"...kids generally don't go to weddings anyway..."

[Moomette]

Sorry, a bit of a rant, but this is what I've just been told Basically, DH's brother is getting married at the start of November and they emailed everyone a save-the-date back about a month ago with links to book accomodation as it's about 3.5h drive away, and luckily we hadn't booked anything yet as we've just heard yesterday second hand and confirmed today that they are not inviting any kids They'd even promised one of the nieces that she could be a flower girl previously when she asked.

Obviously it is their wedding and they can do what they like, but they've got a baby themselves, who will be 11 months then, and all of DH's other siblings have kids too, about half of them under 3, so going away for 2-3 nights isn't that easy, and for us means that I won't be going at all (I've only ever left LO for about 5h max, and that was with DH) and DH is yet undecided. I'm just glad we didn't book anything yet as were looking for us as well as DH's other brother, his wife and two toddlers, who are still in the dark about their LOs not being invited.

 

[Betrix]

I get not inviting LO's to a wedding a lot of people don't, but it is just plain inconsiderate to not give a decent notice for the parents to make proper arrangements.

 

[kirst76]

I think that is pretty shit, especially as it is a close family member and they have a child themselves. I understand about having kids at the reception but the ceremony itself???

 

[Cat_pj]

I think thats a bit harsh for close family! When OH's bro got married two years ago (I was preggers at the time) the only child allowed was my LO's cousin. I could understand if it was just a friend but close family is a bit different.

 

[k4th]

I get not inviting LO's to a wedding a lot of people don't, but it is just plain inconsiderate to not give a decent notice for the parents to make proper arrangements.

^wss

A wedding day is about the couple getting married doing it however they want to. People wouldn't be surprised if kids or certain family/friends weren't invited to a bungee jump wedding off a cliff or a faraway wedding in the Caribbean so each to their own IMO.

They are entitled to say they don't want kids there but not being open & clear about it does take the p*ss - especially if they've sent out accommodation details.

and they have to expect that some people won't be able to attend if they are going to add that 'rule' to the invite. I hate it when brides/grooms get annoyed that people WON'T leave their children to attend their wedding - that is not their choice!!

 

[hmcx]

could you not travel up early on the day of the wedding and home the next morning, then you're only gone for 1 night!

 

[OmiOmen]

It is there wedding so should be able to do pretty much what they want. But if someone says no kids and invites people with kids then they can not expect them to automatically turn up. If I was invited to a wedding with no kids and it was a few hours I might or might not go. If it was a few days there is no way would personally go. Although I do not think you should get angry at them I think that is very unrealistic of them if they get angry if you decline the invite too.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

To me a wedding is all about children. They have such a great time. We had children at out wedding (before we had lo) and i wouldnt of had it any other way! My friend got married a last year and said she wasn't inviting children. So I told her we wouldn't be able to go because I wasnt prepared to leave Ben. She has a 3 year old who was bridesmaid so was pretty annoyed about the NO children rule. She 'allowed' me to bring Ben in the end. I understand that everyone is entitled to there own day but it's unfair to ask people to leave there children unless they are willing to do so.
I think people get it in their heads that children will ruin the service and run around getting in people's way. Any understanding parent would remove the noisy child and let the couple have their day.

 

[NewMummyx]

To me a wedding is all about children. They have such a great time. We had children at out wedding (before we had lo) and i wouldnt of had it any other way! My friend got married a last year and said she wasn't inviting children. So I told her we wouldn't be able to go because I wasnt prepared to leave Ben. She has a 3 year old who was bridesmaid so was pretty annoyed about the NO children rule. She 'allowed' me to bring Ben in the end. I understand that everyone is entitled to there own day but it's unfair to ask people to leave there children unless they are willing to do so.
I think people get it in their heads that children will ruin the service and run around getting in people's way. Any understanding parent would remove the noisy child and let the couple have their day.

^^this
when OH and i get married children will be welcome, they ARE the family imo

 

[Buffy71]

When we got married I consulted a few of the parents to see what they'd prefer. General consensus was that the parents wanted to have a day to themselves so we didn't invite kids. It had a bearing on venue for us as the place we married had a long marble spiral staircase - not great for kids. If the parents had voted to bring kids we'd have held it somewhere else.

I do think it's down to the individuals getting married, but they should communicate their wishes clearly.

 

[Jade--x]

My cousin did the same at their wedding because there was 'too many children' but there was only my brother in the whole family that was still a child - I was almost 18 and pregnant and my sister was 15. But they still invited the children from the brides side of the family and my parents went but it was local. I wasn't bothered as I wasn't going to go anyway - At that point my cousins mother had already said how selfish I was for having a baby unplanned when her daughter couldn't and had been trying and I was giving my nan great-grandkids while she still doesn't have a grandchild (pathetic I know!) but we did get invited to the night thing that my dad insisted we go to because it's 'family' (his I don't regard them as my family at all) I went for an hour and made my mum drive me home. I had one of my cousins drunk as hell lecturing me about having a baby and no life..My aunt sat giving me evil looks and said hi to everyone except me even though they were sitting next to me and I felt really ill. None of them will be invited to mine to say the least.

 

[mightyspu]

Weddings are flipping expensive, they can invite who they want!


It doesn't sound like it's set in stone that kids aren't allowed, in fact you've only heard it from someone else that there's a ban. Why not check with the couple first?

 

[XJessicaX]

I didn't want children at my wedding. Granted I was 22 years old and babies were a BIG no no then! Just didn't want screeching running kids dashing everywhere or crying during the service.
Now, I completely understand when children are not invited. They are noisy and disruptive! I quite like being invited to childless weddings actually, my mum adores taking my LO and it gives me a whole weekend of being an adult!

 

[tina_h75]

We didn't invite children to our wedding. I think there was only one friend who had kids then and she was more then happy to have a night away from them. If I was to get married now then I wouldn't be able to avoid not having children invited as most of our friends have a family so it wouldn't be fair to expect them all to find childcare. If I was invited to a wedding now without my children and it was an overnight stay then I wouldn't go.

 

[dani_tinks]

We've not invited children to ours even though our son will be paige boy. We just figured our wedding's expensive as it is, it's a small intimate do in a very expensive country house so it just isn't the right setting for kids to be running around.
I gave our guests plenty of notice though and no one so far has made a complaint about it. I do think it's nice for our guests who have children to have a night of, and I think they agree

 

[RachA]

I think it depends on which part of the wedding you are going to.

When we got married we said no children at the wedding breakfast. The reason being that we had a cap on the numbers of 90 people - If the family that had children brought them we would of had to of paid for places for them and therefore we wouldn't of actually been able to provide places for any friends at all (in all there were about 15 children). We would also had to of paid for them to sit at the meal and chances are they wouldn't of eaten anything. It sounds harsh but i'd rather of had some of my close friends there who would enjoy the food than having the children of some random relative who i only see every couple of years.

However the evening do i wouldn't stipulate no children. Children love that sort of thing and it's nice to see them enjoying it.


I have to say that if i receive an invitation to a wedding and it doesn't explicitly say R, J, Daniel and Esther are invited to the wedding of.....' then i would assume they are not invited to the wedding. It wouldn't annoy me at all as i understand that people have many reasons for not inviting children and i can understand that having children could add a lot of extra expense etc.

 

[aliss]

I guess it depends on whether or not you really want certain people there. If anyone wants a childless wedding that's fine, but they can't complain when I decline. Attending a childless wedding can be a serious pain in the ass for a lot of people, not everyone has family they can leave their kid with.

I didn't attend my best friend's wedding because of this (it was in Mexico), but they were more than understanding. Their desire for a destination wedding as more important than friends & family but that's their right. But they never bitched!

Me, I'm eloping. Not sure when, engaged 2.5 years now. I am true to my word - no kids. No adults either. I just hate people. I'm not ageist, I hate everyone equally.

 

[k4th]

I guess it depends on whether or not you really want certain people there. If anyone wants a childless wedding that's fine, but they can't complain when I decline. Attending a childless wedding can be a serious pain in the ass for a lot of people, not everyone has family they can leave their kid with.

I didn't attend my best friend's wedding because of this (it was in Mexico), but they were more than understanding. Their desire for a destination wedding as more important than friends & family but that's their right. But they never bitched!

Me, I'm eloping. Not sure when, engaged 2.5 years now. I am true to my word - no kids. No adults either. I just hate people. I'm not ageist, I hate everyone equally.

love it

 

[lynys]

I get not inviting LO's to a wedding a lot of people don't, but it is just plain inconsiderate to not give a decent notice for the parents to make proper arrangements.

Five months isn't proper notice?

 

[T-Bex]

I've never been to a wedding that didn't have children, so I guess my experience is a bit squiffy, but I don't think not being informed is on at all.