Just found this "Infertility Etiquette"

[2have4kids]

https://www.dreamingofdimples.com/2012/04/infertility-etiquette.html

ove it, love it, love it. This should be printed and put in every worksite, every lamp post and at every christmas party. Ha!

https://pinterest.com/pin/149041068890135528/

 

[foquita]

I love this so much, I cried a bit reading it thanks for sharing! I wish I had the guts to post it on my facebook

 

[2have4kids]

I know! I wish I could post it on FB too but I just have too many aquaintences on there with whom I don't want to share that kind of private stuff. It's on my pinterest and I don't have my private name on pinterest even though all of my friends know who I am.

If you want a pinterest invite I'm more than happy to send one to you, just pm me

 

[Izzie74]

Wow - that is so powerful. Thanks for posting x

 

[pvsmith12]

Thanks sooo much for posting!!

 

[jenkb123]

Thanks so much for sharing this!!

 

[Miss_Awesome]

I loved it and agree with every single word she wrote.

 

[2have4kids]

I loved it and agree with every single word she wrote.

Yep, I completely agree. I have a work colleague on my pinterest who's still on mat leave. Before she left she was bragging to all of our co-workers that she got pregnant on her first try OH has superman sperm. She knew I've been ttc and having a hard time. I had to put in the comments under this little link in my pinterest that this is simply common sense. I can't stand her. When she left the people on the other side of the 'wall' were giving me hugs, they knew what she was all about. I totally appreciated their warmth but it would have been so much better if they'd have said something to her like cool your jets about ttc and getting preggers on the first try, over and over and over again. I hope she reads this blog, I hope she's ashamed. But people like her just don't care do they? it's as if they get off on trying to hurt people.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

I loved it and agree with every single word she wrote.

Yep, I completely agree. I have a work colleague on my pinterest who's still on mat leave. Before she left she was bragging to all of our co-workers that she got pregnant on her first try OH has superman sperm. She knew I've been ttc and having a hard time. I had to put in the comments under this little link in my pinterest that this is simply common sense. I can't stand her. When she left the people on the other side of the 'wall' were giving me hugs, they knew what she was all about. I totally appreciated their warmth but it would have been so much better if they'd have said something to her like cool your jets about ttc and getting preggers on the first try, over and over and over again. I hope she reads this blog, I hope she's ashamed. But people like her just don't care do they? it's as if they get off on trying to hurt people.

Ugh, what a total jerk!! It sounds like she's either oblivious to anyone's feelings except her own or she's just out to hurt people with her bragging. I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue and would be quite unpopular with her.

I have a "friend" from childhood who is good hearted and says some of the most hurtful things because she just doesn't realize what she's saying. She knows how long I've been TTC with my husband and she had to try for a few months (not nearly as long) with her current pregnancy. She told me, "now I know what you're feeling!" before she got pregnant. I'm like, uh, no. You have a son who came right after you started trying and now she's pregnant again. She's always saying things like, "when" I get pregnant or bragging about what a blessing it is to be pregnant and how no one knows true love until their a mom (gag me!! ugh). She's just oblivious though.

She had a pet pass away and told her sister who lost a child, "I get how you were feeling now." Uhm, while it's sad you lost your pet, it's not QUITE the same as losing a child. I almost hope your co-worker is just one of these people who, if they had a clue, would be suffering from brain-to-mouth disconnection as opposed to being an outright a-hole.

 

[2have4kids]

I loved it and agree with every single word she wrote.

Yep, I completely agree. I have a work colleague on my pinterest who's still on mat leave. Before she left she was bragging to all of our co-workers that she got pregnant on her first try OH has superman sperm. She knew I've been ttc and having a hard time. I had to put in the comments under this little link in my pinterest that this is simply common sense. I can't stand her. When she left the people on the other side of the 'wall' were giving me hugs, they knew what she was all about. I totally appreciated their warmth but it would have been so much better if they'd have said something to her like cool your jets about ttc and getting preggers on the first try, over and over and over again. I hope she reads this blog, I hope she's ashamed. But people like her just don't care do they? it's as if they get off on trying to hurt people.

Ugh, what a total jerk!! It sounds like she's either oblivious to anyone's feelings except her own or she's just out to hurt people with her bragging. I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue and would be quite unpopular with her.

I have a "friend" from childhood who is good hearted and says some of the most hurtful things because she just doesn't realize what she's saying. She knows how long I've been TTC with my husband and she had to try for a few months (not nearly as long) with her current pregnancy. She told me, "now I know what you're feeling!" before she got pregnant. I'm like, uh, no. You have a son who came right after you started trying and now she's pregnant again. She's always saying things like, "when" I get pregnant or bragging about what a blessing it is to be pregnant and how no one knows true love until their a mom (gag me!! ugh). She's just oblivious though.

She had a pet pass away and told her sister who lost a child, "I get how you were feeling now." Uhm, while it's sad you lost your pet, it's not QUITE the same as losing a child. I almost hope your co-worker is just one of these people who, if they had a clue, would be suffering from brain-to-mouth disconnection as opposed to being an outright a-hole.

Your friend sounds a little loopy but still good intentioned. And a little rebuttal here and there probably wouldn't hurt.

My colleague has tried so many ways to sabotage people and colleagues in the office, if she wasn't the office gossip (and it's usually only negative stuff like divorces & peoples downfalls & mistakes that get passed along) then I'd think she's just a little blond. But she's sharp and calculating and one of those mean girls that craves power. What's ironic is that she's super religious. She believes the more often she goes to church a better person she is for it. There's no connection in how she treats people. Anyone outside of the church is shi7 on. I think this is the absolute true root of evil, striving for power, alienating people when they don't believe your beliefs or go to your church, trying to get approval at work by pushing people down, speaking badly about friends & co-workers and repenting/praying to get rid of the shame. It's about the most unchristian thing I've ever seen. Church has been around as a place for people to learn values, morals, lessons, a place of hope in hard times and community when you need friends/help. It's meant to teach acceptance, not hatred. Anyway, it was such a crappy year before she left and one of my new years resolutions is to not let her get away with stuff when she comes back.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

Oh! I definitely understand what you're talking about then. I know a few of those types as well. I've been lucky enough to not have to work with any like that in a long time, but I know how frustrating it is to see a walking contradiction like her. They act so holier than thou, but are some of the meanest people. Or, what I like to call, just Christian on Sunday. At least she's out of your hair while on maternity leave (though it's up for debate as to whether she deserves being able to conceive on the first try. ).

 

[oneKnight]

I've gotten to the point where I can be downright rude to people's insensitive comments, and not feel the least bit bad about it. I have said some dirty things on FB, not directed at anyone in particular, but it certainly got my point across.

I'm not hiding my infertility from anyone, not anymore than they hide their fat pregnant bellies from me.

Why should I? I'm not ashamed that I have a medical problem, nor of the fact that I can't refinance my house to afford treatments.

I did post this to my FB!!!

 

[kassiaethne]

Awe wanted to read it but i said this post does not exist

 

[Miss_Awesome]

I've gotten to the point where I can be downright rude to people's insensitive comments, and not feel the least bit bad about it. I have said some dirty things on FB, not directed at anyone in particular, but it certainly got my point across.

I'm not hiding my infertility from anyone, not anymore than they hide their fat pregnant bellies from me.

Why should I? I'm not ashamed that I have a medical problem, nor of the fact that I can't refinance my house to afford treatments.

I did post this to my FB!!!

I like the way you think! I've all but scared away my friends with babies/pregnancies by talking openly about my infertility. They've been able to say their rude (see also "stupid") tips, comments, or judgments. I don't think it should be hidden, but I'm surprised at some of the people who've privately messaged me on FB for talking about infertility during the week of infertility/infant loss awareness. I didn't realize there were so many of us (that I knew personally) dealing with this yet I see people leave them comments like "when are you going to have a baby!?" or things of the like. Good for you telling them like it is!

 

[2have4kids]

Awe wanted to read it but i said this post does not exist

Sorry about that, I just looked and somehow the initial link was broken. The pinterest link still works though and I've redone the direct link. If it breaks again click on the pinterest link and it should work.

 

[kassiaethne]

Awe wanted to read it but i said this post does not exist

Sorry about that, I just looked and somehow the initial link was broken. The pinterest link still works though and I've redone the direct link. If it breaks again click on the pinterest link and it should work.

ah thank you! now I can go check it out ty!

 

[tamithomas]

"Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen"

this is SOO true. It's like when you tell a child who's lost one parent "it could be worse, you could've lost both" it doesn't help the cause at all. Thanks for sharing this, I could write a novel as to what my full opinion on each subject is but that would be just that.. a novel lol, thanks for the read!

The only reason I don't go public with my infertility is because I have the worst kind of nosy family possible. Not to mention, the worst ones for gossiping.. and not the helpful kind of nosy either. They know about my M/C and that's it.

 

[2have4kids]

I've been getting the "just adopt from Brazil" from one friend and the other, who has racked up so much debt here at the age of 33 is planning to move to Aussie and start fresh keeps telling me "you'll find ways to be happy even without children".

I've just written an email to the brazil-is-the-answer gf with a Canadian link showing it costs on average $30-$40,000 to adopt a Brazilian child and told her that the reason we're doing IVF is we want children of our own. She took the email pretty hard and sent an email back telling me i was lashing out, that I've just reminded her that she's single and without a man to have children with and that she's going to go tell our other mutual single friend what I've said. Well friggen go on then, I was so gentle in the email and she was such a little twat, tell the world. I'm sick of people intervening and I have a right to my boundaries.

I don't know what to do so I wasn't even going to reply to her email. What would you do? I was so gentle to try not to offend in telling her thanks but no thanks (I've only been hearing about this stoooopid idea all Christmas). And then she lashes out telling me I'm lashing out. This is pretty typical for her and the reason why she's single. No one can tell her anything without getting their head bitten off.

 

[pvsmith12]

2have: I'd reach out to the other single gf just to make sure that, if the other one did spout off, she gets your side. You could even offer to fwd her a copy of the email (I would send the one that includes the response). As for your friend who lashed out, I would just respond and tell her (almost) exactly what you told us. You were just trying to educate her to the reasons WHY a Brazilian adoption wasn't the right path for YOUR family. You were intending to rub her single-ness in her face, but you shouldn't have to constantly listen to people try and push you in to something either.

Hopefully things work out for you, and that your friend realizes that she was the one who over-reacted to this situation.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

"Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen"

this is SOO true. It's like when you tell a child who's lost one parent "it could be worse, you could've lost both" it doesn't help the cause at all. Thanks for sharing this, I could write a novel as to what my full opinion on each subject is but that would be just that.. a novel lol, thanks for the read!

The only reason I don't go public with my infertility is because I have the worst kind of nosy family possible. Not to mention, the worst ones for gossiping.. and not the helpful kind of nosy either. They know about my M/C and that's it.

Funny you should mention it, my grandmother passed away in October. The other day, my mom posted on Facebook that she wasn't really feeling Christmas and really misses her mom. Well, one of her genius friends commented with, "It could be worse. I lost both of my parents." What jerks! Let people have their moment and accept that they're hurting and move on.