IVF or Adoption?

[Janers]

Hello ladies, I think about this alot and am wondering if others do? If it came down to it would you choose IVF or adoption to bring a child into your home.

I am not at that point, we've been trying for less then two years, but I have given this some serious thought and I think I would choose adoption. I would love to share my home and family with a baby who's birth parents are unable to provide everything they wish they could.

I know there is a lot more to it then just the decision to adopt or go through the IVF process, both require a lot of money, time, emotional commitment, planning, support, and energy. I just wonder what other ladies think they would do, and why.

 

[No Doubt]

I think most of us have thought about it. Me and dh were just talking about it this weekend. His sister was adopted and he was totally fine with it, but now he's not cause he's concerned about not having all of the physical and mental health history. He works in the mental health field and has seen and worked with a lot of parents that have adopted or fostered and their child has mental health issues or emotional/behavioral issues that makes it really hard on the parent. My hubby's sister is autistic and he sees how hard it is on his parents...and him and his brother. They all love her dearly of course, but obviously when bringing a child into your home, you don't know what to expect...not that you know exactly what to expect with your own, but you have a little bit more of an idea.

As far as IVF, I think we would do it, if insurance covered it. Right now, our insurance doesn't, but I'm currently looking for a new job, as is my hubby, and depending on where that goes, we would try it. We both desparately want OUR baby, and I desparately want to carry and deliver.

We actually recently talked about a donor iui...hubby has a low sperm count...and he wasn't crazy about it, but said if push come to shove he would try it once, maybe twice, and I understand that. Hopefully our iui this month will do the trick.

 

[CanadianMaple]

In our case, if we find sperm in DH, we will do IVF with ICSI. If not, we will use donor sperm. We figure it's like a 1/2 adoption with a controlled gestation.

What turned us away from adoption is that it's much more expensive than IVF and with DH being 43, there was no way we could wait 10-12 years on a waiting list.

 

[Janers]

No doubt- My Dh has a mentally challenged family member as well, and your right it does put it into perspective, I always think about FAS, i feel like that could be a valid concern when adopting. I know they screen the parents but if the birth mother drank her face off and hid it.. well you could be in for a surprise.

Canadian Maple- I agree about the cost your abslolutely right! It really surprised me when I found out how much it costs to adopt. 10-12 year wait is news to me though, that is unreal. I have looked at adoption info through the province I live in, and some private adoptions, and was prepared for a 3 year wait. That I can understand, and appreciate. I wonder what it depends on?

We have an appointment with our FS the beginning of May, and a friend of mine who is in a very similar situation went on the list for IVF at the same type of appointment which is why this is on my mind.

I appreciate your input!

 

[CanadianMaple]

I think that if you aren't picky about age and/or medical issues, it's not as long of a wait. I looked on one site and it pretty much said that if we wanted to do a private adoption, we might as well look at another option.

One of the teachers I know just adopted her son. She's 49 years old and waited 12 years. It was so amazing for her to finally get her chance after TTC for close to 20 years. That happened just this past year.

It's so frustrating all the way around. I'm in Atlantic Canada, not sure if that makes a difference.

I found this site helped me while doing research: https://www.canadaadopts.com/canada/domestic_public.shtml

 

[noasaint]

If my insurance didn't cover IVF then I would seriously be pushing DH with adoption. Right now he's against it but it's something I've always wanted to do. I am so lucky my insurance is covering IVF. But both are very pricey. My work does give an adoption credit. Back in September we went to a county orientation on adoption and it definitely scared us both. They make it so very difficult to adopt and then on top of it you have children with many behavioral issues to work out and paper work and tons of waiting.

 

[uwa_amanda]

Neither. My insurance doesn't cover IVF or any treatments really. I'm not too keen on adoption because of the long wait, the expense, and I am afraid that I won't be able to love that child as much as if I would have had him/her on our own. I know that sounds terrible and I'm sorry if anyone is offended by that statement, but it is just how I feel about it. I don't want to go into any expensive options half-heartedly. It would also be very selfish of me to bankrupt us for a maybe as we can't afford to go the next step.

We have decided that if the current treatment that we're doing fails (we'll know by June), then we will be NTNP and readjusting some goals for ourselves.

 

[Amber3]

If I had to choose between the two I would adopt. Well I already made the choice. We never wanted to do IVF so I looked for alternatives, and honestly when you look into things IVF is not an option that even has much success.
I chose NaProTechnology because it had better succes rates and a great concept. Also it is cheaper and healthier. However, having been in treatment for a while ( I am not finished yet) we decided to go the adoption route and here the process took 6 months and was almost cost free. We will do domestic adoption and will have a new born. However, with this kind of adoption there is no guarantee for getting a child and the waiting time may be everything between 1-7 years.
Best wishes,
Amber

 

[MrsAttard]

Neither are really great options I think. I don't really want to go through IVF, and neither does DH, but that's our choice if it comes to it. We'd both love to do adoption, but it's possibly more expensive than IVF, and a much harder, longer process. I really hate that you basically have to interview to prove your worth and capability as a parent, but anyone with or without the means can get pg on accident. I'd rather spend $20,000 and have a baby within a year or two, than possibly waiting a decade to be approved for one. I would love an adopted child just the same, I just don't want to wait forever.

 

[wonderstars]

I think cost is one factor as to why I'd do IVF over adoption. I think both are heartbreaking but sometimes I wonder what's worse, not having had or having had and lost. I've heard recent stories about couples all lined up, paperwork done, a baby almost in hand and the birth mother changes her mind.

In addition, adoption is public in Alberta, Canada. You can go the private route through other countries but it's even more expensive. Some may consider it selfish, and it's not that I'd hide the fact that my child was adopted, but it would be awkward if the birth parents decided they wanted some part in the child's life. I don't know, that again just seems awkward.

Too many unknown factors.

 

[Janers]

Neither are really great options I think. I don't really want to go through IVF, and neither does DH, but that's our choice if it comes to it. We'd both love to do adoption, but it's possibly more expensive than IVF, and a much harder, longer process. I really hate that you basically have to interview to prove your worth and capability as a parent, but anyone with or without the means can get pg on accident. I'd rather spend $20,000 and have a baby within a year or two, than possibly waiting a decade to be approved for one. I would love an adopted child just the same, I just don't want to wait forever.

I agree 100%, your right about having to prove yourself, when most people can have babies at the drop of the hat. Ideally i would adopt over IVF, but it doesn't make financial sense, and the emotional investment is just so high. My husband and I live very modestly, we have a small house, we both work but we are not rich, I doubt we would even be approved for an adoption!

Hopefully it just happens naturally

 

[Lawyer chick]

Where I live in Ontario the cost of private adoption is the same as IVF. I think for us dependent on my surgery may 9 we will pursue IVF first. Dh is adopted himself but working in family law the likelihood of adoption of an infant less than a year is so small unless there is voluntarily adoption through private agency.

It sucks that both wys are ridiculously expensive. The only other thing is potential foster to adopt however children can and do go back home. Sigh not a fun process

 

[EvieDavies]

I don't understand why IVF is legal and why adoption is so difficult? If I ever decide I want a child. And that is only if I ever earn enough to be able to provide a comfortable upbringing for one. I will most certainly adopt, even though I am able to reproduce. I feel it is deeply irresponsible to bring a child into the world, be it through IVF or the 'normal' process when there are so many children in the world who have no parent(s). Bringing a child into the world is depriving an existing child of a life worth living. There have been a number of studies of ivf plus and cons comparing to adoption. But, as with any profitable and contentious issue, the net is not the best or easiest place to find information. Where negative information appears, it is often quickly drowned in positives. But if you put some effort into it you can track down relevant data. Like I have read articles about Biotexcom clinic. I found a few scandals but they seemed to not high info. Even more, they speak up about negative issues. I guess that’s because they have tons of positive reviews.

 

[rickyandlucy]

This is a deeply personal issue. I agree with your basic gyst in that adoption should not be so difficult, but you do come across a little harsh. I don't believe having your own child is irresponsible, or that it deprives another child of anything.

That being said, I believe I would also choose adoption over IVF if it came down to it. For religious reasons partly, but also because I have always wanted to adopt. However, I also recognize that it is hard to know how I would truly feel unless I am actually in that position. I would like to have a child of our own just as badly. I want to have the pregnancy experience, to bring my child into the world, and to look at them and see a tiny human that is equal parts of myself and DH.

To each their own.

 

[Charlei]

We will do IVF if we could ever afford it. We will end up without children if our choices are brought down to only adoption or having no children.

 

[mimi4]

Charlei - have you thought on travelling abroad to undergo treatment? I come across many blogs and/or posts of ladies who visited Spain, Czech Rep (Prague), Poland (gdansk), Cyprus where IVF cost is about 1/3 of what they would pay in the country.