So here goes my book
.sorry its so long!
Vegas,
I am so happy to hear that baby is fine and the sch is almost gone. YAYY!! I will keep you in my prayers..not just so baby is healthy but so that its a boy~ Did you tell your mom yet?
Thanks for your kind words. You make some very valid points.
The therapist has told him this before; that having a baby throws an atom bomb into a relationship, and that expectations have to change to be reasonable. She mentioned this again last night. She also observed that we are not connected/bonded as a couple anymore. She wants us to start seeing her on a weekly basis (instead of every 2 weeks) and ordered us to start spending time together-alone, at least once a week and to hire a babysitter for these date nights.
Its worse than I thought. He basically admitted that at this point, he is with me just because of Xzavier. He complains that he BEGS me to spend time with him, but I refuse. Well, I am TIRED! I am the one who wakes up at 445am, 4 days a week. I am the one that wakes up whenever Xzavier wakes up in the morning. He doesnt get it.
I dont cook breakfast for him anymore. Well, Im either taking advantage of nap time and napping with Xzavier, or I am taking care of Xzavier, OR I am doing a load of laundry, or something else. Sorry if I dont feel like dropping everything to cater to you.
Ive told him many times When do you EVER see me watching tv? On the computer? Doing anything besides watching Xzavier or doing something that HAS to be done? Sorry to bother your ipad time or tv time to ask you to watch Xzavier for 10 minutes while I do a load of YOUR laundry or something else
I am not lazy and sit around watching tv and eating bon bons and ignoring my baby. I am always on the go, doing something that needs to be done.
BUT, After all is said and done, he runs the show and drives the bus, I think he feels because he is the major support of this family, its his terms. After last nights meeting, its obvious that I am the one that needs to step up my game and do what I need to do to start catering to Raul again, if I want to stay together with him, because if not, I can see him kicking me to the curb eventually
maybe not right now, but eventually. F*ck me and my needs for sanity and sleep (which is how its been, but I guess not good enoughI think I am going to have to have a car accident while driving to the train station as a zombie in the mornings before he gets it?) I think I just really spoiled him before baby, and he is resentful towards me that I no longer cater to him. He will never admit that, except, thats what he means when all his list of complaints were tallied.
He also stated all his stressors and worries; and I get that, I really do. But I guess mine are secondary to his
So like this isnt bad enough, last Monday his daughter Raquel called him, she was a wreck. Her boyfriend (whom she has lived with for the past 5 months) dumped her and she lost it. She lives 2 ½ hours away; he had to go pick her up and take her to the hospital, he was there with her from 10am til 11pm. I told him, bring her here, if you are really worried about her (she was worried because turns out her ex BF is a depressive person, has tried to kill himself before, etc etc).
So we werent sure about Raquels mental health; was she on suicide watch as well or is she just really dramatic and fragile?
Backstory of Raquel: Her mother did her a disservice by basically doing EVERYTHING for her. Shes kinda useless, tbh. Shes a smart cookie, but I think she is emotionally stunted or something. She does not behave like a 22 year old college graduate
.behaves more like a 10 year old.
She declined to go home with him last Monday, Tuesday he took the day off from work and went golfing with some buddies, Wednesday she called him, a mess, asked him to pick her up again. (She claimed she had so much anxiety that she couldnt drive). So there he goes on Wednesday, driving 5 hours round trip to pick her up and bring her back home.
Thursday I worked (I had stayed home ill on Wednesday) and Friday I had a day off because my mom was going on a cruise.
Friday I had tons of errands planned, one of which was to pick up Xzaviers October portraits from JCP. Raul had work appointments so he told me to not leave Raquel home alone, so I replied fine. I will take her with me He said that was ok.
My conversation with her Friday at noon:
Me: Can you go to the mall with me? I need to pick up Xs pictures.
Her: No
Me: Can you come with me and wait in the car? I have lots of errands to do and I can;t leave you here alone. If you dont come with me, I cant do any of my errands
Her: No.
Me: Wellllll okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
So Friday was a wasted day off. Not to mention, she wa refusing to eat anything, doesnt pick up after herself, leaves her stuff all over, never asks to help with Xzavier.... Oh, and do not let me forget to mention this gem: She asked me if I could do her laundry for her. What does she give me??? Period panties!!!! YES, she did. I was mortified for her. I would DIE before giving anyone my period panties to wash for me. I would throw them away first. Not even would I ask my mom to do it for me. I guess her mom never taught her that when you have those accidents, you wash them right away, try to soak them with cold water and soak and wash as best you can until you can throw them in the washer. Oh, and 3 of the 4 panties were like that. SO, let me see, once your period started, you didnt know that you would have it for the next 3 days?? SMDH!!! So this little gem gives you an idea of what I am working with here..I didnt even share this story with Raul because he would be mortified for his daughter,
I would be mortified to tell him, just like I am mortified telling u guys
kwim? But I thought this is integral so you understand her complete picture.
Ok, back to the story. She is always draped over Raul
when he lays on the chaise lounge in the living room, she puts a pillow on his lap and lays on his lap. Shes like a cat, all draped all over him. And thats fine. I am not jealous at allshes his daughter for crying out loud. BUT when you take up my spot on the couch
well that kinda irks me. But I dont say anything.
Sunday morning, Xzavier woke up at the crack of dawn because of this stupid daylight savings time. After feeding him, playing with him, and feeding again, he finally went down for his first nap around 930am. I was waiting for this moment so that I could jump back in my cozy warm heavenly bed to catch a snooze.
Raul sleepily says: Come join us.
Me: thats the plan. Then I think to myself...Wait..what do you mean us?
Raquel was in our bed!!!!! OMG!!!! WTH??!!!
Me: ummmmm nooooo, thats ok, just let me take my pillow and I will sleep somewhere else
So I take my pillow and go to Matthews room and make a space on his bed. 10 minutes later he comes in and I thought he was going to say Shes gone, come back to bed, instead he says: come join us.
Again, I say Noo thats ok, but thank you.
Like I said, this girl is so needy, after thinking about it, I am not surprised she did that, but what DID surprise me is that she didnt say sorry, my bad, here let me get out of your bed so that you could sleep. She has no sense of boundaries.
Of course Raul knew I was irritated, because he knows me, but she doesnt know, because I didnt take it out on her or show her.
So he invited me to go to breakfast and I said no thank you.
Then the whole paperclip fiasco happened
which thank God ended the way it did.
That night, Raul went to pick up Matthew from his moms house (2 hour round trip drive). Before he left, he told me to think about what I wanted him to pick up for dinner and text him my order. I asked her if she wanted anything, she said no.
I hadnt eaten since 8am (toast and coffee). My stomach had been in knots all day with the stupid paperclip incident, so by 8pm I was starving. I ordered 4 taco bell surpreme hard tacos. Usually, I order 3, but because I was starving, I ordered 4.
Raul and Matthew arrive around 815pm.
Raquel: Ohhh u went to Taco Bell?? Yay!!
Raul: You wanted something? I didnt know! I told Melissa to ask you if you wanted anything and she said that you said no!
Me: I DID ask her!! She DID say no!!
Raquel: ohhhhh yah.,..I did say no.
Raul: Well, Im sure Melissa wont mind sharing her tacos with you, right Melissa?
Me: of course not! She can have as many as she wants.
GRRRR!! First you take my bed, then you take my TACO! I know this taco thing is petty
,but still!!
Raul or Matthew couldnt share their food because they didnt get anything..I was the only one with food, it turns out.
So then Raul knew I was irritated about that as well, but again, I didnt show it to her, she had no clue, but HE knew.
So that night he brings up the bed incident. I just smiled (probably sarcastically) and didnt say anything.
Raul: What? Why that snarky smile?
Me: Ohhh lets just let this go
please. It doesnt matter anymore
(saying this because I just KNOW it will turn into another huge blowup)
Him: No, really, tell me what the problem is?
Me: Ok. Fine. I will tell you. I think its WEIRD that she did that. I know she is different , is very needy and emotionally fragile right now
but I cannot, for the life of me, imagine doing this to my dad, when I was 22 years old. The last time I hugged my dad sleeping I was 10 years old. I am not saying at all that this was sexual, trust me I KNOW it wasnt, but thats just ME. I just wouldnt do it. AND if his wife came in the room, I would have quickly scooted out of there and said Here you go, your space back and would have kindly left the room.
Well, this turned into World War 1000 because he thought I WAS inferring that it was sexual in one way or another. He obviously didnt, or didnt want to hear me, when I said that it was not about anything sexual at all.
He was mad at me, that I was irritated at the bed incident. How dare he be mad at me for that? He cannot understand why that irritated me. I should have just climbed into bed with them, he said!!!??
Then he brought up the taco incident and said that I am so PETTY. I am like, are you kidding me? I welcome this girl into our house, I kiss her ass, do her load of laundry, try to make sure she is comfortable, handle her with kid gloves
and I am petty???!!!
So somehow we let it go
and ended up having sex after.
Oh, and one more thing. Do you think that after we came home from the hospital, she would have unglued herself from the computer, come out of Matthew's room to inquire about Xzavier and his status? Nope
she did not. After I found the paperclip and told Raul, I volunteered the info to her I said Guess what? Good news! He didnt swallow the clip after all Her response Great I dont think she even looked away from the computer, tbh.
He had planned to take her home on Monday night. So around 630pm they left and around 830pm I texted him to tell him I had ordered him a plate of Thai food because I knew he would get home late and would probably be hungry and I wanted to make sure he didnt pick up anything on the way home.
His response I may have dinner with Steve, but Pad Thai will NEVER go to waste.
When did he make plans for dinner with Steve?? This was the first I heard of it, so that set off another ROUND of war.
Turns out he couldnt even meet Steve after all because when Raquel got to her place, she saw all her exs stuff was gone so that sent her on another meltdown. So he couldnt leave her and had to cancel dinner. HA HA.
But not ha ha for so long, because having to cancel his plans because of her, and my attitude about the dinner to begin with, and the bed and taco incident, left him in a FOUL mood.
Which brought us to Tuesday/yesterday. My day off. He went off on me again about all those issues above and says I am acting weird/jealous about his daughter
he hated it when Connie (Matthews mom) acted the same way..says I remind him of his first ex wife (Raquels mom) and there is nobody in this world that he hates more than her.
Like I said earlier, the therapist wants us to spend more time together, which I foresee as difficult to do/another big issue seeing as it looks like Raquel will be around us a lot. Because remember she always has to be draped on her dad.
Remember he took her home Monday night? Well, yesterday (Tuesday) morning, she called him again to pick her up. At least he told her he couldnt pick her up; if she wanted to come she would have to drive. So she drove to our house. And at least he honored the therapist appointment and didnt cancel because of her. So I give him credit for that as well.
So now shes back home with us, adding more stress and problems to my/our lives.
And we are supposed to be spending more time together, how can we do that when she is always around, draped on her dad?
Can't believe Emma is 11 months today!
