Is my midwife rubbish?

[Mrs.Steer]

Or am I just expecting too much? To date, this is how my experience has gone with her

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!). She knew I was stressed at that time but didn't ofer any other support except a symapthetic noise. Got the feeling she was doing the bare minimum and didnt really allow time for any questions.

2nd visit in clinic for 16 week check:- she answered the phone and her mobile as I had entered the room before I even spoke to her and went on to rant about how she was running behind in clinic and how busy she was etc. Got off the phones eventually and said to me "I could just scream!"
In the meantime I had got progressively more stressed since the last visit, which I feel is bordeline pre-natal depression which had involved some time off work. I explained this to her and she said that she wished she could help more. I asked about how to apply for maternity allowance as I wouldn't qualify for Stat Mat pay from work and she didn't have any info. She rang someone on the spot and told me to go to the social security office but couldn't tell me where it was.
So because the baby is well (never mind that I'm not!) she said see you at the 25 week stage next.

And thats it really. Is this adequate or am I not understanding her role properly?

 

[lauram22]

I really have no idea what the norm is Hun. My mw is ok when I'm there, but like u wen I went she told me how busy she was n didn't hav enough time!! Each time I have seen her she has been over an hour behind. Stil waiting for screening test results, she won't give me her tel no. I have to ring the Docs n she rings me back from withheld!! But overall if I have a problem she tries to sort it.
Who knows Hun. Not what I expected tho xxx

 

[lunarsea]

Or am I just expecting too much? To date, this is how my experience has gone with her

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!). She knew I was stressed at that time but didn't ofer any other support except a symapthetic noise. Got the feeling she was doing the bare minimum and didnt really allow time for any questions.

2nd visit in clinic for 16 week check:- she answered the phone and her mobile as I had entered the room before I even spoke to her and went on to rant about how she was running behind in clinic and how busy she was etc. Got off the phones eventually and said to me "I could just scream!"
In the meantime I had got progressively more stressed since the last visit, which I feel is bordeline pre-natal depression which had involved some time off work. I explained this to her and she said that she wished she could help more. I asked about how to apply for maternity allowance as I wouldn't qualify for Stat Mat pay from work and she didn't have any info. She rang someone on the spot and told me to go to the social security office but couldn't tell me where it was.
So because the baby is well (never mind that I'm not!) she said see you at the 25 week stage next.

And thats it really. Is this adequate or am I not understanding her role properly?

This is really out of line, in my opinion.

Although my doctor and his medical assistant tend to treat me as if I should have a perfect state of mind because the baby is just fine, but sometimes its hard not to have emotional stages or times of worry,
and it really isn't fair that just because everything is fine with the baby, which is great, great news either way, that NOTHING else should be wrong and that you don't really need much time or attention from your doctor.

Depression during pregnancy is probably one of the most frustrating things,
you want to be ecstatic, and sometimes you are, but you seem to still be depressed about everything, and lose interest and act irrationally.

She should be able to at least refer you to someone who you can talk to about it.

 

[Daisymac]

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!).

why did she do a risk assessment? i have 2 kids already and not once have i had to have my house risk assessed! Is she being way over the top? she does sound really unproffesional to me!!!

 

[Pyrrhic]

Or am I just expecting too much? To date, this is how my experience has gone with her

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!). She knew I was stressed at that time but didn't ofer any other support except a symapthetic noise. Got the feeling she was doing the bare minimum and didnt really allow time for any questions.

2nd visit in clinic for 16 week check:- she answered the phone and her mobile as I had entered the room before I even spoke to her and went on to rant about how she was running behind in clinic and how busy she was etc. Got off the phones eventually and said to me "I could just scream!"
In the meantime I had got progressively more stressed since the last visit, which I feel is bordeline pre-natal depression which had involved some time off work. I explained this to her and she said that she wished she could help more. I asked about how to apply for maternity allowance as I wouldn't qualify for Stat Mat pay from work and she didn't have any info. She rang someone on the spot and told me to go to the social security office but couldn't tell me where it was.
So because the baby is well (never mind that I'm not!) she said see you at the 25 week stage next.

And thats it really. Is this adequate or am I not understanding her role properly?

I've never head of a risk assessment being done, and at least she called to let you know she'd be running late.

Answering phones is common. Midwives very often travel between different doctors surgeries. They have to have a mobile on them, and answer it at all times. I never begrudged this of my MW, it's part of their job.

I may be wrong, but I believe pre-natal depression is an issue for your GP and MWs are only trained in post-natal.

My MW also had to find out about maternity allowance for me.

I'm not sure how often normal, healthy pregnancies need to be seen by the MW as I was high risk.

 

[EternalRose]

Or am I just expecting too much? To date, this is how my experience has gone with her

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!). She knew I was stressed at that time but didn't ofer any other support except a symapthetic noise. Got the feeling she was doing the bare minimum and didnt really allow time for any questions.

2nd visit in clinic for 16 week check:- she answered the phone and her mobile as I had entered the room before I even spoke to her and went on to rant about how she was running behind in clinic and how busy she was etc. Got off the phones eventually and said to me "I could just scream!"
In the meantime I had got progressively more stressed since the last visit, which I feel is bordeline pre-natal depression which had involved some time off work. I explained this to her and she said that she wished she could help more. I asked about how to apply for maternity allowance as I wouldn't qualify for Stat Mat pay from work and she didn't have any info. She rang someone on the spot and told me to go to the social security office but couldn't tell me where it was.
So because the baby is well (never mind that I'm not!) she said see you at the 25 week stage next.

And thats it really. Is this adequate or am I not understanding her role properly?

OMG, if I was you I would refer your midwife to the nmc code of conduct, she will know what it is! In answer to your question, Id say she sounds unprofessional big time and of course rubbish! And thats not what you need right now you need support. I had a rubbish midwife at my 16 week appointment too.

Telling you she had a doctors appointment next morning? And that gives you confidence in her how? You hadnt even met her yet, your hardly on friendly terms yet...

Telling you she wants to scream? wtf?

Also, do you know why she did a risk assessment on your house? I had to go to the clinic for my booking in appointment, but there is no baby there yet so I dont understand that one.

Here is a link about maternity allowance..

https://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/Customers/WorkingAgeBenefits/Dev_008115.xml.html

Id strongly reccomend making a complaint to the sister or the practice you went too, and ask to see a different midwife. Your pregnant you have to think about yourself, you dont have time for incompetencies. I would then make an appointment with your GP about your antenatal depression as that is a BIG thing how she just brushed over that I dont know as you need to be assessed properly for that so you can get the right support..

Hope this helps hun xx

 

[EternalRose]

Or am I just expecting too much? To date, this is how my experience has gone with her

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!). She knew I was stressed at that time but didn't ofer any other support except a symapthetic noise. Got the feeling she was doing the bare minimum and didnt really allow time for any questions.

2nd visit in clinic for 16 week check:- she answered the phone and her mobile as I had entered the room before I even spoke to her and went on to rant about how she was running behind in clinic and how busy she was etc. Got off the phones eventually and said to me "I could just scream!"
In the meantime I had got progressively more stressed since the last visit, which I feel is bordeline pre-natal depression which had involved some time off work. I explained this to her and she said that she wished she could help more. I asked about how to apply for maternity allowance as I wouldn't qualify for Stat Mat pay from work and she didn't have any info. She rang someone on the spot and told me to go to the social security office but couldn't tell me where it was.
So because the baby is well (never mind that I'm not!) she said see you at the 25 week stage next.

And thats it really. Is this adequate or am I not understanding her role properly?

I've never head of a risk assessment being done, and at least she called to let you know she'd be running late.

Answering phones is common. Midwives very often travel between different doctors surgeries. They have to have a mobile on them, and answer it at all times. I never begrudged this of my MW, it's part of their job.

I may be wrong, but I believe pre-natal depression is an issue for your GP and MWs are only trained in post-natal.

My MW also had to find out about maternity allowance for me.

I'm not sure how often normal, healthy pregnancies need to be seen by the MW as I was high risk.

Midwives are meant to be trained to deal with all prenatal and postnatal care, depression is common in pregnancy they cant just ignore it. Usually, they refer to the GP for some counselling or medication but they are still meant to support you if your saying you feel down. Not saying this is relevent to OP but you could put yourself and your baby in danger so it is there problem. xx

 

[Mrs.Steer]

It was part of the form in the notes. Any hazards identified in the following rooms etc.? And she ticked no for all rooms.

I think she is being the opposite of over the top in a way, just going through the basics etc. I really am struggling at the moment, especially with my feelings and sorting out maternity pay etc. I just thought she could as lunarsea suggested refer me on for help if she is too busy or at least give me a leaflet on maternity allowance.

I would've thought looking after my well-being would ensure prevention of any complications with baby later on down the line, however it seems a catastrophic management approach is being adopted!

 

[EternalRose]

It was part of the form in the notes. Any hazards identified in the following rooms etc.? And she ticked no for all rooms.

I think she is being the opposite of over the top in a way, just going through the basics etc. I really am struggling at the moment, especially with my feelings and sorting out maternity pay etc. I just thought she could as lunarsea suggested refer me on for help if she is too busy or at least give me a leaflet on maternity allowance.

I would've thought looking after my well-being would ensure prevention of any complications with baby later on down the line, however it seems a catastrophic management approach is being adopted!

The risk assessment could be something they do for women in pcts that have home visits. I dont think she sounds catastrophic, maybe if she was to light up a fag in front of you could call it that , but she does sound unprofessional. Anyway Id make a complaint and Id definately speak to your gp asap hun. Hope I helped a bit xx

 

[Mrs.Steer]

I'm frightened to ask to change midwife because what if she is doing her job right and then the next midwife will judge me for being picky/anxious.

Not once has she asked me how I feel about being pregnant. If she did she would know that all my feelings are negative and I am petrified of being a mother, even though I want it to be the opposite.

Should I call her before the next appointment and ask for more help? Or what if she just directs me to the internet again like she did about the social security office?

 

[Mrs.Steer]

It was part of the form in the notes. Any hazards identified in the following rooms etc.? And she ticked no for all rooms.

I think she is being the opposite of over the top in a way, just going through the basics etc. I really am struggling at the moment, especially with my feelings and sorting out maternity pay etc. I just thought she could as lunarsea suggested refer me on for help if she is too busy or at least give me a leaflet on maternity allowance.

I would've thought looking after my well-being would ensure prevention of any complications with baby later on down the line, however it seems a catastrophic management approach is being adopted!

The risk assessment could be something they do for women in pcts that have home visits. I dont think she sounds catastrophic, maybe if she was to light up a fag in front of you could call it that , but she does sound unprofessional. Anyway Id make a complaint and Id definately speak to your gp asap hun. Hope I helped a bit xx

Sorry by catastrophic I meant she is waiting for something more serious to happen with my mental health/baby before doing something about it at the stage it could be prevented.
Yes all responses are helping, but I have a feeling that because of the way my mood is I don't think I have the strength to complain or do anything more than writing on here..

 

[Daisymac]

I'm frightened to ask to change midwife because what if she is doing her job right and then the next midwife will judge me for being picky/anxious.

Not once has she asked me how I feel about being pregnant. If she did she would know that all my feelings are negative and I am petrified of being a mother, even though I want it to be the opposite.

Should I call her before the next appointment and ask for more help? Or what if she just directs me to the internet again like she did about the social security office?

You shouldnt be worried about that, its your baby, your pregnancy and sod what anyone else thinks! If you arent happy with your midwife get a new one! You are supposed to have a wonderful experience being pregnant and if you dont change your midwife it is gonna ruin it all for you

 

[EternalRose]

I'm frightened to ask to change midwife because what if she is doing her job right and then the next midwife will judge me for being picky/anxious.

Not once has she asked me how I feel about being pregnant. If she did she would know that all my feelings are negative and I am petrified of being a mother, even though I want it to be the opposite.

Should I call her before the next appointment and ask for more help? Or what if she just directs me to the internet again like she did about the social security office?

To be honest, she should have picked up that you had anxiety and were stressed at your booking in appointment. There are tools that they can use to assess this. Take it from someone that has had nurse training and worked with midwives, she is not doing her job right! Its up to you though hun, if you feel like you can carry on seeing her then do so, if not then your going to have to see someone else. And, your not happy with the way things are going at the moment so I dont see why you should put up with it. Your midwife is meant to support you. Do you mind if I ask why your feeling anxious or stressed out? Most mums to be get a little anxious at the thought of being a new mum, thats quite normal hun but if you feel that your anxiety is something deeper than you need to speak to someone about that.

If it was me I wouldnt bother with her right now, Id make an appointment to see your gp, get yourself sorted out first then go from there hun xx

 

[Daisymac]

I'm frightened to ask to change midwife because what if she is doing her job right and then the next midwife will judge me for being picky/anxious.

Not once has she asked me how I feel about being pregnant. If she did she would know that all my feelings are negative and I am petrified of being a mother, even though I want it to be the opposite.

Should I call her before the next appointment and ask for more help? Or what if she just directs me to the internet again like she did about the social security office?

To be honest, she should have picked up that you had anxiety and were stressed at your booking in appointment. There are tools that they can use to assess this. Take it from someone that has had nurse training and worked with midwives, she is not doing her job right! Its up to you though hun, if you feel like you can carry on seeing her then do so, if not then your going to have to see someone else. And, your not happy with the way things are going at the moment so I dont see why you should put up with it. Your midwife is meant to support you. Do you mind if I ask why your feeling anxious or stressed out? Most mums to be get a little anxious at the thought of being a new mum, thats quite normal hun but if you feel that your anxiety is something deeper than you need to speak to someone about that.

If it was me I wouldnt bother with her right now, Id make an appointment to see your gp, get yourself sorted out first then go from there hun xx

I totally agree there x

 

[KamKol]

Seems to me like your MW is too rushed off her feet to care about work anymore.

She is getting the basics over and done with and nothing extra.

My MW is managing a whole practice all by herself since the other MWs are either on holiday or off sick, but still, every single time I visited my MW, she would first ask me "how are you feeling - anything worrying you?" And that's how I know my MW is still concerned about MY wellbeing as well as the baby's. She rushed my first booking in appt, but made up for it by visiting me at home to complete the booking...and she didn't really do a risk assessment, just asked if I have smoke alarms in my home, but that's about it. I even have her mobile number (obviously not a personal number) which I can call, during office hours if I need to ask anything.

I advise you to first contact your GP and make an appt to be referred to a specialist who deals with depression and anxiety. While there, you could discuss your MW...every pregnant woman should have the peace of mind that she has a good MW to ask if she has a question or any other worries.

Hope you feel better soon hun. x

 

[cindi]

well in the states if our OB's would do this well guess what?! We'd get rid of them!!!!!! My old ob was like this and i couldn't stand him. I switched to someone who actually cares and asks about ME every appointment. How are you handling things? are you feeling good? etc. good luck but i would maybe talk to her first maybe she doesn't see what she's doing

 

[Martz]

I can completely understand that midwifes can be overworked and stressed and my last appointment was late and didnt think much of it etc but some of the things ur mw has said dont seem very professional at all.

I had a home visit for my booking in appointment and she didnt risk assess my house?!

My midwife has been really good, I go to the army medcentre so obviously she is understanding of the fact that my husband is away for the entire duration of my pregnancy etc but she always takes the time to ask how im coping, at 16w appointment she asked if I would like to record babys heartbeat on my mobile to send to my hubby in Afghan and she offered to try n help me change my scna date to coincide with hubbis leave so he could be there. She didnt have to do any of those things but means a lot to me going thru this pregnancy on my own!

SUrely ur mw has some sort of duty to at least refer u to gp or something if you have told her that u are anxious etc x

 

[ginab]

Sounds like a similar experience to mine except ive had a different midwife every visit each one of them have all been useless and i know its not just me being hormonal !

my boyfriend came with me to all of my visits and he couldnt believe how rude/inconsistent and unprofessional they all were.

I really cant believe your experience I would ask for a different midwife!

Seems like they go through the motions and dont really care..

Its a shame that something so new and exciting as being a mum can be dampened by useless midwives..

 

[MissTanya]

Or am I just expecting too much? To date, this is how my experience has gone with her

1st visit to the house at 10weeks :- she called 9.30pm the night before to say she might be late the next morning as she had to go to the doctors in the morning. She turned up not well. According to the notes she risk assessed all my house (from the lounge!). She knew I was stressed at that time but didn't ofer any other support except a symapthetic noise. Got the feeling she was doing the bare minimum and didnt really allow time for any questions.

2nd visit in clinic for 16 week check:- she answered the phone and her mobile as I had entered the room before I even spoke to her and went on to rant about how she was running behind in clinic and how busy she was etc. Got off the phones eventually and said to me "I could just scream!"
In the meantime I had got progressively more stressed since the last visit, which I feel is bordeline pre-natal depression which had involved some time off work. I explained this to her and she said that she wished she could help more. I asked about how to apply for maternity allowance as I wouldn't qualify for Stat Mat pay from work and she didn't have any info. She rang someone on the spot and told me to go to the social security office but couldn't tell me where it was.
So because the baby is well (never mind that I'm not!) she said see you at the 25 week stage next.

And thats it really. Is this adequate or am I not understanding her role properly?

Sorry you aren't having the best experience. My personal opinion is that I don't think your midwife is awful, but at the same time I don't think she has done anywhere near enough to help you, especially when you have voiced concerns about your own health. Personally, I would see your GP about about this or ask to change midwifes. It is a real shame that your midwife could not offer advice or atleast direct you properly to someone to see about your health and maternity allowance.

Is it just me, or do the midwifes not really care too much until you have reached past the 20-24 week stage??

I had a bad experience. I had worked myself into a frenzy at the day before my booking-in appointment because all my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared and I no longer felt pregnant. Being my first pregnancy I didn't know what was or wan't normal. When I voiced my concern at my booking in appointment, my midwife pretty much told me I had miscarried (even though there was no blood) and kept saying over and over "I'm so worried for you!".

She then wasn't going to continue with the booking-in appointment (as in, what would be the point if I had miscarried!!) but I asked her to continue, just in case everything turned out to be okay. She then told me I should go to A&E and "make up" some symptoms so they would check me over, as otherwise they wouldn't check me just because I no longer felt pregnant.

I didnt' feel comfortable sitting in A&E making up lies, so I paid for a private scan that night in a private clinic. In the end, everything was perfectly normal and healthy with bubs. In my situation, the midwife could have atleast offered me some clinics where I could get a private scan (rather then advising me to make-up lies). She could have advised that losing symptoms at 10 weeks was perfectly normal and she could have called me in the following week to find out if everything was okay, but she never did.

I was too embarassed to ask for a new midwife, so I booked my 16 week appointment. When that got cancelled a week prior and I was told to make an appointment for two weeks later (when I would have been 18 weeks), I got fed up and voiced my concern about my midwife.

Now, instead of being covered by share-care with my gp, I am now seeing midwifes directly at my hospital instead. Means I see different people now for each appointment, but I figure the care can't be any worse. Had a very lovely lady at my 25 week appointment!!!!!!!

Don't be afraid to ask to change if you aren't comfortable with who you are seeing.

 

[pinknpurple]

Hi hun,
Although I agree with what someone else said, that you can see your gp if you are feeling stressed, anxious or depressed I for one am shocked that your midwife has left you feeling like this!!

MY midwife has referred me to the perinatal psychiatry team (you can ask your gp about this if you don't feel your midwife is taking your concerns seriously) and she only referred me because I have a history of mental health problems, (depression and anxiety) even though at the moment I feel pretty good!! When I went for my appoinment with the perinatal psych team they gave me a test to do had to score how I felt and my anxiety came out really high (pretty normal for me lol) but depression score was really low as suspected because I knew I wasn't depressed (when I went to gp though she gave me antidepressants because she thought I WAS depressed,I took them at first but then stopped because I was sure I wasn't depressed which the perinatal team confirmed). I don't know why you weren't referred but if I were you would ask your doctor about it. I was told women who have a history of depression or who are depressed while they are pregnant have a higher risk of having pnd after their baby is born so it would be a good idea for you to be in touch with the people who'll be able to help you with this!! I wish you the best of luck getting help hun and agree with what the other girls have said hun, if I were you I'd be asking for a different midwife. Can't fault my midwife though she has been great and I was so panicky at the beginning of this pregnancy after a mc May. xxxxxxx