muahahaha, Im good and supply squee at least every few days
Yes, I wish someone was here to help me too, actually.
I kind of broke down earlier with mitch, I was promised a vegas trip during my labor, so i went looking for hotels thinking we could do it for my bday, he said no
I got upset because Ive spent 9+ months pregnant, not allowed to do anything fun, and now I spend all day and all night doing the mom thing, its rare that I get the chance to even brush my hair! I explained Id love a short break for my birthday because I cant just remain inside all the time doing nothing but taking care of Tyler. He asked if I was sure I wanted a kid 0.o? The fuck? Cuz I want a break when I Feel I deserve one at LEAST one short one esp after all I went through and how much work it took to get him into this world and hes asking if Im sure I wanted him. I nearly lost it but I explained how I felt, I Told him he doesn't get it, his life hasn;t been altered, Im the one living on 4 hours of sleep. Im the one that never sees sunlight. Im the one who carried him, my life's been altered since I saw the two lines on the stick and his has been the same. On the other side of that, Mitch told me he was jealous because he feels like he misses everything tyler does while hes at work. His example: Today I put tyler in his crib, he's got a wall mural I painted above the crib and he was staring and cooing at it today and making baby noises, it was really cute, I told mitch about it.. apparently his feelings got hurt because he wasn't here for it..
I know my life is completely different than it used to be, I can't just get breaks or do what I want whenever, and I'm cool with that, and I expected that, but if I could have just a short time to be normal again after all that I've been through, it would really give me something to look forward to =/
..It's not going to happen, so I just need to let it go =/ .. but I cried over it ... I Really hope that this all passes and Im not going to get a terrible case of postnatal depression, but I can see it happening.. guh
Most of the time Im happy, I love Tyler more than anything, but doing this on my own and realizing I don't have ANY Time ever for me, is whats scary...
I think once Im allowed to exercise it;ll get better, least I'll be able to work out and get my mind off of it all. 3 weeks and 2 days til then
