Jumping in head first! Anyone else?

[EssieJames]

I've been a planner my whole entire life. I'm realizing my "planning" has kept me from ever deciding to do anything. I waited to go to college until I was 23 thinking I would know what I want - nope! I waited to buy a couch for two years until we had "just enough" money saved, instead sitting on an air mattress. My indecision keeps me from actually doing anything! Sometimes I feel like accidentally getting pregnant is easier than actually deciding and planning to get pregnant.

My hubby and I have talked about children for years (late 20s now - he will be 30). Sure I still have to years left in school, I don't own my own home (we rent), and I'm not where I wanted to be before I had kids... but will the timing EVER be right? Emotionally and responsibility wise we are absolutely ready. Financially .... ehhhhh... it will be a squeeze, but not impossible if we're frugal.

My hesitations - will I like being a mom? I love kids - but what if it is different than I thought? what will our marriage be like after kids?

I still have my doubts of course - but my mom being diagnosed with terminal cancer really made me realize there will never ever be a perfect time. There will always be some worry I have. Why not bring a bundle of joy into the world to light up our lives? Once she's gone I don't think I could ever bring myself to have children if I don't already. I need more in my life - no other family members for DH or I live within 200 miles. I also have PCOS and was told the sooner the better because I'm starting to scar.

I say let's throw caution to the wind (carefully of course - who else plans their spontaneity LMAO) and stop worrying! You'll be a great mom.

Thoughts?????

 

[krissie328]

You sound just like me. We were married 8 years and while we were ntnp we knew it wasn't gonna happen due to my pcos and later finding out dh has low motility. There was always a reason why, I was in school, money was tight, I wanted to buy a house Etc.

One day I decided to take somr progesterone to get my period and some clomid I had for 9 months just sitting in my dresser. It was very impulsive. After having terrible timing I figured I was out and decided to wait. However I got my very first bfp and now have a beautiful son.

The timing was not perfect. Both dh and I were in school and not working full time. So money was very tight. I finished the last year of my program with a newborn and had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks. We were still renting, in fact we moved 2 hours away when I was 38 weeks pregnant. We have finally bought our first home last month, but weren't ready before getting pregnant.

I will admit motherhood is nothing like I expected. And there are times I'm frustrated and don't really like it. But there are by far more that I love and wouldn't trade for a moment of peace or a good night's sleep.

My marriage has also been impacted. We were 28 and 29 when ds was born. Dh has struggled to cope more than either of us thought. But we have done some marriage counseling and are working on our rrelationship remembering we are important and it's okay to go on dates and keep the romance alive. Thankfully my mom is willing to watch Christian occasionally so we can.

In the end I couldn't have planned the crazy life I have now. While I believe there is no perfect time to jump in, I do believe there are better times. For us it all worked out and everything fell into place. And I love my crazy, semi planned life.

 

[aimee-lou]

I think it's fine to have loose goals but always remember what John Lennon said - 'life is what happens while you're busy making other plans!'.

Some things you simply cannot plan. You may wait years for the right time to have a family, and then the moment you get there something will throw a spanner in the works and you're back to square one. For me, as long as 90% of the parts are there and you know that the love and enthusiasm behind an action are present, then blooming well go for it! If we waited for money we'd never go anywhere or do anything. We rent, my hubby has only just left school and he and I currently live 200 miles apart while he trains. But...we have been married 8 years, love each other madly, have 3 wonderful children and are setting out a path into the future that hopefully will see us eventually achieve our goals. Being realistic is a key thing in this, and knowing what the priorities actually are. Would you regret never having a child more than never having that particular item of furniture, or never going on that particular holiday until you're 50?!

Best of luck whatever you decide. x

 

[ask86]

Motherhood will be nothing like you think because it is one of those phenomenal adventures that you can never imagine in your WILDEST dreams!!!
As for the marriage, yeah things were pretty bad when I was up at 3 am on the first night of bringing our daughter home crying because breastfeeding hurt like hell and my husband turned to me and said "can you turn off the light please its hard to sleep".... but things get better if both partners are committed to the family
Finances... I have no comment because this seems to be where I get stuck - our idea of eating out has become the occasional $7 pizza or $25 Chinese meal on Sunday - I buy everything on sale and I price match every cent I can - we rent a 2 bedroom apartment - to some people this is a horrible miserable existence where they look at me with pity because I buy a $4 shampoo and argue with the cashier that it was advertised for $2 - but WE LOVE OUR LIFE!!!!!!!!! Having designer bags and 30 pairs of shoes and going to get my hair washed and blow dried every 2 days wont make me happy, sure I would love to own a house but you know what, with the prices of houses in the neighborhoods where we want to live that's just not going to happen without a lottery ticket lol!
My parents (my mom especially) are very much against us having another baby until "things are more stable" - but the truth is maybe things will never be "stable" there will always be things that we want to fix/upgrade/wait to stabilize...
If you feel in your heart that now is the time screw everything else!!!!