Is there anything I can do?(Sorry, long)

[mummy_ellie09]

I really want to be able to tell the ex/FOB not to bother wasting his money on coming over here to see Josh anymore. He just doesn't seem interested anymore. There was a period of a whole month where he didn't come to visit with one lame excuse after another - other than one which I confirmed for myself. Since then, he's been twice - the 24th Nov and the 17th Nov. In these visits he's been more interested in his mobile or the TV and last week there was barely any communication at all! And when he was here for Josh's birthday on 6th November, it was a if the poor child didn't exist, as FOB was completely ignoring him!

My mum and dad have suggested to give him til after Christmas to improve etc.
I know it's not affecting Josh at the moment, but I don't want it to get to the point when he's older, where he's getting his hopes up thinking his daddy is coming to visit and then he doesn't show.

If it can be done I want it to be all legal and above board.

I apologise if it seems like I've rambled on, please help if you can. TIA

 

[bumphenders]

You can't legally keep him away, but you can tell him he has one more chance to show that he is interested then thats it.
I wouldn't just stop him out-right...talk to him, tell him this is it, and then see what happens from there.
Make a note of the times he is meant to visit - if he shows or not and what interaction he done.. If he decides to talk you to court or anything you will have written down your reasons.

Sorry i cant help anymore

 

[judge12]

To be honest I leave it be, at least his dad is there and your son will know in some way his dad cared enough to actually turn up and see him. If you make this hard and send him away your son may resent you for pushing away his father, maybe not now but in the future he would.

I have a friend who fob only sees his child twice a year! they live far away but still! she says "at least my child knows whos his father is and sees him, when his older he can make his own mind up if he wants to contiune contact but least won't be my own choice keep his father away."

 

[Laura2919]

To be honest I leave it be, at least his dad is there and your son will know in some way his dad cared enough to actually turn up and see him. If you make this hard and send him away your son may resent you for pushing away his father, maybe not now but in the future he would.

I have a friend who fob only sees his child twice a year! they live far away but still! she says "at least my child knows whos his father is and sees him, when his older he can make his own mind up if he wants to contiune contact but least won't be my own choice keep his father away."

I 100% dont agree with this.. FOB is like this. Too interested with his mobile or updating his FB status to everyone knows exactly what he is doing. The one thing I dont want is my kids feeling like their dad only sees them because he has to and not because he wants to
You would think that for someone who doesnt see his children that often would pay attention. My children deserve a dad who is interested in them. I told FOB when he comes to my house if he starts messing about with his phone I would smash it cos he isnt here to text his gf and he isnt here to mess about on FB. FOB doesnt come here anymore for different reasons but what he does at his own house is his loss because at the end of it all he is the one missing out.

I would say talk to him, tell him that when he comes here he can just put the phone down and play with his child. If he doesnt want to do that then he doesnt bother coming. When the twins are going to FOB's I dont say your going to Daddy's I say your going to Nanny's because thats who looks after them. You will probably find he dont listen but try.

 

[dustbunny]

Talk to him, explain his actions are not good enough and although your son might not be showing signs it is affecting him at the moment, at what point do you decide he has become affected by it? What I mean to say it is easier to start sorting things out the minute they start to untangle than leaving it till its a giant mess later.

If he doesn't listen then fine... YOU know you tried and when it comes to explaining to your son HE will know you tried. Some FOB are a waste of space.

 

[Vixen_17]

Like many others I'd say talk to him. See if you can rationally explain to him that it would be really appreciated by Josh if FOB would take time to play with him. It sounds really rubbish but sometimes men are a bit crap and need a kick up the bum. Sometimes they don't know HOW to interact with the kids. We mummies know we have to so we learn it and we do it. Some of them never quite make it. Some of them do with a little help from us.

Ultimately much as we might hate our kids' dads its up to the child to decide if they want contact or not when they are old enough to make that decision. I personally feel that unless dad is abusive who are we to deny our kids access even if the dad is a prize twat? We'll only be the ones who are resented when the kids are adult.

 

[cluelessnow]

I'd talk to him. Regarding the cancelled visits, I would tell him you're not happy that he lets Josh down and it's inconvenient for you to wait around for him. To avoid LO being disappointed, I'd not tell him FOB is coming and to avoid you stress, just always take it with a pinch of salt and have a back-up plan of something fun to do. In the meantime, keep telling him what he's doing is unacceptable, keep a note of times he's cancelled and give him enough warning that you will matters further if he keeps doing it.

Let him know you're not pleased that he totally ignores LO. Ask him not to use the phone while he's there and perhaps suggest an activity FOB and LO can do together eg in the park on swings etc. I'm assuming you're not forcing him to be there and he comes because he initiated it. If so, he may not know what to do with LO. Not sure how old your LO is but the younger a child is the harder I think for men to associate especially if LO can't talk yet. Hope that helps. x

 

[cluelessnow]

I'd talk to him. Regarding the cancelled visits, I would tell him you're not happy that he lets Josh down and it's inconvenient for you to wait around for him. To avoid LO being disappointed, I'd not tell him FOB is coming and to avoid you stress, just always take it with a pinch of salt and have a back-up plan of something fun to do. In the meantime, keep telling him what he's doing is unacceptable, keep a note of times he's cancelled and give him enough warning that you will matters further if he keeps doing it.

Let him know you're not pleased that he totally ignores LO. Ask him not to use the phone while he's there and perhaps suggest an activity FOB and LO can do together eg in the park on swings etc. I'm assuming you're not forcing him to be there and he comes because he initiated it. If so, he may not know what to do with LO. Not sure how old your LO is but the younger a child is the harder I think for men to associate especially if LO can't talk yet. Hope that helps. x

~ Sorry just realized that your LO is 1 years old. If he's walking, FOB shouldn't have an excuse for not playing ball or other games with him. x

 

[mummy_ellie09]

Thanks ladies. I think I will sit and talk to him, see what happens. I usually go upstairs when he visits but to make sure he leaves his phone alone I'm goin to have to stay downstairs.

I'll update you soon Thanks again xx