to insecurities about weight.
If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them.
People say they have panic attacks but surely the kid and the childs happiness should mean more to them than that?

You want to read this back to yourself and see how rude it is.

Slagging off Mums who have anxiety problems and panic attacks.

Saying people who are chavy are lazy WTF!!!

This thread is as offensive as the other one.

Why dont you have a dig at smokers, drug addicts, alcoholics who are pregnant or are TTC, or would it start a ding dong and as we all know the fat people are far more easy targets.

What a fucking farce.

Call it a debate....i call it a another dig at overweight people who are being made scape goats by the NHS which in turn start stupid debates like THIS!!!!!!!!

 

[Every Rose]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

tbh your initial q was a sweeping generalisation and after this being pointed out trying to come up with a hypothetical fat person doesn't help at all.

Q to you - what exactly is the point of your question?

So now i'm a hypothetical person?
The question was asked as it was a Q that had come up in my life..yes I think for 'the hypothetical person' to become pregnant after TTC again would be very selfish and as that person I am allowed to say so. I wanted to see if I was alone in thinking it would be selfish to TTC and all I have discovered is *some* overweight people think the world is out to get them and that its all about them. Its not though. As people just assumed I am thin then that means I sweeping generalisations here there and everywhere and that I am judging fatties and that I am picking on larger people. Fail. The Q was asked the why it was as if you as a Q directly relating to yourself people are more likely to tell you what you want to hear rather than what they really think..and I dont want to hear what people think I want to hear but rather actual opinions on the matter in hand.

But if it's about you and you think that you are being selfish, why ask everyone else if you have already made your mind up?

I'm not having a go but it's up to you to decide if you are being selfish or not based on what you know of your own health and situation.

Other people are bound to feel differently about themselves because they know their own health and situations. Everyone is different.

And although I can understand why you didn't immediately say you were asking about yourself (feeling that you wouldn't get an honest answer) I think you have to understand why people took it personally when your reasons weren't made immediately clear (and more importantly, when other people joined in saying in effect that overweight people are selfish and lazy etc).

 

[v2007]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

tbh your initial q was a sweeping generalisation and after this being pointed out trying to come up with a hypothetical fat person doesn't help at all.

Q to you - what exactly is the point of your question?

So now i'm a hypothetical person?
The question was asked as it was a Q that had come up in my life..yes I think for 'the hypothetical person' to become pregnant after TTC again would be very selfish and as that person I am allowed to say so. I wanted to see if I was alone in thinking it would be selfish to TTC and all I have discovered is *some* overweight people think the world is out to get them and that its all about them. Its not though. As people just assumed I am thin then that means I sweeping generalisations here there and everywhere and that I am judging fatties and that I am picking on larger people. Fail. The Q was asked the why it was as if you as a Q directly relating to yourself people are more likely to tell you what you want to hear rather than what they really think..and I dont want to hear what people think I want to hear but rather actual opinions on the matter in hand.

Judging, maybe.

Offensive, Definitely.

Calling overweight people fatties is just uncalled for.

 

[Floralaura]

I AM FAT!!!!!! ffs.
My OH wants another Baby, I however feel its selfish to TTC another whilst still overweight. I had GD and complications with DS2 and he ended up in SCBU due to them, whilst only for a few hours it scared me enough to know that I will NOT put another Baby through that just cause I am fat by my own choice. I wanted to prove that I had made the right choice by how others perceived the situation. If I had posted the Q saying it was me that would be the fat pregnant one then People would not have answered honestly just like the age old Q of ''does my bum look big in this?''..so posted it as a general question with no names..yet suddenly overweight people got offended and decided that as I asked the question I was being all sorts of fattist! I AM FAT, probably even fatter than smoe who are offended in fact lol. Thus I cant be fattist! Its like saying someone is being racists towards their own race!
Considering we are meant to be bubbly and all

 

[moomin_troll]

totaly OT but i no a indian woman who was arrested for calling a man from pakistan a paki! bloody rediculas hahaha

good luck losing weight if ur planning to and then ttc another baby x