Is it selfish for overweight women to plan to be come pregnant?

[moomin_troll]

i think if the person like rhi rhi said is too big to fly or needs two seats then they should think about losing weight before trying to get pregnant.

but on the other hand the same could be the same for saying if someone underweight selfish for getting pregnant as that could hold complications too.

 

[Tasha]

I know a few women in work whose daughters are big and they are always worrying about their grandkids saying that they the grans are the only ones taking them out.

My neighbour is a prime example, she doesn't even walk her kids to school her mother/mother in law does it for her, I see her sometimes sitting by her back door when the kids are playing in the garden next to mine and it's just sad as the kids are like mum come here and chase me etc and she's just saying leave it out you know I can't.

Someone said on here they don't like going out much and it doesn't make them a bad mum, I disagree.
Don't you think your kids are missing out on loads of things cos you can't take them places?
I have tons of memories of going to the beaches, mountains, waterfalls, zoos etc with my mum and dad.
Every day they would take me some where even if it was just a walk up the fields to see the horses.
I never had a playstation or watched tv much.

So many kids these days don't even go swimming with parents.

I think that there are so many chavy and troubled people these days because they haven't done these activities with parents or family members and have just stayed in the house or gone and played on the street while the parents stay in the house.

I had friends in school whose parents didn't do much with them outside the house and they haven't ended up brilliant, aren't very close to their parents now either and sort of resented them as they felt they were missing out.

I'm really close to my parents despite moving out with my fiance when I was only 17, am now nearly 22, I talk to my father nearly every day and go over their house a few times a week.
We also still go on days out as a family.

Me personally I think it's wrong to have a kid if you're not going to take them out and enjoy life and just sit at home due to insecurities about weight.
If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them.
People say they have panic attacks but surely the kid and the childs happiness should mean more to them than that?

you know you just wrote that I am a bad mother dont you? Hmmmm, I am going to try and reply calmly.

Firstly it isnt that I dont like going out, it is a medical condition, not something that I just have a distaste for.

Panic attacks are not just something you can control, of course your children mean so much more, but it is not something that you think oh today I am not going to panic, it takes a lot of hard work and time.

I didnt say that I dont take them out places, I said I hate going out, there is a complete difference there. I take them out, I just struggle with it, that is all.

Not everything is as simple just choosing to lose weight, or choosing to get rid of panic attacks/anxiety issues.

 

[porkypig]

I'm not sure 'selfish' is the right word, i'm sure people who are obese, do not wish complications on themselves, as well as extra tests, being consultant led and the rest of it, i'm sure they just want normal pregnancies like anyone else.
I'm also sure that they don't become pregnant with the thought that they ae going to need extra care and "to hell with the costs".

Perhaps a little 'irresponsible' only in the sense that their weight may cause problems for their unborn child and indeed afterwards, when they cannot run after them, or do other things.
I think its for this reason that something should be done about weight, but if they can do everything and have no complications in pregnancies, then no, its not selfish.

 

[Tasha]

oh, alot of swimming pools have a rule, basically if they think you are too fat that they couldn't save you if you were drowning then you can't use the pool x

Some one needs to tell them your weightless in water.

 

[special_kala]

I know a few women in work whose daughters are big and they are always worrying about their grandkids saying that they the grans are the only ones taking them out.

My neighbour is a prime example, she doesn't even walk her kids to school her mother/mother in law does it for her, I see her sometimes sitting by her back door when the kids are playing in the garden next to mine and it's just sad as the kids are like mum come here and chase me etc and she's just saying leave it out you know I can't.

Someone said on here they don't like going out much and it doesn't make them a bad mum, I disagree.
Don't you think your kids are missing out on loads of things cos you can't take them places?
I have tons of memories of going to the beaches, mountains, waterfalls, zoos etc with my mum and dad.
Every day they would take me some where even if it was just a walk up the fields to see the horses.
I never had a playstation or watched tv much.

So many kids these days don't even go swimming with parents.

I think that there are so many chavy and troubled people these days because they haven't done these activities with parents or family members and have just stayed in the house or gone and played on the street while the parents stay in the house.

I had friends in school whose parents didn't do much with them outside the house and they haven't ended up brilliant, aren't very close to their parents now either and sort of resented them as they felt they were missing out.

I'm really close to my parents despite moving out with my fiance when I was only 17, am now nearly 22, I talk to my father nearly every day and go over their house a few times a week.
We also still go on days out as a family.

Me personally I think it's wrong to have a kid if you're not going to take them out and enjoy life and just sit at home due to insecurities about weight.
If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them.
People say they have panic attacks but surely the kid and the childs happiness should mean more to them than that?

Panic attacks arnt a choice. Its not something you can just decided not to have anymore

There are lots of slim people who dont play with their kids, who dont take them out.

 

[moomin_troll]

i no plenty of thin mothers who do sweet nothing with their children.

after this baby im getting fit because i wont be able to run after 2 boys unless im healthy

 

[special_kala]

Just because someone is larger doesnt actually mean that they are lazy or have less energy. I am slimmer then average but i know lots of people bigger then me who could run rings around me.

 

[moomin_troll]

theres huge difference by having weight on u but being healthy and in shape to being huge and unfit, to then being skinny and unhealthy which i am and hate it. cant wait to start the gym and get sorted

 

[AppleBlossom]

Tbh I weigh 7 stone (not by choice, my metabolism is hyperspeed and I hate it!) and although I don't suffer from anxiety, I do have days where I don't go out purely because I do feel anxious for one reason or another. I suppose it's like, I refuse to go out with no make up on. If I lost all my make up, I wouldn't go out that day I don't think being overweight and planning a baby is selfish as such. It's probably better to lose weight first, but of course, that is easier said than done in a lot of cases

 

[FEDup1981]

I have bipolar, social anxiety, OCD. I am 24wks preg and have a 5yr old (of whom i had a very straight forward pregnancy & birth) and i am overweight. I failed at gastric bypass because i comfort ate after a miscarriage and an ectopic.

So yeah call me a bad mother. Selfish. Whatever.

My 5yr old had his parents evening this week - he is a star, top of the class for reading, never in trouble, confident and bubbly. Racing ahead of himself in all academic areas. He has a full clean uniform on everyday.

Hmmm now - who the hell parented him? Surely it cant have been that fat depressed selfish mother of his????

 

[Scamp]

I think it is awful to call someone a bad mum because they have panic attacks
I can't go into shops on my own, I have panic attacks and I don't like being out the house if I haven't got someone with me, does that mean I shouldn't be ttc?

 

[moomin_troll]

I have bipolar, social anxiety, OCD. I am 24wks preg and have a 5yr old (of whom i had a very straight forward pregnancy & birth) and i am overweight. I failed at gastric bypass because i comfort ate after a miscarriage and an ectopic.

So yeah call me a bad mother. Selfish. Whatever.

My 5yr old had his parents evening this week - he is a star, top of the class for reading, never in trouble, confident and bubbly. Racing ahead of himself in all academic areas. He has a full clean uniform on everyday.

Hmmm now - who the hell parented him? Surely it cant have been that fat depressed selfish mother of his????

sorry i no ur upset but this really made me giggle x

 

[Nibblenic]

This thread is ridiculous and far from a reasonable debate backed up with facts. Why we eeded another thread about this just weeks after the other one is beyond me

 

[FEDup1981]

I have bipolar, social anxiety, OCD. I am 24wks preg and have a 5yr old (of whom i had a very straight forward pregnancy & birth) and i am overweight. I failed at gastric bypass because i comfort ate after a miscarriage and an ectopic.

So yeah call me a bad mother. Selfish. Whatever.

My 5yr old had his parents evening this week - he is a star, top of the class for reading, never in trouble, confident and bubbly. Racing ahead of himself in all academic areas. He has a full clean uniform on everyday.

Hmmm now - who the hell parented him? Surely it cant have been that fat depressed selfish mother of his????

sorry i no ur upset but this really made me giggle x

Just amazes me how people have such opinions on something they know nothing about.

But hey ho, someone's gotta be blamed eh?!

 

[Laura2919]

My post was a quote from a previous post. It didnt come out right lol.

 

[moomin_troll]

I have bipolar, social anxiety, OCD. I am 24wks preg and have a 5yr old (of whom i had a very straight forward pregnancy & birth) and i am overweight. I failed at gastric bypass because i comfort ate after a miscarriage and an ectopic.

So yeah call me a bad mother. Selfish. Whatever.

My 5yr old had his parents evening this week - he is a star, top of the class for reading, never in trouble, confident and bubbly. Racing ahead of himself in all academic areas. He has a full clean uniform on everyday.

Hmmm now - who the hell parented him? Surely it cant have been that fat depressed selfish mother of his????

sorry i no ur upset but this really made me giggle x

Just amazes me how people have such opinions on something they know nothing about.

But hey ho, someone's gotta be blamed eh?!

i didnt leave the house for 2 weeks at one point and people may say i was a bad mother but they have no clue why i couldnt leave my house. i no plenty of skinny mothers who are shocking!
plus theres is so much more children need other then going outside, which most of us dont do much in winter and yet thats not thought of as bad parenting.
like today i had things to do and zane didnt want to go out so i got my mate round n i left. sometimes its zane that would rather stay in and read books watch dvds draw and play

 

[BlackBerry25]

yes i think it is selfish, in a sense.. why would you WANT to increase your risk of gestational diabetes? .. or god knows how many ova complications.. to me its as bad as smoking or drinking during pregnancy, but i'm not talking a few pounds like i'm talking stones and stones(i'm not good with maths sorry lol) overweight. sorry x

My bmi is 37. The doc never said anything to me. I had no pregnancy complications with my daughter. I have low blood pressure, etc. I actually lost weight while pregnant.

 

[BlackBerry25]

Even if I wasn't overweight, I would still feel the same way. NOT ALL OF US HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FAT.

Argh.

I know when I was skinny, I wasn't sitting there thinking, man that lady is selfish, being fat and having a kid. NEVER!

 

[we can't wait]

Someone said on here they don't like going out much and it doesn't make them a bad mum, I disagree.
Don't you think your kids are missing out on loads of things cos you can't take them places?
I have tons of memories of going to the beaches, mountains, waterfalls, zoos etc with my mum and dad.
Every day they would take me some where even if it was just a walk up the fields to see the horses.
I never had a playstation or watched tv much.

So many kids these days don't even go swimming with parents.

I think that there are so many chavy and troubled people these days because they haven't done these activities with parents or family members and have just stayed in the house or gone and played on the street while the parents stay in the house.

I had friends in school whose parents didn't do much with them outside the house and they haven't ended up brilliant, aren't very close to their parents now either and sort of resented them as they felt they were missing out.

I'm really close to my parents despite moving out with my fiance when I was only 17, am now nearly 22, I talk to my father nearly every day and go over their house a few times a week.
We also still go on days out as a family.

Me personally I think it's wrong to have a kid if you're not going to take them out and enjoy life and just sit at home due to insecurities about weight.
If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them.
People say they have panic attacks but surely the kid and the childs happiness should mean more to them than that?

I'm sorry, but your post comes off as really rude and offensive. This being a public forum, you should really try to conduct yourself with a little more compassion and poise. It's a bit silly to suggest that everyone should have the same lifestyle you had as a child... especially since everyone is in their own unique situations.

"Don't you think your kids are missing out on loads of things cos you can't take them places? I have tons of memories of going to the beaches, mountains, waterfalls, zoos etc with my mum and dad."
No. I disagree. I grew up poor-- I am one of six children. I don't have any memories of going to beaches, mountains, or waterfalls when I was little. My parents couldn't afford for us to go out. My mom was a stay at home mom battling depression after the death of my sister, and my dad worked two jobs. It wasn't a possibility for us. I remember little things-- My dad coming home with a two boxes of Corn Flakes and a gallon of milk and telling us it was 'Cereal Night." (Our favorite treat) My sisters teaching me how to make "mud pies" out of dirt and water. My parents sometimes not eating dinner so that us kids could have seconds if we wanted them. My parents are bad, selfish parents just because I have never seen a waterfall or touched a mountain? I didn't miss out on anything. I have memories of my family-- not special places. A zoo wouldn't have made me love my parents more.

"If you loved the kids enough you would lose the weight so you could enjoy activities with them."
Seriously? I'm a big lady. I conceived my baby with the help of doctors. At no point did they say that I was endangering a baby with my weight. I don't have diabetes. I have good blood pressure, good cholesterol, good health-- other than weighing 230lbs. I love my daughter to the moon and back, and she's not even here yet. No one will ever tell me that I don't "love my kids enough," just because I can't lose weight at the drop of a hat.

"People say they have panic attacks but surely the kid and the childs happiness should mean more to them than that?"

The ignorance of this statement speaks for itself. Saying this is like saying that someone who is handicapped to a wheelchair should love their child enough to 'get over it' and run around. Do you honestly think that people who are blind don't love their children enough-- and that's why they can't open their eyes and look at the painting the child made? They can't help their situation-- but they can do their best, and love their children with everything they have. Someone with panic attacks and anxiety is no different. A mother's love can conquer a lot of things, but love doesn't fix everything.

x

 

[moomin_troll]

its easy for people to judge when they have never had problems such as not being able to leave the house for what ever reason, theres more to being a parent to going to beaches.

my ohs parents took them outside all the time living in a village in scotland and to holidays abroad every year from the outside that sounds lovely, but my oh was stuck in childrens clubs as his parents want to do "their" thing and are terrible parents.