Just a rant

[Tasha]

There will really be no point to this post but I need to share it and my DH is at work so you are the people who are lucky enough to get to listen

I've just got an appointment through for Friday 19th, it's in the obstetrics medical clinic. I hadn't even thought that I would need to go there. With my last pregnancy that made it far enough to need to go there at eight weeks they told me they would be taking me off meds at sixteen weeks. I begged them not to, told them my baby would die. Low and behold they took me off and baby was born sleeping at 24+3. My placenta was clots and she had IUGR. Both because they took me off the meds.

It will be the same man and I've not seen him since that sixteen week appointment. How do you face someone who cost your daughters life and could of cost you yours too (I ended up with a dvt due to the no meds also)? And more importantly how do you face them alone?

 

[LittleLala]

Oh my goodness... I have no idea how you must have felt, and how you are feeling now. Have you asked DH to go with you?
I hope you are okay x

 

[babytots]

Oh Tasha that must be so hard and I really wouldn't know how to deal with it. I don't think I would be able to if I were in your shoes. Can you not request to see someone else? Or is he the only one that works within that department? x

 

[Tasha]

Thank you both of you

I've just asked my DH to ask someone to cover him but I'm trying not to let him know just how upset I am incase he can't get someone to cover him, as he will feel pretty rubbish if he knows how I feel and can't come any way.

He is also going to tell his manager that I'm preg and our history, didn't want to do either really but we are going to need some flexibility and hopefully they will accommodate that to some degree.

I hope there is someone else but last time there wasn't, it's a small department.

 

[babytots]

Fingers crossed hubby can get the time off so he can go with you hun. Its so hard when you have to go to appointments on your own I know with mine he will miss all my scans etc as he will either be working or at home looking after the boys. x

 

[Tasha]

hun. It is hard. My DH has Monday's and Tuesdays off, so I'm hoping that the majority of appointments fall on either of those days!

 

[xxmyheartxx]

Could you maybe ask your midwife as well hun? Hopefully hubby will be able to come, but i don't think I could go it alone, hope ur ok xxx

 

[Tasha]

I don't have a mw. I'm too high risk, they won't touch me

 

[k4th]

Oh my goodness. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you to face.

Could you call & rearrange the appointment for a mon/tues so your dh can go too?

I have lots of medical appointments with two different haematology teams. Totally, totally different circumstances. But... I wouldn't assume that the medical professionals remember your case. Even though you probably remember every awful detail, they may not. Personally I would take old medical notes just in case - but if you can't face that emotionally then don't.

What do you want from the appointment? Deciding that & making a list to stick to might help you to focus & get through it. I really hope you can have someone with you

 

[dan-o]

Is he aware of the consequences of his actions?
I really do think you need someone with you. Xx

 

[Bubbles1088]

I really hope your DH can go with you. I'd hate to have to face that alone. He better listen too. You know your body better than some doc who doesn't know you at all.

 

[timeforababy]

you can request another consultant at another hospital if necessary. If they refuse, ask them for the complaints procedure.

If you don't agree with his opinion, tell him you would like a second opinion and you would like to be referred elsewhere.

 

[pink_phoenix]

Oh my.... that's awful. I'm so sorry that you have had to go thru this. I keep having this argument with my OH that doctors just don't care what you want or say and have no interest in listening!

I'd complain and stay on the case untill it got escalated in all honesty hun I'd be pushing for malpractice that behaviour is just in excusable and not needed in the slightest.
I also think once you have complained you arnt actually allowed to see him again, it's a conflict of interests. Even if you find it to stressful and painful to keep pushing for escalation it will atleast stop you seeing him again!!

I'm really hoping you the very best at your appointment and for the rest of your pregnancy, you will be in my prayers x

 

[Tasha]

K4th that's good advice, thank you. I'm at the hospital on Monday so will ask about changing the day. I'm not sure what I want other than the care they promised me after she died and to not be taken off the meds.

Dano, I made a complaint when it happened. It resulted in a few things including retraining for him (to do with writing in notes, protocols around blood thinners etc) so he must be aware but it's been a while I guess.

Bubbles, it's so true and I wish some health care providers would get that!

Timeforababy I will def ask for a second opinion if he starts doing stuff I'm not happy with.

Thank you pink, I did complain at the time. It resulted in changes and all sorts. It's interesting that he might not be able to care for me. Thanks.

It looks like DH can't come, unfortunately.

 

[pink_phoenix]

Could u not take a close friend or relative, just for a little back up/ reassurance. Sometimes just having someone else fighting your corner with you can make all the difference xx

 

[Leilani]

Oh Tasha, what a tricky situation to be in. I would let him know that you are not happy about seeing him. I'm pretty rubbish at being confrontational to people's faces, but I'm getting better at saying how I feel when asked "how are you?" by medical professionals. I'm sure out of habit he will ask you this, so you can reply that you are not happy to be there and even less happy that you have to deal with him after everything that happened, then ask him what he's going to do to make you feel better. That way you've got in first and he'll know that you don't think much of him. Are you allowed to have an advocate with you - perhaps ask when you are there on Monday? Again, as I'm a bit shit sometimes, I would write down three or four major things you want to achieve from the appointment, including staying on all medication until at least 26 weeks, seeing a different specialist in future, growth scans every two weeks, appointments only on Mondays or Tuesdays as your DH must be able to attend easily.

Good luck with your appointment on Monday too.

 

[Tasha]

Thank you both.

I don't pink because no one else knows I'm pregnant and I really don't want to tell them yet.


Leilani, they're really good ideas thank you. I think if I write things down I will be more confident, so I will do that.

 

[k4th]

Thank you both.

I don't pink because no one else knows I'm pregnant and I really don't want to tell them yet.


Leilani, they're really good ideas thank you. I think if I write things down I will be more confident, so I will do that.

I have fallen apart (emotionally) a number of times in front of various drs with my other health issues. If you write down your thoughts as questions, you can always hand the paper over to get the answers you need. This also gives you some time to regroup whilst their focus isn't directly on you. It also lets you feel in control of what is being discussed & where the appointment is going.

Really hope they let you change the appointment tomorrow

 

[emyandpotato]

You've already got some great advice so just wanted to say I'm so sorry about what happened and having to see him again. I felt sick reading it. It's disgraceful. I hope it works out okay

 

[Tasha]

Thank you K4th. I'm definitely going to do that.

Thank you Emy. I hope you're okay?