Is it selfish for overweight women to plan to be come pregnant?

[peanut56]

I understand what you're saying, and why your original post was worded the way it was.
My original response wasn't actually aimed at you, it was aimed at others who had made some (seemingly) sweeping generalizations about overweight people and such. And seeing another thread about overweight people being selfish/unethical, whatever, it just kind of hurt a bit - that's just how I felt.
But surely you can understand why some people got upset/defensive?
This is a very personal thing, very sensitive. Most of us don't want to be overweight, and to have it asked if we're selfish (in this case) or unethical (in the case of the other thread) just kind of twists the knife (at least for me!) if you know what I mean....and I assumed (wrongly, I now know) that you were just asking the question for the sake of it, and not genuinely wanting to know because you yourself are overweight. Did that make sense??

 

[Every Rose]

I AM FAT!!!!!! ffs.
My OH wants another Baby, I however feel its selfish to TTC another whilst still overweight. I had GD and complications with DS2 and he ended up in SCBU due to them, whilst only for a few hours it scared me enough to know that I will NOT put another Baby through that just cause I am fat by my own choice. I wanted to prove that I had made the right choice by how others perceived the situation. If I had posted the Q saying it was me that would be the fat pregnant one then People would not have answered honestly just like the age old Q of ''does my bum look big in this?''..so posted it as a general question with no names..yet suddenly overweight people got offended and decided that as I asked the question I was being all sorts of fattist! I AM FAT, probably even fatter than smoe who are offended in fact lol. Thus I cant be fattist! Its like saying someone is being racists towards their own race!
Considering we are meant to be bubbly and all

But you don't need the opinions of anyone here to prove you are right if that's what happened to you and your son and you feel so strongly that you won't take the risk with another baby.

My DH has just suggested we have another baby and I've said no because now we have one living child I just don't want to take the risk of another pregnancy, another attempt to keep the baby safe with operations and injections, another loss, another nine months of fear and stress or another difficult and traumatic birth.

Maybe I could be called selfish for not having another child when DH wants one. Maybe I could be called selfish for going ahead and TTC knowing what might happen. Maybe I can't win and there will be people who think one thing and people who think the opposite. But it's my life, possibly the life of my child, and nothing to do with them.

It's ironic that DH is now the one who wants to try again when he is the one who flat out refused to try for another baby after our second loss. It was me who insisted we try one more time (and had our LO, now 2 years old). Was I selfish then? Very probably, but I was also very sure of my decision.

You know in your heart how strongly you feel about your own situation. Either your mind is made up or it isn't, but some random opinions on the internet based on other people's personal circumstances and prejudices shouldn't be the thing that makes you decide something like this, especially when we didn't have the full facts to answer you with.

Again, I can understand why you didn't give them right away but really in your case you need to ask the opinions of people who can and will honestly answer you. Such as a doctor or consultant who can tell you if this is likely to happen again in your case.

And again, I know you didn't know about the other thread but it sounds like it turned bad. Coming so soon after that one, yours was bound to attract strong feelings of being 'picked on' etc and some of the people who posted here have been offensive about overweight people for no good reason.

I hope you get the reassurance you need from the people best placed to give it. It sounds like you had a bad scare with your son and are blaming yourself for it all and in such a case I would say talking it through with your doctor would be the best thing to do.

 

[Tasha]

I agree with everything ER said.

I have to say, that just because it doesnt bother you doesnt make it okay. Like the fact that V pointed out that you wrote fatties, just because you are fine with that terminology doesnt mean all over weight people will be, and you cant expect them to be just because you are the one writing it and you yourself are over weight. For instance I am a red head, not bothered by some of the names people come out with about my hair, but I wouldnt call another red head or say about red heads in general, a name and expect them to be okay with it. I hope you see what I am trying to say?

 

[we can't wait]

I AM FAT!!!!!! ffs.
My OH wants another Baby, I however feel its selfish to TTC another whilst still overweight. I had GD and complications with DS2 and he ended up in SCBU due to them, whilst only for a few hours it scared me enough to know that I will NOT put another Baby through that just cause I am fat by my own choice. I wanted to prove that I had made the right choice by how others perceived the situation. If I had posted the Q saying it was me that would be the fat pregnant one then People would not have answered honestly just like the age old Q of ''does my bum look big in this?''..so posted it as a general question with no names..yet suddenly overweight people got offended and decided that as I asked the question I was being all sorts of fattist! I AM FAT, probably even fatter than smoe who are offended in fact lol. Thus I cant be fattist! Its like saying someone is being racists towards their own race!
Considering we are meant to be bubbly and all

I understand what you are saying... but if you are so in touch with how other overweight people are feeling, surely you wouldn't be upset when they simply try to defend their actions against other commenters. I understand why you posted the question, but it doesn't change how kind of... rude... you've been since everyone stated their situation/opinion. Part of posting something online is knowing that a lot of people are going to disagree with you. It's a fact of life.

I wish you the best of luck in your personal situation, but it doesn't change that everyone else is in a wildly different situation than you. I'm just not really following what you were exactly expecting to gain from posting this thread? You had to have known overweight people would see this and not feel the same way?

On another note, I still feel somewhat on the defensive regarding your post. It could just be the way that I am interpreting your comments (as I can't hear your tone of voice.) Though it's slightly off topic (it was, however, brought up), it is entirely possible for people to be racist against their own race. They've had loads of shows about this exact topic. People will dye their hair, bleach their skin, tan their skin, get surgury, etc just to look like someone else. It stems from not being comfortable with something in yourself-- and you transfer that hate onto your race. It is possible. It is possible for overweight people to hate on other overweight people.

At this point, all I can say is good luck with your situation. Good luck TTC if that's what you decide-- good luck losing weight, if that's what you decide.

To all the other ladies, I still don't feel as though you are selfish.

 

[Laura2919]

To refer to overweight or obese women as 'Fatties' is disgusting and offensive regardless of whether your 8 stone or 28 stone! Just because your ok with that term doesnt mean the rest of us are.

 

[Nibblenic]

To refer to overweight or obese women as 'Fatties' is disgusting and offensive regardless of whether your 8 stone or 28 stone! Just because your ok with that term doesnt mean the rest of us are.

Exactly. This thread has been more offensive than the last one

 

[hb1]

I am not making sweeping comments at all, I have even in two posts (last being 61) narrowed my Q down to exacts..yet I am still targeting fat people, picking on them and so on? I am talking about me FFS, so how on earth can I be being horrible to fat people?

tbh your initial q was a sweeping generalisation and after this being pointed out trying to come up with a hypothetical fat person doesn't help at all.

Q to you - what exactly is the point of your question?

So now i'm a hypothetical person?
The question was asked as it was a Q that had come up in my life..yes I think for 'the hypothetical person' to become pregnant after TTC again would be very selfish and as that person I am allowed to say so. I wanted to see if I was alone in thinking it would be selfish to TTC and all I have discovered is *some* overweight people think the world is out to get them and that its all about them. Its not though. As people just assumed I am thin then that means I sweeping generalisations here there and everywhere and that I am judging fatties and that I am picking on larger people. Fail. The Q was asked the why it was as if you as a Q directly relating to yourself people are more likely to tell you what you want to hear rather than what they really think..and I dont want to hear what people think I want to hear but rather actual opinions on the matter in hand.

Terminology aside I think that explaining your point of view and reason for posting does help a great deal - whether or not you would have gotten the "debate" that you were looking for I don't know but I don't think you got that anyway...

I do think that weight is so subjective you could only relate your question to a specific situation - it does vary wildly as to whether it would be selfish - whether the person was seriously underweight or over - it more relates to actual health - which while impacted by weight is not soley dependant on it and again it is still a highly individual thing.. Other issues raised here seem more to relate to parenting styles as opposed to weight - eg going out a lot or not.

No - I do not think your weight makes you selfish - if you are doing well with your existing children then it shows you can parent successfully.

Having had GD does make your subsequent pg more high risk - but this would be likely the case even if you lost weight and is something you can work to prevent in your pg throught diet ( eg low GI )

If it bothers you then look to loose some weight and get healthier prior to ttc

I had a bmi of 33 after my mc - which I feel is related to my PCOS - and I also feel that my PCOS impacts my weight greatly.

I did lose a stone and was down to under 32 bmi prior to becoming pg. I don't feel I was selfish in ttc. Following my pg - not seen as high risk and no issues ( apart from mild spd ) so it did not impact my pg - I have put on 2 stone which I intend to work on ( once I get to grips with being a mummy - phew the sleepless nights are something!!! )

 

[lollylou1]

i am pregnant and have battled with weight problems my whole life! i wont be made to feel selfish for having a family, i know the risk is greater for GD in women overweight yet the 3 people i know who have had it havent been overweight, i have worked/work all my life and pay my national insurance and tax and i feel if i need the care i deserve to be able to, as for like alot of others say about the other people, smokers, drinkers, drug addicts etc people who have big problems the majority (please dont jump on me but dont work) so they are getting help without putting anything into the system, that annoys me more!
Lou
xxx