Is it wrong to put ageing parents into care homes?

[Lina]

is Alzheimer's disease , dementia , etc. common in other part of the countries? here, people work 40 hours a week (or more) and some people can't look after people who need 24/7 care. btw, I was a certified nursing assistance for several years in many nursing homes. many who ended up in them needed 24/7 care in long term(meaning they will live a long time) . vegetative /coma state, alzheimer's (they tend to get very abusive), broken hips, etc. they could not get the care they need at home.

I don't think Dementia/Alzheimer is a western disease, my grandmother is currently suffering from it and she is in her late 80s (being taken care of by her daughter) so I don't really agree much with life expectancy, all my grandparents and extended family lived well into their 90's.

 

[deafgal]

what I mean, they will live a long time in their condition where they need 24/7 care. Most family tried caring for their alzheimer parents for a while. some actually wander off in the street and got lost, others tried to drive, and some will hit their children. my step grandfather was under his wife care, and he did all that to her. and he did hit me when I was a kid.she didn't want to put him in a nursing home. https://alzheimers.aplaceformom.com/articles/alzheimers-aggression/

 

[mum22ttc#3]

what I mean, they will live a long time in their condition where they need 24/7 care. Most family tried caring for their alzheimer parents for a while. some actually wander off in the street and got lost, others tried to drive, and some will hit their children. my step grandfather was under his wife care, and he did all that to her. and he did hit me when I was a kid.she didn't want to put him in a nursing home. https://alzheimers.aplaceformom.com/articles/alzheimers-aggression/

It does alot of the time mean that people with Alzheimer's will live with their condition for a long while needing 24 hour care. Thats why unless you can guarantee you will be there 24 hours a day it makes it near impossible to give a parent/grandparent the adequate care in which they need.
Also I agree alot do get very aggressive and violent in the more later stages, again making it harder to cope for some. Also Alzheimer's isn't only an 'old persons' condition, although rarer you can be diagnosed with it at a much younger age, meaning that some daughters/sons etc may have young children themselves, another reason they may not be able to care for their parents themselves.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Also in my experience, (I've seen a few homes plus my Nan has Alzheimer's, so not overly great so I could be totally wrong but) people with Alzheimer's seem to live quite a long life, one of the homes that I've been to most of the people in there were 90ish, meaning that their children themselves could be into there 70's and quite possibly be unable to care for others and in some cases even need extra care themselves.

 

[Blah11]

Also in my experience, (I've seen a few homes plus my Nan has Alzheimer's, so not overly great so I could be totally wrong but) people with Alzheimer's seem to live quite a long life, one of the homes that I've been to most of the people in there were 90ish, meaning that their children themselves could be into there 70's and quite possibly be unable to care for others and in some cases even need extra care themselves.

once theyre diagnosed the life expectancy is around 7 years but it can be less, it can be more. it depends how old the person is when they get the disease.
also, it depends what you define as old. i dont think 70 year olds are very old these days where 20 years ago they would have been. the oldest person weve had at work was 108 and she was fabulous. totally sound of mind and could wash/dress/toilet herself. she was discharged home.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I think a care home would be the last option for me, I would try and care for my mum/dad in their own home/my home, she has loved and cared for me for so many years that I feel that they disereve the same back when/if the time comes. I couldn't see my themin a care home, they love thier family and home too much that I think they would find it very distressing. The only time I would consider a care home is if the care they needed required skills/resources that I didn't have and their health would suffer as a result of being with me. Although again I would probably look into having carers coming in my home to give them what they required before considering a care home x

 

[mum22ttc#3]

Also in my experience, (I've seen a few homes plus my Nan has Alzheimer's, so not overly great so I could be totally wrong but) people with Alzheimer's seem to live quite a long life, one of the homes that I've been to most of the people in there were 90ish, meaning that their children themselves could be into there 70's and quite possibly be unable to care for others and in some cases even need extra care themselves.

once theyre diagnosed the life expectancy is around 7 years but it can be less, it can be more. it depends how old the person is when they get the disease.
also, it depends what you define as old. i dont think 70 year olds are very old these days where 20 years ago they would have been. the oldest person weve had at work was 108 and she was fabulous. totally sound of mind and could wash/dress/toilet herself. she was discharged home.

Really? I actually thought it would be alot longer, I know Dementia is a faster disease but all the people I know with Alzheimer's are alot older. Like I said in one of the homes they were all 90ish. Perhaps I'm just assuming that they have been diagnosed earlier than they actually was though.

My Nan was diagnosed about 5-6 years ago but has only just had to go into a home, she probably could have lived on her own for a few more months yet but it wouldn't have been long so it would have kind of been prolonging the inevitable iykwim?
In her home I would say that most are around her age (early to mid 80's), some are I would say are a little better than what she is but the majority are more advanced.

 

[deafgal]

from my experience , it varies. we have medical technologies that help them live longer as well.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

No I don't feel it is wrong. It's also not an easy decision to make, I'm sure most people would prefer to be able to care for their parents but homes don't pay for themselves and elderly parents aren't always the only ones infirm and in need of care.
I'm not going to go into my own experience, but I don't think professional care is anymore 'wrong' than home care with relatives is 'right'. Both cases depend heavily on circumstance.

 

[TattiesMum]

It's an emotive question and one which I think is influenced by a lot of different things ...

As other posters have said most women work outside the home these days - and are expected to do so into their 70's. Offering full time, at home, care to an elderly and infirm parent in those circumstances is nigh on impossible.

Plus people are living longer in general which brings with it complications like dementia and Alzheimers which, in their advanced stages, need specialised and 24 hour care. If Granny keeps stripping off and leaving the house, or turning the gas on and wandering off the potential dangers are very real and family members, no matter how well meaning and loving are often not able to offer the supervision and physical exertion needed.

There is also the fact that here in the West we aren't really used to intergenerational living - we leave home to start our own families (and often move long distances) ... our homes are often small and unsuited to hospital style beds, have upstairs bathrooms with small baths or showers etc which infirm relatives can't manage and so on.

And of course, some parents are simply unsuited to living with their children ... a Dad who insists on getting his tackle out and waving it at visitors for example, or a Mum who refuses to wash and is mentally and physically abusive to her daughter (both real cases that I have heard of from clients).... some people are just not nice to be around and sadly old age does not turn previously unpleasant people into lovable fluffy ones

 

[JASMAK]

I don't think it's 'wrong'. I can't stop my career, and everything that I have worked for, just because my mom is unable to care for herself anymore. Not saying I wouldn't 'want' to, it just wouldn't be for me. I would pay for her to be in good care though. Sometimes people who are old have many needs...not just that they are old. Some need constant supervision, diapering, food blenderized and fed too, some haev severe demensia and alchziemer (sp?). I think it's easy for us all to say 'oh sure..no problem'. The reality may be VERY different. I will do whatever works for us, should this need arise. My mom is not much older than me as she was only 17 when she had me...so it will be awhile, and then I, myself, may be too old to do it.