Is this completely selfish of me?

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by Genna, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. Genna

    Genna Well-Known Member

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    My OH of 3 years and the father of my son cheated on me when I was 3 months along(this wasn't the first time either), So I left him(after he'd lied about it, saying he broke up with the girl but for me to find out a week later that they were still together!). He is still with that same girl(who I had no problem with until she started filling his head with crap, like Marley wasn't his, ect, ect), and he has not shown any commitment towards Marley whatsoever. He hasn't called me once, and he thinks that everything is left up for me to do. He is somewhat nice when I see him (I've only seen him while hanging out with his mom, that's been 3 times this whole pregnancy) but he still hasn't done anything, never calls to see how the pregnancy is going, and just assumes (I suppose) that I'm going to call him when I'm in labor. Well, thing is, I don't want him anywhere around me while giving birth to my son, It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to call him until I am out of the hospital because I don't want any visitors coming up to the hospital (his family is HUGE and they will all be coming up if they know) I just don't feel like I can deal with that. His family aren't the nicest folks around...And they are very immature, just something I don't want to deal with while in the hospital...iykwim. My question is...am I being completely selfish and mean to not call him while I'm giving birth? or while I'm in the hospital even? I know that if he knows while I'm in the hospital all of his family will want to come see Marley and I just don't want any visitors!!! Even if I have a NO VISITOR for my room, they will be calling my room to say "hey it's so and so, let me up!" and ill have to say NO. I'm more than happy to let them all come to my house after myself and my son are settled, but I know I will be getting over whelmed if they come while I'm in the hospital. How do you think he'll react to this? My guess is not so good.... It's not that I'm trying to keep him away from Marley, I just don't think I can handle seeing him right after I've given birth...

    sorry if that didn't make hardly any sense :(
     
  2. Serene123

    Serene123 Guest

    You're not being selfish atall. Your labour, your choice x
     
  3. bigmama

    bigmama Well-Known Member

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    you're not selfish at all - you do what you think is best for you and your lo :)
     
  4. xXDonnaXx

    xXDonnaXx Well-Known Member

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    You're not being selfish at all. :hugs:
     
  5. sam's mum

    sam's mum mum of two gorgeous boys

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    I don't think you're being selfish at all. If he wasn't prepared to be faithful and to stay around to bring up his baby, or to show an interest in your pregnancy, I don't see why you should feel guilty about not wanting him there :hugs: x
     
  6. Genna

    Genna Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girlies :hugs: I don't really feel too bad about it, it's just when people ask whos going to be there for the birth, and I tell them my sister, they say "well what about the father?!" and then when I tell them I get "but he's the father!!"..yes, but his lack of commitment really shows me otherwise.

    :hug:
     
  7. missjacey44

    missjacey44 Jacey & Baby Tye

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    No i dont think thats selfish at all! Do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy!
     
  8. AppleBlossom

    AppleBlossom Guest

    YOu aren't being selfish, it's your decision. Plus why should he be let in when he hasn't bothered with you you're whole pregnancy?
     
  9. teen mummy

    teen mummy Amelias mummy

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    your not being selfish its your choice who you want there at the time, ok he is the father but he hasnt been bothered so why should you. thats the way i see it anyway. my daughters father wasnt at the birth and i dont feel guilty at all.
     
  10. xarlenex

    xarlenex Well-Known Member

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    He hasnt mentioned going to the birth and seeing as you are not a mind reader, he cannot possibly be upset if you dont let him know you're in labour. Its you thats going through it, not him or his family xx
     
  11. Genna

    Genna Well-Known Member

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    thank you girls :hugs:
     
  12. tasha41

    tasha41 Mum & Dad + 1

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    You're not being selfish. If he doesn't want to be actively involved in the pregnancy and preparation of the baby, why should he be allowed to actively participate in the birth?

    And it's completely reasonable to not want all those visitors coming up to visit you, I felt the exact same way while I was in the hospital, I looked like crap, I felt like crap, and I was exhausted from the birth. I wanted to be left alone with my boyfriend and our baby to bond, etc. but tons came to visit. Brought so much crap with them it took 3 trips out to the car the day I was leaving (and we sent things home before I was discharged too!)
     

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