just need some acknowledgement and compassion

[born2bamama]

Hey Girls,
So today I found out IVF#2 was not successful. I am 10dp5dt (last cycle we got a positive on 10dp5dt and then a bfn 12dp5dt followed by an hcg of 7 indicating a chemical pregnancy) which is why I wanted to test again on this day in order to catch another chemical if it happened (to try to find the most info out about why we cannot get pregnant as we are "unexplained"). My clinic tells you to go for your beta on day 16 (16dp5dt); but last time the day of my bfn I went in and they told me yes, you had a chemical so you can stop your drugs, etc. Well today I decided to go in for bloodwork for 1) to make sure there wasn't any hcg to indicate a chemical 2)so I could stop the drugs and save them for an fet or something (they are bloody expensive!) and 3) because I want it to be over since it's obviously over.

The reason I feel I need to talk to you girls is so you can make me feel like I'm not crazy... here's what happened today:

I called the clinic to tell them I was going for bloodwork so they could call me with results. The nurse called me and gave me shit for going early but said I could go if I want but if it's low I'd have to repeat it next week - to which I completely agreed and said fine but if it's zero at least I'll know now.

Anyway, I get the results back and they are under 1 (so virtually 0) and they said it's negative but they want me to keep taking drugs and redo this next week on day 16. I ask them why if I'm obviously not pregnant I would need to keep taking medication and all they can come up with is that it's their policy, oh and that it's "too early" and that they don't even know what an hcg should be at this day because they don't test pple this early.

Well, in my opinion and from what I've learned on here and from experience is that by 10dp5dt you should have a level that's detectable on a hpt and at the VERY minimum there should be something detected in your blood! They kept making me feel like I was being extremely unreasonable and argumentative!

And to make things worse when I tried to get her to understand my position (the fact that a nurse from that clinic was the one who told me it would be accurate by this date, and the reason why I was doing it - because it was the only way we would have known that we were pregnant at all last cycle) she had the nerve to tell me that the chemical pregnancy might has well been a negative, that it wasn't a realy pregnancy, and that it meant nothing!!! You have to understand that that chemical pregnancy id the ONLY positive thing we've had to hold onto this entire 3 year journey!!!

She didn't even once say she was sorry it was negative! No compassion! You'd think 25000 dollars would buy you some fing compassion and understanding instead of treating me like I'm bloody crazy for not wanting to continue taking drugs when I'm obviously not pregnant and also ripping away the only thing I've had to feel positive about..

Please tell me you agree with me - i know many of you even have betas on day10 right??

Sorry for rambling, I'm beyond defeated and this was just insult to injury today.. if there was another clinic i'd leave them but unfortunately they are the only option..

 

[VRTTC]

Sorry to hear your cycle was unsuccessful. I am far off from that stage yet, but I can imagine how heartbreaking it must be. Just hang in there and try to stay calm and positive.

Sending you lots of :

 

[Silversurfer]

Born2, so sorry Hun. Had a chemical my first cycle and appreciate what your going through Hun. The nurse shouldn't have said that so rubbish x

 

[cranberry]

I've not been in your situation but reading your story made me very sad. That nurse has very poor bedside manners. I know I would give the clinic feedback on how not to treat a patient who is grieving a terrible rest result. Some compassion and sensitivity wouldn't have killed her. Geez! Maybe she's been there too long and needs a shake up or to be moved to a non customer-facing position.

 

[sekky]

So sorry about your second failed cycle. I had my sad news too on Tuesday that the second IVF also did not work for us.

You are not crazy for wanting to stop the drugs ASAP. Most ladies on here get BFP on HPTs as early as 4dp5dt with FRERs. So if at 10dp5dt (which is 15dpo) it's BFN then you are right about not being pregnant and even if you are it might not be viable. With a beta less than 1 as at when you tested I agree it's another failed cycle. Am so sorry for what you are going thru and sending you massive hugs.

Well I am lucky to have several options of clinic to choose from for 2nd, 3rd and as many other opinions as I will like to have going forward. 2 failed cycles with 40 follies and 17 fertilized with no frosties!! I think am done with the current clinic.

The FS, RE, embryologist and nurses are very well trained and show empathy in dealing with patients but I just feel they are not doing something right with the treatments. Though they have been at it for over 16 years but their success rate of recent isn't encouraging. Haven't heard anyone had a frosty since May and I only know one BFP since March.

Sorry once again for what you are going thru. You should look into getting a second opinion even if its an online consult with another clinic. I have seen several people travel to other countries for IVF for some reasons. All the best

 

[FindingKismet]

Hi born2bamama,

You are preaching to the choir here! I know exactly what you mean. I have stuck with my clinic because of their high success rate, but the communication and understanding are not up to snuff.

I often get conflicting information from people in the clinic, and it turns out someone accidentally told you the wrong information. Sometimes the same person tells me two different things at different times, so I start to get the feeling they are just telling me what they think I want to hear rather than providing a thoughtful, truthful answer.

I am grateful my RE told me my chemical was a real pregnancy at least. How can you compare fertilization and partial implantation with no fertilization at all? Medically they couldn't be more different. I too am grateful for my chemical because it is the only solid evidence I have that I ever had a fertilized egg and it implanted enough to produce a positive HPT.

My clinic is a constant challenge for me because they do not tell you what is going on. You have to keep asking questions if you want to be even marginally informed. And you have to stay on top of them ... yesterday they prescribed the wrong dosage of medication. Good thing I knew what I was supposed to get and looked at the Rx.

Sometimes they treat me like there is something wrong with me for wanting to know things like my blood results and what they mean. Yesterday I dropped $900 for blood work and a scan, and they never called me to tell me the results even after I requested a call.

I've gone through entire cycles with only nurses, sonographers, and medical assistants, never seeing or hearing from my Dr. You'd think they would be required to follow up with you and make a new plan each cycle if you're not pregnant. I have to be assertive and willing to pay to get my Dr involved. This cycle (third and last IUI before IVF) I'm going to insist she do my IUIs at least.

 

[bettybee1]

Am so sorry the way you have been treated !

My 1st & 2nd failed ivfs were at my local clinic they was very much like the way you described yours ! Very rude and heartless !! I cryed several time after leaving there even on monitoring scans !

I have just done my 3rd at another clinic ! It has been so different a breeze the staff are lovely & compassionate !!

I'd say changed clinic !!!

Sorry about bfn ! I agree hcg at 1 means failed. Cycle x

 

[chellesama]

I find it shocking that you were treated that way! And a nurse at a fertility clinic should know that if a beta is less than 5 at 10dp5dt they've failed to get you pregnant and you can (and should!) stop the meds.

The clinic I used as a surrogate always does betas at what would b 15 DPO; a beta less 5 is not pregnant. A beta above that, but not where they would expect you to be, would be the only grounds to come back in and do a second beta.

Definitely let the clinic know how badly you were treated, and that your chemical pregnancy being dismissed as 'not counting' was heartless in the extreme. If they care about business (because it surely doesn't seem like they care about their patients!) they'll want to either find people with more empathy or do some sensitivity training on their people or they'll find people going where they're treated right for IVF!

 

[highhopes0429]

I can really feel the sadness in your post. I'm so sorry you were treated that way and that the nurse did not sympathize with you. No one deserves that type of treatment. I've never had a beta done, so I can't help in that department, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I hope you get your BFP soon! I'm praying for you = )

 

[born2bamama]

I find it shocking that you were treated that way! And a nurse at a fertility clinic should know that if a beta is less than 5 at 10dp5dt they've failed to get you pregnant and you can (and should!) stop the meds.

The clinic I used as a surrogate always does betas at what would b 15 DPO; a beta less 5 is not pregnant. A beta above that, but not where they would expect you to be, would be the only grounds to come back in and do a second beta.

Definitely let the clinic know how badly you were treated, and that your chemical pregnancy being dismissed as 'not counting' was heartless in the extreme. If they care about business (because it surely doesn't seem like they care about their patients!) they'll want to either find people with more empathy or do some sensitivity training on their people or they'll find people going where they're treated right for IVF!

Thank you so much chell, that is exactly what I was thinking about the beta- I mean they claim to be one of the best clinics and they go to conferences about new technologies, etc etc so how come they claim to "not know" what a beta should be at 15dpo (10dp5dt)! It's very frustrating; unfortunately though for their clients we don't have much of an option, they are truly the only clinic around here unless we travelled (by plane) and it's not really an option since we already are spending like 15k out of our pockets every cycle. Thanks so much for writing back to me; it really helps to know that I'm not being irrational! When I meet with the Dr at a follow up appointment I'm going to discuss these matters even though I doubt anything will come of it. Thanks again!

 

[born2bamama]

Hi born2bamama,

You are preaching to the choir here! I know exactly what you mean. I have stuck with my clinic because of their high success rate, but the communication and understanding are not up to snuff.

I often get conflicting information from people in the clinic, and it turns out someone accidentally told you the wrong information. Sometimes the same person tells me two different things at different times, so I start to get the feeling they are just telling me what they think I want to hear rather than providing a thoughtful, truthful answer.

I am grateful my RE told me my chemical was a real pregnancy at least. How can you compare fertilization and partial implantation with no fertilization at all? Medically they couldn't be more different. I too am grateful for my chemical because it is the only solid evidence I have that I ever had a fertilized egg and it implanted enough to produce a positive HPT.

My clinic is a constant challenge for me because they do not tell you what is going on. You have to keep asking questions if you want to be even marginally informed. And you have to stay on top of them ... yesterday they prescribed the wrong dosage of medication. Good thing I knew what I was supposed to get and looked at the Rx.

Sometimes they treat me like there is something wrong with me for wanting to know things like my blood results and what they mean. Yesterday I dropped $900 for blood work and a scan, and they never called me to tell me the results even after I requested a call.

I've gone through entire cycles with only nurses, sonographers, and medical assistants, never seeing or hearing from my Dr. You'd think they would be required to follow up with you and make a new plan each cycle if you're not pregnant. I have to be assertive and willing to pay to get my Dr involved. This cycle (third and last IUI before IVF) I'm going to insist she do my IUIs at least.

Hi FindingKis,
Thanks so much for writing me; It's so frustrating to get mixed information especially from the same clinic/people even! And then for them to act like you are the crazy one..so beyond frustrating. I can't believe they didn't even call you with your results! Good luck on your next IUI, good for you for insisting she do the IUI at least- really should be a given I think! And thanks for understanding about the chemical; it really has been our only silver lining (albeit the most painful silver lining ever) that gives us hope to carry on and for her to tell me that it's nothing on the day I was already crushed with our second (and perhaps last) ivf bfn.. I'm really hoping that the Dr will tell me she's wrong (because the last time we were in to see him he said it was encouraging?!). Anyway, best of luck with your journey and thanks so much for helping me get through this time.

 

[born2bamama]

So sorry about your second failed cycle. I had my sad news too on Tuesday that the second IVF also did not work for us.

You are not crazy for wanting to stop the drugs ASAP. Most ladies on here get BFP on HPTs as early as 4dp5dt with FRERs. So if at 10dp5dt (which is 15dpo) it's BFN then you are right about not being pregnant and even if you are it might not be viable. With a beta less than 1 as at when you tested I agree it's another failed cycle. Am so sorry for what you are going thru and sending you massive hugs.

Well I am lucky to have several options of clinic to choose from for 2nd, 3rd and as many other opinions as I will like to have going forward. 2 failed cycles with 40 follies and 17 fertilized with no frosties!! I think am done with the current clinic.

The FS, RE, embryologist and nurses are very well trained and show empathy in dealing with patients but I just feel they are not doing something right with the treatments. Though they have been at it for over 16 years but their success rate of recent isn't encouraging. Haven't heard anyone had a frosty since May and I only know one BFP since March.

Sorry once again for what you are going thru. You should look into getting a second opinion even if its an online consult with another clinic. I have seen several people travel to other countries for IVF for some reasons. All the best

Thanks so much Sekky for writing me and understanding! I wish you the best of luck with changing clinics and I might look into an online consult if we can even afford to do IVF again I'm so sorry you are in the same position with 2 failed cycles like me; I admire you for going forward for another cycle, we still aren't sure what to do because the dr's don't know why it's not working but I'm worried it's my eggs (I'm only 27 but this time all the embryos seemed to fail, and obviously the 2 that made it to day 5 didn't last much longer than that..). Do you guys know why your cycles might not be working or do you think it's just the clinic? The not knowing is really getting to me.. and making me doubt whether we should continue on.. that and the being 25k in debt already.. bah Wish you the best of luck!