I've started dating, and I hate it!!

[Jennifurball]

I was asked out on POF last Monday and we met Tues, it went well, he wasn't ugly, we got on etc etc, but now I am having serious cold feet to the point I am ignoring his messages and I feel bad. But I am just not getting that feeling where I am excited to see him again. He has arranged our next 2 dates already! This has made me realise I am not ready for that, how can you date without acting like you want a relationship?

I want fun and variety at the moment, I have come out of a 5 year abusive relationship, I don't want to dive right in with someone, or maybe I would if I met the right one? Am I a bitch for not wanting to see someone again who was nice and did nothing wrong?

 

[beachgal]

Nothing wrong with how you feel!!! That is your gut instinct talking to you . And good for you girl to listen to it...
Don't feel bad about stopping things with this guy. It just means he's not the right one. But don't give up all together on dating...there will be a guy that will give you those butterflies and exciting feeling where you will want to see him again. Take your time and keep listening to your instincts (and don't feel bad about it!)
Good luck and have fun .

 

[Dezireey]

why don't you tell him that you are not ready to date and why you are not ready. He could turn out to be a good friend if he is willing to be just a friend and in some of these situations you may discover later on that he is actually someone you want to spend time with as a partner. You just never know. I could have kicked myself the amount of times i have met men when I was just not ready or just too burnt or hurt from the last relationship and I told them I wasn't interested, never to see them again. Only then to bump into them thinking 'he was hot! why did I let him go?'

If he is someone you find physically attractive and he is a nice guy, then it may just be bad timing for you. At the very least you would gain a new friendship.

 

[Fraggles]

If it doesnt feel right then nothing wrong with that. Say you arent ready for anything other than the odd fun date. He may not be boyfriend material but is he friend material?

 

[daneuse27]

I've had a similar experience recently. Went on a date and although he was nice, I didn't feel hugely attracted to him. He is wanting to set up another date, and while I don't mind seeing him again, another date means having to make arrangements (childcare for my daughter, and some driving) and I'm not sure I'm motivated enough to do all that.

It probably just means these guys aren't the ones for us. Make it clear in your profile that you just want to take things slowly, and if you want to give him another shot, go for it. But besides that, just view dating as a way to meet some nice people and have fun. It doesn't have to be anything serious unless/until you're ready for it to be.

 

[Jade--x]

Doesn't make you a horrible person at all. I'd just be straight with him, tell him you're not ready for one, and if you feel comfortable enough to, tell him why.

When me and my OH first met, it was just as friends, neither of us wanted relationships we'd both had enough of them and have a history of nothing but crap with ex's, and our friendship just progressed into the best relationship either of us have ever had

 

[kirsteen]

Omg Jen! you probably dont remember me but I was about when we both use to post in the pregnancy trimester bits! lol.
First of all, no you are not in the wrong! me and FOB split when Olly was 5 months and had a similar relationship to yours. I dated a few guys since then and even got in a relationship (that lasted all of a week) and I didnt want ANYTHING. Like literally as soon as it got a bit serious I wasnt interested and didnt want to even try salvage anything.
The guy was absolutely lovely and everything but I simply didnt want it atall, I think it scared me, and I'd also gotten use to being on my own by then so it seemed like such effort and I felt really trapped and miserable.

Now I am in a (new) relationship with someone else, and its going well, simply because I've perservered. I didnt like the intial 'omg i hate this' feeling take over and realised I was quite happy (though I had pretty much been single for two years at this point!)
we are taking things slow and I see him like once or twice a week so there isnt much pressure, plus he is lovely.
Things will happen when you are ready, I just wasnt for ages. Hope it works out hjow you want xxxx

 

[moomin_troll]

Dating is crazy at the best of times. Sometimes it can be that you're not ready and it's just too full on or maybe like you obviously think, he's just not the right one to get u back into it.
I'd tell him you're not looking for anything to serious right now as you're just getting back into it.
I remember when I started to date again, I was so nervous. But it was exciting. Have fun with it, and of it's not fun, then you don't have to do it

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

If you're not into it then don't do it. You don't need a boyfriend to be complete and it might be good for you to be single for a while after coming out of a horrible relationship so you can get to know yourself and what you need/want for your future .

I strongly believe that when you meet the right person it's easy, it feels right and you feel comfortable. It shouldn't feel like hard work right at the beginning.

 

[Mummy1995]

I hate it too. Went on one date and deleted my profile lol x

 

[LillyTame]

I found my OH on POF so I have a soft spot for it

When I was on it (over 2 yrs ago) they had categories like just dating or looking for a serious relationship or just looking for friends or to hang out, titles along that line. I would say make sure you pick the appropriate one for you if they still have that option and as far as this guy goes, let him know that you aren't looking for a serious relationship and maybe he is moving too fast for you. I found that when online dating (or any dating, actually) it's best to be up front and as honest as possible. It sounds like it's not just that you aren't ready for anything serious but also the romantic chemistry wasn't there? If that's the case, I would say that. It's tough because you don't want to be mean or like you said, come off as a bitch. But I think it's just being honest and considerate so you don't waste his time or yours

I've had guys get mad that I wanted to end communication or I said I didn't feel the chemistry...if they got mad that just made me feel even more comfortable with my decision to kick them to the curb

Good luck!

 

[luci and bump]

I met my OH on POF too I'd been on a few dates, but nothing major, he messaged me, we chatted on whatsapp that day, then went for a drink that night! He was insistent he didn't want a relationship, but the way he treated me was like a girlfriend, we saw each other every day, he'd ask me to come over after nights out, and when I finished work (I used to work til 3am some nights) then about 2 months after we met, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and now here we are! He pretty much lives with me, our DDs are only 4months apart in age and absolutely love each other, and we're talking about TTC late next year!
Just take it slow, be honest with people, be honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want, and have fun!!

 

[xxsteffyxx]

Edit: yup, met my man on POF too!!

I had it too... Got cold feet after the first date and stopped talking to him for a week. He still text me and I ignored him.

After I week I sent him a text saying that I wasn't unsure of whether I was ready to date and he was fine with it. Met a few times again and now we are in a serious relashionship l.

The right man will wait for you. End of.

Good luck sweety xxx

 

[Geebug x]

I'ld say that when the right one pops up you will know.
I met my OH on POF - and I had just chosen the 'looking for dating' option as I was petrified. I went on about 6-7 dates whilst chatting to my now OH and we added each other on facebook and spoke for the next 3 months. I knew then that I wanted to be with him, and we hadnt even met at that point!!
Fast forward 10 months and we have gone from strength to strength, a year ago I never would have beleived I could be this happy and met somebody who just gets me in every single way.
My advice would be when you know, you know. If your gut is telling you that this one doesnt feel right, move on. xxx