Is it selfish for overweight women to plan to be come pregnant?

[Tasha]

As has already been said having babies in itself is selfish, but people who are overweight are no more selfish than the rest of us.

I have a massively complicated history with pregnancy, when I chose to get pregnant I know there will be complications, I am consultant led and I have been called selfish by a doctor. I dont really believe there will be many people on this forum willing to call me selfish for my choices though, if they did, I would say walk a mile in my shoes. What I mean is you can never understand until you have been there yourself

 

[Every Rose]

As has already been said having babies in itself is selfish, but people who are overweight are no more selfish than the rest of us.

I have a massively complicated history with pregnancy, when I chose to get pregnant I know there will be complications, I am consultant led and I have been called selfish by a doctor. I dont really believe there will be many people on this forum willing to call me selfish for my choices though, if they did, I would say walk a mile in my shoes. What I mean is you can never understand until you have been there yourself

That doctor was an arse.

 

[Laura2919]

As has already been said having babies in itself is selfish, but people who are overweight are no more selfish than the rest of us.

I have a massively complicated history with pregnancy, when I chose to get pregnant I know there will be complications, I am consultant led and I have been called selfish by a doctor. I dont really believe there will be many people on this forum willing to call me selfish for my choices though, if they did, I would say walk a mile in my shoes. What I mean is you can never understand until you have been there yourself

That doctor was an arse.

Agreed.

 

[Serene123]

I don't think I'm selfish because I want my daughter to have a sibling and I'm "obese" since I had her. Yeah sure I could lose weight, but I'm pretty sure I'm as active and eat as healthily as a lot of skinny people.

People are different. Not all overweight people are unhealthy. To say all obese women are selfish is stupid. Do some research into things that make people overweight.

Myself and my OH eat the same, infact he is a LOT more unhealthy than I am. He's 9 stone and I'm well... probably about 15!

 

[Laura2919]

I don't think I'm selfish because I want my daughter to have a sibling and I'm "obese" since I had her. Yeah sure I could lose weight, but I'm pretty sure I'm as active and eat as healthily as a lot of skinny people.

People are different. Not all overweight people are unhealthy. To say all obese women are selfish is stupid. Do some research into things that make people overweight.

Myself and my OH eat the same, infact he is a LOT more unhealthy than I am. He's 9 stone and I'm well... probably about 15!

My OH is the same. He doesnt eat ANY vegetables and rarely eats fruits, actually he only eats an apple once in a blue moon and he is 10st and 6ft.. I eat all my fruit and vegetables and I weigh 12st and am only 5ft2!

 

[Floralaura]

I know there are different levels of 'overweight' and that anyone can have complications no matter their size and that no pregnancy is ever guaranteed to be smooth sailing to both Mum and Baby..but obviously the bigger you are the yes there is more of a risk and someone whos 2 stone overweight is a world away from someone who is 10 stone overweight and so on.
So ok,let me clarify a bit more..im not talking a pound overweight yet not talking worlds largest size either..as 30 is obese and 40 is morbidly obese what if its someone in the middle, at a BMI of 35. That BMI is not due to health reasons just lifestyle choices. Who has already had a Child and suffered from complications of pregnancy/birth due to being overweight with a BMI of 35. Who then either NTNP's or TTCs a new pregnancy whilst still at a BMI of 35..is THAT selfish? Selfish to themselves, to the Child/ren they already have, to their unborn Baby, to their Partner or to the NHS?

 

[missarriana]

I think it is selfish when you hear of a kid who never goes out because the mother is either to ashamed of her weight to take the kid out or is to unfit to even walk a bit outside the house.
I don't mean to be offensive but that's my opinion.
When you bring a life into this world you do it wanting to show he/she everything and help them explore and love life, so when I hear of someone who has had a baby but does nothing but eat all day and shove the kid in front of a telly I think it's horrific.
The kid would be missing out on so much of life, and when it's an adult would probably have to care for the parent then also.

It happens quite a lot these days.

 

[Tasha]

I think it is selfish when you hear of a kid who never goes out because the mother is either to ashamed of her weight to take the kid out or is to unfit to even walk a bit outside the house.
I don't mean to be offensive but that's my opinion.
When you bring a life into this world you do it wanting to show he/she everything and help them explore and love life, so when I hear of someone who has had a baby but does nothing but eat all day and shove the kid in front of a telly I think it's horrific.
The kid would be missing out on so much of life, and when it's an adult would probably have to care for the parent then also.

It happens quite a lot these days.

really? It happens a lot? Is there any information any where to back this up cos I think it is probably not that often but would look at any research that says otherwise.

The notion that overweight/obese/morbidly obese people sit eating all day whilst their children watch television, is a horrible stereotype and it will offend.

I have to say I am overweight, my bmi when I got pregnant was 29 (I have since lost 10kg's though), but I am 'only' a size 14. Now I struggle to leave the house, I have social anxiety since my daughter died, it makes me no less of a mother than any one else, I love my children to bits, I am a good Mummy and the fact that I hate going out of the house doesnt change that, and it wouldnt if the reason I struggle to go out of the house was my weight either.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

have noticed that almost everyone that has commented and thinks it is not "selfish" is overweight tho.....

 

[Tasha]

But still entitled to an opinion. Also like I said walk a mile in that persons shoes.

My bmi is currently 25, so normal. But pre-pregnancy it was 29, which is not counted as posing any further risk, apparently only over 30 is.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

thats not what i meant, its just obvious that with the majority of people being big ladies with children the answer will be "no its not selfish" which i understand.. i have no problem with people being aloud an opinion. but at the same time would these women think it was okay to smoke or drink during pregnancy ? i reckon not they would think that anyone doing anything they can control that would harm their baby is selfish ? ..

 

[Tasha]

I dont know other peoples opinions, every one will be different, some people will think all is fine but others wont.

I am not sure if you mean me when you say big ladies? Cos in my opinion (just mine) a high bmi doesnt always mean a 'big lady'. I had a bmi of 29 one more point and it would of been 30, which is obese. I was a size 14, to me that isnt a big lady.

Ignore me though I am tetchy toady, stupid hormones

 

[Tasha]

Also the weight thing might not be able to be controlled

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

anyone who is too big to have a clear ultrasound i suppose would be a starting point, i'm not talking about people who are packing a few extra pounds people who are to big to travel by plane or use a public swimming pool.. that sort of size i suppose .. i hate bmi lol its evil x

 

[TwilightAgain]

It depends......if the mother was incapable of getting out of bed due to being so overweight, then yes that is selfish. Because she won't be able to do anything with her child.

A little overweight, no. I'm currently 1 st 9lb overweight and if I had a child now, I would be more than capable of running around after a LO because i'm fully active .....as was I before I started losing weight (I think I would have been almost 3 stone overweight.....I could work it out but i'm too lazy ) so no, I don't think a couple of stone makes a difference, as long as Mum can still do things for baby.

Having said that however, I think if someone wants to have a child, I think thats their right and they shouldn't be denied of that.

As far as the health risks go, I don't have much to say on it, pregnancy complications could happen in a healthy mother as well as an overweight one. I personally don't think its selfish no

 

[Tasha]

LOL it is. I hate that something like that can make people feel bad for no reason, other than trying to fit us in boxes, but we are all different and so it doesnt always work.

 

[TwilightAgain]

anyone who is too big to have a clear ultrasound i suppose would be a starting point, i'm not talking about people who are packing a few extra pounds people who are to big to travel by plane or use a public swimming pool.. that sort of size i suppose .. i hate bmi lol its evil x

Sorry if this makes me sound like a dumbo but why wouldn't a big person be able to use a swimming pool? As in not being active or being able to buy a swimming costume or what? Sorry I know how daft I sound

I hate BMI too btw

 

[missarriana]

I know a few women in work whose daughters are big and they are always worrying about their grandkids saying that they the grans are the only ones taking them out.

My neighbour is a prime example, she doesn't even walk her kids to school her mother/mother in law does it for her, I see her sometimes sitting by her back door when the kids are playing in the garden next to mine and it's just sad as the kids are like mum come here and chase me etc and she's just saying leave it out you know I can't.

Someone said on here they don't like going out much and it doesn't make them a bad mum, I disagree.
Don't you think your kids are missing out on loads of things cos you can't take them places?
I have tons of memories of going to the beaches, mountains, waterfalls, zoos etc with my mum and dad.
Every day they would take me some where even if it was just a walk up the fields to see the horses.
I never had a playstation or watched tv much.

So many kids these days don't even go swimming with parents.

I think that there are so many chavy and troubled people these days because they haven't done these activities with parents or family members and have just stayed in the house or gone and played on the street while the parents stay in the house.

I had friends in school whose parents didn't do much with them outside the house and they haven't ended up brilliant, aren't very close to their parents now either and sort of resented them as they felt they were missing out.

I'm really close to my parents despite moving out with my fiance when I was only 17, am now nearly 22, I talk to my father nearly every day and go over their house a few times a week.
We also still go on days out as a family.

Me personally I think it's wrong to have a kid if you're not going to take them out and enjoy life and just sit at home due to insecurities about weight.
If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them.
People say they have panic attacks but surely the kid and the childs happiness should mean more to them than that?

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

anyone who is too big to have a clear ultrasound i suppose would be a starting point, i'm not talking about people who are packing a few extra pounds people who are to big to travel by plane or use a public swimming pool.. that sort of size i suppose .. i hate bmi lol its evil x

Sorry if this makes me sound like a dumbo but why wouldn't a big person be able to use a swimming pool? As in not being active or being able to buy a swimming costume or what? Sorry I know how daft I sound

I hate BMI too btw

oh, alot of swimming pools have a rule, basically if they think you are too fat that they couldn't save you if you were drowning then you can't use the pool x

 

[Laura2919]

If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them. <<< That was a quote!!

Its not so black and white for everyone. Some people have troubles with their weight due to thyroid problems which isnt controlled by 'watching what they eat'
And as for panic attacks unless you have been there (which by the sounds of how easily you think they are to overcome, I guess you havent) I wouldnt judge on how easy this problem is to get over.