Is this Unreasonable? (sorry if long!)

[emzul]

So my Mum and Dad split when I was about 2 years old (my Dad started an affair a few months after I was born!) and apart from weekends when my brother and I were little, I didnt really see that much of him at all when I was growing up.

7 years ago something happened that I wont go into, but needless to say, I fell out with my Dad and said I didnt want to speak to him blah blah

In the end, my Nan (Dad's Mum) and my brother wore me down and I started to speak to my Dad again (I only agreed to this as I knew how upsetting it was for my Nan) but again, only speak to him very rarely

So when I found out I was pregnant, my Dad offered to buy something for the baby, he suggested the pushchair, but I said my Mum was already buying that, so he suggested the cot. This was 3 months ago. He told me I could pick "any cot we wanted and he and his wife would pay for it". I could have gone out and picked one for £400+ but I decided to get a cheaper one, as I didnt want to take the p*ss!

So we picked one from Mothercare for £99 and I emailed him 4 weeks ago to say we had picked it, where it was from and for how much. I asked him if he would like to order it or just give us the money direct. He replied saying if we ordered it, he would give me the money

I emailed him back 3 weeks ago to say we had ordered the cot, and we need to pay for it before the end of June (giving him 6 weeks) so how would he be sending the money.... since then I have had NO reply from him, except an email to ask for another pic of the baby, because he deleted the last one by accident, so I KNOW he has been on his emails because he sent that one to me.

Now OH is getting pissed off, because my Dad is tight at the best of times, and my OH (and Mum!) think he is not going to pay for it, but I would rather he just tell me if he cant pay for it this month, or yes he can and he is sending the money by cheque etc.

Now my Mum and OH are saying "he wont pay, he is tight" etc etc and I am starting to get pissed off too.... what happened between me and my Dad is nothing to do with the baby and he OFFERED to buy this, I never ask him for anything! I have said to OH I will give him til the 26th June (when I told him we needed the money by) and if I dont hear from him, I will email/ring to say dont bother now, someone else has paid!

I dont want to cause a huge family row, but he does this all the time, and to be honest I am annoyed at myself for trusting him anyway!!

Sorry its so long and moany, but I really want to just get the cot so I can finish the nursery and he is putting a downer on what should be a happy time, and I dont want the "I told you so's" I will inevitably get from my family if he doesnt pay........

Is this selfish? xx

 

[Blah11]

Just phone him and ask. Atleast he wont be able to ignore it or play the 'i didnt see the email' line.

 

[ellie27]

I think you just need to get on with it like you said and dont expect/rely on hearing from him.

Get your cot and get your nursery done.

I wouldnt bother emailing him back to say you have bought it - he already knows what you want and how much it is.

If he sends money at some point, then accept it towards the cot (it is for baby so let him) but if he doesnt then dont let it get to you - you have more important things to worry/care about.

But, if eventually he wants to see baby....wants to buy something....let him.

 

[lilashwee]

not at all i have problems with my parents too and i am hoping they are going to get me the stuff they have said they would its always a worry in the back of my mind x

 

[emzul]

Just phone him and ask. Atleast he wont be able to ignore it or play the 'i didnt see the email' line.

Yeah thats what OH was saying, but I said I would give him til the 26th and he might just send a cheque..... I said he will probably use the "didnt see the email" line, but he replied to it, but just asked for a picture of baby, so I KNOW he has seen it! LOL

I wouldnt mind if he said he couldnt afford it yet, I would just say ok well we will get it and you can get something else later on, its the fact he isnt saying anything at all, if you know what I mean?! x

 

[Jasa1911]

I have a dad very much like that! although if he ever even offered to pay for anything I would have a bloody heart attack!!

I havent even told my father Im pregnant because i refuse to be the one that always chases after him! I havent spoken to him since begining of April, when i finally text him to see if he was alive after not speaking to him before xmas!! Its really annoying especially when you have a really good parent in your mother... my mum would do anything for us (she just bought us our first house!) Im not saying I want that from my dad but to stick to his word would be nice!!

My OH says I pin to much on him because my mum has brought me up so well on her own etc, I expect everyone to be open, honest, RELIABLE!!!

Anyway - in this situation I would text him and just say got a date for the crib... we need to pay by(a week before) and then say if its going to be a problem let me know and I will sort it....

Ball is in his court then, he can say yes or no. If he says no, then are you surprised? If he says yes it will be a nice surprise...

Best of luck hun... hope he doesnt hurt you xx

 

[emzul]

I think you just need to get on with it like you said and dont expect/rely on hearing from him.

Get your cot and get your nursery done.

I wouldnt bother emailing him back to say you have bought it - he already knows what you want and how much it is.

If he sends money at some point, then accept it towards the cot (it is for baby so let him) but if he doesnt then dont let it get to you - you have more important things to worry/care about.

But, if eventually he wants to see baby....wants to buy something....let him.

Yeah I think this is what I will do... I have never been very good at confrontation, so I think this would be the best thing for me! LOL

If he doesnt reply/contact me, we will just go ahead and get it ourselves.

Would just be nice to have something from him, a "sorry we cant afford it this month, but we will give you the money later and you can get something else"
but to just not respond is a bit mean I think.

x

 

[emzul]

not at all i have problems with my parents too and i am hoping they are going to get me the stuff they have said they would its always a worry in the back of my mind x

It is a worry with him!! LOL He always sends me a cheque for my bday and Xmas, and I think I can safely say more have "gone missing in the post" than have arrived!!

OH said I should never have accepted his offer to buy it in the first place, but I said its his first grandchild, he offered and its silly to turn down help with stuff, as there is so much to buy.

But I am sort of thinking in the back of my mind that he will let me down, as he has been doing it to me and my brother our whole lives (when my bro was in the army, he went to Iraq for 6 months. The night before he flew out, my Dad arranged to meet him for a drink.... he never turned up!! In the end my brother got hold of him. His excuse? There was an important CRICKET MATCH on that he "couldnt miss"!!!!!!) This is the kind of stuff he does!

xx

 

[emzul]

I have a dad very much like that! although if he ever even offered to pay for anything I would have a bloody heart attack!!

I havent even told my father Im pregnant because i refuse to be the one that always chases after him! I havent spoken to him since begining of April, when i finally text him to see if he was alive after not speaking to him before xmas!! Its really annoying especially when you have a really good parent in your mother... my mum would do anything for us (she just bought us our first house!) Im not saying I want that from my dad but to stick to his word would be nice!!

My OH says I pin to much on him because my mum has brought me up so well on her own etc, I expect everyone to be open, honest, RELIABLE!!!

Anyway - in this situation I would text him and just say got a date for the crib... we need to pay by(a week before) and then say if its going to be a problem let me know and I will sort it....

Ball is in his court then, he can say yes or no. If he says no, then are you surprised? If he says yes it will be a nice surprise...

Best of luck hun... hope he doesnt hurt you xx

Oh my God, are we sisters?! LOL this sounds JUST like my Dad.

My Mum is amazing too, my Mum does have more money, but my Dad is NOT poor. He buys a new car every year, goes on at least 4 holidays and has a very nice house, so he isnt short of money (not that thats the point!)

Think if I dont get a reply by the weekend I will text/leave him a voicemail and say "not sure if you got my last email (even though I KNOW he has! LOL) but we have ordered it, its being delivered on xxxx and its £xx so we need the money by xxxx. Can you ring me to let me know you are still ok to give us the money?"

Then I am not being a bitch, he cant say he didnt know, and he looks the twat if he doesnt call back! xx

 

[Jasa1911]

I have a dad very much like that! although if he ever even offered to pay for anything I would have a bloody heart attack!!

I havent even told my father Im pregnant because i refuse to be the one that always chases after him! I havent spoken to him since begining of April, when i finally text him to see if he was alive after not speaking to him before xmas!! Its really annoying especially when you have a really good parent in your mother... my mum would do anything for us (she just bought us our first house!) Im not saying I want that from my dad but to stick to his word would be nice!!

My OH says I pin to much on him because my mum has brought me up so well on her own etc, I expect everyone to be open, honest, RELIABLE!!!

Anyway - in this situation I would text him and just say got a date for the crib... we need to pay by(a week before) and then say if its going to be a problem let me know and I will sort it....

Ball is in his court then, he can say yes or no. If he says no, then are you surprised? If he says yes it will be a nice surprise...

Best of luck hun... hope he doesnt hurt you xx

Oh my God, are we sisters?! LOL this sounds JUST like my Dad.

My Mum is amazing too, my Mum does have more money, but my Dad is NOT poor. He buys a new car every year, goes on at least 4 holidays and has a very nice house, so he isnt short of money (not that thats the point!)

Think if I dont get a reply by the weekend I will text/leave him a voicemail and say "not sure if you got my last email (even though I KNOW he has! LOL) but we have ordered it, its being delivered on xxxx and its £xx so we need the money by xxxx. Can you ring me to let me know you are still ok to give us the money?"

Then I am not being a bitch, he cant say he didnt know, and he looks the twat if he doesnt call back! xx

Oh my dad has always been the richest.... owns a home in spain they go 4 times a year just did two months in Aus with his wife etc... whereas my mum has always struggled being a single mum... thats what makes it quite bitter! Even to get CSA he made us do DNA test!! Its like calling my mum a slag! although he was the one with all the secrets!! Really upset my mum at the time! But hey 99.8% positive- Deny that!! lol!

Its not about the money, its the lack of everything else...! I have given up on him to be honest! Sick of being let down!

I think texting/calling is the best idea... although im very stuburn and wouldnt lol!! \but you need to know, otherwise its something else you have to 'find' or worry about etc... xx

 

[emzul]

I have a dad very much like that! although if he ever even offered to pay for anything I would have a bloody heart attack!!

I havent even told my father Im pregnant because i refuse to be the one that always chases after him! I havent spoken to him since begining of April, when i finally text him to see if he was alive after not speaking to him before xmas!! Its really annoying especially when you have a really good parent in your mother... my mum would do anything for us (she just bought us our first house!) Im not saying I want that from my dad but to stick to his word would be nice!!

My OH says I pin to much on him because my mum has brought me up so well on her own etc, I expect everyone to be open, honest, RELIABLE!!!

Anyway - in this situation I would text him and just say got a date for the crib... we need to pay by(a week before) and then say if its going to be a problem let me know and I will sort it....

Ball is in his court then, he can say yes or no. If he says no, then are you surprised? If he says yes it will be a nice surprise...

Best of luck hun... hope he doesnt hurt you xx

Oh my God, are we sisters?! LOL this sounds JUST like my Dad.

My Mum is amazing too, my Mum does have more money, but my Dad is NOT poor. He buys a new car every year, goes on at least 4 holidays and has a very nice house, so he isnt short of money (not that thats the point!)

Think if I dont get a reply by the weekend I will text/leave him a voicemail and say "not sure if you got my last email (even though I KNOW he has! LOL) but we have ordered it, its being delivered on xxxx and its £xx so we need the money by xxxx. Can you ring me to let me know you are still ok to give us the money?"

Then I am not being a bitch, he cant say he didnt know, and he looks the twat if he doesnt call back! xx

Oh my dad has always been the richest.... owns a home in spain they go 4 times a year just did two months in Aus with his wife etc... whereas my mum has always struggled being a single mum... thats what makes it quite bitter! Even to get CSA he made us do DNA test!! Its like calling my mum a slag! although he was the one with all the secrets!! Really upset my mum at the time! But hey 99.8% positive- Deny that!! lol!

Its not about the money, its the lack of everything else...! I have given up on him to be honest! Sick of being let down!

I think texting/calling is the best idea... although im very stuburn and wouldnt lol!! \but you need to know, otherwise its something else you have to 'find' or worry about etc... xx

Oh right, my Dad was a fireman and he gets a pretty hefty pension! (oh yeah, he had a retirement party, and the whole family went, but me and my brother werent even told about it?!?!?) and he also works now as a fire and rescue something or other?

I know its not about the money for me either.... he has always been tight with us, he will brag to us that he has a new BMW with personalised number plates and he is off to Oz for the cricket etc etc and then in the next breath will say "Oh sorry I could only afford £10 for your birthday, things are a bit tight at the moment"! LOL

The day I left college, my Dad rang my Mum and said "right, they are both out of full time education so I wont be paying any child support now"!!! She used to get £90 a month for the 2 of us and that was his "contribution" to helping to pay her for our upkeep (£45 each a month for clothes, food, schoold stuff etc!)

I am not as bad as my brother, he always gives him loads of chances and I am not so forgiving, but this is about the baby and I dont want him to let my baby down before he is even born! xx

 

[sophusx]

If I were in your shoes, I would email again (just forward on the one previously) if he doesn't reply then if you can afford it by it yourself and be done with him - harsh I know but I know exactly where you are coming from and the grief and being messed around is not worth it!

x

 

[emzul]

If I were in your shoes, I would email again (just forward on the one previously) if he doesn't reply then if you can afford it by it yourself and be done with him - harsh I know but I know exactly where you are coming from and the grief and being messed around is not worth it!

x

Yep this is how I am feeling too.

We can afford to get it ourselves, infact we arent meant to be getting it delivered til Sept (we have a Babyplan with Mothercare so have til end of Aug to pay everything off) but we said we would rather get it end of this month so its all done and dusted, which is why I told him I needed the money end of June so we can pay it off this month.

I just dont want my child to grow up thinking his Granddad doesnt care, because he is like this with me and my brother, always has been and I dont want that for my baby. If he wants to be part of the baby's life, he is more than welcome to be, but its not got off to the best start!! xx