Keep wanting to try, but chickening out!

[Queenie121]

Hi everyone. I thought it would be good for me to start posting in a community. My husband and I have been married for 3 years. I know this is the perfect time to try and I'm so grateful that we have had this time together - but - for over a year we have been talking about TTC and, although we've had a couple of close calls, for the most part we (I) have been chickening out each month! I keep feeling like I want to hold off just a little bit longer. I'm 28 and always wanted kids in my late 20s. I am not sure if I will ever feel ready. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it just a case of plunging in? I keep thinking, I do want a baby, but I know how much work it is, and I like my life and my independence the way it is! Sometimes it just feels like starting a family is like opening up a huge can of worms... Horrible to say but that is the feeling I sometimes get. Help?

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

The cycle I got pregnant I decided I really wasn't ready and I would switch back to the pill once I got my period. That didn't happen, and I had a mild panic attack when the test came back positive. It was the best thing to happen to me though, and I love my daughter so much. I can't imagine life now without her! There are some sacrifices when you have kids, but to me they are worth it compared to the joy they bring.

Now we're getting ready for #2, I'm going through the same exact thing. One day I'm so broody and can't wait to try, and other days I can happily wait another year or two before the next. I have a feeling that once I get pregnant it'll be the same way and all I feel is excitement and happiness.

I will say that our daughter has fit right in without a problem. She's very independent herself, especially the older she gets. Our lives haven't changed too much since having her, and it still amazes me how easy she is to raise. (most days, anyway ) I get plenty of "me" time when she naps and goes down for the night.

Good luck deciding.

 

[MissN8]

I worry about this too about how much life will change but then think I know its something I really want. I guess until it happens you wont know. I assume it is all worth it though speaking to other parents. if you are really having doubts why don't you give yourselves some more time and see how you feel in 6 months time perhaps...

 

[Buffyx]

Hi

My husband and I are both 27. I'm feeling very ready to have a baby, where as he thinks there are still so many things he wants to do before that happens.

I think that 28 is still pretty young, and if you're healthy enough, there should be no reason you couldn't wait another year or two to start TTC. My argument with my husband (when trying to convince him we should start trying) is that you have your entire life to do things, but you only have a small window of opportunity in which you can, or should, have a baby.

In saying all of this, I still know exactly what you're talking about. We decided that I'd stop taking my birth control pills and we would just "see what happens." The day I said I'd stop, I didn't take my pill at 7am like I normally would. Later that afternoon, I panicked a bit and took the pill!

I am off the pill now, but I do know what you're saying. And I'm sure it's quite normal

 

[DannaD]

I completly understand what you are feeling. I think most of us feel that way before taking the definitive plunge, I mean fear is a perfectly normal feeling when you are basically consider changing your whole life by bringing a baby into it!

 

[tverb84]

Sometimes I want to have a baby but at the same time I know I'm not ready at all. I also really like having my independence too.

 

[MissN8]

Age is not on my side wish my oh would understand that. I am def ttc next year as cannot wait any longer due to age!

 

[LilMiss_91]

To be honest, I think is this true for a lot of people hun, whether it's their first child or their tenth! Obviously some of the worries change but a lot stay the same. I'm WTT #2 and on one hand I can't wait to TTC and wish I was pregnant right now!! On the other hand, I worry about things like, will DS1 react well to having a sibling? Will I have enough time to spend equally with both? Will we afford it? Will I cope with 2? But that being said, worrying doesn't mean you aren't ready... it means you're normal!! If anyone TTC and had a baby without a single worry or concern about anything I would think they weren't human :tehe:
I had my son when I was 21, he wasn't planned, we weren't "ready". But he is the best thing to ever happen to us and I love him more than anything. Waking up to see his little smiling face or having his tiny fingers cling to mine makes every worry and struggle we had before seem insignificant.
Good luck with your decision x

 

[MrsHudson]

I totally get it. I just came off the pill and keep having mini panic attacks. So much in our lives is changing and it is scary.

Just take some deep breaths and think it through. Follow your gut

 

[Queenie121]

Thanks for your help and advice, I guess what I struggle with the most is... For most of my twenties I have been living like time isn't passing... Doing what I want, when I want, and feeling great that I have all this freedom. Not that I live a crazy lifestyle, but I love my me-time. The thought of having a child completely changes that. For the rest of my life, time will be measured through my child's growth and development. I have a hard time readjusting my perspective and imagining my identity changing.

I know I eventually want a child, but the reality of it is so scary. I hope I can get the confidence I need to do this.

 

[MrsHudson]

I know what you mean, but your life doesn't stop. You just have to add another person into the mix. DH and I love to hike and do outdoorsy stuff and we'll continue to do that with baby in tow.

 

[Leggiero]

I know just how you feel, don't beat yourself up over it! OH and I were very careless this past month, and I expected to feel secretly hopeful that maybe we would see a BFP. But instead, I was terrified! And intensely grateful when AF showed up.

WTT, TTC, wherever we are on the spectrum, the emotional roller coaster is very real. I think ambivalence is a normal and rational thing to experience in this context. Acknowledge your uncertainty, try not to over think it, and just go with your gut if you can. Good luck!

 

[xLeeBeex]

Hello,

I'm pretty sure I'll be exactly the same. We still have another year or maybe more to go, yet when I think about it, it's not that far away at all. And as much as I really do want to start a family, I have days where I just think, oh my god, I'm not going to be able to do it. Having a tiny person solely reliable on me and my OH. Not being able to just nip to the shop, or have lazy weekends indoors and go on long haul holidays, and reading, I love reading so much but know I won't quite have the time. But then I have days where I just think, I want nothing more out of life than to have my own family, so all of those things and sacrifices will be completely worth it.

Still terrifying though!

 

[meg_bellamy]

I think I'm going to be the same, even though I want it so badly part of me is going to be freaking out a bit! Pretty sure it's normal, it's the huge next step in your life, so it's normal for it to cause some anxiety.

 

[me2ubear1412]

hi i know how u feel i am only 25 and my partner 27 and were trying for our first baby with no sucess.we have been trying for a year.iv had 4 cycles of 50mg clomid and 1 hcg shot and no luck.they have put me on different medication and up the douse.just waiting for my period to come.

 

[sherwood]

...

 

[Autumnflower]

Hey,

My husband and I just began ttc this month. Let me tell you the freak out is totally normal. I had such a panic attack after we bd the first time without protection. I started questioning everything. It is crazy how doubt can just sneak into your mind and take over every rational thought you've ever had. I am now waiting to see if our efforts worked this month. There are days when I am so excited and can't imagine not trying and then there are days that I am terrified and have panic attacks. At the end of the day I know myself and if I waited to try when I was perfectly ready (which i don't think even exists) and I waited so long that I missed my fertile years and couldn't have a baby, I would regret it. You have to do what is right for you though. If you think you need more time then take it!

 

[Rscha]

A lady I use to work with was struggling with getting pregnant and she told me "No one is ever ready to have a baby until they can't"

Stuck with me. Jumping in!

 

[tverb84]

A lady I use to work with was struggling with getting pregnant and she told me "No one is ever ready to have a baby until they can't"

Stuck with me. Jumping in!

Never heard that until now. Do you know if she was successful in getting pregnant?