Just got bfp today, sad about losing 1on1 time with my son

[MelliPaige]

I know I'll love the new baby, but I just don't know how I can balance my kids, I know my almost 2 year old will likely not even remember having me all to himself after a few months, but I don't want him to feel left out or jealous, or feel like he's missing me. My heart breaks for him, I don't want him to have to share me. At the same time I know he will love a sibling, he wants to run off with every little kid he sees, and he is always very social with kids and cries when we leave them. I think it's just all in my head..but it doesn't matter to my breaking heart lol..

 

[LiLi2]

I can sort of relate. I have an 18 month old who is still nursing and I do worry about the transition, especially if he doesn't wean before then. I am just cherishing my time with just 1 child, but still looking forward to meeting our new baby in 7 short months. I will miss this, I know I will. But I also know that two will become our new normal and with a period of adjustment, it will all be ok.

 

[Scorpio23]

Congrats on the bfp. I know how you feel. I too recently got my bfp and worry about my 2 1/2 yr old son. He too loves other kids and calls other babies cute bubbas

 

[bcos21]

I could have written this. My heart is breaking too

 

[Qmama79]

This is more about us letting go then about our little kids feeling pushed aside. Every change is difficult, but I like to embrace it and look at it as an opportunity fr our children to learn that we can love without possessing each other, that we can seperate & re unite again, that we can be little persons on our own.
It's us that create the tortured child image, but we can equally create the relaxed confident child image ... The more relaxed we are about change, the easier it'll be on our kids. Soon, they will be the big brother or sister instead. They can be helping mummy by bringing wipes or nappies ... Etc etc And they will get plenty cuddles!! Kisses & Love

 

[Tinky_82]

I feel exactly the same - I don't want my son to suffer at all and worry its going to damage our bond. But I know he will love being a big brother once he gets used to it. I'm planning on trying to make sure we get at least 30 mins a day of just me and him - it might be an unrealistic expectation with a newborn but I plan to try.
It's weird - he's the number one in my world and I can't imagine loving anyone as much but I know once the new baby is here I will love it just as much

 

[eva1978]

This is more about us letting go then about our little kids feeling pushed aside. Every change is difficult, but I like to embrace it and look at it as an opportunity fr our children to learn that we can love without possessing each other, that we can seperate & re unite again, that we can be little persons on our own.
It's us that create the tortured child image, but we can equally create the relaxed confident child image ... The more relaxed we are about change, the easier it'll be on our kids. Soon, they will be the big brother or sister instead. They can be helping mummy by bringing wipes or nappies ... Etc etc And they will get plenty cuddles!! Kisses & Love

Qmama79 - I think this is so true! A good way to look at the changes to come.

When we had DS2 I was really sad about how DS1 and I no longer spent as much time together (he was about 3). On the other hand, DH and him got to spend more time together than before, and while it was a challenging time for us all, it was a really good thing and in the end I think brought them closer together. Eventually my newborn was less demanding/more independent, and I could spend some more time with my older son again.

It's an inevitable thing that every growing family experiences, and it's natural to be sad about it. But in my experience the bond is not damaged. Everyone learns and grows from it!

 

[WantsALittle1]

If it helps, I felt this way too when I got pregnant with DS.

What I could have never predicted or fathomed is what a blessing DS would be to DD. He adores her, and follows her everywhere, and he has become her best friend. She just loves him. As much as our children need us, and are attached to us as mothers, friendships are so important to them and even though siblings can fight sometimes, there is also the potential for them to become great friends

Hope this helps

 

[Monkei]

i feel exactly the same my dd would have had 5 1/2 years of being my complete focus. babys due before the summer holidays so im going to use that time to try and get baby into a routine of some sort so that i can make sure my daughter has lots of attention. shell do two weeks of drama in the summer as well so that gives me 1 on 1 time with baby. i think with maisie i picked her up when she cried she was always in my arms and this time around maisie has to come first so she doesnt feel pushed out. its going to be so tough and ive had a good cry about it

 

[Marumi]

I can sort of relate. I have an 18 month old who is still nursing and I do worry about the transition, especially if he doesn't wean before then.

I think it would be easier if he doesn't wean? I am fighting hard to keep nursing my son despite the sore nipples because I know once he sees the baby breastfeed he will want the same or else - jealousy. Same with co-sleeping. I won't force him out of bed because he would be so sad.

I think a sibling itself is not a problem at all. It depends on what changes WE make that affect a toddlers life. As a toddler he has already grown independent some, so I think he will be able to give me room to take care of the baby

 

[MelliPaige]

I got a negative test today so I was pretty confused, and then I was sure af was gonna show..but we went and got a digi and I'm definitely pregnant. I can't help but think our carefree time is done..It's easy to get ready and go with one baby..But I feel like two will be impossible..and last pregnancy my husband lost his job and didn't find one again until my son turned 6 months old, it was stressful but now he's not going to be here for me as much and I don't think I can do this alone..and My son will miss out on time with me and I hate that..I feel like I've ruined his little life..i don't know if I want to breastfeed this time because I was chained to the baby with Leo, and I don't know if I'd want to spend that much time away from my big guy..it's probably pregnancy hormones and my imagination but I'm in a funk about all this now and I don't know how to get out. I really want to love and enjoy this pregnancy as much as I enjoyed my first but I don't think I can at this point..I chose to get pregnant and was really excited two weeks ago but now I feel like we've done something irresponsible..even though that's not logical..we have a stay income, h has an amazing job, and our relationship is better than ever. I could just really use hugs right now..I feel like a horrible mom to this new baby already. And to my toddler for changing his life..had anyone had the same feelings and had their second already? When do the feelings go away?

 

[Qmama79]

I can sort of relate. I have an 18 month old who is still nursing and I do worry about the transition, especially if he doesn't wean before then.

I think it would be easier if he doesn't wean? I am fighting hard to keep nursing my son despite the sore nipples because I know once he sees the baby breastfeed he will want the same or else - jealousy. Same with co-sleeping. I won't force him out of bed because he would be so sad.

I think a sibling itself is not a problem at all. It depends on what changes WE make that affect a toddlers life. As a toddler he has already grown independent some, so I think he will be able to give me room to take care of the baby

I have a friend who cosleeps with her DS (now 3) and has a newborn. The boy was very jealous in the beginning. It became impossible to cosleep with the whole family, so now she sleeps with the baby & husband sleeps with the DS separately & in the morning, they all get together. The bond of DH and DS has strengthened a lot by this change. And DS is happy to be a big bro.

I would look into ways to deal with sibling rivalry when sharing the breast though, as sharing a major food/comfort source can be threatening. Think about a few strategies to handle DS while baby is nursing. Don't expect too much too quickly from yr DS though. He'll need time to transition into a new role & he'll be reaching his terrible twos stage where he deploys his personality more & more. X

 

[Qmama79]

I got a negative test today so I was pretty confused, and then I was sure af was gonna show..but we went and got a digi and I'm definitely pregnant. I can't help but think our carefree time is done..It's easy to get ready and go with one baby..But I feel like two will be impossible..and last pregnancy my husband lost his job and didn't find one again until my son turned 6 months old, it was stressful but now he's not going to be here for me as much and I don't think I can do this alone..and My son will miss out on time with me and I hate that..I feel like I've ruined his little life..i don't know if I want to breastfeed this time because I was chained to the baby with Leo, and I don't know if I'd want to spend that much time away from my big guy..it's probably pregnancy hormones and my imagination but I'm in a funk about all this now and I don't know how to get out. I really want to love and enjoy this pregnancy as much as I enjoyed my first but I don't think I can at this point..I chose to get pregnant and was really excited two weeks ago but now I feel like we've done something irresponsible..even though that's not logical..we have a stay income, h has an amazing job, and our relationship is better than ever. I could just really use hugs right now..I feel like a horrible mom to this new baby already. And to my toddler for changing his life..had anyone had the same feelings and had their second already? When do the feelings go away?

Breathe! Stop, go outside & take a long breath, feel the fresh air fill up your lungs. Take a minute.

Change is good. Change is difficult, but its what makes us grow. It's what makes us resilient in life. It creates new opportunities. You will grow as a mum. Your son will grow as a son & a brother. He will not stop being yr son. You have plenty of love in you to love all your children! Loving is in the small things. Loving means teaching your child to be independent more, teaching him that patience can be very rewarding (waiting till nursing is done so baby is happy & sleepy and he gets happy mummy time instead of rushed agitated mummy time), that he is not the only one in the world who needs and wants things & that sometimes we just need to wait our turn. In effect, you are preparing him fr life by letting your son deal with these upcoming frustrations.
I don't have 2 kids yet, but ran a daycare with 3 children same age then my boy since 2 years. Given first tri difficulties I had to resign temporary. Being SAHM with my 1 toddler is more difficult than when I had 3. He is more clingy now, less explorative & definitely more work now. Can't wait to start daycare up again when baby is 5-6 months. The more children, the easier fr me.

 

[MelliPaige]

I got a negative test today so I was pretty confused, and then I was sure af was gonna show..but we went and got a digi and I'm definitely pregnant. I can't help but think our carefree time is done..It's easy to get ready and go with one baby..But I feel like two will be impossible..and last pregnancy my husband lost his job and didn't find one again until my son turned 6 months old, it was stressful but now he's not going to be here for me as much and I don't think I can do this alone..and My son will miss out on time with me and I hate that..I feel like I've ruined his little life..i don't know if I want to breastfeed this time because I was chained to the baby with Leo, and I don't know if I'd want to spend that much time away from my big guy..it's probably pregnancy hormones and my imagination but I'm in a funk about all this now and I don't know how to get out. I really want to love and enjoy this pregnancy as much as I enjoyed my first but I don't think I can at this point..I chose to get pregnant and was really excited two weeks ago but now I feel like we've done something irresponsible..even though that's not logical..we have a stay income, h has an amazing job, and our relationship is better than ever. I could just really use hugs right now..I feel like a horrible mom to this new baby already. And to my toddler for changing his life..had anyone had the same feelings and had their second already? When do the feelings go away?

Breathe! Stop, go outside & take a long breath, feel the fresh air fill up your lungs. Take a minute.

Change is good. Change is difficult, but its what makes us grow. It's what makes us resilient in life. It creates new opportunities. You will grow as a mum. Your son will grow as a son & a brother. He will not stop being yr son. You have plenty of love in you to love all your children! Loving is in the small things. Loving means teaching your child to be independent more, teaching him that patience can be very rewarding (waiting till nursing is done so baby is happy & sleepy and he gets happy mummy time instead of rushed agitated mummy time), that he is not the only one in the world who needs and wants things & that sometimes we just need to wait our turn. In effect, you are preparing him fr life by letting your son deal with these upcoming frustrations.
I don't have 2 kids yet, but ran a daycare with 3 children same age then my boy since 2 years. Given first tri difficulties I had to resign temporary. Being SAHM with my 1 toddler is more difficult than when I had 3. He is more clingy now, less explorative & definitely more work now. Can't wait to start daycare up again when baby is 5-6 months. The more children, the easier fr me.

Thank you, so much.

 

[cupcaker]

My son was 18 months when I had my daughter, so pretty young...and as as it turns out, too young to be jealous etc which was great. He took it all completely in his stride and we've had no problems and she is now 1 year old.

He was however my entire world, complete golden boy, precious first born. So I had very strange feelings towards my unborn baby (how could I love her as much as him?! how is this all possible? will it be as special?)

It was all worrying in vain. Now i see how much he loves her, interacts with her and tries to play with her etc (and her with him) it was the best decision.

We definitely still have days that are "for" him (I'm a working mum but try to find time). For example recent halloween craft workshops and events going on in our town...I just took my son. My daughter is too little and it was nice to spend time with just him. Then there are other times I will go to something with just my daughter. I definitely worried but it all worked out well. And it wasn't until she was born that I understood how you love them equally and unmeasurably. They are both my utter world.

 

[MelliPaige]

Thank you it really helps me feel better, he's gonna be 2.5 when the next one is born, I really hope I can do this..I felt this same way when Leo was born, maybe this time I can get ask these feelings out of the way right off the bat

 

[catty]

If it's helps any I have 11 months between my son and daughter and I honestly feel they are sooo lucky. They have each other and they love each other so so much!! Play,laugh,cuddle,get up to mischief and yes sometimes fight together. It isn't a bad think IMO it's a great gift

 

[Powell130]

I could have written the original post myself. plus my milk has dried up since I got pregnant so thats a whole other bunch of feelings

 

[Dime Cuando]

I can very much relate to your post!

I think the most memorable thing my sister said to me when I had DD1 is that motherhood comes with this feeling of guilt constantly and this is yet another example....I feel guilty to DD1, to the new addition for even thinking this way etc.

However I'm bearing in mind that I'm not an only child and honestly I wouldn't be without my siblings so hopefully DD1 + new addition will feel the same.
X

 

[Marumi]

I can sort of relate. I have an 18 month old who is still nursing and I do worry about the transition, especially if he doesn't wean before then.

I think it would be easier if he doesn't wean? I am fighting hard to keep nursing my son despite the sore nipples because I know once he sees the baby breastfeed he will want the same or else - jealousy. Same with co-sleeping. I won't force him out of bed because he would be so sad.

I think a sibling itself is not a problem at all. It depends on what changes WE make that affect a toddlers life. As a toddler he has already grown independent some, so I think he will be able to give me room to take care of the baby

I have a friend who cosleeps with her DS (now 3) and has a newborn. The boy was very jealous in the beginning. It became impossible to cosleep with the whole family, so now she sleeps with the baby & husband sleeps with the DS separately & in the morning, they all get together. The bond of DH and DS has strengthened a lot by this change. And DS is happy to be a big bro.

I would look into ways to deal with sibling rivalry when sharing the breast though, as sharing a major food/comfort source can be threatening. Think about a few strategies to handle DS while baby is nursing. Don't expect too much too quickly from yr DS though. He'll need time to transition into a new role & he'll be reaching his terrible twos stage where he deploys his personality more & more. X

I am sure problems like that can arise. Knowing my son I feel he would do better sharing than not having it at all. We sleep close every night and neither him or daddy would want a different arrangement He will be almost 5 when the baby is born, I hope he will understand why he needs to share